Humor - Laugh sawmill.

музыка: RAINBOW DREAMS
    от: С


         Проект Genesis
        (из корпоративной переписки)

    "Генеральному  директору Иегове от на-
чальника маркетингового отдела Гавриила.
    Исследования проведённые нашим отделом
в  рамках  проектаGenesis showed that
the best prospects on the market have systems
themes with the following configuration:

    planet: 1 piece;
    radius: 3000 km;
    gravity: 0.5g;
    land/water ratio: 1:1;
    temperature +24;
    atmosphere: oxygen;
    sea: fresh water;
    rivers: milk, honey;
    fauna: herbivorous;
    periphery: luminaries 2 pcs.
                            (day/night);
 speed: 0.0007RPM
                             (1oB/day)".

    "Send to the strategic department
planning for the preparation of TK - Jehovah."

    "To Director General Jehovah from na-
Head of the Strategic Planning Department
Mikhail's research.
    In order to reduce the cost of the system
I propose to power both luminaries from one
source of energy, and replace oxygen
nitrogen."

    "Although 50% of the oxygen should be left,
otherwise the user will suffocate. Beginning dept.
testing and technical support Rafail".

    "25% is enough. Jehovah."

    "To Director General Jehovah from na-
Head of the systems engineering department of Lucifer.
 During the work on the Genesis project (sta-
diya "Let there be light") the following were revealed
difficulties: we do not have a compact
source of uninterrupted glow with distribution
division by twoluminaries I propose to restore
use standard source type
"red dwarf", and as a night star
luminaries use a mirror."

    "Better than a yellow dwarf." By ourselves -
It's not much more than that, but it looks
much more impressive. Beginning market department
la Gabriel."

    "This is a server source. Why does he
needed by a single planet user? Liu-
number".

    "What the user needs and what they don't need,
The advertising department will explain it to him. Gabriel."

    "Lucifer, attend to your questions
competencies.  I confirm "yellow dwarf".
Jehovah."

    "By the way, with the brightness that gives
yellow dwarf, instead of a mirror you can post-
to create an ordinary planetoid. Mikhail."

    "I agree. Jehovah."

    "To Director General Jehovah from na-
Head of the systems engineering department of Lucifer.
    After making changes to the technical specifications, problems arose
the following difficulties: the mass of the source Bes-
intermittent glow is much superior
mass of the planet, as a result of which the source
refuses to revolve around the planet.
Instead, the planet revolves around
accurate.  In addition, due to the power of the source
nika there is a stable excess
temperature above that specified in the technical specifications (approximately
by 2 orders of magnitude). If you increase the distance
to the source, ha-
System barites".

    "Dimensions are even prestigious, but
movement of the planet aroundperipheral device
may cause the user to feel
inferiority.  Maybe we can change the gravity
tion constant? Gabriel."

    "If you change the gravitational constant-
No, there are compatibility problems.
Mikhail."

    "Why does it matter to the user what
what does it revolve around? Let the advertising department
will come up with some kind of theory regarding
ness. Jehovah."

    "To Director General Jehovah from na-
Head of the systems engineering department of Lucifer.
    After increasing the orbital radius, attempts were made to
ki to accelerate the planet to the one specified in the technical specifications
speeds lead to the collapse of the system (planet
flies into space). By the way, with the night light
Same story."

    "No matter what happens in the system,
What matters is what the user sees. Why would
do not force the planet to revolve around its
her axes? Then it will seem to the user
that the Sun and Moon revolve around it with
frequency specified in the technical specifications. Gabriel."

    “Won’t the user figure us out? Jego-
va".

    "If he does figure it out, the project will be by then-
nor Will it have been commissioned for a long time. Gabriel."

    "I agree. Jehovah."

    "To Director General Jehovah from na-
Head of Testing and Technical Support Department
ki Raphael.
    Initial testing of the system revealed
the following defects:
    1) steady overheating is observed;
    2) the axis of rotation deviated by 33
hail  from the vertical, as a result of which it is possiblecyclical temperature anomalies;
    3) the carrying capacity of the rivers does not correspond to
meets the design;
    4) there is no herbivorous fauna;
    5) the orbit is unstable, the planet has
tendency to fall towards the Sun."

    "To Director General Jehovah from na-
Head of the systems engineering department of Lucifer.
    1) What did you want with this ratio?
ni land/water? For optimal cooling
you need somewhere around 1:3 - 1:4.
    2) We are working on it.
    3) Because milk turns sour, and honey
candied.
    4) Herbivorous fauna needs grass, and it
does not grow in such heat and without water. Pre-
I’m planning to put water in the rivers, that’s at the same time
will help solve the problem.
    5) As a gravitational counter-
weight, we will launch another one into outer orbit
planet."

    “There’s nowhere to squeeze the land, so we’ll have to
increase the area of the seas.  And this is growth
Volume and gravity. Yes, even an extra pla-
no... Mikhail."

