Micro #16 22 апреля 1999

Юмор

Humor - humor from Fido.

             Humor from Fido



     This incident happened with me
last week.


     We have gathered all the family to
relatives to visit. As always, terribly
late and decided to call a taxi.
It is that "Radio". But relatives, must be
say, live in a house, candles,
that a beam from the Medical Institute.
The only reference to smoothly
work - a 2-I infectivity
Hospital. Therefore, to long
explain say the taxi driver take me, they say, to
second infection, and there for it - 16
storey house. Come on, something everyone is silent,
each of his thinking. Then the taxi driver
spraschivaet: "You just go there? Or round
back? ", apparently suggesting the opposite
trip. We thought maybe someone from the
guests back on a lift or progudyaemsya
fresh air. And this is followed by response
taxi driver (verbatim): "Yes, we are only
there. And vice versa - life will show. "After
what a taxi driver once picked up his collar and
almost half opened his window.

     In general, the drive up to the landmark -
hospital, and then the driver turns in
hospital gates. Well, we did - we like
a little further, for the hospital to get
necessary. He drove us home, we went out and
only then it dawned on me behavior
taxi driver.

     Apparently he had not heard about the house for
hospital, and only heard about the hospital.
Next comes the painful molchaenie passengers.
The last straw was the answer that passengers
do not know whether to come back from
hospital.

     I wonder what changed his mind drove for those
15 minutes that took us to the hospital. Personally
I felt sorry for his lost nerve
cell;)))



     Yes, the stars will light your way.
Meet me in the halls Mendosa.

  With all the goodness Max Stolbinsky.

-----------------------------------------


     Turn to refuel. Past the turn to
column arrives tinted
"Nine", incidentally bumper scratches
door humpback "constipation" of the queue. From
"Constipation" comes out Dzyadok and starts yelling
on the cage, "nine", they say, look, where
going. From "The Nine" goes the guy does not
hesitation, crashed his grandfather in the face and
sits back. Grandfather, utershis, climbs
in its "lock", is dispersed and rams
"Nine" on the right in the middle by pressing both her
door. Then he toured this "nine"
left, and, without giving cage escape
out, rammed repeatedly jammed cage
"Nine" inside. After that protrudes
out the window and yells:

     - _YA_ The war _tanki_ to ram took,
but now all sorts of suckers _menya_ beat
will! :-E

     And leaves.


            Sincerely, Ewg.

-----------------------------------------

     The story told me a friend,
and she - one familiar element. Picked
somehow SGP (mobile militia
group) of one man being in
offend human dignity
form. After protrezvleniya thereof was
decided to appoint him to a session of occupational therapy.
Upon learning that the perpetrator of obschporyadka
professional graphic designer, he was
invited to paint all of the station box.
When the artist reported the completion of
work, cops were shocked: boxes were
painted in yellow with blue stripe
in the middle of the inscription on the band "Garbage"!

     - Yes, yes, - said my friend cop
- I saw these yellow boxes with blue
band, only the inscription was not there!

     - Well you think that the police
quite stupid work! - answered element
my friend.

 Sincerely, Alexander AKA Frankenstain's
doctor E-mail: frankenstain@altavista.net

-----------------------------------------

Today was a witness to the next event.


     To one of the stalls selling all sorts of
Bun-toys, suitable (M) uzhik and requests
(II) rodavschitsu:
(M) - Show out that toy, please.
(II) (poking a finger in all at a time) -
This? This? This?
(M) - No, there's the one whose fur is very
beautiful.
(II) (poking his finger) - This? This? This?
(M) - No, she won the top right
extreme, which has neither head nor hvocta not
seen. Do not even understand what kind of beast.
(II) (poking a finger in the desired) - This, that
right?
(M) - Yes, yes, yes! :)
(R) - This is my hat!!
(M) 8-A: (((

-----------------------------------------

     Sat nA lecture with thoughts about what
would narod delal _BEZ_ _programmy peredach_
nA computer! Decided posmotrett, a he
will delat _s ney_! Catch!

