Acid Paper #01

Самиздат

spat and cursed dirty - Prince Charles turned 50 years anniversary. And Mickey Mouse is just 70. Poradoks!

        Everybody has heard the anecdote about a rabbit who 
stumbled turned down a long phrase, spat, cursed and dirty? If

who do not know, let ask those who know.

        Guys, tell me honestly, how much do you know Russian
forbidden tales? And obscene sayings? Ditty is not counted,
them on every holiday obslushaeshsya. Therefore I propose to
as literacy classes two tekstovochki.

        The first - from the site www.fuck.ru, spelling
awesome, but we can read (if you do not have grates Russian 
obscenities). 

        The second - the story of Hughes Aleshkovsky - to 
extend over several numbers.



              BIG ENGLISH PRICK.

 Recently, the world otpraznyval just two anniversaries. Prince 
Charles celebrated 50 years anniversary. And Mickey Mouse is 
just 70. Poradoks! Although Prince malozhe, and looks like 
Mickey Mouse hit hard grandfather. We believe that his little 
podkasila avtakatastrofa when his wife stole the lover of Egypt,

removing and vebalsya with her on the car into a pole. Hatya he
pretends that dick with her and he does not sharpen a 
frustrated adnako in chilavechestki is understandable. We would 
look at Mickey Mouse, if his wife Minnie vebalas on agromnoy 
speed vstolb together with some Scrooge MANDAKOM! It is clear 
that Conditions zhyzni with Charles and Mickey were 
niodinakovye, so Charles and vyglidit as ABSOS. We are at a 
nispravedlivosti accustomed kagda one all, and the other dick. 
But all Ms, Prince vyglidit for his age well, nismotrya to a 
family tragedy. His cheerful appearance inspires the hope that 
he might even dazhivet to that mament and when his mother, too, 
will give tips. And he tagda will finally Carol! And all will 
be in her mouth to fuck. And then somehow already obscenely in 
such a large age to be called - Prince Charles. Especially with 
such a blunt harey and such big ears, like Mickey Mouse. Would 
be better if he had a Big Dick! Then there would his wife on 
the post did not give up! 


                               Dick Dogon and BezTrusov.


           Hughes Aleshkovsky Nicholas

 - Just listen. I do know - will not be bored. A bored,
means complete and you mudila no dick no dishes in Biology
Molecular and at the same time in the history of my life. Here 
I am before you - a man-Krasyuk, pribarahlen, stir the sweet 
mustache, "Moskvich" I though the old one, but no dick yourself 
- running, apartment, mind you, not co-operative and the wife 
soon PhD. 

My wife, I must say, a mystery. Higher nerazgadannosti and 
mystery depths. This is the sphinx, which the Arabs - I was a 
short film saw - shit compared to her. It split and a

nothing, if you look. Well, his wife in front of it. You over 
and over Do not pour that half. So takes an intelligent, and 
the lights do not scatter. And Eat, and then okoseesh and do 
not understand any dick. 

In short, I was freed after the war of nineteen years,
My aunt ordered me in Moscow - its head of the passport
table fucked on the floor in the office - and a month is nowhere
worked, did not want. Kuropchil quietly in cages, without
partners, and even propal spulnut none. Art! See
fingers? Fuck should Oistrakh: My longer. And, incidentally,
because I gave up, I could smell those fingers, that the bills 
in Lopatnikov or just in their pockets. One took her fingers 
and no never made a mistake. And how many parushek that a ruble 
burn or a certificate from the building management that they 
fraera, pull as notes in a million dollars, how much effort 
spent on tiptoe balance, pull, and for their ass and in the 
envelope. We did not is much stole the main thing - do not 
steal. Well, kuropchu myself little by little. Route "B" has 
mastered and tram "Annushka. Cards, mind you, did not take. And 
if you come across, I had them sent by mail or in the lost and 
found perepulival. Was at money was going to marry. Suddenly my 
aunt says: 

- Neighbors you in the institute to his picks. Laboratory will 
be. And ties, all the same Pohorje. Soon the time will 
increase. My telling, and he has brother spies caught in the 
Lubyanka. Knows everything directly from Beria.


Indeed, a decree went out: between five and a quarter. I 
perebzdel. AND lucky me something a long time. And a specialty

wanted. But the work I did not like. Can not all. The life of 
me. I had to go to college to a neighbor, all are the same, 
because sign is this: if perebzdel - soon Pohorje. Since this 
neighbor in the morning greeting, he sat in a toilet for long 
periods, newspaper rustled and laughed. Water later and laughs. 
Scientists, they all stebanutye string bag. In my opinion, he 
also fucked my aunt, and in general, I got a job in his lab. 
His name was Kizma. Nation do not understand, but not Jewish 
and not Russian. Beautiful, but some tired, about thirty.


-Will - he says - reagents are wearing, experience helps to put,

  you like - you go to learn.
- We - I say - the Tatars, a dick. What to fuck drag up,

  that fucking pull off ...
- More to the mat did not hear.
- Okay.

Work week, carrying all sorts of garbage, bottles mine, some 
language salt burned and have diarrhea for four consecutive 
days. Thought Salt - sodium chloride, and she, bitch, the 
chemical was. Bulletin does not took, however. And then in the 
ass mortar paste would like to camp. So much ink bubble I 
udelal in order to stage the North do not go ... In general, 
work. Equip a new laboratory. Microscopes to dick and 
appliances, motors and so on. Suddenly tired. I even nashalil. 
The chief of personnel at Lopatnic "Cheek" led, for the sake of 
art of their profession. And your Ebi mother, that happened! 
Hour and a half platoon in mufti came from the Institute of 
anyone not allowed. General Shmona, and Is that your ass do not 
look. And all because of what? I Lopatnikov went to shit, he 
opened it - no money. Some ksivy, that is a denunciation. And 
on my Kizmu too. They say the science dick knows where he 
pushes, at the meeting does not sing, do not pop and includes 
light music by Soviet composers. His experiments directed 
against a man who sounds good, and therefore indirectly 
undermine the economy. Got it? Chetvertak stink. Fifty-eighth. 
But I do not like them. Alien assholes ass podter. According to 
him it turned out that the entire institution - the solid 
hornet's nest of conspiracy, and therefore you are including? A 
kizmov denunciation of the toilet, I passed. Lopatnic painted 
on the side and in the WC dropped. Door to someone pulling, 
screaming and raging. I went out explained that the chemistry 
obhavalsya and that the door - no teeth, not her dick yank.


