Smehodrome - Jokes. Swirl.

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║               СМЕХОДРОМ                ║
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(с) MONOHROM/TRG                          
                                          
                  * * *                   
                                          
 Вопрос знатокам:                         
 - Почему Бог допустил такую несправедли- 
вость? Создавая человека, дал ему 32 зуба,
а член только один. Почему не наоборот?   
 Ответ знатоков:                          
 - Проблема в том, что 32 члена Бог еще не
нашел куда разместить, а вот что делать с 
мешком яиц - не придумал.                 
                                          
                  * * *                  
                                          
 A man approached a deep well. Look-
zero into it - darkness, darkness. Bent down and   
shouted at him:                           
 - Ah!                                     
 And from there:                               
 - B!                                     
 He shouted again:                       
 - B!                                     
 And from there:                               
 - G!                                     
 - not a damn thing, - he said in surprise.
catcher                                    
 And from the well:                           
 - What did you think?!                       
                                          
  * * *                   
                                          
 A man and a woman are traveling in a compartment. Man   
offers to play the game "Guess the Profession"
this." She agrees. Man:           
 - My profession begins with "and" and for-  
ends with "r".                       
 - Probably an engineer...                   
 - Correct. What about yours?                     
 - Starts with "b" and ends with  
"b," the woman grins.                
 There is an awkward pause.                 
 “Librarian,” says the man. - A   
what you thought is my hobby.           
                                          
  * * *                   
                                          
 A man in the park sees a sign: "Attraction 
"Surprise" he put a coin into the turnstile and entered  
room and frozen: dark, and where to go -  
not clear.                                
 While he was thinking,  fell on his head  
brick. I came and heard a voice from   
dynamics:                                
 - If hit, continue standing: prize
wow game!                                 
                                          
  * * *                   
                                          
 The children decided to play with the car,distributed
roles.                                     
 - You are the steering wheel, you are the engine, you are the body...   
 But there weren’t enough details for Vovochka. Crying. 
The leader of the little ones took pity on him and said: 
 - Okay, you'll be an exhaust pipe. Run   
from behind and stink.                            
                                          
  * * *                   
                                          
The circus has a new attraction "Talking Lo- 
shad". Full house. All tickets have been sold. 
The entertainer comes out and announces:          
 - A talking lo-
shad!                                     
 They will identify a horse: thin, without hooves, eyes  
he has a hat on his head. She is hooked   
with belts and hung to the circus dome.    
Entertainer:                              
 - There is a talking horse under the circus big top!    
 The drums are beating. Behind the scenes they clap
shi. Then suddenly the straps come off, the horse
falls and, falling into the arena, groans:          
 - Damn, when will I die...            
                                          
  * * *                   
                                          
 Could you play for ten minutes for  
I'm playing cards, and in the meantime I'm doing something 
Let’s eat,” the gambler turns to his co- 
I'm going to the casino.                            
 - It’s a pity, I don’t play cards, but if anything- 
then I have to eat for the master, then I’m in pain 
with great pleasure.                        
                                          
 * * *                   
                                          
 There is a competition for the best shot at the shooting range. Won
little boy. They gave him a turtle.
The next day he wins again, and   
he is given a teddy bear:           
 He asks:                           
 - Or you can, like yesterday, have a meat pie and  
crispy crust?                       
                                          
  * * *                   
                                          
 In the next world, three people decided to “kill the goat.” 
They began to look for the fourth. Finally met
some guy who agreed to play 
fight with them. Just sorted out the bones, husband- 
China disappeared. They had to divide the bones into   
three. They just started playing, the man belted 
curled up again.Mixed the bones, divided them into  
four. But then he disappeared again.          
And so on several times.                      
 One of them could not stand it and became angry    
told him:                               
 Listen - if you sit down to play, then play, not
disappear every now and then!                       
 - Guys, it's not my fault. These reanimators  
I'm already tortured!                        
                                          
  * * *                   
                                          
Goldman won the main prize in the lottery, 
placing on the number 49.                    
Katz asks him:                       
 - How did you decide to set it to 49?  - Very simple. I dreamed of sevens. I   
counted them, counted six pieces and placed
at 49.                                   
 - But six makes seven - 42, not 49?     
 - So go without pants with your math- 
tikoy.                                    
                                          
  * * *                   
                                          
 - I’ll go, son, to Uncle Ivan and call him
play the fool.                          
The son ran and said:                  
 - Uncle, father told you to come to us,  
because the fourth fool is missing.  


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║ SWIRK ║
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(c) siSoft/TRG                  
                                          
In the area of the station there is an underground  
ny push. Admission is paid.                 
                                          
All types of finishing works. Tel. 02.       
                                          
Perfume "Panel n5".Only in Izhopsk, by   
lowest wholesale prices.               
                                          
Drink instead of beer every day          
Clearasila, and your acne will disappear.        
                                          
Antipyretic thirst enhancer 7DOWN.      
                                          
"Previously, my hair was dry and lifeless -  
never, but now they are damp and moving"  
- Wash & Go.                              
                                          
I will buy dichlorvos or sell cockroaches.      
                        Tel. 18-29-41.    
                                          
Ministry of Health warns: drop of Nicotine   
the lie decreases, BUT the drop of Fairy kills   
fat horse.                            
                                          
Chewing gum "Sugar Orbit" restores  
your acid-bastard balance.           
                                          
When you swim in the Ob, don’t lose ittampon  
Oh.                                       
                                          
Who is the cause of all the troubles in the world?                 
- You! In Golden Lady tights.            
                                          
I will buy drugs and weapons. Tel. 02.         
                                          
I will buy origins. Used and Chinese not pre- 
lag! Tel. 22-85-26.                    
                                          
I will buy an iron with Internet support. Tel. 03
                                          
I break software, hardware, arms, legs... (c) Hell. 
                                          
I treat infertility at random. Tel11-12-13 
                                          
Samsung1300 vacuum cleaner - The best remedy for  
dandruff.                                  
                                          
Call boys. Tel. 02.              
                                          
I am changing the electric player to electric ones -  
player. Tel. 76-32-02. Sasha.          
                                          
The organization is looking for an accountant! Remuneration 
We guarantee it. Inquiries by tel. 02.      
                                          
I take bribes.Do not offer paltry bribes!      
                                          
Condoms with banana flavor, non- 
flavor, in toy packaging.          
                                          
Windows washing machine for sale,      
erases EVERYTHING. Tel. 76-15-56.               
                                          
Russian vodka - Don't let yourself dry out.