Maximum #06 11 июля 1996

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Open Letter - An Open Letter to the Editor FUCK & LIMETREE.
sing?! - Lyrics (5,6): Agatha Christie: The album "Opium".
solid jokes - 13 jokes.
Collection of statements by Soviet officers (continued). 4-Better floppies. The criminal chronicle. 7 most of short anecdotes. Story, "Megapolis-Express. Mailbox - passwords to game PRINCE of PERSIA (without protection). Secret boot FAULTLESS 2.
Advertising - Advertisements and announcements ...

solid jokes - 13 jokes.
Collection of statements by Soviet officers (continued). 4-Better floppies. The criminal chronicle. 7 most of short anecdotes. Story, "Megapolis-Express. Mailbox - passwords to game PRINCE of PERSIA (without protection). Secret boot FAULTLESS 2.
Advertising - Advertisements and announcements ... " alt="Open Letter - An Open Letter to the Editor FUCK & LIMETREE.
sing?! - Lyrics (5,6): Agatha Christie: The album "Opium".
solid jokes - 13 jokes.
Collection of statements by Soviet officers (continued). 4-Better floppies. The criminal chronicle. 7 most of short anecdotes. Story, "Megapolis-Express. Mailbox - passwords to game PRINCE of PERSIA (without protection). Secret boot FAULTLESS 2.
Advertising - Advertisements and announcements ... ">

                            WEEKLY



        12.07.1996


       The second part



               AN OPEN LETTER ...


 (C) RINDEX


   This column has prompted me to write two things. What?
Read there, a little later. Well, I want to tell you that this 
topic would be very rare (only in extreme cases). 

-------------------------------------------------- -------------
        Open Letter to the Editor FUCK.


   Circumstance first. The other day I downloaded a newspaper 
FUCK. To be honest, I thought it had long been closed. But no 
... True was only the fifth issue (the fourth I generally never 
seen). I naturally read, and there found a small hit a two-

editors of our newspapers. What? I think those who wrote those 
they know I'm talking about. Well. I do not advise you to write 
more Editors of the newspaper. Even VERY not advise it. And 
indeed closing time you're there until it's too late. Those who 
you already runs into took action. And rightly so handy. Such 
newspapers in our network is not needed. That courage is not 
enough to call that person, on someone runs into you, and all 
tell him on the phone. 

-------------------------------------------------- -------------

      Open letter to the editor of the newspaper LIMETREE.


   Fact the second. After reading a newspaper LIMETREE 1926 I 
again seen hitting GROFAZa (editor in chief LIMETREE) on 
STRYKER'a (editor in chief of BRED). The impression is that 
GROFAZ'a childhood playing somewhere. So why write in newspaper 
such bawdry as: zapihnu that I have a modem, but still ... Next 
you can read in LIMETREE 26. True, these words referred to a 
newspaper editor FUCK. But back to the battle of these two 
comrades. STRYKER acted correctly, he just does not write in 
their newspaper about you all. And you - GROFAZ, still does not 
ugomonishsya. People do not fig is not necessary. Take it and 
call him and tell about everything what do you think about it. 
Or guts? I certainly understand that with STRYKER'om find a 
common language is not easy, it is by nature a man of such, but 
possible. Well, if all else fails, then forget about you it 
all. Point. 


   P.S. Way. A good place for your explanation of the 
relationship is the forthcoming congress sisopov. Here's meet 
up there and talk to "Souls" and in the newspaper do not worth 
it. 

-------------------------------------------------- -------------

   Well, that's all for now. I just do it already tired of it 
and I expressed their point of view. I think those friends to 
whom I spoke, thought, and stop further sling mud at each 
other, but and not only ... It only remains to add one thing: 
please, I have not to request you to download FUCK. I do not 
have a lot of blank discs to keep such fuflovye newspaper. At 
present, while everything.




