Nicron #35 22 мая 1997

Самиздат

Story - Well, user, wait a minute! (Continued).

 ° °

                      OU, user, wait!
 ° °



(R) MDF HACKER

    (A guide to extract the maximum pleasure
         of their duties)

            The Seventh Day

Who said that? I wonder who said this? Oh, do not know who?
This changes everything. Then it is possible to quote .. 
NashBOFH does not tolerate plagiarism, but I'm not against 
honest quotes. Copyright, as we know, means "copied correctly." 
The greatest programming project of all took six days; on the 
seventh day the programmer rested. We've been trying to debug 
the !@#$%'* thing ever since. Moral: design before you 
implement. So, even today, Friday 13, but I can not open the 
door to anyone, and do not pick up the phone, who would not 
call. Today I'll go FlipFlop until the end! 

            ... in the evening ...

And it doshel! Human genius has won again! And cool is this
looks! True, the authors are ready to send the file stages 
exist yet ... Well Well, then, let's play exist yet!


             Day Eight

Friday 13, and the phone rang like crazy. I NashBOFH, work
As usual, the sweat litsa.Ni a user does not go away from me, 
kindly .... I mean, no good advice and helpful assistance. 
"Hello, I'm Listen to you! "


"Hello, I can not read information on several diskettes. I have 
been there blank papers, almost finished thesis .. A a week 
later I have protection. "And as some ugorazdilo! I look at 
waiting list of excuses, on the top sheet today, "the magnetic 
field from Peripherals ". Let it be, say, a mouse." Look

on the wire of your mouse, he straightened? "" No ... "

"Then Vse clear on the wire techet current, nem induced magnetic
field, as in an electromagnet ... Have you noticed that the 
electromagnets use exactly the coil of wire? "He did not 
notice, but believe .. "What can I do?" "Pull the mouse, and 
the sooner the better. "" But I'm working in Windows ... "" 
Then keep the mouse straight wire. You also have a free left 
hand. " 

He pauses, trying, apparently, to imagine this picture ... I
continue to lecture .... "And look at the same time that you 
have with others cables. If they are not straight, it is fatal 
for information "One would like to add that bit 
iskrivlyayutsya.Vprochem, why restrained? "After all, if this 
bit bent." "I beg your pardon "He shows the remnants of 
intelligence," and what is bits? "Okay, okay, so if" I beg your 
pardon, "I will not make it hang the equipment for the cables 
to the wall, the cables were always straight. 

'Bit is the basic unit of information, namely the bits
stored on your disks. "Dumb mode on, but what's the point, as 
someone said smart." And how can they bend? "wonders he said. 
"I am the candidate of physical and mathematical sciences, and 
I know what's going on in the wires. "But that's chutzpah." 
Well, I'll give you the same Vse advice-try to bend the cable 
from the keyboard harder, and tamp anything, "I advise, 
launching one of their favorite viruses. 

A few seconds later he humbly asks anything should do anything 
to save his computer. "There is only one way to keep all the 
cables are always straight .. The best way to hang all 
peripherals for their cables to the wall. "I am pleased to hear 
the sound of hammer nails, and then a full-fledged strikes 
apparatus on the floor, and finally, a juicy explosion 
monitora.Ya quietly hang tube. So it will be with each ... And 
there he and the road! 

Call ... "Hello." "Hello. I can not burn your files to a floppy 
computer displays a red sign, but there is something written in 
English. "I just can not help it. Can you read?" 

"ERROR ON ATTEMPT TO Driv A. vriti OH vriti PROTEKTED-ROM.
RETRO abortion. "

"How-how? Retry what?" Shivers, user, trembling! (Optionally 
tremble). "Here it is written: abortion." "Stop the jokes, moe 
time is scheduled for minutam.Pozovite someone more experienced 
to the phone." "But there is nobody there ..." And I do not 
know! I even know how your name, when and under whose patronage 
you have been hired, and why are you with s. She will fly today.


