Amazing #01 29 сентября 1997

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Iron - new adventures Shtirlitsa.

NEW Adventures SHTIRLITSA OR

NINETEENTH TEC SPRINGS



                             PREFACE


    In the EC and the process was Stirlitz
 formatting the hard drive.

    Stalin turned his back on
 monitor and asked:

    - Comrade Zhyukov, you do not
 infected?

    - No, Comrade Stalin.

    - Then let the last AIDSTEST.

    Zhukov humbly sighed, pulled out
 right pocket box diskettes and
 handed it to Stalin. Crumble a few
 diskette into the phone, Chief
 thoughtfully lit by a stretched KC.

    Ten minutes later he asked:

    - And how are things in the western market?

    - Auction - simply said Zhukov.

    - And how it feels to friend
 Isaev?

    - It is hard, - said sadly
 Beetles.

    - It's good - said Stalin. - Y
 I is for him a new job ...

    And in the EC and the process was Stirlitz
 formatting the hard drive.

 CHAPTER A 1


    Low smoky ceiling EC "Three
 programmer was nearly black from
 floppy disks, the walls were izrisovany scenes
 of the famous fairy tale, after which
 was named VC. Played in the EC is not very
 well programmed worse, but
 this is not to scare away his regulars

    Scared away their friend. Recently,
 the Computing Center got into the habit to look
 Standartenfiihrer CC von Stirlitz.

    And now he sat at the far
 terminal, which was made to
 computers at seven, and printers
 to eight. Stirlitz was alone and no one
 not expected. Sometimes it gets boring
 He pulls from his pocket drive with
 inscription "program at
 Isaev for the release of the Far East
 by Felix Dzerzhinsky and
 with fifty mean the true system
 Programmer formatted lurking
 cockroaches in the corners.

    - Lit here! - He shouted. - A mess!

    Indeed, the EC was a mess.

    The floor was flooded with cheap toner
 spit-covered and piled disks.
 The impression that each
 considered it his duty to bestow, if not complete
 BAD BLOCK'ami, at least, spit or
 something to throw. Every now and then, stepping
 through puddles, and mothers were pro
 ists. At the next table, four
 SS dirty molested cute
 lab. She liked it, and it
 silly giggling. In one corner, burying
 person in the VGA-monitor, lying
 who beat unterofitser without floppy, but
 the cartridge. Sometimes he would begin
 dissatisfied but toss and turn and published
 loud sounds indecent. Two
 war veteran, playing in a TETRIS
 Stand quietly, talking about events
 the Kursk Exchange. Young
 programmistik in the company of two girls
 suspicious-looking loud
 pains of what he is good fellow, and
 how well he plays in the Crystal Caves.
Stirlitz scored a big piece of
 grams, scratch your finger on the roll will
 magicians and watchful eyes scanned the surrounding distorting 
the reality of a decaying  Germany, occasionally holding up 
look at the  some outstanding details nance

 ing between the tables laborantok.

    - What are these bastards SysOp'y -
 all of a sudden said, young
 programmistik. - I would put them all
 through one and removed one by one.

    The room was silent. All
 looked at Shtirlitsa. Stirlitz
 spat out a piece of paper, stood up, and
 overturning the three tables, marched
 went to the high-handed to the programmer.

    - Pig custom -
 he hissed and slapped him across the face.

    - Sorry, I do not quite understand ... -
 babbled fluttered programmer.

    Stirlitz lost his temper, and seizing
 printer, hit him on the head
 hapless user. He fell, and
 Stirlitz began viciously kicking his legs.

    - I, a Russian programmer Isaev, not
 let dirty dog ​​yuzerovskomu
 offend Russian Sysop!

    Four SS men rushed
 separate the fighters. Amused
 Shtirlitsa dragged from moaning
 programmer, and to comfort,
 proposed a toast to Pascal, for
 Assembler.

    - Yes - said Stirlitz little
 calmed down. He drank a mug of toner
 red SS readily poured
 second, Stirlitz drank some more, the programmer
 he was not interested.

    - Well as you can, - whispered to one of
 sistemschikov sobbing programmer -
 at the very Stirlitz say such things about
 SysOp'ah, and yes even in these terms!
 I would have you killed in his place.

    - Stirlitz - good soul - sigh
 the second soldier - I remember three days
 back then they beat the Japanese virologist,
 so everything was kicked and Stirlitz - no.

