Nicron #32 01 мая 1997

Story - War and Peace ... not by Leo Tolstoy.

               War and Peace ... not by Leo Tolstoy

(R) CORPSE
(R) PRIEST

            HELLO NICRON!!!
Imagine your court a tekstik, printed either in Moskovsky 
Komsomolets, whether in the "World News", but to start a 
anecdote: By the gates of Paradise approaching man and asks him 
to miss. - Name at least one good deed that you have committed 
in their life - he says the apostle Peter.

- I saw the bandits raped the girl, so I punched the leader,
- Says the man.
- When it happened, - asks the apostle.
40 seconds ago.

             * * * * * * * * * * *

            Peredreef
                 and
                  WAR.

Peredreef was a very diligent. And literally
all. There was no such place to which he would have his 
inconsolable efforts were not attached. Take, for example, 
space. Well, what, I ask, diligence he could to make it? But 
no, all are still attached. Wrote as a letter to Gagarin that 
during the next flight will certainly conducted an inventory of 
all celestial bodies down to the smallest. To prevent theft and 
concealment of alien hand all progressive forces. And even my 
calculator he sent, asking, however, upon receipt of payment.

Calculator to him came back with a postscript abusive
character which Peredreef perceived as a coded message for a 
long time he studied Lenin's multi-volume to find the key. Not 
found, but did not become discouraged and decided to do 
something else, namely - facilitation of female genital 
function. Function that he is a fairly vague, and therefore 
proposed a solution to genius is simple: to lubricate grease 
known place - for slip - and shoot at women over the ear for a 
large a sudden fright. And with fear - Peredreef knew of

own experience - the organism of the total surplus from 
izbovlyaetsya ultra-fast speed. Again - for the military - 
patriotic parenting thing right. The military, by the way, 
supported the idea, but here hospital ... Yes, and his wife 
Peredreeva also try his method flatly refused, because of what 
and became a mother - a loner. But most effort he applies to 
the struggle for peace. Then he is simply not there. How to 
start crying in the bathroom:         "The world - a world war 
- PIPISKA! (From childhood still remember), so does not stop 
him. Although hands Say what you like, although from the hose 
polya: until ohripnet - did not finish. 

  And he cried once during the next washed and shouting - -
and dokrichalsya. Was. She is the most. Terrible, gaunt, 
toothless, with a mask instead of a hat on a bare skull, and 
zazharvlennym with a bayonet in his hand.

- Come on - progundosila War - chase.
- What? - Obomlevshi from such a spectacle could hardly breathe
Peredreef.
- As promised, pipisku.
Peredreef immediately covered his nakedness lodoshkami, 
staggered back to the wall bath and squeaked in alarm:

- I have not!
- Yes, yes - quiet, but said ugrozno War - myself
seen.
- Where? - Questions Peredreef and began around
look, as if looking for something that looks, but can not find.
- Here! - War jabbed with a bayonet in his hands clasped 
Peredreeva. That immediately covered with cold sweat, then just 
as quickly dried out and even a few Haskalah.

- Oh, this is - he murmured weakly, and wanted to add that
there's nothing there, but instead, quickly said:-It is not 
mine. - Aha, - with a somewhat macabre irony, said the war -

grandmother.
- Yes, - agreed immediately Peredreef - that is, no.
- Quite zavralsya - accusingly shook skull war.
- Yes, I'm not lying, I'm not lying! - Pleaded Peredreef. - I 
borrowed it. Y friend. Today we must pay.

- And all the same to me - standing on its war - is yours - not 
yours. Promised - hence cut so positive. And do not wait - it 
will be worse. AND a hand held out with a bayonet, how would 
prilazhivaya to pospodruchney was peredreevskie prichindaly 
snap off. - I promised - Peredreef slid along the wall in the 
bath and blocked knees. - Do not promise me that!

- And then yelled while sliced?
- Foolishly - honestly Peredreef and hurriedly said:
- Not anymore.
- It's too late - said glumly War. - Previously, it was 
necessary to dumat.-It looked at Peredreeva and, after a pause, 
she asked: - So you're like myself otchekryzhish or help me? 
Peredreef trembling, and suddenly began to wail pitifully:

- Oh, what is it done, eh? But how can that be? For what?
Oh, I can not, I can not. Why me? From what I stand
then, eh? Well, please do not ...
- What is wanted in order and stay - with the world, - with 
disgust said war.

- Yes, in a coffin, I saw such a world! - Screamed Peredreef. - 
Do not He needed me! And then there was silence. And there was 
a sudden Peredreevu that someone is knocking at the kitchen 
window, as if a bird which beats. And all so hush, hush until 
it died down completely. - This is your last word? - Asked 
sternly War. - D-yes ...- uncertain Peredreef said, has almost 
nothing not considering.

- Well, - nodded War .- you said. She adjusted the mask
intercepted a bayonet back and disappeared. A long time 
Peredreef sitting in the bathroom, unable to stand up and 
afraid to uncouple stocked on the causal place your hands ...

The next day the war began.

    Fine. The End. Fin. End. Ende.

                Always your CORPSE-PRIEST.
                Tel. 417-1586.
                Andrew Dimitri.