    “Nothing, the user will endure it. Extra
We’ll design the planet as a feature. And here is the milk and
We have already announced honey. Although in the most
noticeable rivers must be left. Gabriel."

    “I remind you that deadlines are running out, and
You haven't even lost your horse yet. By the way, design
the designers have not yet presented the draft design
Nya, everyone is messing around with dinosaurs. Who needs
these dinosaurs? Jehovah."

    "Actually, the user of dinosaurs loves
Bit. Gabriel."

    "Okay, but also a horseto be. Jehovah."

    "To Director General Jehovah from na-
Head of Testing and Technical Support Department
ki Raphael.
    1) In addition to the unresolved problems with the axis,
the planet now tends to fly away
space.
    2) There is no herbivorous fauna again."

    "To Director General Jehovah from na-
Head of the systems engineering department of Lucifer.
    1) Let's make another counterweight, now
in the inner orbit.
    2) And the fauna multiplied and ate everything
grass and died."

    "How many counterweights do you need?
Mikhail."

 "IN GENERAL, AFTER CALIBRATION WORK
managed to stabilize the system at nine.
Lucifer."

    "Did I understand correctly? Instead of one plan-
no, the user will get nine?!
Jehovah."

    "So what?  Eight of them anyway
unsuitable for life. Lucifer."

    "What about the size of the system? Jehovah."

    "And the user is not obligated to know them
specifically. Half of these planets without a telescope
you won't see. I propose to supplement the manual
in the user of the 11th commandment: “Do not depict
pick up the telescope." Gabriel."

    "Don't. Then they definitely invented it
here. Jehovah."

 "By the way, after increasing the radius of the or-
Bits the brightness of the night luminary fell lower
design minimum. I suggest installing
put a mirror in its place. Raphael."

    "Where have you been before? We're just
we balanced the system! Do you want to re-
configureagain?! Lucifer."

    "No more! Before the project is completed,
it took six days. Lucifer, or are you caught
Keep it all working, or I'll transfer you
with a reduction! Jehovah."

    "To Director General Jehovah from na-
Head of the systems engineering department of Lucifer.
    And it’s my fault that they didn’t give it to me right away
normal technical specification?  In general, yes. Axis tilt
will have to leave it as is. At least me-
re in the Garden of Eden +24 It will, and if you use
the caller will go somewhere else, it’s his
PROBLEMS.  We didn’t have time to finish the dinosaurs.
we will, but we will make horses. With milk and honey
nothing came of it, they released water into the rivers,
True, she carries salt into the sea. What would
herbivores did not eat up all the resources, we
released a patch in the form of predators, but put
them a program for weaning the user from pre-
We can't keep up with the bulls anymore. Well, in general somehow
WILL WORK".

    "And that's good. Jehovah."

"Knowledge is Power" No. 3/2003
------------------------------------------

 OUR PARODIES

 In the newspaper "STARITSKY BECHUK" (No. 23 for 20
March 2004) A poem was published
Valentina Gromova's recitation "Toast".  (For
information: Valentina Gromova, head of Bernov-
rural district of Staritsky district,
MEMBER OF THE POETRY CLUB "ELEMENTS" (OLD-
tsa)).
   From such “Pustolaevskys” (from the word
"empty girl") poetry my ears are twisted -
are falling into a tube, I couldn’t “pass” by, and
wrote this parody. Dedicated it respectfully
to me Alexander Ivanov, parodic poet
the one who hosts the legendary TV program
"Around laughter."

 So, first the “victim”:


 Valentina Gromova

              Toast

Let's have a drink, girls!
We have a thousand reasons for this.
After all, the ELEMENTAL CLUB is a woman’s gathering,
Only sometimes interspersed with men.

We have to feed Pegasus ourselves,
Tread the path to Parnassus ourselves,
And men are a different race,
Now I’ll tell you, girls, about us.

We speak playfully and easily,
And the thought in the verses is simple and deep:
What is Nadya Veselova worth!
She is wiser than any man.

And Galya has a scattering of musical words!
Is it possible not to know them and not love them!?
Apparently the muses kissed the top of my head,
To bless the lyrical verse.

And Lena! And Tatyana! And Beheha!
Everywhere you look, there is pure talent all around.
And therefore, in the VERSE, without fail,
The men should fight like hell.

And we would appreciate their abilities,
And we would be proud of them every time.
And they were the first to pour a glass
Well, today, girls, for us!



(c) Alexey KuBrack.


             ELEMENT
(parody of the poem
Valentina Gromova "Toast")

Dedicated to Alexander Ivanov,
parodist poet.

The girls kicked for the VERSE,
Which, of course, they have thousands of reasons for!
Pegasus was fed, looked after,
And the men were sent to the store.

Easily, while playing, we mastered words,
And the thought became light and deep.
The flies must have sat on the top of my head -
Blessed with lyrical syllables.

Now let's look at the VERSE:
Talent will take you wherever you throw it!
We immediately appreciated their abilities,
And accordingly, there are a hundred reasons to be proud!

May 2004.