Subliminal Extacy
#03
01 апреля 2001 |
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Questions that Still Remain Unanswered (Well, not anymore)
Questions that Still Remain Unanswered (Well, not anymore) By NaMcO of Raww Arse Quite simple it is. People have asked, scientists couldn't answer, but alas, I can!. Fear not since Dr. NaMcO is highly instructed in the Art of Speccy Programming (see my article elsewhere in this magazine) and so his answers shall be correct with a minimum amount of error... well, maybe just 99%. Okay dear friends, we will start at this point then... Q) Dr.NaMcO, why is the sky blue? A) This is rather a tricky one. A friend of mine once told me it is blue because when God was painting the sea, he used the same ink for the sky. Tsk tsk, how silly he was. Obviously the sky is blue because it's not night or else it would be black. Also, it couldn't be the same ink as the sea because in some places the sea is green or even brown (trust me, I know what I'm saying). There's also the colour clash issue, but since you didn't ask about it, I'm not going to answer it. Q) Dr.NaMcO, I lost my +2 ULA, can I replace it with a +3 one? A) Obviously not! The +3 is a much more advanced machine (hence the enormous quantity of bugs that have appeared during its advanced production techniques) and the +2 just couldn't handle it. Besides that the shape isn't the same, unless you melted it down and reshaped it to the same form as the +2 one. Bummer. Q) Is there a way to increase my Bank Account easily? A) You didn't say "Dr.NaMcO", so I'm not answering that one. HA! Q) Dr.NaMcO, What will my car's license plate be if I buy the car on the 2Зrd of December 2094? A) Er...I don't think you'll be alive by then but since this document is meant to answer questions that theoretically can't be answered, here it goes: 34985 ZZDRLF 345. Before you ask, yes they are universal and anyone from around the world will have one with the same format. About time they made it standard, eh? Q) Dr.NaMcO, if I connect my Speccy to the internet from home and go to www.microsoft.com on my browser, will Bill Gates still manage to detect what programs I have on my disks and so on ? A) Why, yes, of course! While he doesn't have the expertise of Sir Clive Sinclair (this means he won't be able to detect what machine you're on) he does have master instruction on how to fuck up other people's systems, therefore all your programs are endangered and the need of an anti-virus will surface. Your mom's undies will be shown to all the world, and your video tape where you anally rape your 12 year old sister will replace "Mission Impossible 2" in your video club. At least it's far more interesting. Concluding we can say: Just browse over to some porno FTP where you will be oh so rewarded with the most beautiful collection of wallpapers in the world and leave that evil site behind. You will NOT regret it. Q) Dr.NaMcO, what lies beyond the end of the universe? A) Infiniteness, ofcoz. You might also find along the way Mr.Yoda who still holds my light saber. If you would be so kind as to ask him for it back for me, I promise to let you ask me 10 questions without saying "Dr.NaMcO". Also Luke isn't Darth's son as said in the movie, that's utter bullshit. He's Princess Leia's dog son. There, one free answer as a bonus for such a wonderful question. Q) Dr.NaMcO, Will Nintendo ever see that the games and systems they put out are plain crap? A) Oh, that is a very hard question. No. To begin with, they actually think Mario is a great character. How can they stop the nonsense when people acting even dumber than them buy their crap? That's what happens with stupid writers as well - They write complete crap pieces of text and still some people read them. Why? Even I can't answer, you'll have to ask God himself that one. Q) Dr.NaMcO, Who made the universe? A) I did. Well, not alone, I had a bit of help from the Creator but he did the minor part, you know, creating all life and such while I was helping Sir Clive to be born a couple (or so) years later. From the day the Speccy was born, life was never the same, *sigh*.
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