    - Good people - confirmed
 first systems analyst, and they brought
 programmer to fresh air.

    Stirlitz embracing with the SS,
 sang "Basic zoldaten.

    Who beat unterofitser raised
 head of lettuce, surveyed the room hazy
 look and enthusiastically shouted:

    - Long live the PL / I!

    The whole room jumped up, throwing up his hands,
 the walls shook with the roar of the response:

    - Hurray!

    A Stirlitz already asleep, dreaming of him
 monitors, the Russian 486-th and 586 th,
 I dreamed him naked girls from GIF-ovsky
 pictures, and he pry them from
 under the table.

    Now he sleeps, but exactly
 half an hour, he wakes up to continue
 its not easy to correct for the Motherland
 work.

 T CHAPTER 2.


    The office Mueller was safe,
 in which Muller kept the files of all
 employees of the Reich. He often with Lubo
 View climbed into his safe for the queue
 nym file to replenish it, Vos
 Lost Cluster'y becoming, simply by
 read or print. But the last
 rare,
 For Muller, as the true
 collector who did not like to part with
 files of their wards. Safes
 files were almost all employees
 Reich, except Shtirlitsa, but this
 extensive collection of works was not
 anyone, even the most Kaltenbrunera.
 This

    There was a small and innocent hobby boss
 Gestapo. In his collection were Wirth
 Kernighan and Ritchie, Kloksin and Mellish,
 Knut, Bormann, Stirlitz and even the
 Kaltenbruner.

    Obergruppenfiihrer sitting at the computer screen and
 pressed the button PgDn. On the screen
 leafing through the file Bormann, it was one of
 very large files in his safe.
 Mueller was whistling an aria from Mefistofilya
 Faust, and by pressing F7, searching for loved
 line.

    Parteigenosse Bormann was fine
 Virology. If Bormann did not succeed valos write any virus, it
 considered passing day disappeared. If
 do we get somebody shit, Bohr
 Man fell asleep peacefully, with kindness, happiness
 livoy smile on his face. Favorite diskette
 Bormann, who was lying in his
 office was infected by all types of
 viruses, and therefore all had
 go to Bormann only taped
 disks. Mueller, who has not zakleek
 was, by this very suffering. Once
 he was careless enough to bring Bo
 rmanu Space Quest, and was grossly contaminated
 Dir'om. Disk had
 format. Since then they have to
 Bormann became bitter enemies.

   Bormann was a fan of underlay Knoop
 ki on chairs, drawing on the backs of official ditch chalked 
the word "Basic", pulling in  dark corridors of complex systems 
Verevo  check, which stumbled on the unhappy

 victim, at best, falling or Obley valas toner, and at worst

    - Received in the head by a laser
 printer. Special love Bormann
 used the toilets. Which only
 to the program he wrote on the doors
 and walls, and sometimes from Redraws
 GIF obscene pictures. Under one
 of these pictures, he signed "a
 Eva Faun. "Fuhrer was offended and asked
 he same, Bormann, find out who did it.
 Two months, all in the Reich cringe
 to Bormann, and even invented Stirlitz
 version, to protect themselves from
 suspicion that it has made Chinese
 Virology. In the end, hurt
 Admiral Canaris, who inadvertently
 won Bormann in preference to new
 lab. Laboratory assistant were the second
 Bormann passion. He now and then fired
 alone, and hire others, changed
 lab with Himmler, Schellenberg,
 asked to give lab Muller, but
 Mueller refused. In Reich Bormann not
 loved, but feared. Who else nice
 see your name on the wall of the toilet?

    Bormann was a fat, bald and zlopamyaten.A
 Bormann himself at that time was busy with affairs mi. Toner 
stained finger to daub it on the toilet door sign:  "SHTIRLITS 
- cattle and RUSSIAN SYSOP".  Chmoknuv contentedly, tugged 
Borman  the rope and went out. But he carefully formatted 
disks, and with a sense of  accomplishment went to his

 study. The day promised to be successful.