"Well, read exist yet again, Me-Slow." I even over the phone 
feel like it is red, approaching to the word abortion. Okay, 
let cool slightly. "Ponyatnenko ... And you have worked with 
floppies? "" Yes, but these are some others. Smaller and more 
tverdye. "Stale," grimly joking me. "Is that true?" He enthused 
.. God My, how impenetrable stupidity! You will come from this 
user, exemplary. "Calm down, it was a joke. These disks have 
extended little thing ..." 

"Oh, really moves away!" Well, I knew it! Be it nick! Only this 
user is able to first try to find a place write protect tab 
curtain to protect the disk surface. 

"Excellent, move the ee on all your disks. It was she and 
prevents read information. And stick-ee than nibud.Da, and do 
not forget to exist yet to cut a hole in the same place where 
it is on large disks. The fact that the little available from 
the factory zaschischennnymi from the record. " A few cries of 
this he tries various inappropriate tools for cutting holes and 
misses .. After This minute of silence - he sticks to the 
blinds so I diskam.A time to erase all his files ... Stupidity 
should be punished. 

"Oh, I think, when I tried to copy, Vse ster ....." "Oh, no
nervous, it's not you, I Vse ster. "" Uh-e ...." he tries to
say something .... For some time I looked forward to something
articulate, but without waiting for, go on. "It urgently needs 
a place to deal with the sudden virus. So thank me, if your 
section has survived." Pause. "However, no thanks. He survived 
.. And, besides, the lack of results Your work is already known 
to the chief. And the order for your dismissal without 
severance pay already hem to the case. And who took you to work 
"on through connections "zavlab also been sacked." As a 
colleague of mine used to say BOFH, make an excuse. "And also 
without severance posobiya.I penalty for non-work will be with 
you and with him levied by the court. I.. But , The rest you 
will be told in another place. "And in fact true, inform I am 
not frightening in vain. 

            The Ninth Day

I wonder whether this is due to the fact that today is Friday 
13 or not, but me, NashegoBOFH seems, are trying to dismiss ... 
Of course, exactly One can not say, but Vse same Vse same. For 
example, a few minutes ago draft order of dismissal moem 
appeared on the computer with the captain. No, I do not want to 
say that he poydet somewhere exist yet, but the fact ... 
Perhaps it is time to do something about it. 

First of all, assess the reasons. Well, exactly. My boss 
transferred with the increase, and he seems to have decided 
that the last day of his Vse soydet with it. Pridetsya explain 
to him the depth of his delusion. Call his office Big Boss, and 
Big Boss send a trip abroad for schet firm on behalf of the 
Chief. As startled bird, Big Boss pops up on svoem Mersedes'e 
and hurries home-assembled .... I even ordered him a ticket for 
a samolet one end. And at the same time nullify its schet in a 
Swiss bank to not too hurried back. Come up, too, to raise my 
head without consulting me! 

Go to the empty room, an electronic lock has long been open ....
Occupy a chair, noting that compared it with my harsh,
and accept the imposing attitude. Well, that and knew that it 
proizvedet impression. His jaw hang down low enough to the 
ball, rolled out of order on moem dismissal tochnehonko voshel 
into his mouth. He did not even occur to him spit it out (he - 
Should read "Chief" for the first occurrence, and "order" in 
second) ... "Do not you find that a few hurried to my 
dismissal? "politely I specify I had." And do not you think 
that the text of the order of a couple of typos crept in? "At 
this point, be useful to apply a little blackmail, something 
like that email'a, which You certainly remember.


As I said earlier, my boss smart man. If it is a little
press, he priznaet obvious. And now he, however, several
a forced, smiles, and wrote a new order, which, when it yields 
the it to me for approval, we can already do in fact do not 
change ... I continue to remain under his command, and even 
getting a big salary (it was hard to write it, but what a 
sacrifice!) , But most importantly, now is not stupid nick will 
bother me and I them! I will have a secretary, and nobody will 
disturb me for details. 

           (To be continued)