+---- - - - - -BOTH LAUGHTER AND SIN- - - - - ----+
ALL MATERIAL IS PROVIDED BY ALEXEY GUTENEV (ALEXGOG),
FOR WHICH WE EXPRESS HIM VERY THANKS!
* * * FROM THE EDITOR: THE ARTICLES IN THIS SECTION CONTAIN ABNORMATIVE LEGAL
SIKA, AND ALSO SOME 'POSTY', SO SPECIAL MORALISTS,
TO THOSE FIGHTING FOR CENSORSHIP, WE APOLOGIZE AND OFFER
SKIP THIS SECTION. BUT THE STORIES ARE STILL INTERESTING...
* * *
'FORMULAS' AND 'AXIOMS'
-----------------------
(C) MAXIM 'AKELA' VILKOSHKU
'FORMULAS': SMART MAN + SMART WOMAN = EASY FLIRTING;
SMART MAN+ STUPID WOMAN = SINGLE MOTHER;
DUMB MAN + SMART WOMAN = NORMAL FAMILY;
STUPID MAN + STUPID WOMAN = MOTHER HEROINE;
SMART BOSS + SMART SUBJECT = PROFIT;
SMART BOSS + DUMB SUBJECT = PRODUCTIVITY;
DUMB BOSS + SMART SUBJECT = PROMOTION;
DUMB BOSS + DUMB SUBBODIFIER = WORKING OVERTIME;
'AXIOMS': A MAN WILL PAY 2 RUBLES FOR A RUBLE THING HE NEEDS;
A WOMAN WILL PAY ONE RUBLE FOR A TWO-RUBLE THING THAT IS NOT FOR HER
NEEDED;
A WOMAN IS WORRIED ABOUT HER FUTURE WHILE SHE DOESN'T HAVE A HUSBAND;
A MAN DOESN'T WORRY ABOUT HIS FUTURE UNTIL HE HAS A WIFE;
A MAN WHO ACHIEVES SUCCESS IS THE ONE WHO EARNS MORE
MONEY THAN HIS WIFE CAN SPEND.A WOMAN WHO ACHIEVES SUCCESS IS ONE WHO MANAGED TO FIND SUCCESS
A MAN.
IN ORDER TO FIND HAPPINESS WITH A MAN, YOU NEED HIM STRONGLY
UNDERSTAND AND LOVE A LITTLE LITTLE.
IN ORDER TO FIND HAPPINESS WITH A WOMAN, YOU NEED TO LOVE HER MUCH
AND DON'T EVEN TRY TO UNDERSTAND.
A WOMAN MARRIES WITH THE HOPE THAT THE MAN WILL CHANGE, BUT HE DOESN'T
CHANGING.
A MAN MARRIES WITH THE HOPE THAT THE WOMAN WILL NOT CHANGE, BUT SHE
CHANGING.
THE WOMAN HAS THE FINAL WORD IN ANY DISPUTE.
EVERY WORD A MAN SPEAKS AFTER THIS IS A BEGINNING
NEW DISPUTE.
TOAST AND...ADVANTAGE :)
--------------------------
(AUTHOR, UNFORTUNATELY, IS NOT KNOWN :/) WE WERE GOING TO SIT WITH FRIENDS YESTERDAY. OWNER'S FIRST TOAST
WAS: 'SO THAT THE DICK FALLS ON TIME!'. WE DEMANDED AN EXPLANATION
BECAUSE FROM ANY MAN'S POINT OF VIEW THIS IS NOT COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE
TOAST. AND THIS IS WHAT LEKHA TOLD US.
HE DECIDED TO GO TO A UROLOGIST THIS WEEK. CHECK FOR SUBJECT
'SECOND HEART OF A MAN' - PROSTATE GLAND. SO, ON
ANY CASE. SO THAT IT WON'T BE HURTING LATER... CAME TO
A SOPHISTICATED CLINIC, WHICH ADVERTISING IS ROOMING DAY AND NIGHT FROM
RADIO. WAS RECEIVED WELL, TALKED TO THE DOCTOR. AFTER
AFTER THE EXAMINATION, THE DOCTOR CONSOLIDATED HIM THAT HE WOULD LIVE LONG AND HAPPYLY.
