Buzz #11 22 октября 1997

Юмор

Jokes - 10 jokes ...

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(C) 1997 MELTED SNOW



  Several wealthy middle-aged married ladies discuss: what it 
is - romance? One says: "Well, why should I kakin affair with a 
muzhinoy? After all, he probably will want and sex. "



                           * * * * *


  After a medical examination doctor prescribed medications the 
patient and explained how to take them. "In the morning take 
the green tablets, and drinks a glass of water. After lunch - 
the blue pill with a glass of water. Before going to bed wash 
down the red pill yet a glass of water. "


  - Doctor, tell me? - Asked the woman.

  - Do you drink too little water.


                           * * * * *


  - I think I drank too much - the waiter muttered Robert. - 
Please bring me something that I sobered up. 

  - One moment, - said the waiter. - I'll bring the account.


                           * * * * *


  The car, which traveled three members IBM, a flat tire. They 
stopped to decide what to do next. Marketing Manager said: 
"With this machine of death. We need new! "Expert servicing 
vosrazil:" Wait! Let's swap the nekototye part. Suddenly start 
working. "A programmer has offered:" Nope. Let's just turn off, 
and then switch it on, maybe this will help. " 


                           * * * * *


  At Commercial gas station in Utah, was given
announcement that anyone who refuel on it, get a free
road map. One summer day a car drove up with the numbers
another state. The driver filled the tank of gasoline is only 
25 cents and brazenly demanded a free card.


  Raised his eyebrows, the owner of filling growled: "Why do you
Card? I can hand to show up any place you bought enough 
gasoline. " 


                           * * * * *


  My wife tells her husband:
- Honey, I've been listening to advertisements about the 
incredible opportunities WINDOWS 95, finally decided to buy it. 
- But, my dear, - the man - we do not have the same computer to 
work with her. - What computer? - Surprised his wife - in 
advertising on this says nothing! 


                           * * * * *


  At the beach my husband looks at women in swimsuits. Wife 
jealous notes: "Do not forget that you're married."

- If a person on a diet - parries her husband - then it does 
not mean that he is forbidden to study the menu.



                           * * * * *

Before the municipality boy, newsboy, shouting:
"Special Edition" Special Edition "Two deceived!" To him
approached a passerby, I bought a newspaper and sat down to 
read. "Hey, the guy - indignantly, "he said a minute later. - 
It says nothing  of deception. "

-News Flash! - Shouted the boy. - Three deceived!


                           * * * * *


  In the bar the young bachelor has admitted his interlocutor, 
middle-aged is looking for a bride. That did not keep a smile. 
"The Fortunately, - he said - my daughter just the right age 
for marriage. Her eyes doe lips - like a rosebud, ears - coral 
shell, swan neck and the voice of a nightingale. It is for you 
have the perfect bride. " - I'm not sure - said a bachelor. - 
It did not seem to human.



                           * * * * *


  Walking down the street, dog saw an ad in the box office.
"Needs Assistant. Should be able to print at a speed of 70 words
per minute. Computer skills and proficiency in a second language
required. The employer guarantees equal rights to all 
candidates. " 

  The dog gave a statement but then refused. "I can not
take the dog for this job ", - explained the manager. But when
pointed to the last line of announcement, and asked to breath: 
"You know how to type? "The dog walked silently to the machine 
and immediately printed the letter without any mistakes. "And 
with a computer are able to contact? "- did not yield manager.


  The dog sat down at a terminal, wrote a program and then 
worked in it.

- Look, I'm still not a leg to take the dog for this position - 
angrily said the manager. - You have a wonderful skills, but I 
need an employee who speaks two languages. About This is stated 
in the ad. 

  The dog looked at the manager and said: "Meow."