Bugs #01 30 сентября 1999

Юмор

Jokes - Anecdotes about drug addicts and drunks.

(C) Lelik / DIAMOND SOFTWARE

Ministry of Health warns, smoking is dangerous to our health, 
drinking too bad, addicts generally done for the people. But 
even more dangerous and harmful, when a good joke does not 
cause ulybki.Poetomu Read and have fun, first of all here 
assembled really good anecdotes, and secondly it is all about 
you! 



             H A R C O M A N Y and N L I N I C Li



Drunk in the closet for a long time looking for and can not 
find the term. - Oh, this woman, how many times said, took a 
positive thing back ... 


                            *

A man climbs the stairs, into the hands of his six dozen eggs 
and bubble vodka. Suddenly, one egg drops. And it is not 
broken. Muzhik bends down to pick up the egg, and he drops the 
bottle. Vodka splits. A guy (throwing with all his remaining 
eggs on floor):

- Yes on .. x Now I need the eggs!


                            *

Drunk falls with 3 floors. Fit it:
- What happened?
- I do not know, I've just got here cho ...


                           *

Met two bosom druga.Razgovorilis.Odin and asks
- Does it ever a bad vodka?
- No. Vodka or a good or very good.
- And sometimes a bad woman?
- No. Sometimes a little vodka.


                           *

On the train ride wino and burr boy:
- Boy, you name?
- Drunk.
- In the shit, and I'm Drunk ... Where are you from going?
- From the camp ...
- In the shit, and I'm from the camp ... And where are you 
going? - To his woman.

- In the shit, and I am a woman ... but only to someone else 
... And how old are you? - Fifteen.

- And I'm fifteen!
- I would give you more.
- Ha, we no longer provide.


                            *

Wino holding a penguin and says:
- Penguin, ruff your copper ...
Then he turns it upside down:
- Gvinpin, copper thy ruff ...


                            *

Argued three drunkards whose hands are shaking more.
One and said:
- I once poured a glass of vodka, half a shed.
The second says:
- What is that, here I am, when tipping the glass half
shed.
The third says:
- It's all x. .. AEs guys, here I am, when the SSS three times 
to finish. 


                            *

Do drunk enough strength to reach his door. He inserted the key
the keyhole and then fell. Slept until morning. In the morning 
his wife going to work, trying to wrench open the door from the 
inside. The key is not included. Then she started screaming:

- Vaska parasite! Open the door - I'm late for work!
He raised his head and replies:
- Where wandered all night, go and go!


                            *

After drinking with friends at a tavern, he met them in the 
evening, one says:

- I woke up this morning - lying on the carpet and rug hanging 
on the wall. 


                            *

Drunk man standing at the bus stop, in an embrace with Stobo. 
To him comes another drunk and asks:

- Che are you doing here?
- Fool. Who are you on the bus with such a standard lamp-let?


                            *

Her husband until late at night is not at home. Wife thinks: 
'Well, maybe Again, animal, drunk as a lord pripretsya.

Comes husband brings flowers, champagne, chocolates and so on.
Wife pleasantly surprised (second love). Dinner, bed to bed.
Her husband is in the side pushes, they say come on. She told 
him: - Oh, Wan, and you know me this is impossible!

Male:
- Yes you are all bastards, now conspired, or what?


                            *

Come out of the tavern drunk lady and trudges to the cab:
- Chef, free?
- Free.
- Shall we dance? ..


                           *

Drunk outside pestering passers-by:
- Tell me please, where's the other side of the street?
He's shown ...
- And they say that here!


                            *

Ebony rides in avtobuse.Vhodit Drunk Russian. Staring at a 
nigger and pointing:

- Look, a monkey!
Who was riding beside a policeman grabs him by the collar and 
starts explain to him what internatsiolizm and how not good

insult the representatives of friendly African countries.
Interferes with Ebony and says:
- None of which, I did apologize.
Russian:
- And she still talking!


                            *

Men sit and get drunk. One says:
- Let's drink to the fact that Peter has passed on five!
Drank. After some time again:
- Let's drink to the fact that Peter has passed on five!
Drank. Comes Peter.
- How much?
- Four or eight hundred, and two did not take.


                            *

- I do read a lot about the dangers of alcohol and smoking, 
which the New Year decided to quit.

- What immeno: to drink or smoke?
- Read.


                            *

In the cafe talking two friends.
- You know, dear, your dahlias me simply amazed! As
You could grow this miracle?
- Are your tulips? I've never before on such saw.
There a drunken man at the next table leans over to him and
says:
- Speaking of colors ... Here's my secretary ass white-white,
as a lily, and called for some reason, Rose.


                            *

Met policeman retired, sent him the young, the old says:
- Come on, shuruy, the place is profitable.
A week later came to see how the young cope.
- Well, a lot of banged cabbage?
Young:
- Yes, all the rules go ...
Old:
-Bast, look.
Ostanavlibaet car. Driver gets out. Policeman gives him
condom:
- Dykhne. He dyhnul.
- See turned green? Drunk, drive five thousand.
What to do-laid.
The next stop. Same story. Third stop:
- A well Dykhne.
- So it's a condom!
- Sober. Rode.


                            *

Poezd.V coupe sit two muzhika.Peresekayut Russia-Ukraine border.
In the three compartments collapse of a customs officer:
- Drugs, weapons, currency?
- No, thank you, two of tea, if not more difficult.


                            *

Ensign Raises to his soldier and asked:
- What is it, hemp, you name such a drug?
- Yes, I do not know Hashish Marihuanovich.


                           *


P.S. Well, that's the end. End the end, the wiser! :-)

                                                       LELIK'99