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE GENERAL STATE OF HEALTH. ARE THERE ANY PROBLEMS IN
SEX LIFE, WHAT AND HOW. WHO DOESN'T HAVE PROBLEMS? IT'S SIMPLE
TIRED, THEN ALL IN THOUGHTS ABOUT WORK. AND WITH YOUR WIFE, COUNT THE YEARS 20
ALREADY LIVING, NOT A BOY AND A GIRL ON THE SECOND DAY OF THE MEETING. B
IN GENERAL, THE DOCTOR SAYS, IT WOULD BE A GOOD WAY TO CHECK FOR
POTENTIALS, IF YOU HAVE ALREADY COME IN. THIS IS A TREMBLING MATTER FOR US MEN,
THAT'S WHY I CUT LECH WITH HIS HAND, LET'S SAY, ACCORDING TO THE FULL SCHEME. VOLOL
THE DOCTOR HAS A SO-CALLED TEST.UNPLEASANT, BUT TOlerable. INTO
THE VERY PLACE AND INJECTED. NOW, SAYS, SIT IN THE CORRIDOR, AND
NOTE YOUR REACTIONS BY THE CLOCK. LEKHINA'S REACTIONS APPEARED, IN
TIMES FASTER THAN THE DATE AGREED BY THE DOCTOR. IT HAS BEEN UNCOMFORTABLE TO SITT
STAND ALSO - AT LEAST TAKE OFF YOUR JEANS RIGHT HERE. IN TWENTY
IN MINUTES THE DOCTOR TOOK HIM INTO THE OFFICE, EXAMINED HIM AND REASSURED THAT EVERYTHING IS OK
ORDER IN THIS AREA. AND NOW, SAYS, LET'S DO IT
THE INJECTION AND THE ERECTION WILL PASS. WHERE DID YOU SEEN THE MAN WHO
WOULD YOU VOLUNTARILY PART WITH SUCH A PURCHASE? THE DOCTOR LAUGHED
AND SAYS THAT IT WILL SETTLE OUT IN HOURS, GO HOME, WIFE
MAKE YOU HAPPY. AND GAVE HIM A REMINDER OF WHAT IS POSSIBLE AND WHAT IS NOT POSSIBLE, AND WHERE
CALL IF YOU WILL BE STANDING TOO LONG.
LEKHA HAS DIFFICULTY SET IN THE CAR AND CALLS HIS WIFE ON THE CELL,
SO THAT SHE RUN TO THE BATH. SO IN HALF AN HOUR HE WILL ARRIVE IN
ALL WEAPONS, AND THE WIFE SHOULD BE IN BED BY THAT TIME. LIKE HIM
I'VE GOT IT, THIS IS A SEPARATE STORY WORTH ATTENTION, BUT
THIS IS NOT ABOUT THIS NOW. FOR THREE HOURS LECH TORRED MY WIFE BEFORE
SHE CAME AWAY FROM HIS PRAW. HE EXPERIENCED THREE ORGASMS, AND ABOUT HIS WIFE
THERE IS NO SPEAK AT ALL. AND WHEN SHE CRAPPED BARELY ALIVE INTO HER
ROOM, SAID THAT THERE WAS NO MORE SUCH EXPERIMENTS ON MYSELF.
WILL BE PATIENT. AND LET LEKHA MAKE HIS EXPERIMENTS ON CATS, THEY SAY,
THE TURBILIZERS WILL ENDURE EVERYTHING. JOKING SHESO. THEN FALLED
TO SLEEP AND SAID NOT TO BE TOUCHED.
