Energy #07 06 июля 1997

Юмор

joke - 20 jokes.

                Joke!

Composed Demon'om



                         Then came your star
                         Environmental Impact hour, bitch!


                             Freddy Krueger


                  oh oh oh


   Chief secretary calls:
 - I urgently need a sexual act!
 - Sexual intercourse is impossible because of the monthly
report, but can be issued orally or rear
number.


                  oh oh oh


   In the forest, old man met an old woman
with a bundle of firewood.
 - A young man - turns old woman
- Help me to drag firewood, I love you
gratitude.
 - Yes, why not help! Come on, Grandma.

   They came to a ramshackle hut, while the old woman
him and said:
 - Do you know who I am?
 - I do not know.
 - I'm a witch. For your kindness can accomplish three biggest 
wishes. Guessing, what you want!


   Man embarrassed, and then says:
 - I want to go abroad to have a car "Mercedes"!
 - Well, well. Now you go straight,
svernesh then left, there you see the road
while on the road is a new "Mer-Mercedes. Say second wish.

   A man was sweating as much from happiness:
 - I want a villa on the beach!
 - It is also possible. Sit in their "Mer-Mercedes, you'll go 
straight, then at vyedesh route, proedesh hundred kilometers, 
you will see Sea of ​​Pontus, where your villa at number five. 
Well, let's last wish.  - Oh, Grandma, a long time dream to 
have a wife I had a beautiful woman to me all

jealous, and she in me doted.
 - Well, in your "Mer-dimensional sedese will
waiting for you beauty unparalleled beauty!

   A man running soon for your kindness.
 - Where are you? - Shouted Grandma. - I'll
helped, and now help to me.
 - What I help you?
 - Yes ashamed to say, long ago, I want a man, just sick.
 - Well, the old woman - pity man. - Come on, just as quickly 
as possible. 

   Made a deal and run.
 - Wait! - Shouted the old woman again. - You
godkov how much?
 - Thirty-five, but what?
 - Oh, you so big, and you believe in fairy tales!


                  oh oh oh


 - Honey, you promised to marry me!
 - You never know what I promised you! ...


                  oh oh oh

 - Tell the nurse, it's not for nothing ...?
 - Yes, my grandson, not for love ...


                  oh oh oh


   In the bus on one of the places she sits, and stands in 
front of her drunken man. Girl:  - Man, you're drunk, horribly 
drunk, disgusting drunk! 

   The man, after examining her from head to toe:
 - Girl, your legs are curves, curves awful, disgusting curves! 
And tomorrow I 'll be sober.



                  oh oh oh

 - Discs are not needed? A new? More girls!


                  oh oh oh


   In the tram big crush. Who go on
work with those who work. Squeezed by priest
all sides. One woman, standing
close to my father, I felt something
firm.
 - Hoo! - Cried the woman.
 - It's not hoo, and the keys of the Temple of God! ..


                  oh oh oh


   He and she are sent to the registry office to
register.

   It just slowed down and guilty looking down, said:
 - My dear, I must confess to you: the
I was up to you sweetheart.
 - Honey, I ...
 - Do not interrupt me. So, in memory of
it, I put out a portrait of him on the right breast.

   After a while it slows down the steps again. He looks at her 
warily future wife:

 - You've got that, had another lover!
 - Yes, dear. And in memory of him, I chopped his portrait on 
his left chest 

   Near the registrar husband starts laughing hysterically.
 - What, - she was offended - crazy?
 - No, just imagine how will pull their snouts in twenty years 
... 


                  oh oh oh


   If a woman's head bent slightly
Right, so she has a lover. If
woman's head bent slightly to the left ...
then she too has a lover. And in general,
while a woman will head on his shoulders, the
She will always be lovers!



                  oh oh oh


   Queen rides in a compartment with a man. Start
undress before going to bed. Unfastened leg
placed side by side, undid her hand, remove the breasts, too, 
laid on the table. 

   The man on the top shelf looked-looked, and says:
 - If you disconnect the female body
throw here on the top shelf!


                  oh oh oh



   Attending a scientific symposium. Discussed
question "whether to change her husband Adam, Eve?" Serve 
different scientists. The dispute arose. Then take our word 
academician and sexologist says:

 - We can not exactly say, but because
Science proved that man came from
monkeys.


                  oh oh oh



   One day a drunken husband comes home
late.
 - Again, get drunk! - Outraged wife. -
You told me that he never
going to drink, and today promised to love me.
 - Make sure you'll just give another drink
One little glass!

   The wife brings his glass, my husband drinks and thinks:
 - Honey, to strengthen our love for me
need to drink even a glass!

   Wife in despair rushes to the balcony and
screams:
 - Lord! Is there anything in this house now
man?

   From the first floor hearing:
 - What is the drink?


                  oh oh oh



   Scientists are arguing, what is love?
 - Love - is a disease that lays in bed - one scholar said.
 - What kind of a disease, if no one wants to be treated? - 
Said the second scholar. - No, love - is work.

 - What a job, if the main body
worth it! No love - is a process!
 - What is the process if there are no victims, even both sides 
happy. No love - this is art!

 - What is it art if you do
they can be anyone! No, love - this is
science!
 - What is it science? - Says professor - if a student can, but 
I do not. 


                  oh oh oh



   The wife wakes up at night her husband:
 - I'm cold!

   Husband brings a warm blanket and covers
it. After some time it again:
 - I'm hot!

   The husband gets up and opens the window. She again:
 - I want a man!
 - Well, dear, where am I to you in the night
find a man?


                  oh oh oh



   Late soldier of the dismissal. Sergeant major
summoned him for an interview.
 - Why are you late?
 - Comrade Sergeant-Major! Ran on time, suddenly
I meet a girl. She says: "Come on,
soldiers walk. "I agreed. Then she
says: "Come on, soldier, prilyazhem.
 - I hope you ignored her suggestion?
 - Yes, comrade sergeant! Four times.


                  oh oh oh


   Meets the Wolf in Little Red Riding Hood and the forest
says:
 - Now I'll be raped.
 - I do not understand what you mean?
 - As I have and I will give!


                  oh oh oh


   Half-blind leads the blind group. Suddenly, in front of a 
tree, and on it bitches. Half-blind stumbles on a branch and 
exclaims:  - Well, come! Damn it pobral!

 - Hello, Grandpa, hello
Grandma! - Chorus of utter blind.
 - Yes, you wait, I ran the bitches!
 - Hello, girl! - Chorus shouting
blind.


                  oh oh oh


   Question: what happens when you cross a boa constrictor
and a hedgehog?

   Answer: get meter barbed wire.

   Q: What happens when you cross a cat and an elephant?

   Answer: Khan all the roofs.


                  oh oh oh


   Standing students, talking, who enjoys some toothpaste.
 - I brush my teeth paste "Signal", it is against
caries.
 - I 'Aquafresh'om - Triple Protection!
 - I brush my only "Blendamed'om" - says
Vovochka.
 - Why?
 - Pope says he strengthens eggs!


                  oh oh oh


   Met two friends.
 - They say you got married?
 - Yes.
 - So how better to get here?
 - No, not better, but more ...