- Look, - I say Kizme - ksivota you.

 He read it, turned pale, thanked me, understood and huyak
a piece of paper into a powerful acid. She's in her eyes melted
Ebony to my grandmother.
 Here I have caused, rather, are pulled. Of course, I can not
soznanke.

 - Not as - say - tailors sewed my case and they are at the 
seams crawl on the first fitting.

- Indications are that the back of the queue rubbed. Perhaps 
the old 

  remember?
- I fucked this testimony. Although there is a lot of money has 
been? - Money is not there.

- At this shit would never Pozar.

 Civilians were laughing. Rest, to see, with my simple language 
and released.

 The next day, saying Kizme that will not work. Principle -
I'm not working, and an artist of his case. "I - I say - on the 
couch lie down and read literature like. "Here he is strangely 
at me looked, and, most importantly, long

- And started from afar about the importance for all mankind
EVOH sciences - biology, and he begins to experiment, equal
which did not happen. In a word - an experiment. And I told him
necessary. And that the work is rewarding and creative. But the 
most interesting is that she does not work, but it is a 
pleasure, and paid. But without prejudice to her and treat

Thinking about the future of mankind. He often pressed forward 
to it. - Listen, my neighbor - I say - do not you give me Ebi 
brain, as 

  it somehow?
- You must become a donor.
- Blood, is that it take?
- No, not blood.
- And what - laugh - shit or piss?
- Sperm we need, Nicholas, sperm.
- What is the sperm?
- That from which the children receive.
- What is this semen? This malofeyka. Malofya, in a scientific 
way. - Well, let malofya. Donate to science. Just do not be 
afraid. 

  Nothing shameful about it. By the way, a complete mystery to 
you 

  guaranteed.
- And you're not giving up? - Asked suspiciously. He frowned.
- Could be charged with selecting an object on the basis of 
kinship. 

  Come on, agree!

 Then I sat on the floor and started to laugh. No dick 
currently processing! Slightly not pissing and appendicitis ill.


Rzeszow, like a fool. Sit down and listen to what needs your 
sperm. 

Joking aside, I listened, and it turned out that the plan for 
Kizmy is: I masturbate and Trukhan that the same thing, and 
that under malofeyku microscope study. Then try to enter it in 
the pussy barren woman and watch it disappear or not. Here I 
interrupted him about alimony, if anything.


- This, - he says - Do not be alarmed.

 And yet he had secret plans about my malofeyki.
Promised to tell you how to start the experiments. And, believe 
me, got my snotty from these conversations. Even now begin. And 
this I do not the first time. In the camp every hundredth not 
Trukhan, and the rest drochat like a hundred. Another jerk and 
walked for three days, like the dead from samopozora suffers. 
And for life itself this experience cripples. I knew Lev 
Milstein - cheater. That loud oath more than once gave not 
masturbate more and not withstanding. Reject. Leather engines 
start working, and Lev teeth crunching, fights themselves and 
subsides gradually. I reassured him. Organism, they say, 
requires, and nothing to scoff at him, he is innocent. Do not 
be his attorney.

 Well, okay. Thought I'm asking about the condition: how many 
times me down, what time, salary and job title

in the workbook.

 - An orgasm every day in the morning, once. Will issue you
Technical referent. The working day is not normalized. Eighty
two rubles. After an orgasm - in the movies.

 I mean not filed, that surprised and even ohuel. I come - I 
think - struhnu and tram Annushka "Yes on a bus" bug ".

If Pohorje - mitigating circumstances - he worked
at the institute. Agreed. In the evening went to the old urke,
to relatives, world-class thief was, until the border
not closed.

 - You, - he says - Mikola, a child ate shit, lucky
lucky, but sell too cheap. Struhnya because expensive caviar
worth it. Almost as platinum, and radium. Pizdyuk official you! 
I would these biologists lousy piece sold his zinger. That's 
what they and microscopes are - counting. Piece, a whore, right?


 Understood as not to understand. Ass I really. After zinger - 
this Our most tsimes. And the health dick knows how to reflect.

- Do not bzdi - say - Urca. I will raise the price gradually.

  Not fraer.
- It's a pity, because you can not dilute malofeyku, well, kind 
of like sour cream 

  in the store. Too, because the goods have been ...
- Fuck! - On the forehead with a hitting. - I'll hold when

  descent. And then to the Ponte second stick over the plan 
will give them. - I do not recommend - seriously so says Urca - 
can not be interrupted sexual intercourse at least would Dunka 
Kulakov. Harmful. I have one woman because of it disbanded. 
Only, and yelled: "Stop it somewhere in another place! "-" 
Maybe in the middle ear? "- I ask." All no matter where, just 
not in the muter "- I have on this soil for feet nails had 
almost ceased to grow. Would you believe? Had to disperse it. 
So much Cum humanly! Bring a bottle to pay! Sderi to milk them 
for harm and say that those Who delivers the blood, feed 
batsiloy X after delivery. Do not be fraerom. In America, five 
times struhnesh and car buying. Got it?

.................... To be continued .......................