BUT THE DICK STILL DOESN'T FALL. DESPITE MULTIPLE PHYSICAL
SATISFACTION. IT TURNS OUT THAT IT'S NOT THAT SAME AT ALL
IT'S A GOOD THING WHEN IT STANDS LONG. AND THERE IS NO MORE PLEASURE,
AND SUCH A DELICATE THING IS NOT INTENDED FOR
PROLONGED STANDING. MEN WILL UNDERSTAND, BUT WOMEN CAN
I ADVISED TO RAISE UP, AT LEAST YOUR ARM, AND STAND LIKE THIS
A FEW HOURS. AND THEN MULTIPLY THE OBTAINED FEELINGS INTO
IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE DEGREE OF SENSITIVITY OF THE LIMB. IN GENERAL,
IT WAS ALREADY HURT FOR LEHA.
LEKHA WITHOUT PANTIES IS RUNNING AROUND THE APARTMENT, WIFE IS SLEEPING. NOT EVEN WITH ANYONE
SHARE YOUR HAPPINESS. FIVE HOURS HAVE PASSED AFTER
WHOM WERE INSTRUCTED TO CALL THE CLINIC. LECH HAS DECIDED
AND DIALED THE SECURED NUMBER. AFTER LONG ASKINGS AS TO WHAT IT IS,
HOW MANY HOURS DOES IT COST, HAVE YOU HAD SEXUAL CONTACTS, IS THERE ANY PAIN?
FEELINGS HE WAS ADVISED TO APPLY ICE TO HIS PERISON. AND AFTER, IF
IT DOESN'T HELP, CALL AGAIN, THEY WILL FIND OUT FURTHER. AND WITH US,
SORRY, YOU ARE NOT FLORIDA OR EVEN ALASKA SO THAT EVERYONE HAS ICE
IT WAS JUST LAYING IN THE FRIDGE. THEY DO NOT EAT IT WITH US. AND IF AND
THEY ARE FROZEN ONLY FOR SPECIFIC PURPOSE. IN ADVANCE. A
NO ONE WAS GOING TO ICE THE DICK IN ADVANCEAPPLY. IN GENERAL, IN
LEKHIN'S FREEZER, ONLY A PACK OF DUMPLINGS, FROZEN
THE CHICKEN LYED. THERE WAS NO ICE EVEN ON THE WALLS - WIFE RECENTLY
DEFROSTED. DID A MAN GROW UP IN OUR COUNTRY FOR FREE? GOT IT
HE WRAPPED A CHICKEN IN A TOWEL, PLACED A DICK ON IT AND WAITED. NOT
FALLS. A PERSON BEGINS TO WORRY MORE THAN BEFORE. WHO'S THERE
DOES ANYONE KNOW IF THIS STANDING IS fraught with FURTHER IMPOTENCE? A
THE CHICKEN ONLY ONE SIDE COOLS THE DICK. MAYBE NOT ENOUGH?
THEN LEKHA TOOK THE DECEASED GIRL AND THAT PLACE UNDER THE GIRL THROUGH WHICH
THE CHICKEN WAS GUTTED, USED WITH A KNIFE. IT TURNED OUT REALLY GOOD
HOLLOW. OUR CRAFTSMAN WRAPPED A POLYETHYLENE BAG ON THE TOP
I TIED IT WITH A NAPKIN AND CAREFULLY PUSHED IT INTO THE CHICKEN. MEMBER
STABILITY STANDS AND DOESN'T EVEN THINK OF FALLING. FURTHERMORE, TO THE UNPLEASANT
EARLIER SENSATIONS WAS ADDED TO THE FEELING THAT HE IS HIM NOW
IT WILL FREEZE. LEKHA DECIDED TO STOP ABUSE OF HIS BODY
AND CALL THE CLINIC AGAIN. THEY SET IT THEMSELVES, LET THEM THEMSELVES
LAYED. HE STARTED TO PULL THE CHICKEN, AND SHE WAS NOTHING. MAY
THE NAPKIN HAS CAUGHT ON THE BONE, OR MAYBE THE CHICKEN HAS FLATTENED
SOMETHING UNSUCCESSFUL... IN GENERAL, THE MAN IS ABSOLUTELY OUT OF FEAR
LOST. THEN THE DOOR OPENS AND THE WIFE ENTERS THE KITCHEN. WORTH IT
HER HUSBAND IS NAKED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE KITCHEN, WEARING A FROZEN COCK.
