ZX Club #05 29 октября 1997

Юмор

Enjoy - Jokes ...

   Serpent Dragon flies over the Ivano-Frankivsk, yelling at 
three sips: 

   Acceleration! Perestroika! Publicity!

   -From klyata tvaryuka, znovu moskaliv
nakovtavsya ...
__________________________________________


  A real case of life in a small
City Kovrova. One merchant had heard that the communications 
center began provide services for faxing and

decided to verify this. He calls on
communication node, and asks:

   -Can you send a fax?

   -It is not for us, it should be at the post
Department of address, make it take ...
__________________________________________


   Philharmonic. Concert of symphonic music. The orchestra 
plays a symphony. The orchestra A man plays the double bass: 
"PUM-PUMPUM, PUM-PUM-PUM, PUM-PUM-PUM ...". Symphony ends. 
Conductor makes final sweep of his stick. Last Sounds

chord. Musicians get up, the audience applauds, even shouting 
"Encore!", And the person on bass all play: "PIP-PIP-PIP-PIP 
PUMPUM, PUM-PUM-PUM-PUM, PUM-PUM-PUM ... PIP, PIP, PIP, PIP, 
PIP-M-M. "Graduated ... 

   And, wiping the sweat from his brow:

   -UF-r-r, has finally caught up!
__________________________________________


   1985., Judged moonshiner:

   Moonshine-driven?

   - No.

   -Do you rip it out the machine!

   Then judge me for rape!

   -How do you do, and raped someone?

   No, but the device is ...
__________________________________________


   Ukraine. A little boy asks
Father:

   Papa, what is this yellow-blue car?

   Tse-mentovozka, son.

   -Why tsementovozka, there are people
sit?

   Tse-not people, son, chain elements.
__________________________________________


   Husband watching television. Wife washes the floor.

   On the TV broadcast concert. Male:

   -Lucy, look, a coloratura
Soprano!

   His wife, unbending and wiping the sweat from
Forehead:

   -Shameless! Look better, as it
sings!
__________________________________________


   Crawling through the desert tortoise. By
runs a hare:

   -Hey, you there che, ice?

   Turtle:

   -No, where did you get?

   -And what if all the sand sprinkled?
__________________________________________


   70 years. The church phone is ringing.

   The priest picks up the phone.

   -Hello, sir, this is from the City Party Committee.
We urgently need chairs. Give us
two dozen.

   Shish-you, not the chairs! Last time
gave, so you have them poshlyatinoy scratched!

   Ah-so! Then you are the pioneers in the shish
choir!

   Ah-shish us pioneers! Then shish
your monks on Saturday!

   Ah-shish us monks! Then you shish
Komsomol in the procession!

   Ah-shish Komsomol! Then you shish
nuns in a sauna!

   -And here in these words, my dear, you can
and membership card on the table, put!
__________________________________________


   -Mom, is it true that "Titanic" Jews
Flood?

   -True, my son! Everyone knows that this is
made a villain iceberg.
__________________________________________


   Sarah comes to Isaac, and says:

   -My husband is going tomorrow night, so that
come.

   -How do I know that he is gone?

   A penny, I'll throw out the window. How to tingle and get up.

   Comes in the evening Isaac to Sarah at
window. Some time later, Sarah
window casts a penny. After 10 minutes
She again goes to the balcony:

   Isaac! Where are you?

   -Here!

   -What are you doing?

   Piglet-looking!

   That's because, like the Jewish nature! Yes
I have long snout on a thread picked up.
__________________________________________


   -Hi, Rabinovich! How are you?

   "Do not wait ...
__________________________________________


   Appealed to the Supreme Soviet Chukchi
with resentment, saying that, jokes about them
compose, and so offend their national
dignity. The Supreme Council decided:
Instead of "Chukchi in jokes using the term" Jew-breeders. "
__________________________________________


   Constructed after the adoption of new recruits
oath. Regiment commander goes down the line.
Suitable for one soldier. Asks:

   -Well, who are you now feel,
fellow soldiers?

   -Uzbekom, tavarysch Colonel!

   -This is understandable ... but here you also have
oath, so somebody there you are after?

   -Uzbek, tavarysch Colonel!

   The colonel turns to platoon:

   "Comrade Sergeant, explain Soldier
Who is he now has.
 Petty Officer beckons to her that a soldier
and quietly but firmly, something he says.
 After returning soldier in the system,
the colonel asks him:

   -Who-are you now, fellow soldiers?

   Churka-fucking, Comrade Colonel ...
__________________________________________


   Bear the coffin of two avid player prefecture,
one another's ear whispered:

   "Well, I told you to" spike "should be
call it, we would have him twice
more in the "hill" would be recorded ...

   After a long pause, the other player
looks at the coffin with regret and answers:

   -Yes, and so it seems to be enough?!
__________________________________________


   The Georgian Institute of ad:
 "The entrance examinations will not take place.

      All tickets are sold! "
__________________________________________


   A young man enters the theater
Institute. On examination he was given the job -
sketch: draw an elephant. He makes stupid
facial expression, turns his pockets
pants, and says:

   Trunk-show?
__________________________________________


   The lecture began. One student was late. Lecturer:

   -Why are you late?

   -Excuse me, professor, I participated in
competitions in the rally.

   After some time, goes even
one student. The professor asks:

   "You, too, with the rally?
The student was stunned:

   No, I smoked ...
__________________________________________


   Physics students got carried away and religion
transferred to the seminary. Here he sits on
lectures and the habit (or perhaps out of habit) podremyvaet. 
Priest on the go lecture approaches him and asks:


   -So, tell me, what is the divine power?

   Divine-weight to the divine
acceleration!
__________________________________________


   There are three students: university
college and military school - and tell each other about exams.

   -We have, "says the student of high school, in the 
exam-ticket question:" What measured current strength? ", and 
three variants answer: in volts, ohms, amperes. And it must be

choose the right one.

   -We have, "says the second, - the question:" Oh
not measured in amperes, is the current strength? "
and three possible answers: yes, no, I do not know.
 You must select the correct one.

   -And we have said a third - a question:
"Current strength is measured in amperes, 'and
three answers: yes, there's so right! That
suffers, purchased ...


                 END