STORIES - How to properly torture W!ndows'95.

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 How to properly torture W!ndows'95.
 (User's Guide)

(c) AlMonD gFx

 For many years now there has been a severe, sometimes brutal struggle between the
the human mind and the creation of the human mind. Between me
and Windows95. On both sides there are certain losses,
but the confrontation still continues and it is impossible to say yet
exactly which side will prevail.
At first, of course, the advantage was entirely on the side of Windows95.
   This "operating system" was driving me crazy with everything it knew.
in such a way that the epithets with which I awarded her are quite possible
release as a separate book.  However, over the years of cruel
struggle, I became cunning, careful, and now she just won’t let me down
will take it. Moreover, I have already learned to mock her myself,
reading against her what she tried to defeat me with.
I have already said that the outcome of our struggle is doubtful, so I will hasten
outline some theses for those who may follow
me.
   So, how to properly torture W!ndows95? The process itself can be
divided into several stages:
 ■ bullying during the installation process
 ■ torture during the loading process, sadistic actions in the process
   process of work, and the most sophisticated is the way I
   named
 ■ "torture, using  technology.

 Let us now consider in more detail all these stages:

 Bullying during the installation process

Slowly remove the CD containing the distribution
Windows95 (pan-European version).  Pick up the razor and
Carefully bring the blade to the sectors with the distribution kit. Do
several smooth movements with the blade without touching the surface of the disc.
The disk surface color changing from yellow to red will show
you that Windows95 has already realized that it is dealing with a professional.
Next, turn on the computer, bring its working disk to the monitor
side, make sure that Windows95 is already salivating with desire
proximity to this computer, then slowly place the disk
next to the monitor, take out another disk with the OS/2 distribution and
let Windows95 know exactly what you are going to install
OS/2.  Wait for the disc color to change from red to green
(this means that Windows95 is beside himself with anger), afterwhat take away-
those OS/2 back into the box, take out the floppy disks with DOS 3.0 (preferably
but from IBM), pretend that you are going to install
exactly him, after which you can admire the smile for a few minutes
noah of all colors of the rainbow on a disk with Windows95. This concludes -
the lation process can be considered complete, although I usually still
I like to pretend that the Windows95 disc won't fit into my CD-ROM,
which also irritates her.
Next, put the distribution disk into a CD-ROM, erase the files
configure the DOS CD-ROM driver and restart the computer.
Next, you need to say out loud several times: “Where do I have this?”
Is the CD-ROM logical drive gone? There you go! There is only a disk with
Install this Windows95, and the CD-ROM immediately disappeared! Come on! I won't
I'll put it on! I'd rather install OS/2! She at least has a CD-ROM
won't lose!"
If you say all this in a rather mocking tone, then...
After some time, the CD-ROM will appear in the system by itself. If
look at the disk with Windows95, it should be black
colors.
Next, print a list of all distribution files and, one by one,
run all executables except "setup.exe" by saying
at the same time: “Well! There’s not even an installer in the distribution!”
Wait for it to appear on your command line
"setup.exe", then gloatingly fill it with Backspace and pro-
continue your bullying for another ten minutes until the moment
toThe CD turned purple.
After this, you can begin the installation process itself.
Wait for the license agreement window to appear and click
"No" button.
The installation process will begin from the very beginning, and you click on
"No" until Windows95 after pressing this button
will continue the installation process. Then mark the squares with crosses.
patuku with the list "CD-ROM","Network adapter","Sound card", after
then click "Next", open the computer case, take out the CD-ROM,
sound and network cards, then enjoy the reaction
Windows95, cheering her on with bursts of mocking laughter. When
a list of drivers will appear - immediately replace "S3" with "Matrox"
Millennium,” saying: “I don’t know anything! In my invoice
computer - Matrox written".
Immediately after installation it is very good to play around with the language a little
kami: try to install all language layouts first, then
remove them all, then put only Japanese language, then
try to achieve an interface in Hebrew, then request
from her Eskimo regional setting. If in the "currency" column
“one frozen fish” will appear - you have completed this stage successfully.
As a Background, it is best to use a mosaic of checkered
a check with the words "Windows95 - must die!" It would be best if
You can make these checkers yourself using Windows “Paint”.
This will give the mockery a special piquancy.Logo.sys is not necessary
slowly replace with a picture that says "OS/2 loading the most
hated system - Windoze95", after which the installation process can be
consider completed.

 Abuse during the loading process

To properly anger Windows95 during the boot process, you should
cram as many resident programs into autoexec.bat as possible
like "Calc", "Side Kick", etc. It is also desirable that all these
the programs were written in Pascal. For the swap file try
leave 50 kilobytes - this will entertain Windows95. Write small
resident, who will delete the swap file every two minutes and
all files in the TEMP directory. After every crash Windows95 does not
let it boot into Safe-mode, and select Logged mode
(BOOTLOG.TXT) to make it record all the steps itself
of your shame into this file. The regime also gives good results
Step-by-step confirmation, in which downloading should be prohibited
the most important drivers.
A particularly piquant mockery is memory extraction.
from the computer. Leave 4 megabytes there, take some reading
"War and Peace" and sit next to the computer for a week or two,
waiting for WinWord to start, periodically encouraging Windows95
with the words: “Well, why isn’t Danila a stone flower?”
 To be continued...