ZX-News #37 15 июля 1997

Юмор

Humor - The story "Hohmachi.

                  HUMOR



  Something rarely goes XA-XAFON, huh? Therefore, at the 
request of the workers, we return to "Humor." If there's 
something funny - Please send ...


                        (The text of S. Tsypin

                       recruited and completed

                       Gromov BV * RALF *)


                 HOHMACHI


  Sasha woke up in a great mood from
tickling the nose of sunlight, and here,
remembering that today, April 1, quite amused. Ready to laugh 
at any time and for any reason, he lived under motto: "The day 
spent without the jokes - a lost day." 


  He jumped out of bed and started charging. Ten times with 
each hand lifted a weight-dvuhpudovku and proceeded to jump. 
Pyatnadtsatietazhka stopped by shaking as if from a five-point 
earthquake. Snorting with pleasure, Sasha doused himself cold 
water, and soon was sitting in the kitchen and knead meat, 
without which it admitted no breakfast, no lunch or dinner. 


  He began to joke, barely leaving the threshold of his 
apartment. In the elevator he met a neighbor, a pensioner. He 
invested his meager savings in the company of ritual Insurance 
fico-Trust, and Sasha pleased old news: this company has faced

copper basin. Neighbor got so bad that
he came not on his floor. Sasha went down to the basement and 
close the valve. 


  Neighbor, walk the dog at the door, said that because of 
nonpayment of their home water cut off and will not be allowed 
until it is completely pay for all tenants. 


  In the subway, as usual in the morning, well ehalo
a lot of people. Sasha started a rumor that
the train conductor, and people instinctively, fell out at the 
next station, and He sat on the empty seat, which was

unusual lot.


  At a stop in the bus was so well
difficult to climb. Putting his head in front
door, Sasha loudly declared official
tone, that the machine should be another route. Swearing, the 
passengers poured out, he calmly sat down and drove on. 


  At work he was able to get past
normal, so that he managed to hang on to pass the announcement: 
"Due to the difficult financial situation the company a short 
time (a year) shut down, the staff shall be granted leave for 
their own expense. "Some had long mentally prepared for this, 
he immediately turned back from doom, the other bustling, 
running around trying to figure out if there are any 
exceptions, and some do not plozheno whether any benefits.



  But it was just the beginning ...
Seizing the moment, when the corridor was deserted, Sasha 
pulled out of the closet and hoisted to its place a portrait of 
Lenin and the plate "Party Committee". No need to explain what 
a stir there was among the former members who rushed home for 
concealed party card with the profile of the leader, figuring 
in the mind what amount of contributions due for the missed 
deadline. 


  Continuing the fun, joker scored
Room glavbuhshi - ostensibly obltopa - and issued: on April 
first half increased the electricity tariff, the difference is 
calculated for the last three years, and avoid penalties, you 
should immediately repay the debt. He measured was scare and 
its director about his personal account in one of Western 
banks, but in time he remembered that he had already taken the 
day before yesterday to soon, after joking about his car, and 
the new has not wanted to bring to white heat.



  "What I am humane" - thought Sasha.


  During the break, he went out and visited by
the nearest grocery store, where rumor,
that from tomorrow drastically rise in price
products, though not all, but only meat,
milk and flour, and vegetables. Bypassing
exchange, tossed casually about impending jump in the dollar.


  On the way home, met the chief, being at the hospital after a 
heart attack, the walking with measured steps.



  - Whom do I see? Vladislav Mikhailovich! - Glad Sasha. - And 
I thought you already all kranty.



  - As you can see, oklemalsya. Hopefully soon
go out.


  - And what happened to you? You have so hastily taken away, 
that no one understood what case.



  - Why, then phoned someone and said,
What about my car wheels removed. I ran - and accurately, but 
also a door from a CD player dragged. Well, in general, and 
all. And what about us? 


  - Do not worry, Vladislav Mikhailovich. What happened to you 
that without you. At your place, then who is the Officer? 
Kosolapov? Yes, he sat tight, as it was born. Oh, My God, what 
is this you? .. Hey, people do not see - the man is bad. An 
ambulance would be summoned, or something. 


  "Yes, - thought Sasha. - If I had not called him, maybe just 
a car stolen Would? ".



  Upon entering the apartment, Sasha stumbled on a mountain of 
bags stuffed with victuals. The remaining area was filled 
basins and pans with water.



  - Say, the products become more expensive, so I
stocked than I could. So that the house now or spears - met his 
wife. - Take a bucket and a dui to the column: Go on to fill a 
bath. 


  Sasha laughed and pointed to the calendar.
With a taste of supper, he sat down in front of TV
Watch April Fool's program. Watched with pleasure, quickly 
responding to each, even Nemudrenye Hochma, then lay down sleep 
with a sense of good reason lived day. 


  The next morning he woke up and found ... Water - neither hot 
nor cold - there is not only in their home, but throughout the 
neighborhood. Half of the bus route is canceled, and the other 
half does not match their routes. Prices jumped up out of reach 
for mere mortals features. Because the new electricity tariff 
to the company firmly aground, and therefore the staff sent on 
leave at his own expense indefinitely. Including, of course, 
and Sasha himself. 


  And wag realized that there is much hohmachi
steeper than him. "Never mind, soon be Friday - thirteen. 
That's when I poshuchu!" - Sasha thought, and smiled gently, 
innocent smile ...


P.S. Distribution of this product allowed the Ministry of 
Health, and the author is welcome. (If conditions remain the 
copyright!)