And laughter and sin - Humor, jokes.

BOTH LAUGHTER AND SIN

                        JOKES                            

               (C) PEOPLE                                    
               (D) COLLECTED BY DENIS TOKARCHUK                    

• 'EMERGENCY'?

• YES.

• TELL ME, THE MAN WHO STARTS AT SIX O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING
  IS IT NORMAL TO BLOW A TROPE AND WAKE EVERYONE UP? COULD YOU SEND
  ORDERS?

• ADDRESS?

• MARSHAL CHUYKOV STREET, 22. BARRACK.

• HERE, DOCTOR, I HAVE RETURNED FROM THE RESORT WATERS.

• AND EXCELLENT! THE WATER OF COURSE HELPED YOU, YOU ARE SO BLOOMING
  YOU LOOK SO FUL... WHAT WERE YOU TREATING FOR?

• FROM COMPLETENESS, DOCTOR.

• DOCTOR, I TALK IN YOUR SLEEP.

• THIS IS NOTIT'S OK!

• YES, BUT OUR ENTIRE DEPARTMENT LAUGHS AND WAKES ME UP!

A WOMAN COMES TO THE DOCTOR AND COMPLAINS ABOUT UNMILING. THE DOCTOR GIVES
GIVES HER A HALF-LITER BOTTLE AND SAYS:

• POUR URINE INTO A BOTTLE AND BRING IT FOR ANALYSIS.
  THE WOMAN CAME HOME, POURED URINE INTO A BOTTLE AND PUT IT ON
  KITCHEN, IN THE CORNER. IN THE MORNING I PUT THE BOTTLE IN THE BAG AND WENT TO
  HOSPITAL. THE DOCTOR TOLD HER TO COME IN A WEEK. COMING
  THE WOMAN IN A WEEK. THE DOCTOR TELLS HER:

• YOU KNOW, YOU APPEARANTLY HAD THE BOTTLES CONFUSED: YOU BROUGHT TO
  ANALYSIS OF SUNFLOWER OIL.

• SO THIS IS WHY MY POTATOES BURN!

  A YOUNG WOMAN COMES TO THE DOCTOR:

• DOCTOR, MY HUSBAND IS SICK.

• TAKE YOUR UNdress AND SHOW HIM WHERE IT HURTS.

• WHAT HUGE WATERMELONS YOU HAVE!

• THESE ARE NOT WATERMELONS, THESE ARE GRAPES.

• WHAT BIG ZUCCHINS!

• THIS IS NOT ZUCCHINS,THIS IS PEA.

• HOW DOES YOUR NIGHTINGALE FILL UP!

• THIS IS NOT A NIGHTINGALE, BUT A GEIGER SENSOR...

  A WOMAN WITH A SMALL CHILD SIT OUT FROM THE FRONT AREA
  BUS. THE DRIVER, LOOKING AT THE CHILD, SAYS:
  - NO FUCK! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN SUCH A SCARY THING!
  A WOMAN, BOILING WITH INDIGATION, WALKS INTO THE SALON, SIT DOWN AND
  SENTENCES:

• WELL HAM! BASTARD! JUST A BASTARD!
  A NEIGHBOR ASKS:

• WHAT HAPPENED?

• YES THE DRIVER IS NAKHAMIL.

• AND YOU GO AND WRITE HIS LAST NAME, AND I WILL GET YOUR MONKEY FOR THE RIGHT
  I WILL HOLD...

  ENTRY IN THE DIARY: 'IN THE MORNING HANDS HAVE BEEN SHAKED WITH A HANG. BECAME
  UNDOING YOUR PAJAMAS - ALL THE BUTTONS FLY OFF. TOOK UP FOR THE PORTFOLIO,
  THE HANDLE FALLED OFF. I'M AFRAID TO GO TO THE TOILET...'

  LOOKS AT HIS SON'S NEW RUSSIAN NOTEBOOK AND SPEAKS IN
  CONFUSIONS:- I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING. IT'S A GREAT JOB WRITTEN, BUT IT'S WORTH IT
  TWO!

PIGLE WRITES A LETTER TO THE TAX INSPECTION: 'LIVES WELL ON
LOL WINNIE THE POOH... WELLWISHER.'

QUESTION: WHO DOESN'T FORGIVE MISTAKES?
ANSWER: WOMEN AND TETRIS AT NINE SPEED...

MOM IS RETURNING FROM WORK. SON FUCKING AROUND,
TELLS ABOUT THE LATEST NEWS:

• AND I WASHED THE DISHES.
• WELL DONE.
• AND TOOK OUT THE TRASH.
• WELL DONE.
• ... AND MURKA GOT PREGNANT.

• WELL DONE.

  A HUNTER WALKED THROUGH THE FOREST. SUDDENLY MEETS HIM - A HUGE BOAR. WELL
  THE MAN WAS NOT CONFUSED, AND BA-BANG FROM BOTH GUNS. EVERYTHING AROUND
  THE SMOKE CAN'T SEE ANYTHING, BUT THE MANSTANDS AND THINKS:

• DID I HIT OR DID I NOT HIT?
  THE SMOKE DISPERSES... HE SEES A BOAR STANDING:

• WELL, MAN, YOU FUCKED...

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