                Let's sing! "


 (C) RAVER 'by Agatha Christie


   Well, we'll sing? You immediately start shouting: Do not! 
Now hot! Yes Language braded! I do not argue, really hot 
zhutchayshaya! By the way has been recently placed an absolute 
temperature record for the last hundred years! But these 
weather forecasters promise that there will be "warmer"! 


   OV! Let us return to our songs. And today, to the delight of 
many fans of Agatha Christie - the two most famous and favorite 
songs - "Black Moon" and "Fairy Taiga". Okay, you will not 
overload you much superfluous words, and did not want me now to 
sit and peck on the keys - I overheated in the sun.



   Started ... Sang ...



    5. Black Moon / Vadim


    Conceiving black affairs

    The moon in the sky grins

    And stars like mirriady arrows

    Catching the mouse silhouette dreams

    Laughs and gloats Love

    And you and I were in his sights


    I did my hand

    Your heart lee

    You can fly

    And do not be afraid of anything else

    Your heart is two-faced

    Top is packed with

    Soft grass

    A bottom-stone rock bottom


    Mind you, and your eyes do not believe

    Lay low in the sky black beast

    In his eyes I feel the trouble

    Did not know or will ever know

    Why would he need your soul

    It will not burn in hell


    I did my hand

    Your heart lee

    You can fly

    And do not be afraid of anything else

    Your heart is two-faced

    Top is packed with

    Soft grass

    A bottom-stone rock bottom



    6. Fairytale Taiga / Alexander


    When I was in the mail coachman

    Knocked me shaggy Geologist

    And looking at the map on the wall

    He smiled to me

    He told a crying Taiga

    No man is lonely

    Do not have to mail them coachman

    That means we go the road

    That means we go the road


    Clouds in the sky hiding

    The stars look down drunk

    And in the jungle of fabulous taiga

    They fall


    Black white winter fairytale

    At night they sing to us the big trees

    Black tales of pink snow

    Pink snow even in my dreams

    A night in the woods is Satan

    And collects fresh soul

    Fresh blood was winter

    And you get it

    And you get it


    Clouds in the sky hiding

    The stars look down drunk

    And in the jungle of fabulous taiga

    They fall



   That's all. The next issue you will find the text of the 
regular two songs by Agatha Christie from the CD "Opium" - 
"Violence" and "You and I". And now, bye!




            SOLID FUN


 (C) MASTER SOFT


  Two young veterinarian examine a sick cow.
- Go see it in his mouth, and I look back.

  Razoshlis.Cherez minute one cries:
- Hey, did you see me?
- No, I do not see.
- So, volvulus.

                 *


  My husband says to his wife:
- I think in our village there is only one woman who does not
changes to her husband!

  Wife:
- Yes! And who is this woman?

                 *


  Argued Russian, German and American, who has better roads. 
American says: - We can smoke a cigar, never touching the 
steering wheel. 

  German is also not lagging behind:
- I'm all the way do not pour a glass of schnapps set at
hood of the car.

  Russian says:
- And here you put a brick on the gas pedal, and the sleep the 
whole way. - What car?

- A gauge of where she go?

                 *


  Went two drug addict on the hunt, took with them a dog. All 
day go, nothing poymali.Odin of them thoughtfully says:

- It is strange, whether ducks are flying high, then we tossed 
the dog is low ... 

                 *


  Man comes home without his eyes and his arm in a sling. Wife
asks:
- What happened to you?
- Yes, that's a bet with a peasant in his eyes that he was not 
my hand break.


                 *


  Letter from the center to Shtirlitsa not reached. He read it 
yet times. Still not reached.


                 *


  Stirlitz came home tired, sat down and dropped his head on 
the table. Catboat screamed in horror: it was the head Holtofa.


                 *


  From the window Schlag saw Stirlitz went outside and started 
shooting. - And I'm one Thing Strelna, he cried.


                 *


  Agreed to two friends about the party. One of those promises
bring with him two girlfriends.
- And they look like nothing?
- If you drink, then nothing.