    In the study Borman opened the safe,
 locked up for seven secret locks and
 poked his head inside. Yesterday he
 weighed in a safe plate in Russian
 "Ruski sysops smaret zaprischeno!
 Someone corrected the errors in red toner
 and signed: "Borman fool." Borman
 took a Russian-German dictionary, translated the
 and logically have thought: "Someone has corrected
 Error ... means that someone got into the safe ...
 it is not me ... hence it is Russian SysOp ...
 plus everything he personally knows of Bormann.
 Consequently, I know him too. "Borman
 long thought of Xia. Half an hour later he
 guessed search fingerprints.
 Half an hour later he found them. Apparently,
 Russian spy ate paper. Coil of
 Roll was standing in the safe. "Here
 felt work Shtirlitsa. Interestingly,
 What would Kaltenbruner? Borman in
 zdohnul. Stirlitz not communicate with
 worth, anyway think of something,
 still find yourself to blame. Knew it
 everything. Borman sighed once more and pulled out
 from the safe file Pastor Schlag. For
 pastor, he has long watched with interest.
 This man had extensive x Feminized
 clientele. The pastor was running for any
 women: young and old,
 beautiful and not very good, and sistemschitsami
 programmer at and vice versa, and women
 responsible to him in that Bormann
 which women did not like very
 surprised and even angered.

  "Why should one man so many women?
 I understand if they were, firstly,
 lab, and secondly, I have as well ...
 Perhaps he works for someone else's BBS.
 Most likely, this is not our BBS. Following
 Consequently, foreign - Borman under
 nyal thumbs up. -
 It must feel ... "

    And Bormann, call Aysmanu, gave
 disposal.

    From a strong kick door
 opened, and entered the room scowling
 and sleepy Stirlitz.

    - Borman! Give AIDSTEST!

    "The old Shtirlitsa AIDSTEST, -
 Borman thought, holding out a box for
 diskettes with the profile of Hitler - then he is
 wrote a lot. Much has been written, when they think
 hence it much thought. Stirlitz just
 does not think so, then it's something
 up to. "

    And Bormann looked honest eyes
 Shtirlitsa.

    - How are you?

    - Bad.

    "I, as always, right! - Overjoyed
 Borman. - Exactly planning something! Must
 his touch. "

    - Would you like to methyl alcohol?

    - No, - Shtirlitsa wince. -
 Better toner.

    Bormann pressed the button, and entered
 lab. Stirlitz it has never seen before.

    - NEW?

    - Yes - boasted Bormann.

    - And nothing - approved Stirlitz.

    - I also like - said
 Borman flattered. - Toner bring,
 expensive.

    - Yes, Parteigenosse.

    Lab brought toner and became
 wait for further instructions.

    - You can go - waved
 Borman.

    Lab, a disappointed shake
 hips, left. Stirlitz looked up
 from the door and took the mug with a cartridge.

    - Sit down, - has offered Bormann
 substituting the chair.

    Stirlitz familiar gesture brushed with
 chair and sat down buttons.

    "Note - poisonous thought Bormann
 - Shtirlitsa the buttons will not take.
 Sense the hand of Moscow. "

    Shtirlitsa eyes turned green.

    - A good toner, - he said.

    Dark bitch cat. Deceive wants.
 No, brother Isayev, that's a mug's game. And do not
 Do I play with it a joke? What if
 it is very subtle hint that they
 asked Peter Norton? "

    - Stirlitz! Why you are interested in
 Peter Norton! - Cried Bormann.

    Stirlitz choked. With Norton, it
 met only once, and one on
 reception of the Fuhrer. Stirlitz was currently
 high regard as a systems analyst, but
 This thought never entered his
 head.

    Norton can be a valuable agent.
 We must seek the center. "

    Stirlitz stood up and blew his nose in
 curtain.

    "Bite or not?" - Thought Bormann.

    Stirlitz looked out the window.

    - What drives with this kitty! - Said
 he poems - Look, Borman.

    Borman took from the table Zeiss
 binoculars and went to Stirlitz. Minute they
 silent. During this time, had Stirlitz
 ponder the words of Bormann and Bormann
 guessed that his Stirlitz distracted.

    "Lead by the nose" - thought Bormann and
 deftly turned the conversation in another direction.

    - Listen, Stirlitz, you have such
 extensive links. Could you get
 small virus with stelsovskoy protection?

           - Can.

     "This all may be" - thought Bormann.

     Stirlitz often promised anything
 Bormann, for that matter, and all
 others, but never did anything.

    Stirlitz bummed at all Bormann
 a couple of floppy disks, mechanical thrust
 lying on the table under the tape streamer
 arm and headed for the exit.

    Bormann was rushed to the computer and sharply
 open the top drive. About itself
 doors to ten inches from the floor
 taut tape from the printer. Stirlitz
 abruptly jumped over it and saying
 "Goodbye", and disappeared behind the door.

