Nicron #95 02 июля 1998

Юмор

Humor - Korpusok. A brief guide for children to assemble a home computer from illiquid.

    Who lives in teremochke? ..

(R) Grigory Nikonov

    Boris Paleev

(C) Leonid Kaganov


              Korpusok

              short guide for children
         to assemble a home computer
              of illiquid


   Stands on the table korpusok - not low not high, not lying, 
not SLIM, and a power supply with it. Ran-mouse klikushka. 
Tuk-tuk - who korpusochke lives? No one. I will live here, 
korpusok guard, run around in the yard, sleep on the rug. 

   Suddenly a sound again - a tuk-tuk. Who's korpusochke lives?
It's me, the mouse-klikushka. And I have a motherboard - a 
screwdriver is scratched, dented life, SX-25, Baba berry again, 
his whole life ahead - though now under Windows-NT. 

   Well, just under NT - then passes.

   Suddenly - a tuk-tuk. It's me, vidyushka-morgushka, 
Trident-256, allow a minute in the ISA-slot to sit down? 

   Why do not you sit down, if the place is? Slots five, you can
choose. Only better one over there on the edge, it works, but 
about the rest do not know. 

   Then - again, a tuk-tuk. Who's korpusochke lives? I 
mouse-klikushka I vidyushka-morgushka I motherboard, small 
folded, and with my CPU - is wise as a professor, but who are 
you? 

   I Toon - bytes rasteryashka, with me cables to the hard 
drive and floppy drive work fine in dry weather. And LPTport, 
GAME-port and two COM ports - that's a beauty. 

   Well, Come in, sit down in the ISA-slot. Of course there is 
better at that - large as a chair, do not see that it is 
cracked. We'll live happily ever after-, byte drive. And you, 
little mouse, come near, do not hesitate to COM2 to connect to. 

   Tuk-tuk - beep-beep, it's me, the keyboard, dusty fool. 
Three keys are missing, the other sink. Russian letters do not, 
instead of 'Y' - 'Z'. If I wash - to work, maybe.


   Well nigh, stuck in the socket, with a fun alive!

   Khe-Khe, how old, how many winters! It is I, MB SIMM.

   Sim? Fuck you! Yes you are, I suppose, beaten!

   I have broken? The Lord is with thee! For ten years, only 
three failed. I'm tired of the way, rubbing alcohol leg ... 

   Okay, come. I have a motherboard - a snow shovel. Although
and without the cache, but insanely good. Come on, son, get out 
your nest at 30 feet.


   Knock, knock! I monitor VGA. 640 by 480 or more a fig. Me
portmanteau - there shield. Neither of which does not protect, 
but See interferes: run away after an hour - that's good for 
the eyes. Connect me to vidyushke, we will play together in 
morgushki. 

   Tuk-tuk. Who's to our house? It is I, CD-ROM. Single speed, 
without button PLAY - do not whip me, please. Will not work, 
it's understandable - the interface really is very unusual, but 
arise instead of the plugs in the window - no good, but a 
little prettier. 

   Again, someone is going - a tuk-tuk, who lives here? I 
mouse-klikushka I - vidyushka-morgushka I motherboard, no old, 
but to me the processor - a thick, healthy, pyativoltovy. A I 
also, Toon - bytes rasteryashka, I keyboard - dust fool and 
CD-ROM - here together and live. Even sym - and figs with him, 
and More Monitor.


   Monitor? And I'm hard drive MAXTOR, roaring like a diesel 
engine. Half of the cylinders no other - bad. But five 
megabytes left - on-so it a little. I kept all the best in 
world - DOS, Norton Commander and the text editor F4. 

   Knock, knock! I have five inch disc drive company IZOTOV - 
do not put me finger in his mouth. Chew floppy as a housekeeper 
- candy. And the proud - Do not read anything and everything I 
own format. 

   I Toon - bytes rasteryashka, pass, drive, take
plume - yonder, plug it back, for the sake of order. We will be 
with you coo-flirt bytes each, the friend to send.


   Yeah, just before cooing, give me something Throat
rinse - I need every day from morning glass of
alcohol to clean the insides. No, the cleaning disk does not 
have to, I porusski. I mean - gulp without snacks. 

   Where alcohol is given? We have two additional ports - is 
not clear at trait.


   Yes? Well, sit down in the slot - that one over there, the 
second from the edge. I am from him and so do not expect.


   I 2400 fax modem, brand new at all. Do not drive, for God's 
sake, Ten years spent in the warehouse. Connect keep train - 
stop me is useless. A bizi fishing starts earlier than in 
short, will not be bored. 

   Knock, knock! Great lads, I AWE-32 sound card is famous,
very steep, only small to be broken. In the sense of not 
playing. Can sit on the edge?


   And I have a printer "Robotron"! 9 needles - 2 broken, 2 
were lost, 2 breakup, two dull, there was one - though it is 
rusty. In general, useless print, but I can tear the paper. So 
good I can tear that can be used instead of Shredder.



   Well, friends, fully furnished with the periphery. It is time
included in the count of three or four. Mouse-klikushka housing 
closed, screws are screwed into the window and shouted: "Well, 
sit down on the track?". We give a solemn oath, guys: From each 
according to his performance, everyone - to polkilovatta. 


   I - mouse-klikushka I - vidyushka-morgushka I - Parent
board in the middle of the patch, I processor - hot as the 
aggressor, I - Toon - bytes rasteryashka I - Keyboard - dusty 
fool I CD-ROM - will not cut down with an ax, I - Sim - ten 
years, ten winters, I monitor - color as the tomato, I drive - 
a healthy as a locker, we are two ports - it is not clear to 
hell, I AWE-32 - mentally say the words, I Fax Modem - from 
forty chips, I have a printer Robotron - roaring like a mad 
elephant, and I - the hard drive - I solemnly swear it all 
together - to work more hundred years without failure without 
knowing the weariness and the rest! 

   Turn on the power button, it is near here. On the rear panel
if you look careful look, you will notice such a thing,
beneath the gap, and if the gap thrust his hand out there in 
the depths of elbow to the right will be like a small ditch, 
and that's where a little deeper somewhere a little button up 
and left. Click on it soon. 


   Wham-bang! Click! Puffed korpusok! Sparks flew sheaves,
Smoke poured clubs, power supply, smoke, and so cheerfully says:
"Sorry boys, then the network is 220. And I'm for 110 - there 
is no transformer to hang! But do not be afraid, all the 
sewn-indoor - I have already worked defense! True, immediately 
disconnect could not - I hope there was nobody Pozega? " 

   And the story ends on this, because the silence was
his reply ...