DonNews #19 26 февраля 2003

Юмор

8) - Humor

__________________________________________


           8)



(C) Klim / oHg / XXL
__________________________________________


  In kindergarten - PE: children were using foul language. Head 
went complain to the neighboring military unit

where the two soldiers sent to repair a
Kindergarten electricity. Lt.
called delinquent.
 - No, Comrade Lieutenant, personal
currently this is not allowed. Private Sidorov
payal wires, I kept the bottom of the ladder.
Then tin was dripping on my head.
 - Well, are you?
 - I said: "Private Sidorov, do you
Do not you see that your friend on the forehead
falling drops of molten tin? "


                  *


  Vovochka explains the angry father
why he got a bad mark on the arithmetic:

  - The teacher asked how many would be twice
three, and I said six. And then he asked,
how much will be three times two ...

  - Is it not a dick?

  - I said so.


                  *


   Physics teacher is going to demonstrate to the class 
experience for electricity. Repeaters from the back row asks:


  - And do not ebnet?

  - Yes, do not seem to be .. Who said that?!


                  *


   Budyonny speaks to students with
memories:

  - I leave it I'm on a white horse. I look
left: to fuck! I look right: Fuck
mother!

   Children:

  - In a fucking memory!


                  *


eat cake. Then runs up to him
Piglet says:

  - Winnie, let pie!

  - It's not a pie, a bun - chewing
meet a bear.

  - Winnie, well then let bun!

  - This is not a bun, a patty! - Answers
Winnie.

  - Winnie, well then let cake!

  - The pig does not know what she needs!


                  *



  - I do not know anyone who would have liked more
animals than Zina: she drowns kittens only
in warm water.


                  *


   Cat caught the mouse:

  - To live you want?

  - And with whom?

  - Here's a whore! There are even do not want to!


                  *


  Away:

  - Your dog as a very unfriendly stares
for me?

  - Do not pay attention. He always
See the one who eats from his bowl.


                  *


  - Tell me you love parrots? -
asks the owner, hiring a maid.

  - Do not worry, I eat everything!


                  *


  Forest. Run out 25 hedgehogs. One of them
commands:

  - Whoa! Everything stopped.

  - Pasta! All begin to eat grass.
Commander raises his head, looks around
grazing sea urchins, and says:

  - Well, we not horses?


                  *


  Two godmother decided to score a bull. One keeps
the horns, and the second hit with a sledgehammer. Bang! Ox
worth it. Another blow! Bull stands as if nothing
happened. Then the godfather who holds, said:
 - Kum if you me more time to vrezhesh
head - I will not stop the bull!


                  *


   One guy was talking parrot.
Here is a man sends his wife to the south to rest,
and leads the girl back home. Parrot remember her name, and 
when the man brought second, the parrot says:


  - Are not you Maria?

  - No, I'm Dasha - she replied in surprise.
A man realized that things were bad. Wife arrives, the parrot 
will tell all. And when brought another friend, put the parrot

in the refrigerator. In the midst of a fun girl
for some reason, crawled into the refrigerator. Saw
there is a parrot and says in surprise:

  - Ass!

  - Huepochka! With your depravity penguin
become!


                  *


  At the oral examination in the Communist Academy Chapaeva
ask what documents are issued to delegates. Vasily Ivanovich 
embarrassed silence. Kotovsky, hiding behind a palm, suggests: 

  - Manda-you!

  - And you, Grigory Ivanovich, boil-Chapa,

  - If your ears cut off, and did on dick
will look like!


                  *


  - What are you all write, Petya?

  - Opera writing, Vasily Ivanovich.

  - And about me will be there?

  - And here's operas will, Vasily Ivanovich -
find out!


                  *


   Once the head vokzla sees: suitable Chukcha to the wagon 
train and beat on him head, goes to the next - and head

suited to the third - and the head, etc.
Chief says: "The Chukchi, you crazy?"
- "But, no, Chukcha soft coach is looking for."


                  *


   Congress of the crocodile hunter in the Congo.
The Englishman stands: "I have killed one hundred crocodiles." 
Acts Frenchman: "I have killed two hundred crocodiles. 
"Performs Chukchi:" I killed fifty Nocera. "All were amazed and 
decided to spy on someone hunts Chukcha. See: sneaks Chukcha 
with a rifle to the bush, pops out of the bush frightened negro.

Chukchi: "crocodile?" - "No, Sir!"


                  *


   Two Chukchi are seen in the sky plane:

  - However, the government is flying!

  - But, no. When the government, then
More and motorcycles around.


                  *


   Chukchi ask:

  - What is the scariest bird?

  - Hang!

  - Why?

  - Big, scary: Chukchi shot three times while the man let go!


                  *


   Got lost two of the Chukchi in the woods. One
says:

  - Well, let's shoot! Maybe we
someone will hear.

  The second shot, but nobody responds.

  - Shoot more!

  He shoots. Again silence.

  - I can not, boom ended.


                  *


  Chukchi comes to be tested, and brings a three-liter jar of 
urine. 

  Nurse:

  - You would have brought a suitcase shit.

  Chukchi pulls out from behind a suitcase:

  - As if he knew that it would take.