Spectrofon #08 31 июля 1994

Юмор     Игры

From the world of bat - The article, a parody of various descriptions of games, "Short Guide to the descriptions of games."

   The following parody was
written at a time when instead of your letters had to read all 
sorts of descriptions of games, which are now in huge numbers 
published by different firms. With some difficulty digesting 
hundreds kilobytes of computer Fiction

inflammation of the brain has issued the following conclusion:



      A short guide


              ON


         DESCRIPTION OF GAMES


         (USER MANUAL)



  With examples and commentary.


            INTRODUCTION


   Every self-respecting computer player keeps the house in 
plain view kilograms descriptions of games. This is 
understandable: good to always have on hand description of 
interesting and good make difficult game. And it is hard to 
overestimate the help, some authors have good jobs novice 
players. 


   In recent years, left a
number of collections in which
treated thousands of games
"ZX-SPECTRUM". Help the user understand the ocean this
Book abundance and called our
USER MANUAL.



   Try to draw your eyes
on all manufacturers' computer Fiction "at
a simple
Russian Game
TETRIS. How does this
Game COULD BE
described in our
Publishers?


   1. "Solon."

   ----------


           TETLIS



   Known game on
cubes in a glass. You need to put
as much as possible. You take
box and put it in a certain place.
Control: standard set.



           TEMTIS



   The game, which went around the whole
world. You need to fill the ranks
figures. Rate on 1917 -
99,9 percent.

Control: standard set.



          TEREMTIS



  Analogue of the game at IBM. Graphics
good. Excellent sound effects. A useful tip: you can
enable prompt by pressing "b".

Control: standard set.

Comment: Brilliant. Concisely. All
clear without any words.
And most importantly, almost
competently. Especially
"On the Status of cubes in a glass."
Frankly, without
glasses can not tell.


   And it is not clear to the poor
the user where to look for the game
TEREMTIS? After all, an analog
Games at IBM! But the "Solon" immaterial - there is such
game or not. The main task -
issue in the next issue of the collection "500 games" cherished 
number descriptions. And let it in these

"Description" is about one and the
same game, the main thing that the names
different.


   Why "Solon" not to release a new compilation "5000
Games where you can be
give a great description yet
even non-existent programs. A
before you know, someone they
programs and write. And to this
lots of games fit into the 13
printed sheets can give a description of some of the form:


 GAME DESCRIPTION

LELITA standard set
DUSSYA-20 is not a standard set of
JUTKIY WILLY figure it out
COMMAND BOTTLE Replacement IBM.
BOLDER NE DASH Rate 5%.
LASER SAD Continuation

               LASER SMRAD.



   Dear users! If you want to
worn by all
markets of the country in search of games like
COMMAND BOTTLE and
LASER SMRAD - wait
Release of the next
collection descriptions
games from the company SOLON!



   2. Firm SBS (BEST GAME)

 The authors describe: Ivan Ivanov

                  Peter Petrov

                  Sidorov Sidor


   All rights to the description given us the drafters of SBS 
and protected "by the Copyright Rights of the Russian 
Federation. " Reprinting for commercial purposes

without the consent of "SBS" is prohibited.


            TETRIS



   One of the best games. Need to stack pieces in a glass. 
Recommendations for the passage of levels: 

The first level, first line:


   Pay attention to the figure,
falling from above. Flick of the wrist you should bring
joystick in an inclined position.
Thus you will be able to move
figure in the desired direction.
When you make sure that the figure
is at the desired vertical press, which is located on the 
joystick. The figure will fall down. 



In this program, there is such
great opportunity: if
pen tilt the joystick itself, the figure turns around
axis. Keep an eye out for those
that the figures fit into the glass evenly. When a number is
filled, you will see an interesting
effect - all figures in this series
disappear! Thus you have passed the first line of the first 
level. 

The first level, second line: Look
above.
The first level, S-line: etc.



Comment: Well, at the expense of the rights to
description and the compilers all clear. But who exactly this, 
so called, wrote instructions impossible to understand. Sidor 
Tolley, Tolley Peter Petrov. Yes, it does not matter. The main 
thing is that you can print any description, even from the same 
"Solon", though even from where but the authors give a crowd, 
all together. Shuffle. And then go and

figure it out exactly who these very
law passed by our distinguished
masters.


   As for some of the descriptions in the book "Best Games"
so long ago all the writers, satirists and humorists ridiculed 
the Soviet "operating instructions" that are applied to 
domestic goods. Come to the same spoon for instance.


Naim.izd: "wooden spoon"
Part Number: BRR-F-200
Standard: LD-1678
Instruction:


   Wooden spoon (the spoon) is designed for digging
food from the plate. Spoon is
drew out and held.


   Take a spoon kept in
right hand (if left-handed, then
left), dip in a bowl and wait some time until
drawers filled. If the food
dry and hard scoop your desired number of small
force of arms. Then gently
Bring the spoon to her mouth and then
Transfer the contents of draws in
mouth.
NOTE: Do not forget to open
mouth.

Warranty: The manufacturer guarantees the normal
spoons work provided proper operation for one year. In
During this period made
sharing of spoons on the new ...


   Patent N324. All rights transferred to the inventor of the 
manufacturer and are protected by the Law of the Russian 
Federation for the Protection of Copyright

rights.



    3. COMPUTER NOVELLA


         EARTHQUAKE

       (For the game TETRIS)


   Hi! That's me! I want to tell about his adventures.


   There was an earthquake recently. How spilled everything on 
top, and I did not even really understand what to

anything. Look - at me cobbles
fly. And I feel like the hands of
energy flows. And I began these
boulders to move. Left, right and down, down ... And then the 
next level. I thought I have time to put all stones on shelves. 
And managed. You should have seen how beautiful it was written 
by my name in the table of records! In short,

I completed the task. And what you
I wish ...

Comment: Recently, in various editions were
flickering description
written in the genre
Computer novel. You can only
welcome all
who loves this genre
and is actively developing.
But sometimes the light of day there are quite uninteresting,
boring "work." And all
This occurs for two reasons:
or not chosen an interesting game
(Or interesting, but completely
not suited to the genre of "computer novel"), or "legend" that 
the author tells just boring. And in general, passed and 
learning along and across the game is not an occasion for to 
write her novel. 


   Computer novel - it
subtle and the author must a thousand times
weigh all the nuances before
take up the pen.


          EPILOGUE


   Today's conversation has been brewing
long. There were times when describing games wandered in 
"samizdat" compilations Markets country and readers turned a 
blind eye to the quality of products first computer 
enthusiasts. But Now, when many firms began

work for the benefit of all the geeks and the user
came with a choice, we
tried to tell our
"Guide" for those collections
descriptions, which are sold in
stores.



   Acquainted with our "guide, someone can be
ask, and where the positive
examples? There are positive
examples. Collection descriptions Games
"COMPUTER Worlds" ("Peter" St. Petersburg) - this is another 
level. Solid, high quality and beautiful. More to such books.



   However, and in
"Solon" and
"SBS" has its
dignity.
"SOLON" always
well decorated
descriptions, and in
collections of "Best Games" firms
"SBS" there are many
good, useful descriptions of
games. Let's just not going too far.