  In the evening, the doorbell rang. The owner opens and he 
sees his friend with two podrugami.Minitu thinking, the owner 
says: - No, I think I do not drink so much.


                 *


  A tourist asked a native:
- You do not hard to climb the palm trees of bananas?
- We do not climb, the wind blows, bananas are falling, our 
picks. - And if there is no wind?

- Then we say: a bad year.

                 *


  In a train compartment at night hear the roar. On the bottom 
shelf ask: - What has fallen?

- Wah, - answers the passenger - my pants fell down.
- Why so loud?
- Oh, daragoy, I have not had time to jump.

-------------------------------------------------- -------------
 (C) RINDEX


   I chegoy-all anecdotes of grass? And I do not. Disorder. 
Here you couple.



   Attending a meeting at the "new Russian". Suddenly I heard a 
quiet bell. One of the "new Russian" puts his hand to his ear 
and says:  - Yes. Yes. All right. Yes.


   Then he said to others:
 - Here, guys, cell phone with a crowbar to pull. Mounted to 
your hand phone. Convenient. 

   Sitting talking. Suddenly the bell again quiet. Another lays 
his head to his shoulder and says:  - Yes. Sell. Must 
prodavakte. 

   Then he said to others:
 - And my scrap hand to his ear put, I am a phone in the 
shoulder assembled.


   Again, sit. Suddenly I heard a long, loud call. And then a
of the "new Russian" breaks away and runs off to the toilet. 
They all sit in disbelief ... He returned from the toilet and 
says:  - Sorry me, fax me come ...


                 *


   Gulliver in Lilliput king. He is already tired of all the 
orders and so on have nothing to do, he caught a Lilliput. 
Squeezed his fist, so that one head is visible, and says:

 - What are you doing?

   Lilliput uspuganno:
 - Nothing.

   Gulliver claps his other hand and says:
 - Well, all the while ...



   Well you better understand these jokes to tell and show
simultaneously. This I did, by the way ...

-------------------------------------------------- -------------
 (C) IRONMAN


   Continue to acquaint you with some of our statements
officers. Today, in your opinion is the new 29-Tb statements.

-------------------------------------------------- -------------
 (R) IRONMAN


        COLLECTION OF STATEMENTS OF SOVIET OFFICERS

        Textbook for junior and middle
               academic staff.


                 "The citizen does not need fools.
                           So here I am. "
                      Unknown ensign.


30. Shut up! Or I'm going to behave brutally.

31. Why are you so mate swear! Then these same hands will

     bread to eat.

32. What are you, fellow student, drew a rough square?

     What are you - colorblind?

33. What do you for toenails to grow like an eagle? Although on

     trees manhole.

34. All missing to build a single file.

35. The head of the soldier to think, and brains to think.

36. Coniferous forest is burning better than woody.

37. Fellow student, do not make a smart person, do not forget 
that you 

     future officers.

38. You're not in England, need to dig deeper.

39. Welded to the bottom of the unit opening.

40. Well, how goes, as go! The cow which then! A pig, maybe.

41. Take the statutes and rewrite all of them.

42. The command "hallo" is performed at a run.

43. If you'll wander - Pushcha missile.

44. Shut your mouth - panties visible.

45. All of our rejection of the fact that the top button of the 
pie 

     chickpea.

46. The larger the numbers, so no longer needed.

47. It is fraught with you sideways.

48. Platoon! Backs to each other in a checkerboard pattern on 
the diagonal 

     Lee becomes!

49. Do not pull the rubber on the back burner.

50. How do you go? The impact must be at the same time, a slice 
of Ca      maturity friend!


51. Company! And you throw in the bath gets!

52. Steering is used to turning left, right and

     other parties.

