Bugs #02 31 декабря 1999

Юмор

Jokes - Anecdotes about it.

(C) Player 2000 year



                A N E K R O T S P a e t a



Ivan, having decided to buy a car, finds that money is not 
enough. In the evening, said ruefully to his wife about it.

-Not rasstraivaysya, "she comforted him.
-I have in the account of fifty thousand rubles.
-Fifty? "How kind of money, Len?
-I put out every time we're making love,

                                                50 rubles.
-Lord, "said the astonished husband,
-If I knew about this before, I would have long ago quit his 
job and  you took up in earnest.



                            *

Came the conductor domoy.Tsely day washed, cooked ... And, of 
course, ustala.Vecherom asleep, and her husband began to stroke 
and:  "Come on!"

She dreamed:
"Wait, wait, now the train will begin to move, then ..."


                           *

Man comes home, and his wife:
-Bought bread?
-This is not a male thing!
"Well, then do it man!
-Are you kidding did not you understand? Let's bag.


                           *

One woman tells another:
-How to hang clothes, rain is always wet.
-From this is a sure remedy. I wake up in the morning, look 
under  odeyalo.Esli member of the husband is 
left-to-dozhd.Napravo not. "And if a member of it?

-Dura! Who on such holidays wipes?


                           *

Husband asks his wife to remove a wart on their private parts.
-What hinders?
No, just all my friends laugh.


                           *

Jealous husband complained to a friend:
-I can not get to the end of follow up his wife. Yesterday 
comes with  friend to our house, I silently behind them. Rose in

 apartment, I climbed a tree naprotiv.Smotryu, all decent, sit,
dinner. And then the lights went out, nothing is visible. 
Again, damn suspense!



                           *

A guy invites a girl to dance:
-Girl, you can be?
-You can, but first dance.


                           *

The girl asks, "pitching", looking at him with admiration:
-What kind of weight you interested?
One-hundred-kg without small.
-Well, with a small-how many?


                           *

Honey-edition "My husband is constantly pestering me and the 
aisle is not That gives ... ... and now ... sorry ... for ... 
clumsy handwriting. 


                           *

-And remember, my grandmother teaches her granddaughter:
-Every woman in my life should be only one great love.
-Who was yours?
-Mariners!


                           *

In one of the Caucasian campuses holiday. Dancing people. K
one pair fits a man and a gentleman said:
-Jig, allow your beauty on the dance invite.
-No!
Thy-queen ...
-No!
She is taken aback:
-Why do you refer to it. I myself can not decide!
-You shut up, shit, when two brave talk!


                           *

Boy and girl making love in a car. In the glass tapping
element:
-What do we do?
Trahan his girlfriend.
-Well, I'm next.
-I like it, I've never fucked a cop ...


                           *

A man returned from a trip ahead of time, looking into the 
keyhole well and sees his wife in bed hugging a hefty "kachok"

And when he hears how his wife asks verzily:
-Tell me, what would you do if you come here now is my husband.
"Yes, I would have beat him to death, otsadil in the ass to a 
cruel and  threw out the window, bitch!

Hearing this, her husband rushed to the stairs, whispering:
But x-.. you .. x you, I am still on a mission!


                           *

Appointed a new boss in the firm. Causes secretary, looked and
says:
-Bangs at 2 cm taller, and her skirt is 3 cm koroche!
A nipple breasts salt do you want?
-Why?
Well, just in case you want to beer!


                           *

-You promised to marry me!
-Never mind what I promised you!


                           *

Bought the old overshoes, wrapped not in that. Went to the 
pharmacy, asked for a box of condoms she had been given. Side 
the inscription: 

                                                      "1000 
pcs." Riding the bus, youth laughs: "How much to you, granny, 
that's enough this box? "

"How my grandfather Shuffle, if only for a week was enough ...


                           *

The clinic turn to a gynecologist. Suitable man and asks,
-Who is the last?
-You know, it turn to a gynecologist.
Yes, yes, I know.
"But it ... Female doctor!
-Tell, and he puts a spiral?
Yes, of course, he said.
-So, he shoots!


                           *

One doctor has boasted that the composition of urine detect any 
disease. And his neighbor is suffering from a nagging blisters 
on his hands, was angry at doctors and decided to make fun of 
vrachom.Nalil urine in a bottle wives, daughters, his, dog, 
added sperm and carried. The next day doctor says:

-My daughter is pregnant, the wife of chlamydia, sick dog 
distemper in the early  stage, and you, if you do not 
masturbate to quit, corn will not go! 


                           *

NOW finally, some old hits PERSONAL FROM MY MEMORY:



To the doctor-patient psychiatrist comes and says:
-Doctor, every night I dream that I was pushing the train via 
Moscow on the morning of Bologoe.K forces do not get to work.

Doctor prescribed sleeping pills, but after a couple of days, 
crazy at it: A doctor, it's just flour! Sleepy, but cars do not 
stop, until dotolkaesh.

The doctor thought a moment and says:
-Okay, let me take you pomogu.Vy push to Moscow, and there too I
to Bologoe dopru himself.
A week later the patient comes to a happy and thanks:
-Thanks, now I have time to two dotolkat to Moscow, there
 grab you, but I fell asleep, and in the morning to work as a 
cucumber! Comes next.

- Doctor, to me every night, come 5 women. Hugs, me
caress, love, and by morning I can not get out - for them to 
work. All forces have given them.

-Do not worry, drinketh tabletochki, pass!
After a week of crazy complains:
-Well, hell! I want to sleep, but they do not help!
-Okay, okay! "Imagine that you are only three women and two
 turns to me.
A doctor, or maybe better than three to you, but two to me?
X's .. on .. x ! I still have cars to push Bologoe!


                          *

The clinic at the office venereologist sad sitting wolf, fox,
medved.Po corridor is a hare:
-Hi, "tripaki!
-Hello, Bunny! Yes, paying the price for his stupidity, and you
 that here?
-I glaznomu.Kak to piss, so your eyes on the forehead climb!


                          *

Attending a lecture at the institute. Suddenly in the audience 
bursts into student torn jacket and shouted:

-Guys! There with our fag fight!
Professor:
-How was it ours?
-I do not know yours, but we still hold on!


                          *

The old woman badly lives with his grandfather in the morning 
and says in spite of such a dream -A dream to me, grandfather, 
meschok waveguide with gifts, but instead of gifts  h.i.Takie 
young, standing, already ringing! "Well, my out there hoo rang?

-No, your bag was tied.
The next morning the woman's grandfather says:
-Oh, the old, that I had a dream! Miracle!
-Oh, Grandpa, tell us!
-I dreamed a Christmas tree, but instead of toys for her p.z.y
women: and black, and ryzhie.K bottom hung broken-down, wide, 
and up all narrower and narrower.

-Well, I guess, my, like a star, shining at the top?
No, in your tree standing ....


                         *


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