City #16 29 июня 1999

Самиздат

Beech - The Adventures of Shtiplitsa and one another in ppiklyucheniya Bopmana.

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                       BEECH
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 Shtirlitsa adventures and other adventures Bormann


                  continued


                  CHAPTER THREE



  Not that the farm of John Wayne
flourished. Rather, it flourished, and even
quite the contrary. All household Wayne, cow,
car "Packard, never the former on the move and
four lean chicken, it was neglected and was embedded in a 
pawnshop. 

  So when Stirlitz appeared on his farm,
Wayne took him for a bailiff and cracked
his shafts in the head.

  - It hurts the same - said Stirlitz.

  Wayne was surprised.

  - What do you want, motherfucker? - He snapped.

  - And what do you swear? - Stirlitz offended. -
A man came in the case, you want the business to offer, and you 
stick it ... 

  - What is it? - Wayne responded briskly, pulling out of the 
cupboard a dusty bottle of vodka. 

  - We'll wait for you, we pay well, and
You keep quiet and do not ask stupid questions.

  - Bank to rob you? - Immediately asked Wayne,
making the intonation on the last word.

  - Let's see - Stirlitz said, handing Wayne
bill of $ 100. That is almost entirely ofigel.

  - Listen, Joan, here come some
crazy ..., - "he began.

  - Do not go crazy, but Comrade Stirlitz - said
Eismann, coming with a large suitcase in his hand.

  - ... and gave me a hundred dollars ...

  - A lot of - we can vzhyat shdachu - said
Schellenberg, also appearing in the doorway.

  - What do you want? - A studied Vein said.

  - We'll live here - said Eismann
voice, absolutely not permit any objections. - We are from 
fellow Shtirlitsa. 

  - And, from this, - said Wayne. - Well, live ...

  Eismann suggested that the life of Wayne will be
nice and easy. Wayne also thought that having two healthy 
loafers save him from trouble, so the day of arrival and forced 
Eismann Schellenberg plow manually forty acres. By evening, 
Eismann and Schellenberg already thought through the plan 
escape. They began to argue too loudly, Wayne intervened, and 
in any case put both under lock and key. 

    When Stirlitz went on to Wayne
svezheotremontirovannom Packard, the two friends were chanting, 
putting his head between the slats of window frames barn:


  - Ca-atrap, self-atrap!

  - It is you who? - Grimly asked Stirlitz
zasuchivaya left sleeve. Both disappeared in the barn, there 
was Wayne. 

  - That they gave me - he said and explained: -
Do not want to work.

  - The tooth - briefly promised Stirlitz, turning in
hand jubilee brass knuckles on the chain.

  - Come, drink, comrade Stirlitz -
Wayne fussing, walking around the Russian spy
community.

  - Come, - agreed Stirlitz.
From the window of the barn seemed to muzzle Schellenberg.

  - Shatrap! - He shouted and disappeared.

  - In my opinion, this is it me, - he said grimly, and Stirlitz
climbed into the pit. There, there was a dull romp, strokes, 
and Russian intelligence came out very satisfied. 

  - Now gone - he said, pulling out
pocket bottle of Smirnoff. "

  - Aha, - said Wayne, and drinking companions departed.

  - Shkotina - muffled Schellenberg said, rubbing
bruised nose. - We now show him ...

  - Demonstrate show - agreed Eismann, anxiously looking around.

  The house is on fire Wayne kerosene lamp. Through
 Half an hour out drunken voices were heard:

  "Hostile Whirlwinds wafted over us and and and ...

   Dark forces of evil we-oh-oh-BNO oppression-y-ut ... "

  Half an hour later all was quiet and dormant in the
thick darkness farm shook the most powerful sounds of snoring.

  - Stirlitz - Eismann said yes,
peretryahivaya stuck for some reason crude straw.
No one answered him. Eismann called Schellenberg, but
then looked around and noticed a hole in the wall. Trying to 
get through it, it stuck, and thus spent the night.



                       *


  At this time in Brazil, in a colony of the Third
Reich, was held overnight for questioning. Major with an 
unknown name, lounging in a wicker chair, questioned Pastor 
Schlag. 

  Speaking pastor was assisted by two OMON'ovtsa by
blows to the stomach and head. Pastor yelled, but
not admitted. And not because it was such a
resistant. He simply did not know nothing at all.

  - Never mind, tell me - promised Major, scratching under the 
tunic stuffed with lamb belly. 

  - I do not know - staunchly replied the pastor at
each hit in the stomach. To blow on the head, he
pronounced the interjection "Oh" and spat on the floor (just 
like Stirlitz). 

  - Well, - said the major, taking their cotton ears. -
Bring another ... thicker.

  - I'm here! - Borman appeared, as always, suddenly, and stood 
before a major. He liked it when he obeyed neprekoslovno as 
girls in the bar. 

  - Where Isaev? - Asked the major, making a formidable person.

  - Chu-Chu - said Borman, making swinging arms like wings. 
From such a danger to the movement of the floor was soon strewn 
with a thick layer ropes and nails.


  - I'll give you a "bye-bye!" - Shouted the Major. - Speak
human beings, and how the ladies ... in the nose ...

  - Departed Isaev - said Borman, rejoicing that
dirty trick, it seems, will take place with impunity. - In 
America leaning ...


  - Um - it is important to the major said. - America - is
not our yurisperden ... that is, we will not go there.

  - That's what I say - "bye-bye," - said Borman,
sitting on the floor next to a major. Major leapt up,
as a subtle, but very sharp pin stabbing him in the
back and yelled:

  - Stand up! Shut up! Everywhere! Eyes left!
Gun on his shoulder! Air! Ah-ah-ah-ah!
Borman quietly crawled into a corner and sat there with a 
stopwatch, counting the seconds needed to Major to calm. New 
drug for the excitation, it seems, was to become the next 
bright page in its activities. 

  - Thirty-seven seconds - he finally said,
secretly rejoicing at such a remarkable record.

  And then followed by a light, but moderate kick.


             to be continued ...