Humor - Jokes.

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  A drug addict walks near a children's sandbox.
He sees a child crying. He asks him:
- "Why are you crying?" - “I want a car!”
The drug addict rummaged in his pockets and pulled out a syringe.
- “Here” - “So it doesn’t have wheels.” He
again he rummages in his pocket and takes out the wheels.
"Well, you'll ruin me in the end."


  A drug addict sits on the rails. Rides behind
train. - "Uh-uh-uh." No reaction. - "U-
-u-u-u." Again he doesn't respond. The train moved
squeezes him. Hospital, intensive care unit. Barely survived.
A few months later he sits in the kitchen
girlfriends. Suddenly the kettle boils, "Oooh."
The drug addict grabs the teapot,
throws him to the floor and begins to trample him. When-
Yes, he calmed down, his friend asked him:
  - "What's wrong with you?" - “Yes, we need to trample them,
while they're little."


  A drug addict died and went to hell. Sees the field
hemp grows and the scythe lies. He grabs
scythe and begins to mow. approaches him
the devil says: “What are you mowing? Over there
It's already mowed down." The drug addict leaves his co-
su and runs there and starts stuffing the joints.
The devil approaches him again. - "There's already th-"
They're lying." The drug addict runs there and right
The devil sews: - “Oh, matches?”  "There would be
matches - it would be heaven!


  A drug addict sits at home waiting for his buddies. Sat
sat, couldn’t stand it, filled the joint, and so
remember what to say, wrote for-
pussy and hung it on the door. After a while
timehears a knock on the door. Suitable for two
ri and reads: “Who’s there?” - "We're the ones w-
"Thayas are your friends, period."


  A drug addict walks with his daughter in pairs
ku. Having nothing else to do, I hammered the joint. Suitable
they go to the monument of Venus of Melos, daughter
ka asks him: “Why doesn’t she have
hands?" - "You'll bite your nails and you'll...
there will be some!" - answered the father.


  A stoned drug addict comes home and
rings the doorbell. The same one comes to the door
stoned mother and asks: “who
there" - "It's me, mom" - the drug addict answers.
- “No, mom, it’s me!”  - the voice will be loud
from behind the door.


  Well, I hope you have already read about Kolya
current population of our country. to which I
I don’t own it and I don’t recommend it to you. And now
some jokes about people in crimson
jackets and with a gold chain around his neck.


  A “new Russian” arrives at a bank in Zurich
- “How long are you going to live?”
the banker asks the client. He leans over
and whispers in the banker's ear: - "Three million -
on".  - "You can speak calmly in
whole voice. In Switzerland, poverty is not considered
I'm in disgrace."


  One "new Russian" comes to visit
another into his office and sees - at the table
the owner is sitting, and in front of him is standing on the table
miniature table tennis - small
green table, net, ball, rackets...
The guest asks: “What do you have?” "Yes
you see, I have gin in the jug,
fulfills every desire..." "Oh!  AndI want
try!" - "This is possible, only with warning
I sometimes think that the gin is a little deaf, and every
the word must be pronounced clearly and distinctly!”
The owner of the office took out a jug, rubbed it and
with the words: “I listen and obey,” you le-
phone gin. - “I want a lot of bucks!!!” And this
the moment faxes began to fall from the ceiling,
faxes... - “What is this?” the guest shouted. "I
Well I warned you that you had to pronounce
speak clearly.  What do you think, he has me
Did you ask for 30 centimeter tennis?!..."


  In the spacious parking lot there are two
six hundredth Mercedes. Their owners are two "but-
"Your Russians" - they are talking about something. To them
a nondescript man comes up and says: “Ah
I bet I can pass speed in my Zepor
I'll grow between your cars and won't touch them.
The “New Russians” chuckle and agree:
- “Well, I bet, man, five grand bucks.
“He’s coming,” the man answers. Zaporozhets on
speed crushes into the Mercedes and into smithereens
gives them everything he can. "New Russians"
"they laugh and say: - "Well, man,
got knocked up by money?!... Why are you so up-
free?" - "And I'm with those guys over there...
ril for twenty grand that I will break yours
cars, and you will still laugh!..
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