all because of Borka Polikatsenko...
Yes, he has such an international surname. Still in first year
our dean Klara Naumovna Gersh was amazed: “You, Boris, are extremely
a rare surname: many ancient Greek Kats, and even with
Ukrainian bias." Maybe because of this surprise he
She passed only on the sixth try. True, the main postulates
he, however, like all of us, remembered this course forever
- “Where it’s thin, it breaks”, “All resistance is temporary”
and “If there were a couple, but there would be a moment” - and, unlike
fellow students, learned to use it not only in engineering
(however, he was expelled for blackmailing from the third year), but also
in practical life.
It was Borka who lured me to Nizhnevartovsk in the late seventies -
drill wells. He promised mountains of gold. He himself left the drilling rigs
exactly six months later (“In summer it’s too hot and dusty, in winter -
cold, autumn... do I need it?"). I actually stayed there for a while
for more than three years. He was the one who ousted me from my position
head of the section in a reputable SMU and convinced that only
in the construction group of the Russian Circus I will find my true calling... Here
I was almost eaten there. And not in a figurative sense.
We installed the tent in Tselinograd, and in my trailer
A twenty-pound, extremely irritated bear came in. Borka to that
I quit my job a long time ago and returned home. In general, it
sudden intrusions into my life always brought confusion, abruptly
changed my life plans,annoyed, but... But, in principle,
brought great benefits. If you look at the root.
I haven't seen him for three years. I heard that he is engaged in the transfer
puppies to Western Europe, exchanging them for food for dog dads
and mothers, and lives well from this. And suddenly he showed up.
“Old,” he said, visiting me at the beginning of the first
night, - do you need money?
- Yes! - without hesitation, I answered. New Year is just around the corner, and from
There are only fifty left of the last paycheck.
- So, tomorrow you take a day off or you get sick, you skip...
It's your business. We meet at the Youth Theater at ten in the morning. Grandfather
You’ll be freezing,” he said categorically, taking out
diplomat an opened bottle of "Desna" and a smoked
mackerel. - I guarantee the steward. True, the work is not easy,
in the fresh air and late into the night. I'll charge you until midnight.
“Wait...” I protested timidly.
- What's good? We can’t give birth... I work as a photographer.
On Deribasovskaya, near the City Garden. Now with Santa Claus
the most "threshing" - children with ancestors, grooms with their
ladies, even the "people's commissars" are making fun of them: under the Christmas tree
To film with Grandfather Frost on location - they get a kick out of it. Them
You'll be the only one who's a real Grandfather, the rest of them are idiots,
they work for import. Solid Santa Clauses.
One alkanoid from the “theater” ones worked with me, but at the very
met a crucial moment with a “squirrel”, did not reach
chiming clock. However, everything is for the better - for youvacancy
released. So, do you remember? Tomorrow at the Youth Theater. And don't be late.
The costume designer there is a punctual beast.
I tossed and turned all night, sleep did not come. I was thinking: to go or not to go?
At seven in the morning I firmly decided: screw it. It’s somehow inconvenient, and in general.
And at ten in the morning, having asked for time off from work, I was already dancing
at the doors of the Youth Theater. Borka appeared at half past ten,
when, completely frozen, I began to leave. Zavolok
to the costume room, put on a red hoodie over a jacket, then
an elderly girl with a Belomorina in her teeth glued a long one to me
white beard made of cotton wool.
My debut was quite successful. By two o'clock in the afternoon
we earned about seventy hryvnia. Indeed,
to the envy of the rest of the white-bearded people in red caps
competitors, parents and children headed straight
to us. I remember two boys. One - bespectacled, about seven years old -
persistently demanded from me a gift in the form of a computer
TV set-top boxes. I extracted an oath from my mother,
that the child will be blessed. And then he already started to cool
make trouble, cling to the Christmas tree and all that. Another - a little
older, accompanied by a broad-shouldered, gloomy father, started
had a very professional conversation with me about the types of small arms
weapons. The boy really needed a Magnum. Told me that,
of course, if it’s expensive for Santa Claus, then he agrees and
the Beretta is a semi-automatic, but the Magnum is still more expensive. But
He doesn’t need our PM. Aiming at himIt's not the same and the store is too small.
I asked: “Did the head teacher “order” you a basket?” He sighed:
“Eh, Grandfather, what do you understand...” During our conversation, father
he was sullenly silent, but he paid normally - he gave ten
"greenery". In general, Borkin's Polaroid worked hard.
As soon as we entered the cafe, sat down at a table, I didn’t even have time to take a glass.
bring it to your mouth, as three gloomy Santa Clauses approached us,
supported by their photo masters.
“In general,” they said, “we’re tired of it.” Are you here
stick out like dumplings in butter, and we, it’s so simple,
went out for a walk?! Stop putting off customers. Walk out of here.
They looked extremely determined, outnumbered
was impressive, and I already decided that everything was lost. Earnings are gone.