 4.00 POWERhnostnye phenomenon.
 4.5 Winsikansky serial - "Loading in
progress "10-11 percent.
 8.30 nA to monitor Igra - Ugaday meLOADiyu "
Yes, No, Cancel.
 9.00 Programma "Good Morning Mastday.
 9.30 "Sam himself Panel Microsoft Office"
 10.00 Funny STARTy.
 11.00 Cartoon "Kto skazal bizi?".
 11.10 "Connect the first vzglyada.
 11.30 Morning pochta "with G. Oldedom.
 12.00 NoCarrierchko.
 12.30 Adobe MozgoEb. B pereryvah
SkrinSavery.
 14.00 Samaya kriminalnaya programma nA
monitor "Nedopustimaya operatsiya. Zakryt.
Information. "
 14.30 nA Humor monitor - Club White
Reset ".
 15.00-19.00 Profilakticheskie raboty.
Serial "ScanDisk".
 19.45 For samyh malenkih - "Unable
Error, malyshi! ".
 20.00 Dokumentalnye dannye Registry
"IeRARhicheskaya poDLLost.
 20.30 Humorous monitorozhurnal -
"Hazlo DirectX".
 22.00 Night seans - Ustanovka and
udalenie programm. glavnoy role in
UnInstall windows'98.
 23.00 Kak it was. "Windows 3.11" 1990
year.
 00.00 Kontra, Alt, Del.


              Alex & Lorn!

-----------------------------------------

    Greetings, ladies and gentlemen!

     Traveling through space network, I have found
here a story. And to me it dyuzhe
Bad ... :-)


     This bike told me the guy from
The yacht club, I do not know if this is true, but it
tells us that it was with him ...
He worked back in the 80's "chlenovozom -
driver for some great
Chief, and of course, on black
"Volga" with the radio. And when the Chief
come to any meeting, usually
let go of the driver "pobombit. Once
during a bombing stops him
grandmother and a breathless voice, asks:
"My dear, I'm at the airport, only faster,
on a plane to Tashkent late. "Tom that
- The machine with enhanced engine, with
flashing lights and siren, as the left outside Moscow -
by gas and 150 km. Grandmother to him: "Oh, dear,
why do you persecute so, but now taking off! ".
"And that" - says he - "and take off!"
Takes the microphone and the radio in it:
 "Dispatch," says board 55-82 CMI
enable flight to Tashkent!
A girl dispatcher at the other end, too
turned with humor:
"Borth 55-82 CMI Cleared for take off!"
The driver looks in the mirror - a grandmother
swoon! He stops the car,
gets first-aid kit, ammonia under her nose.
Grandmother in yourself comes:
"My dear, well, one can not joke like that!"
Well, here he could not finish:
"Calm down, grandma, quietly! You in
Tashkent on what street? "

-----------------------------------------

     Yesterday calling our President
Bank: "What is there on the stock exchange is going on?
Immediately figure it out! .. "

     Look at the complex on which
transmitted a copy of the screen with the rider,
sending fresh stock quotes and
tama ... fight in the DOOM-e is in full swing
(Third or even fourth level).

     Briefly the essence is - reyterovskaya
Contact terribly expensive thing and therefore
to save space, we had only one
"Line", connect a computer
hidden in the cubbyhole. With him every second
removed a copy of the screen will be on
local networks broadcast to all
interested services (including
Guide). And it is this computer
"Found" one of the new employees.
Verify that none of the bosses
no, he opened a second window and started
productive work in DOOM.

     And all the leaders in a panic -
Communists to the stock exchange reached!

All, all the best to you! Mail us!

              Slawa (13:45).

      Slawa.Alexeew @ avangardbank.com

-----------------------------------------


     Today was a joke. Comes to me
(I), one ... person (B). And requests
skinyt emy programmy, skromnyyu takyyu,
razmerchik - ~ 50 MB. HM & M2, if komy
interesting.


     (B): - At disketochkah ...

     (I): - = 8-() on you screw one and a half
Giga - (old a) - and
rewrote himself.

     (B): - What?

     (I): - Raskrychivaesh his coffin - (tyt
he said softly hiccups, but does not dare to interrupt. AND
correctly.) - stick to shnyrok where has finally arrived
one screw is hanging, and more! In the setup
avtodetekt ... And what did you like that?
What are you, lamer?

