Buzz #10 16 сентября 1997

Юмор

Jokes - 9 of anecdotes ...

                       *** JOKES ***


(C) 1997 MELTED SNOW


  In a lesson on civil defense teacher explains to students:
- Anyone who has ever seen a nuclear explosion are either a 
fool or 

  deceased. I've seen it three times already! ..


                         * * * * *


  Teenager buys at the store resistors:
- Tell me, do you have for sale the resistance at 5.1 ohms -
he asks.
- Yes there is. How much? - Responsible vendor.

- X-m. One please - examples indicate podostok
- Here, - feeding a resistor, said the seller.
The teenager thought, said:
- There is no better than the two resistors.
- Or maybe three - decided to offer the seller.
- Perhaps - nods teenager.
Seller offers with a smile:
- Or maybe just five.
- Not-s, - objected Teen: "So much I did not carry. I have
small. Here grow up, I will come for the others! ".


                         * * * * *


  Wife interrupted his journey to visit the dentist.
"I want to pull a tooth without novocaine, because it is very
rush - the woman says - just a quick pull
tooth, and we will go further. "

  At the dentist her words made a big impression. "You
a very brave woman - he said. - Which tooth? "

  The woman turned to her husband:
"Show the doctor tooth, dear."


                         * * * * *


  In discussing the company's superstition. One sobesednoikov 
notes: - You know, whenever a falling star, I make a wish, and 
it always comes true. 

- What, for example, wish you guessing?
- Always the same thing: that the stars fell on me.


                         * * * * *


  A young parish priest, before his first sermon
asked a former priest, how to master the attention
parishioners. "Start with some exciting phrases - has advised 
the old man. - Example:" Some of the best years of my life I 
spent in the arms of a woman who was not my his wife. "He 
smiled, seeing the shock of a young man, and Then he added: "It 
was my mother." 

  In the following voskresenemolodoy priest, nervously clutching
in the pulpit, stood before the congregation. Finally he said:
"Several luchshuh years of my life I spent in the arms of 
women." 

  He was delighted with the immediate reaction of the audience, 
then he panicked. "But even kill, I can not remember

who she was! "


                        * * * * *


  - Have you heard the story of two students in New York, which
Pace University has been sued because they said,
mathematics in a computer course was too difficult? -
asks comedian Jay Leno. - The Court awarded the guys a thousand 
dollars, but the last laugh school. They lost seven hundred 
children dollars, and said it a thousand.



                        * * * * *


  Salesman rings the door of the apartment. The door opens nine 
year old boy, smoking a long black cigar. Hiding their 
surprisingly, the merchant asks the child: "And my mother home?"


  The boy takes out a cigar from his mouth, shakes off the 
ashes on the carpet and asks: "What do you think?"



                        * * * * *


  Soldiers returned home, love to confess:

  When I served in the Army, with us to conduct classes in the 
provision of First aid in combat. After much explanation, as

tourniquet and make the dressing, the instructor asked: "Your'm 
burning action in the case of a sergeant wounded in the head? "


  One of the corporals, said: "put his harness on his neck."


                        * * * * *


  Secretary discusses past-time with friends:

  Looking through the documents in the personnel department, 
and stumbled upon it one of our staff.


  In his application form under "Who should I contact if you
urgent need ", he wrote the name of his girlfriend. In 
sleduyushey column was written:" In any relationship consist 
of? ". He wrote: "In case of doubt."