CHICKEN, HE HOLDS IT WITH TWO HANDS ANDCOMMITS RETURN -
FORWARD MOVEMENTS. HER WISHES FLEEED IN HER HEAD
UNKIND YES HUSBAND SHE IS IN HIGH MOOD
LEFT. 'Are you completely crazy? I WAS JOKING!' - WAS HER
FIRST PHRASE. AND WHEN SHE SAW THE EXPRESSION OF LEKHA'S FACE,
DISTORTED BY PAIN AND TORMENT, FOR SOMEHOW I MISTAKE IT FOR
COMING ORGASM AND ADDED IN A WHISPER: 'YOU WOULD AT LEAST DEFROST HER,
POOR...
SOMETHING LIKE JOKES
------------------------ PROTECTION OF LABORATORY WORK IS IN PROGRESS. TEACHER OPENS THE SHEET
ANOTHER STUDENT LOOKS AND ASKS:
- WHERE ARE THE GRAPHICS?
STUDENT: - OH, FUCK, I FORGOT!
TEACHER INSTANTLY: -
FUCK YOU!
ARMY. A SERGEANT TAKES A ROLL CALL...
SERGEANT:- IVANOV!
ROOKIE: - I
- WHAT IS YOUR NATIONALITY?
- RUSSIAN
- ARE YOU A MEMBER OF THE Komsomol?
- YES
- IS THERE AN ACCOUNT CARD?
- THERE IS
AND LIKE THIS FOR EVERYONE, ALREADY SHORTENING THE QUESTIONS: - PETROV!
- I
- NATIONALITY?
- RUSSIAN
- MEMBER OF THE Komsomol?
- YES
- DO YOU HAVE A CARD?
- THERE IS
AND HERE IS ONE DUDE, HAVING HEARD HIS SURNAME, WITHOUT WAITING
FURTHER QUESTIONS, BLOWED OUT ALL ANSWERS TO HIM WITHOUT PAUSES BETWEEN
THE LAST AND PENULTIMATE ANSWER. -
SIDOROV!- RUSSIAN. THERE IS A MEMBER
ON THE INSIDE OF THE BEDTIME OF ONE OF THE
CADETS OF THE MILITARY SCHOOL WAS PASTED A CUT OUT FROM A MAGAZINE WITH
PHOTOGRAPH OF TWO SKIERS (FIST AND Smetanina). COMBAT SO
WITH INHERENT HUMILITY, I DECIDED TO CHECK THE 'ORDER IN THE BEDTITUDES'.
AFTER DISCOVERING THE MISTAKEN STICKER, HE TRIED TO TEAR IT OFF BUT COULD NOT
COMPLETELY SUCCESSFUL. BEFORE THE BUILDING THE SUCH SPEECH WAS MADE:
'I'M GOING INTO THE CADET'S BEDROOM. AND THERE ARE TWO ATHLETES! I AM ALONE
TORE IT UP AND THROWED OUT THE WINDOW. BUT I CAN'T DO THE SECOND!'A PLANE IS FLYING. ONE PASSENGER CLAIM:
- OH, I FEEL BAD! OH, I'M GOING TO PUT UP RIGHT NOW!
CHAIR NEIGHBOR: - AND YOU PRESS THIS BUTTON ON THE CEILING!
MAN: - PRESSED. SO WHAT?
NEIGHBOR: - WELL HERE. THE STEWARDESS'S LIGHT LIGHT TURNED ON.
MAN: -
YOUR MOTHER! I SICK!I feel bad! I'M GOING TO VOICE RIGHT NOW! AND SHE,
BITCH, CAN'T TURN ON YOURSELF THE LIGHT?!* * *
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