Maximum #40 12 мая 1997

Юмор

solid jokes - Tale of brave programmer king Megaflope and villain Polinorfe.

            SOLID FUN


 (R) Pavel Fedin


      Tale of the brave Proshrammiste king of Megaflope
               Polymorph and villains.



   In trivosmom kingdom trishestnadtsatom State-lived were
three brothers: two smart, and a third programmer. Older 
brothers lived clover, or any Sorso Campiglio, no debugger is 
not yuzali, but merely all day games gamilis yes to e-mail'u 
chatilis. A younger brother worked as a programmer, hands are 
hard and the power is on. 


   The program he and assembler, and C prime, and Sea 
flattened, and Clipper mnogoglyuchnom, and Foxe lamerskom (A 
What to do? Necessity makes, will be on visual Basic to 
write!). And pay him for what customers are greedy so stupid 
bucks yes green wooden rubles, Al was not happy Programmer

in his personal life: he could not upgrade, because all that 
paid him took the brothers - to pay for pirated compact da 
phone bill. 


   And at this time in the country Mokrosoftii where live alone 
melkomyagkie, announced terrible virus mutant. Showed up, 
looked around, 256 ate files, screw bit, belched sated, 
saundblasterno, and slipped trails secret, internet, straight 
into trivosmoe kingdom. But how to accept the file to eat, 
sparing neither hyphae nor the batch file, but on the users to 
scoff! Nick ran to the king Megaflopu, bitter tears hosed. 
"Save, - say - the king-father of infection overseas! No mercy, 
cursed, no floppy or hard drive! "Smiled the king, and sent 
against the virus Regiment Lamer Gamer. A Lamer Gamer is paced 
nicely, as the screensaver on each - protection suite new, 
BFG9000 the sun shine behind knapsacks with bonuses - beware 
vrazhin! only to them against the virus? he grabbed one 
interrupt - and collapsed protection suit'y. He grabbed another 
- turned bonuses in the cones (and sometimes of cosines). 
Grabbed the third - and started Gamer each other out BFG9000 
scorching. Then came the regiment and a full game over. 


   Frowned the king, and sent into battle with a regiment of 
hackers, virus Quakers (a nickname they are so because we love 
the fun of the hacker was in the "Quake" on the modem 
pogamitsya). Moved hacker host a clang and clatter. Roaring 
engines diskovodnye, sorsery guzzle memory, debugger registers 
clicked. Top interceptors prepyvany rush ahead fighting 
vehicles travel - web, yes aidtest, but others - and each 
series on the armor rating of sixteen, and each star - the 
virus killed. Looked monster rotten to this great force, and 
pretended to be a little applets so harmless - because he was a 
mutant polymorphic and appearance could change any spy cleaner.



   - And what - he asked a plaintive voice, so shrill, -
are you going, noble hackers?


   - Go to plague infection melkomyagkie virus, a mutant! And 
you his have not seen it?



   - Oh, how not to be seen! Told us to drive the damned 
villain, so that he or stack, no memory, so he begins to mock! 
Lyrics devoured, exe'shniki pozarazhal, databases, tore to 
pieces, and operauionnuyu system hung on the tree. And then lit

all the lights and screw-formatted. Miraculously, I was in High 
Memory buried, and only one survived. 


   - And what - ask the hackers - and then headed?


   - And let's go, show you!


   And they went to the hackers behind the virus and EMK just 
what is necessary. He started them in place of the deaf, where 
no one RET did, lured in the network Local entangled in endless 
cycles, ohmuril undocumented functions (because he was out of 
the country and the secret Mokrosoftii the meaning of the add 
functions knew for sure), and the tentacles slowly stuck in da 
debugger-sorsery launched. Finally suspected hackers wrong, en 
late! They rushed to the program from-conductor and there too 
and there is none. Only laughter is heard saundblasterny. 
Antivirus infect each other, from the debugger bugs rained, 
sorsery own code choke. And then it came a shelf full format 
complete. 


   Prigoryunilsya Megaflop king and summoned all his nerds yes
Supervisors - Duma think like lime infection overseas. Day
think other people think, and the third the whole "Doom" took 
place and said: "As is known, does not know, but only one must 
cry to click, maybe it will answer a hero." And flew to all 
parts of an e-mail 'At the king's letter: "Who does not spare 
screws in his fight against the foe, to honor, praise, and 
record high scores table, and who will overcome the wretched, 
to give my favorite car, the steepness of unwritten and polgiga 
licensed software into the bargain, let alone toys - without 
counting. "(you say - does not happen so much licensed 
software? So there is a fairy tale!)



   Read the message of the royal brothers starschie, and 
decided on junior laugh.



   - You, - they say - Upgrade you want?


   - I want! - The programmer is responsible. - At night do not 
sleep as I want! 


   - Well, the king Megaflop gives the car its libimuyu fact
who will overcome the virus overseas! Just for your processing, 
gee-gee-gygy! 


   And I must say, the royal car on the slope of the whole 
country with his famous. And not one noble hacker sighed about 
her at night and wrote poems in assembly. And the hit on the 
idea programmer. 


   - Shall overcome, he says - a virus and dobubu Megaflopovu 
car 


   - But where to you! - Shouted the brothers - so many hackers 
from all their software are gone! Perish nor a byte, and who is 
an e-mail will pay? 


   But do not listen to their programmer, it was too think to 
it on the car king. However, there he remembered the fate of 
the predecessors, so do not immediately rushed into battle, and 
ponder first. Some hackers that responded to the call of king, 
succeeded in his first fight virus break; yes only he cursed 
mutant, forms change, taking into account errors past, and life 
reborn steeper than the former. Absolute g weapons capable of 
at any appearance of virus at once, and other software do not 
touch, no one could devise. And it was enought to despair, but 
remembered the programmer wise adage: "click click sing out ... 
"Well, or something like that. And he thought the virus to 
infect virus, so in their own insides blew everywhere adversary 
his death. 


   Soon Vindos hangs, but not soon the virus is written. A 
mutantpolimorf Know yourself spiteful. Across the country, and 
certainly bred to CC is chosen king. Nick moan, princes yes 
boyars by Theorem hiding from the network disconnected, locked 
drives on locks granary. But finally finished the programmer. 
Took for bait DLL'inu fat so stupid, she put him in his 
tvorenme and sent towards the villains. And he saw how softiny 
home, melkomyagkie and stared at her with joy all of their 
routines - and did not notice that at the same moment in itself 
a virus Programmer penetrated. Rose programmer for company and 
went to the royal chambers. A guard would not let him! 


   - It's too late - they say - Polymorph has to the royal car, 
got a favorite! 


   - Lead me to it! I treat it and destroy the villain!


   - Well, look, - said the king Megaflop - if the right - the 
reward as promised, and if not - do not be angry: for formatted 
low level. 


   Programmer led to the car, he looked at her - and the Forest
previous heart beat Molodets'ke. And then he entered from the 
keyboard is the word secret - and woke him in the mutant virus, 
but let's tear accursed! And as that of any changes form, and 
get rid of unable to tvorenmya Programmistova. And hanged to a 
heap of dead bytes crumble. And only one competent before he 
could before he died mischief: he slammed the screw 
Programmistovym brothers, with all toys and software 
e-mail'ovym. A and B share. 


   The king gave Programmer his car and a bunch of software 
into the bargain, and he began to live happily ever after yes 
for buttons to push. Here and the end of the file