53. In the army all the monotonous: all trimmed, painted, POS
     but sand.

54. Automatic place on the knee of his left hand.

55. Here you will find there!

56. Sore throat? Teach Statutes - will not hurt!

57. In the company of seven slobs, and you wear your hair 
parted in the middle! 

58. The platoon went to the edge of the trees.

59. I do not know how it should be, but you are doing wrong.

-------------------------------------------------- -------------
 (C) RINDEX


   Do you think that our TOP'ov will no longer be? Wrong! Your 
attention today is given: 


                  TOP-4
                (Diskets)


 (Based on sales in all markets and specialty shops,
         that trade drives the city of Moscow)


              1 .............. IZOT
              2 ... Technology
              3 .......... BIT STAR
              4 ........... AMKETTE



   As always, a small comment.


   In the first place, and it is quite natural, there are 
wheels "Isot" The recording quality is simply breath-taking. 
Yes, I'm telling you all, these drives have a good showing in 
our market and make up a huge competition in such small firms 
as: "3M", "VERBATIM" and "BASF".



   In second place are "technology" drives. Who knows -
explain. "Technological" wheels - it drives on which nothing
Is it not written (or on disk or on the envelope). Well, or on 
the envelope you can sometimes write a mysterious inscription: 
"ENERGO INFORMATIKA". Well. Leave to the disk in the sun (you 
can even in an envelope) and you will see a miracle ... Drive 
melted! Just some space technologies were used for these 
drives. Information it stores like a beast.



   Third place for the sale of discs hold "BIT STAR". Some of 
them you will not find the window to write to the disk. Have to 
cut yourself. Train hole cut, but not in UFO-2 play. 


   At the last place are mysterious disks "AMKETTE". On the 
drive and the box says that they are made of ... India! 
Eksel-moksel Indians began to release discs! Moreover what - 96 
tpi. Well, the recording quality - just mortality. It remains 
to be glad for the Indians - Poland is a leap in technology. 
For the disk future developments! 


   At present, for now.

-------------------------------------------------- -------------
 (C) IRONMAN

            UGOLOVNAYA HRONIKA


  *** In Novosibirsk, appeared particularly sexy sophistication

  maniac. We appeal to all police officers: no

  go out at night on the street in the form of weapons, 
especially 

  small groups.


  *** You should be ashamed. In March alone, the city of 
Novosibirsk 

  were arrested 512 foreign currency and ruble prostitutes.

  Brought 480 police officers.


  *** The criminals play. At the door of his apartment was 
beaten and 

  gr.Evstifeev robbed. Unknown in nylon stockings

  shouting: "Where have you wandered, brute?" You do not care 
that I 

  worried about? "- hit him with a blunt object and took the

  remaining from the pay 1240 rubles.

-------------------------------------------------- -------------
 (C) IRONMAN

            BEST SHORT JOKES.

             1. Begat
             2. Shaved
             3. Mother-in-law virgin
             4. Jew-porter
             5. Gingerbread Man hangs himself
             6. Byratino ytonyl
             7. About parashutista: - Boom!

-------------------------------------------------- -------------
 (C) RINDEX


   In the courtyard summer. 30, and maybe more. Girls in 
bikinis ... Well, I now present to you a little tales, even 
tales, and letters, the truth is not in our newspaper. I do not 
advise you to be on-site characters of these letters. Oh do not 
recommend ... 

-------------------------------------------------- -------------
 (C) Megapolis - EXPRESS (Abridged)
 (R) RINDEX


   .. Here is a letter about the first experience of bed rest 
from the city of Valentine T. Berezniki Perm region: "... And 
then we had to shut down in the bathroom, and I wished him well 
in those moments that she was ready for anything! I began 
frantically shoot cowards, but got entangled in them, paused, 
flew off, and shied his head on the corner of a washing machine 
"Vyatka". Blood - horror! He instead put on me especially 
pants, ran to call for help. All ran and began shouting: 
"Cowards at her wearing! Wear Panties!" Even younger brother: 
tlusy, tlusy. An old lady behind him centenary prikovylyala all 
buhtela: "And where are the panties?" I can not see ... can 
bring new? " O Lord, and of little family! Well, this kid 
Arturchik, I loved! "



