KrNews #06 15 ноября 1998

Humor - Notice of MicroSoft WINDOWS BS-EXTRA.

                 Humor



ANNOUNCEMENT CONCERNING Microsoft Windows BS Extra



   In the near future will begin distribution of a new 
Microsoft product Corporation - Microsoft Windows BS

Extra. This product is a natural development of the MS Windows 
version 3. 0 3. 1, a different more advanced system 
capabilities and friendly employees of Microsoft Corporation 
User Interface. 

   Installing the product requires 165 Kb
disk space, 32 MB of memory,
CPU i486 or better. By virtue of its
High-quality Microsoft Windows BS
Extra is very demanding on the configuration, and if this 
package for any reasons, do not run on your computer, the 
company recommends changing the machine to until it finally 
starts. 

   Improved user interface, so
For example, in order to save screen space, icon, "Ok", which 
should hit the mouse is reduced by half, is work on reducing it 
to four and more times. Introduced, in addition to the double

(Double), triple (triple) and quadruple
(Quadruple) mouse click. When
It should be borne in mind. that pressing
others are not used in the program
shortcuts can lead to unpredictable
consequences, and therefore it is recommended
break out of their mouse before installing. Displayed on the 
screen is now reporting all surprises encountered program in 
memory or on disk, for clarity of reading must be confirmed no 
less than five times. Increased a variety of file types not 
described, more specialized content

initialization files. Because increased
volume of user manuals relating to how to press keys, 
descriptions of initialization files in the documentation 
omitted. 

   Microsoft Windows BS Extra demands
SVGA card, running at only 256
colors, although inexperienced users may not notice - all 
graphics applications still use 16-color palette - it's so 
touching! 

   Improved and multi-tasking: the size of
quantum of time allocated to each task
uniform, and is one minute.

   Introduced many new standards, including an alternative to 
standard ASCII, and the new English grammar. All they are 
undocumented, but argues Bill Gates, it is not necessary, 
employees Microsoft Corporation is easy to dispense

without additional applications, and therefore will cost, and 
other users. Should train users to use only Microsoft products

Corporation, and programmers - to work
only within its framework. I / O and account -
that's all you may need a programmer in an environment 
Microsoft Windows BS Extra! Everything else has been done

Microsoft Corporation. Hardly anyone
wanted something that could not provide even Microsoft 
programmers Corporation!


   Surprise will be also non-English users: additional
signs of the alphabet in their language they will find a new, 
more convenient Microsoft Corporation place.


   The list of programs that conflict with
Microsoft Windows BS Extra, can not
be given here, as it takes
392 kb. However, we can confidently say that Microsoft Windows 
BS Extra comes into conflict with all the programs

IBM and Symantec (the latter was achieved after a long labor), 
as well as many others. The only recommendation in this case is 
the immediate Remove from your hard drive all that is not

refers to the Microsoft Windows BS Extra.

   In this version, the developers completely
refuse to follow the principles of
MSDOS, while acknowledging its mistake, and his dead-end 
direction. Accordingly, as, the assurances of programmers

Microsoft Corporation, the function execution DOSovskih 
applications from environment Windows does not enjoy among them 
a large popular in the new product is no longer supported. 
"What's good for We'll do-and for you "- this is a new

motto of Microsoft Corporation.

   If the system Windows NT was proclaimed by replacing UNIX'u, 
Microsoft Windows BS Extra, thoughts on leadership

Microsoft Corporation will be replaced
generally all conceivable operating ststemy, so it's good. Yet 
rumors that BS means "Big Shit" ("Big

shit "), does not correspond to reality.



      Picture of provincial life

           (The best times)


            Just in case


   Kryakusheva princess sitting in her living room and looking 
out the window, saw Kofu. Drinking things have been new in the 
wilderness, and because the princess, trying to savor, as is 
customary in decent homes, staring absently out the window, and 
the meaning of what is happening in the yard got into her mind 
at once. And that's what happened there. 

   Three slaves of the serfs, for an hour
as tschilis harness horse. Two held
its near the barn, while the third climbed
the roof and jumped out with a collar in his hands,
but for some reason all the time missed. The horse calmly 
shuffled, slaves angry, things stood. And when it all

digested the princess, she called her
lackey Fedka, that he made a stupid suggestion tell peasants.

   Fyodor is a long time already heard from the yard
rhythmic beats slave on the ground, and not
fool, thinking that there is someone Krivorukov clumsy stabs 
wood, and therefore on call the princess appeared with a 
hatchet, it is reasonable decided that now would send the wood 
to split him.


   The princess, seeing a shot in the living room
with an ax in his hand Fedka immediately
crashed into a swoon. Fyodor scared, rushed to the servants' 
quarters, and there, roughly gestures, told the masses about 
the death of the farmer. And the masses imbued with mournful 
wailing posryvav hats, carried Princess in the yard and laid on 
the grass. Crowding around, have to decide what

do, and Fyodor, was not released
ax, solved the loudest.

   And when the debate was particularly acute, occurred just 
two events. First, the guy sitting on a shed, a heart-rending 
suddenly yelled: "The prince! Prince coming! ", And secondly, 
the mare, tired from constant falls to her to do something 
hard, kicked two standing on the sides of the slaves, why are 
disconnected and also fell on the grass. Wranglers once

shut up and turned their heads toward the gate.

   And to the prince, meanwhile Kryakushev
really went. He was returning from
Moscow, full of impressions,
gossip and fashionable prejudices. Okryv carriage door and 
going to step on soil native homestead, he saw lying

Princess, looking dazed slaves
and Fedka, missed a ridiculous pose with
podyatym ax in a huge red fist. "Revolution!" My god! " - 
Thought formed by Prince in broken Russian, French and fainted 
with horror and of course, collapsed on the grass.


   That's where the confusion has reached the masses
apogee. The peasants began to run at a loss in the yard, 
yelling, swearing and continually confronted foreheads and other

parts of the body, fell on the grass, where there
lay prince with the princess, the two slaves and
exhausted from laughing horse.

   At this time, from home, yawning, left
relieve themselves old mastiff Aristarchus.
Posozertsav few seconds human amusement, he suddenly saw a 
prostrate mare - His old enemy, this beast

disliked the dog and kick it all the time,
and just when he least
expect it. And now, howl of
delight, mastiff, of course, on a mare
become easier. But it seemed to him a little, and he started 
jumping up and down through the equine large, filling the 
neighborhood barking triumphantly. However, then, is not 
designed the next jump, ran headlong into

wall of the shed, so much so that he fell unconscious on the 
grass, and brought down the above mentioned wall inside the 
barn, the former on part-time chicken coop. Yell spinnability 
chicken was so savage that all that stood still on his feet, 
stopped running about and prepared for the worst. 

   And the worst has come.

   Began hail the size of an ostrich
egg, unprecedented in these parts since
invasion of the mammoths. And the most persistent is not
stand, forced to join the
already lying on the grass.

   Grad ended surprisingly quickly,
followed by a barrage of the night and morning
marked by a light rain, which
and brought to life the inhabitants of the manor
Kryakushevyh. All were intact, so
that life will go on as usual.
Suffered only deceased chickens yes Mastiff
Aristarchus: mare, recovering the first, although she could not 
remember anything of what happened, seeing the dog, kicked 
spitefully did it several times. Just in case.