     (B, byrno negodyet): - Yes I am! Yes him!
And not so! I have an education!


     Leaves. None of his 30 minute digits, y me
break. Idy glyanyt, what is there (after all
sorry for the screw). Next painting: a table,
on the table disassembled computer (when I
pishy * parsed * I am vidy
_razobrannyy_. Before lifting Nurse!) (B) sitting
and holds in his pykah screw connected to the
mine, and attempts to switch shnyrok
vice versa. Limiters, estessno, do not give.
I am publishing sound can. He raises golovy:


     (B): - For ten minute digits zhdy it
Overwrite?

     (I): There is no emoticon to
to convey the expression on my face. Skazhy
one thing: my toes hurt - repelled
ypavshaya jaw.

     (H, human face, which you'll
lit up): Ah! Power can not be hooked!


     And stick to your screw jack, clearly
waiting for that right now, and all
earn ...

-----------------------------------------
Philip Kirkorov / Stas Korovin

 I do not sleep nochami -
 LamerOv I KreshPollyu,
 Because it lamerov I kreshpollyu!

 You are my Spectrum - I Yamaha
 You BK - I DCC-ha.

 You're my Windows - I'm your Bag
 I oshibka - you Fikspak.

 You Netcard - I Terminator
 Lamer you - I Moderator

 You Netvar - I'm your customer
 You Scandisk - I SYS-agent

 You Amiga - I Workbench
 You Winword - I'm your Exchange

 You FoxPro, a Clipper I'm yours
 Tetris you - I'm your Minesweeper

 Monitor you - I Vidyaha
 You winchester - I Multyaha

 You are my Dos, a'm your Gluck
 Blaster you - I'm your CDyuk.

 You Disketa I Bedblok
 Klava you, I'm your NumLock

 ATS you - I'm your Phreaker
 Sound you - I have PC-Speaker

 You Scream Tracker - I WinMod
 You modem - I'm your COM-port

 You processor, a I Tyres
 Housing you - I'm all mashina!

 Tachka mine !!!!!

(C) Stas Korovin. 1997.

-----------------------------------------

(C) Yuri Nesterenko



        Sayings

Not all Windows, which is hanging!
From Wind to live - a wolf howl.
As is the user does not teach, and he was still in Windows
looks.
Kuda no Kinh - everywhere Vyn.
Windows from CD - the car easier.
Not in windsurfing happiness, but in their absence.
What a horrible nul, then disappeared.
Do not spit in the boot sector - will prove useful to flop
loaded.
Hacker hacker comp does not shut down.
Hacker user does not understand.
The virus is not a sparrow, will be cured - do not look.
In the beginning was the Word, and the word was 2 bytes ..
Gluck did not break out - a man not zabekapitsya.
After format'a undelet'om not waving.
How to be written and considered.
Do not say "OK", until you rewrite it.
Cycle depends on - the whole problem of the gap.
What would the child do not teshilos, if only the car does not
hung.
Large package - a great hang.
Old glitch is better than two new ones.
Otkser seven times - cut once.
What pokserish, then you'll understand.
Soft write - flying discs.
Sam dies, and the power turns off.
No manhole in the network - you will not hang.
At Delphi, hope, and assembler teach.
Bad is the Error, which is not dreaming of becoming
General'om.
Kilobayt megabyte saves.
DOOM is good, and DOOM 2 is better.
There was not a flop, and suddenly CD-ROM.
Fear of Chinese com-bearing!
Do not hang the OS under which you sit.
What are you looking at me like a hacker to
new protection?
Not a Red Sea installation, and the red
compilation.
And your residents, we interrupt
hang!
Everyone resident of thine own segment.
Not in my memory does not sit down.
Kakov POP, so is the case.
What is written in ROM, not cut down with an ax.
User to write viruses got into the habit, then he and
screw cover.
There is no sadder story in the world than
the story of a jammed reset'e.

-----------------------------------------
              The people of Fido


  Lyrics courtesy of Y. Grushko