- What's going on, guys?! - Borka screamed and took out from his
photo bags three bottles. - Now we’ll organize a snack, that’s it.
let's discuss...
The faces of Santa Clauses became kinder.
“This is, of course, correct,” sighed the oldest, “to discuss
necessary.
We discussed until half past four, we had to drive away
to the grocery store for two bubbles, but in the end, satisfied
and cheerful, went out into the street and got to work. And then I'm a little
didn't die. No, seriously. As soon as I stood under the Christmas tree,
Gorsada a red cat rushed straight towards me. Tearing with nails
my red robe and hissing angrily, he took off towards me as if I were
wooden, and perched himself on the top of his head. I didn't even have time
be surprised how my legs have grown toearth, my heart fell somewhere
to the area of the bladder and began to choke there. For the cat
A huge black dog, about ten pounds long, was rushing by. Borka bravely
blocked me.
- Well, "ugh"! - he barked and flashed a flash into his grinning face.
The blinded dog slammed on the brakes and sat down, completely
stunned.
“So,” Borka said to the hostess who ran up, “you’ll be charged for the photo.”
your mastino in the attack is fifty hryvnia. And that's not yet
expensive. I won't talk about breaking all the walking rules
animals, but he almost ate the symbol of the coming year!
Do you know what kind of failure would await you if it weren’t for me? And workwear
spoiled. Plus moral damage.
I thought the lady would send us. No. She apologized that she had money with her
I didn’t take it, I promised to bring it. And she brought it, which is interesting.
The saddest thing happened in the evening, when it got dark. First
the contingent of those wishing to be imprinted has changed. These were basically
girls of easy behavior with clients. And all as one
approached with one stereotypical joke: “Listen, Grandfather, you
Don't you need Snow Maiden? However, there were also lovers. Even two
gay men starred in a passionate kiss in front of me. Everything was going smoothly
Borka happily patted me on the shoulder and shouted that I was bringing
lucky, promised double payment... I was happy too. And then he came up
this bum. I asked for money. I would give it, but Borka has all the money,
and he sent him. I say: “Don’t squeeze,” and he: “Fuck him.”
The homeless man stood, stood and said: “ah...I wish you had a dream
Palma de Mallorca..." and went away. I didn’t like this one
phrase. In fact, it’s like a curse for Santa Claus
it turns out, this Palm tree. It's hot there. Summer is eternal.
And at the beginning of ten... A black foreign car drove up to the Christmas tree
with the inscription on the side: "Funeral service." fell out of it
a hefty fellow, in a chic Dior suit and a sleeveless vest,
with a thick gold cord around his neck. His fingers were colored
rings and tattoos in the form of rings. Behind him, staggering
and laughing, a large, low-cut girl got out.
“Bro,” said the gentleman to Borka, “are you a master of your craft or
right, dude?
“Master,” Boris answered firmly.
- We need to film the story. Your Grandfather takes this one in his arms and hands it over
me. Well, are you imagining? Well, it looks like a New Year's gift to me.
I just took it off, so you take us in this parade and take it off. Hold
to work,” he pulled out two
fifty dollar bills and put them in Borka's jacket.
- But if you can’t handle it... Vidal-almond, what kind of company do I run?
We’ll get you first class right away,” and he burst out laughing.
- What bazaar?! “Everything will be in the best possible way,” my friend fussed.
employer - Vitek, take the girl...
-Are you crazy? - I whispered in fear, - I’m so big from
I won’t tear the land away. Get up yourself. And I'll click you.
- Don't be afraid, everything will be fine. I'm right now...
He ran up to two Santas standing nearby, whispered,
they noddedheads, came up. The three of us lifted the lady and
handed to the client bursting with laughter.
- Well, you're the head! - he said admiringly, peering at the photo.
- This is a joke! The lads will light up. I'm three grandpa slut
hand it over! Keep it fifty more.
The Santas gasped enviously.
By midnight the people had dispersed, Boris solemnly handed me
one and a half hundred hryvnias and fifty dollars in greens.
- Well, that’s a pretty good day?! Tomorrow is the thirty-first, even more
we'll grind it. Will you?
I nodded dumbfounded and went home. I just turned into Red
lane, when two young men approached me. In hand
one of them had a long blade glowing dimly.
“Grandfather, grandfather,” he said, “my aunt bequeathed some money to me.”
She said she sewed it into Santa Claus. Will you get it yourself? Or gut it?
At home I barely tore off this damn beard and dived under the side
dissatisfied grumbling wife. And at night I still dreamed
Palma de Mallorca. I'm wandering along the beach among naked people in this
stupid red chlamys, I suggest you take a photo. All
They shy away from me, and I understand that I’m behaving like a complete
I'm an idiot, but I still wander around and pester... The next day I spend a long time
stood under the tree. I was freezing for three hours. I was waiting for Borka. But he does
didn't show up.
Father Frost's monologue was recorded by Vladimir PALATNIKOV
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