    "Professional!" - Moaned Bormann.

    Yes, Stirlitz was a professional. He
 did not break the tape from streamer
 system on display hall, as would have acted on
 its place in English or Paraguay
 SysOp, and chose the most secluded place in the
 Reich.

    Going into the water closet Stirlitz
 discovered a fresh inscription "SHTIRLITS -
 Cattle and RUSSIAN SYSOP ". Stirlitz
 carefully crossed out the word "SYSOP" and
 inscribed the word "programmer", and below
 attributed to "Borman - also a beast."

    There he watched the tape with
 File Pastor Schlag. In his mind
 begun to mature yet unclear, but
 plan.

 CHAPTER A 3

    When Eismann woke him up, was already
 end of the workday. Stirlitz left on
 the street, pulled out a pack of floppy disks and maliciously
 showed the sentry. Mint step was
 company of the SS, drove
 armored personnel carriers, splash Shtirlitsa
 spray.

    "Scott - thought Stirlitz -
 played enough and leave. You would
 market, lice feed ... "

    At the word "feed" Stirlitz
 wanted paper. He put his pack
 floppy back in his pocket. Spat two
 times under his feet and decided to go in another
 CC.

    Stepping on the evening of Berlin 0ShtiE
 people thought about various unpleasant things.
 First, it ended with a place on vinches
 cluster, and had vse0szhimat. In the second √ x, I wonder what 
other commands  algebra it can get from Norton, and

 whether to allow the contact center. And finally,
 lab Shtirlitsa suddenly fell ill and
 asked to come home to her husband. All three
 things ought to inform the center. And on
 connection to the center Stirlitz not go
 loved.

    Thinking Shtirlitsa distracted group
 Young women discharged, which
 loudly, giggling, smoking on the corner and
 looked in his direction.

    "Bollocks" - thought Stirlitz.

    "Stirlitz" - thought whores.

    - Stirlitz! And not in the EC are you going? -
 asked one of them, coyly
 straightening hair.

    - Come, - said the gallant Stirlitz
 and took her arm.

    American agent 008, which
 usually assigned the most difficult cases
 was abandoned in Berlin to Clarifying the thread so long ago 
in Germany mania Russian SysOp Stirlitz, but at the same time  
pereverbovat try it. Agent  such cases have been accustomed. 
Just  these days he pereverboval Pakistani

 Sysop, who worked as a secretary
 Mussolini in Italy.

    Stirlitz also presented
 agent easy prey. For two days the agent
 008 managed to track down and collect Shtirlitsa
 it is so extensive BackUp, which
 This would envy itself Myul ler.

    Agent 008 followed by self Stirlitz
 ICDO Reichstag. When Stirlitz came from
 his partner in the EC, the agent got off the bikes
 Yes, and pinned him to the lock-box. Vsunuv
 porter piece of paper with printing, he dos tal ISOT'ovskuyu 
diskette and entered the hall.  Choosing a table around 
Shtiintsa  rlitsa agent, sat down, put your feet on the table

 and snapped his fingers:

    - Bartender! Toner on the sand!

    Two programmers around the stage, where
 highly podkidyvaya lovely legs
 cancan dancing, looked at each other.

    - In my opinion, this is an American SysOp, whispered 
odin.Slishkom system. Add  just in case his Point.


    The second, more passionate girls
 of variety than some American
 Sysops, mechanically nodded and yelled:

    - Encore!

    Stirlitz, hugging his girlfriend,
 was holding a glass of toner, and HC-treated her to read 
Kernighan and Ritchie  in his translation. Sitting next to cross

 Doi systems analyst was trying to clearly conceived
 GOVERNMENTAL stories about his adventures
 in VC fascinate young girl and the time
 replacements drowned Shtirlitsa.

   Stirlitz several times
 dissatisfied looked in his direction, but
 respect for the gray hair did not swear.

    Agent 008 got a lighter, made
 three photograph and lit.

    - That came out from under the table at
 printer - a husky drunken voice prophesied
 bored all the general - and the hall
 SysOp'y. Disks around they hiss, and I
 cartridge heads, yell "Clear!", and on
 me from the modem - the peak-peak to peak.

    Loud laughter from drunken esesotsev
 windows blocked his words:

    - Quite zavralsya old ass!

    The general looked around and realized that
 laugh at him. He drew his sword.

    - It's you, a custom rat
 me fighting a programmer ...
 _______________________________________

Continued in the next issue ...