Do not read - Why did I do this? (Slip's revelations)

Why did I do this?

   I'm impressed...the time is 4:17 am.  My friend is sleeping, I
I'm typing this text.  The reason... the reason for this writing is
feelings that filled my soul for so many years of languor and
waiting for a miracle.  Schizoid character is the reason for the father’s cruelty
(hands over the gas - it seems like a shock only for my sister, for me also
one day), losing friends and breaking up with the girl I
loved for what she is (she doesn’t know about it and never
finds out) made me...hmm, probably blue. 
   I'll write this and say everything I think, then I'll add it again and
again - I crave fame, you can relate to this text
not serious.  Today I was visiting a beautiful, smart girl
I was just looking for her to fall in love with, she wants to become
a man!  I mean, she's very talented, and she can do it.
Sorry, she also loves gays, I can’t stand them. We are a lot
We spent hours talking to her about same-sex love. She's mine
age and had never been with a man, she had been with a woman, but she
loves men.  And women are just a game of hormones (my friends
they envy me that I just get to know lesbians and
etc. They don’t know that I’m just a shadow for them). 
   She showed her most revealing photos where she...
she's naked.  I was embarrassed, but I looked and suddenly I realized how she
beautiful, adult, 23 years old(I don't tell you her name
I’ll say) wants to change his gender. If she does this one day,
the world will become poorer. I will become poor. 
   I admire her, and I begin to sing her praises... but exactly one hour
ago I was with a man, with my friend.  Why!?  He doesn't
blue, he said that he could be forgiven for imagining himself with
a person of the same sex.  He has a girlfriend... falling asleep, he
he said that he cheated on her, it was a feeling of guilt for what he had done. A
it all started with a joke. Which took a long time. Before this I never
I haven’t been with a man, the feeling is new and unfamiliar. I'll tell the truth
I still won’t surprise anyone with anything, - I gave him a blowjob.
More precisely, its beginning, then we got scared and stopped this business. U
I didn’t have an erection, just strange peace and that’s it. Then we
We talked for a long time about everything in the world and he said that he wanted
so I could try it with a girl.  I don't mind and I have no fear. But
I am writing these lines for this reason... there is a beautiful girl I want
to be with her, I wrote about her below, but she doesn’t want to be with
man, she openly despises them. I'm kind of like a devil to her
It’s even disgusting - friends! This is beyond my strength. What the hell
does it even happen?  But what’s even worse, after an unsuccessful
(unfinished blowjob) when my friend fell asleep, I still had a long time
I looked at him sleeping and suddenly realized that I wanted to be with him. But with
I can't be him. Even during a blow job he doesn'tlet me
touching yourself, saying that this is complete faggot.
So here it is.  But I didn’t want sex, because I wasn’t excited, like
I just wanted to be with him. He's sentimental
man, he understands me - and he knows how long I've been dreaming about
German 
   But... damn it, I'm a man who loves to be
a man in life. I'm sick of all these fag antics
like - leave me alone, you disgusting person, etc. I like to swear and drink
beer, I like the free, slightly punk style in
clothes because I'm a Goth! I hate perfumes and perfumes and by the way
My socks stink!  I don't act like a woman, if necessary I can
fuck well!  I love BLACK METAL! I also love for a long time
not to shave because I consider shield hair a sign of courage. But then
asking why I'm so sentimental, almost childish
Do I look at people of the same sex? But how can you not love a person?
when he sleeps like a child, how can you not love this velvet skin...
what the hell don't you understand? 
   And this is where the essence lies... you should pay attention to
lack of erection on my part, I was pleased with my
subordinate role. If you could treat a girl like that,
if it were possible, let's say, to give her oral sex and
in this sweet embrace I would be the purest
heterosexual.   But any one is normalwoman wants
more.  And I can’t give more. I don't need sex, I need
I need sentimental, good relationships so that I can
feel like a child in your family. I gave him a painting
I’ll give it to her too, but it will be my brilliant painting. I could
become bisexual if you grew up and accepted sex
as part of life.  But I have already dedicated my life to art,
religion and science and sex have no place in it. 
                       FOR I KNOW!!!