Nicron #35 22 мая 1997

Humor - Why is your choice, the best (married to a programmer).

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                 WHY IS YOUR CHOICE-BEST
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(R) MDF HACKER

             CHAPTER 1.

Dear girls and women that you've decided to marry a programmer
You made the right choice, indicating the presence of you
sharp mind and delicate taste. Try to justify this apparent
thought a few examples.

1. Programmer combines the best features of a person with Down 
syndrome and sea captains. Every evening (except for nights 
when he intelligently to communicate with other programmers), 
it houses the computer, but at the same time, his thoughts far 
away. 

2. If he came home in a while you communicate with his or
a stranger, without a difference) lover, suffice it to say: 
"Honey, it's my colleague. He knows nothing about computers. 
"The only inconvenience you have experienced, is that the lover 
will offer next time you meet him.


3. If you suddenly want to smoke or drink, he will not be 
reported This ban, as he does so consistently.


4. It will never irritate you that when you are tired,
cook dinner, he lay on the couch, staring at a newspaper or 
televizor.Programmist knows his place is better than any 
trained dogs. LSA computer.


5. You will never have to wonder what to give him a holiday .. 
In any event it will be insanely happy simple box Floppies his 
beloved company. 

6. You do not have tormented the evening on what to cook
him for dinner. Programmers are omnivorous.

              CHAPTER 2.
        HOW TO MAKE YOUR DREAM


If your partner passed all your test on the usefulness of
(Some of the tests are given in the next chapter, we get
it will be easier than ever .. But we dare to give you some 
advice. 

1. Having come to see him ask him to show you its archive ...
If he has less than 128 floppy disks, it is still too young for 
marriage. If the disk had over 512, then it is either married 
or already divorced. (Rule operates in geometric 
progressii.Vladelets 1024 Floppies can be divorced twice, and 
the owner 3zhdy 2048). If he You will show your streamer device 
(that), then, in principle, to He can hunt, but know that 
onmazhor .. Well, if he will mumble that his archives have 
devoured viruses, gophers or moles, or say that his archive at 
work, carefully read the following items _OCHEN_ chapter. 

2. Find out when the mail-time at his favorite bibieskah. Then 
you do not will be tormented on why he did not call time. You 
always 'll know when he will call you (usually five o'clock in 
the morning) ... and it will not be offended by you for your 
children's resentment. 

3. Night before his marriage unplug mikrorayon.Nichego terrible 
no matter if he was at a wedding would be mrachen.Glavnoeon at 
the wedding. 

4. Try to spend their honeymoon in a place where there is no
elektropitanie.I try then do not be sad all my life, 
remembering that month. 

             CHAPTER 3.
         HOW TO DISTINGUISH Fakes

In recent years, the Chinese underground pirate firms produce
a lot of imitations of our products ... Some of these fakes
do not even have any visible external defects, and have a 
normal section the eyes and quite systematic red eyes and nose 
... Without revealing all the secrets of our firm will describe 
a few tests to differentiate our product from the fake.


1. Girls without complexes can take a test for rejection of the 
most serious poddelok.Poprosite man who claims that he was a 
programmer, to show you your pisyuk. If he shows you something 
different from the PC, can give him and podschechinu drive away.


2. Being alone with a verifiable uttered the phrase: "Mother 
dear! "Or" native mother "." This programmer immediately say: 
"Where? .. "And starts looking around in search of the board.


3. Invite your chosen somewhere where there is a computer
and put it next to a computer diskette. If the disk does not 
prove directly in the drive or a pocket for your partner, or if 
he even do not ask that on this floppy, it's fake.


4. In the worst possible moment ask him a question like: 
"Yesterday And Hai disketaeto good or bad? "Or" My dear, to

you do if you were given Frack? ". This programmer
answers to such questions in any state.

5. If the answer to your phrase: "Honey, I want you to remember
my whole life! "he dragged you are not in bed, but to 
skanerueto real programmer. 

6. Somehow, being alone with him, ask him where something 
scrawled on the floor of the three memory bukvint. If he wrote 
INT-it systems analyst, if you write intprikladnik, And if you 
ask: "Have You are the initials? "chase away.


                   CHAPTER 4.
        INSTRUCTIONS

Recent study from scientists, the fact that programmistynatury 
creative. Therefore, they are tender, thin-skinned, and to 
treat They must be very careful .. Otherwise, you can ruin our

product, or be beaten itself, or may be dissolution of the Union
(Family, rather than the republics).

1. Never put your interests ahead of his interests. If
Do you want a mink coat, and he's going with the money to buy
expensive peripherals, it is not ustaivayte skandalovon 
poddastsya.Luchshe not say: "Honey, let me buy a coat, and then 
I'll put this coat and you'll do with my wonderful SIFCO!


2. Census programmer show Dendy, but the hands do not let
He just gets better, but do not let him break it to you Dendy-
more useful the next time.

3. Try to learn it yazyk.Naprimer, in programming, the phrase 
"Are you ohrenel at his computer. How long can you wait in bed? 
"sounds like:" You break that does not react now, I'm in bed 
IRQ0 whole system will hang! " 

4. If it works, try not to include both in one
rosette iron, electric kettle, plates, tongs, TV, washing 
machine, etc. The programmer, unpreserved its program , Is 
_STRASHEN_! 

5. Try to memorize the sound konnekta (or, if your husband
sysop, then call sysop for spruce). It may be useful to you in 
many situations. For example, the husband comes into the 
kitchen and requires eat, but dinner is not gotov.Prosvistite 
this magical musical phrase and you'll be pleasantly surprised 
at how quickly it will disappear from the kitchen rushed to my 
computer. 

Text by Leo V. Mironoff