   Undoubtedly, the tightness of our homes and crowding them as 
people love to motivate the most cunning tricks to get the 
desired first experience. And something to hide - cases, the 
victims and poznachitelnee invaliditsy Martha. Here is a letter 
from the same series of Oli M. from small town Diatkovo: "I am 
a frank person and say: we nowhere to Igorkom start sexual 
life, even in the staircase Go Though in the park! We agonized 
for a long time. At home I always utter a lot of people, and 
even relatives were tortured, then Mama, then Dad, and 
sometimes it is not clear whose - the seventh water to jelly, 
from Kamchatka to the north, from the suburbs. His house is 
also worse attics. In general, spit on everything. He stayed in 
my sleep: I persuaded him pretend to be drunk, they say, is 
dangerous to him in this state to get to the house. The 
ancestors of the two sisters and lay in plemyashkoy large room. 
I have another on the couch, Igor in "Baby" curled, and between 
us troyurny uncle of Chardzhu, a refugee, a huge belly up. 
Snores so that the walls are shaking. And the two old chairs in 
the kitchen troyurnaya aunt sleeps. In general, Igor useful to 
me and stepped on the belly of this refugee, and that some in 
the gut womb burst, screaming as killed. Summoned an ambulance, 
two months provyalyalsya after surgery in the hospital. Yes, 
even my aunt, fool attacked Igorka: "Drunk!" Alcoholic "I deny 
this life handsome! "



   Here is the answer to the question of the previous letter. 
Much love to go, if not in the bathroom, although the head can 
hurt himself. However, Olga and Igor have improved the time now 
at his home, and darted to pigeonhole less, that next to the 
door to the bathroom. And what happened? Only unhappy once 
settled there, as were the sisters-twins Igor, Inga and Xenia, 
both were scratching at the door: 

 - Igor, you're out there ka-ka with Aunt Olga are doing, right?

   Here and grandmother next to come from, muttered: "And ask 
him: they push alone did not smash? "


   And these two Concertina three years as zakanyuchat:
 - We also ka-ka want too!


   And all at once came running: go! go! And while we're out
They are so razvopilis and so wrought that all on us almost 
from the fists: Fascists you impudent males, innocent children 
tortured nearly to death! ...


                           Zufar Gareyev.



             PO Box.


 (C) RINDEX


   That's yeah ... You have that problem at all left? Letters 
are not. No in ON-LINE, or us. Why?? Well you and give ... Me 
now boredom will throw you some news.



   The news first. When loading the magazine "FAULTLESS N2" hold
Pressing "R" and "F". What will happen - see for yourself.


   News of the second. Who has not protected version of the 
game "PRINCE OF PERSIA ", they have already faced one little 
poser. Not suitable passwords from the protected version. And 
there are passwords: 

               Level 2 ... EAAAAMA
              Level 3 ... MAAAAMI
              Level 4 ... CAAAACE
              Level 5 ... KAAAAKE
              Level 6 ... GAAAAKA
              Level 7 ... OAAAAKI
              8 levels ... BAAAAKL
              Level 9 ... JAAAAKD
             Level 10 ... FAAAAKP
             11 levels ... NAAAAGD
             Level 12 ... DAAAAGJ


   Naturally to the last level and FANAL CUT'u no password.
And please write to us. We wait.



                ADVERTISING.


 (C) CDS SOFT


   Advertisement is published for free. You do not
lose if you call me and tell me the text of your advertisement. 
Us read quite a lot of people in the network. Do not miss your 
chance. Waiting calls.



 Interested in any information on the radio, as well as the 
interests shoved a good program for AY-mouse. 

  Tel. Alexander 902-0113, call between 17:00 and 20:00, with MF



     Interested in all information on the printer ROBOTRON 6312.

   Tel. 344-7762 Michael, to call from 20: O0 to 22:00 daily.



      Seeking for an exchange program for a computer ATM-Turbo 
2 +. 

   Tel. 344-7762 Michael, to call from 20:00 to 22:00 daily.


           I have two 13-s drive for three rubles

  Tel. 409-9029 Alexander, calls from 13:00 to 21:00 daily


     For sale-6312 printer (radium), drive-13 and

      Head of TEAC'a. All working. Tel.499-3117 Ilya.


 Sale SPECTRUM48K + turbo controller drive + AY
 + Power Supply (All right). Price is negotiable (deshevo!!).

  Tel. 395-8162 Alexander, calls from 12:00 to 22:00 daily


 Sale prefix "Kanga" 8-bit + full set of wires +
 4 cartridges with a bunch of games: DIZZY: Fantastik 
adwenture, BIGNOSE,      FREAKS, OUT, PRINCE OF PERSIA and many 
others.           Price 200 TR Bargain.


   Tel. 168-5705 Dimitri call from 19:00 to 23:00 daily


       For sale board "PENTAGON-128" for 30 TR,

    and also sold the printer 6312 (glyuchaschy) 30 TR
              Tel. 279-1455 Hleb.


 Sold a broken disk drive 5313. Price just best humor!

   Tel. 554-1582 Alexei call from 14:00 to 22:00 daily



GENTLEMEN ADVERTISERS, TIMELY WAIVES ITS ADVERTISING WHEN
           You are in it no longer needs.



                 EPILOGUE


 (C) RINDEX


   Well, that came next issue of our newspaper to an end. Of 
course today we do not have to do three reading room, just 
received some feedback (at best) to us about "what they say 
muzzy chtol all, released in three reader" etc. Yes indeed, 
download 242-sector employment is not a pleasant one. But just 
Nobody even noticed that the last number was as if the 
anniversary (Already a month you have read). That's why we have 
a gift for you And he was nepodushe you. Okay, three more in 
the reader you We did not see it.



   Well, in general it's all for today. Wait for us next week.
Bye. See you in the seventh room.



Editor in Chief - Basargin Denis / RINDEX / ... 422-8627
Deputy Editor in Chief
              - Alexander Eliseev / CDS SOFT / ... 395-8162
Partition Editor "Advertising" and "List of BBS"
              - Alexander Eliseev / CDS SOFT / ... 395-8162
Editor, "News from DITRONIK 3 BBS"
               - Little Russians Ilya / CYBORG / ... 409-4297
Editor-in "party!"
            - Dmitry Sosenushkin / RAVER / ... 168-5705
Editor of the "Printed with the continuation"
                      - Pavel Fedin ... 329-4385
Editors section Razbiralka "
               - Malyshev, Alexander / WARRIOR / ... 902-0113
               - Basargin Denis / RINDEX / ... 422-8627
Editors of the section "Continuous Fun"
             - Skobtsov Alex / MASTER SOFT / ... 218-1448
             - Alexander Titov / IRONMAN / ... 455-9089
               - Basargin Denis / RINDEX / ... 422-8627
Editors section sing?! "
            - Dmitry Sosenushkin / RAVER / ... 168-5705
              - Alexander Eliseev / CDS SOFT / ... 395-8162
Editor of the remaining sections
               - Basargin Denis / RINDEX / ... 422-8627

 For communication with computer paper "MAXIMUM" You can leave a
 message on one of the BBS, oriented to receive material
             for "MAXIMUM".

     Or call the editor or his deputy.

 To advertise in the newspaper, "MAXIMUM" call:
    395-8162, from 12.00 to 22.00 (Alexander), on a daily basis.

 To register your BBS or on a different schedule of BBS,
              phone:
    395-8162, from 12.00 to 22.00 (Alexander), on a daily basis.


   NEWSPAPER "MAXIMUM" FREE distributed through the network BBS
 MOSCOW. Commercial distribution is not prohibited, BUT

                         Is not encouraged.

 ANY USE OF CERTAIN MATERIALS ONLY WITH PERMISSION
                AUTHORS!


  Reprinting of materials, reference to EDITORS REQUIRED!

          The newspaper is published from 9/6/1996.