Soft Wars - defeat of the Amiga newspaper.

 ──────────────────── ─────────────────────
      I have the most unpleasant news
 gentlemen... no, it’s not the inspector who has arrived, but
 Mr.John "blinded" a collision with a man from
 ISoft!  The wise Russian people were right
 who said: "From prison and from the straitjacket
 shirts don’t promise!”, so on
 We are not offended by Mr. John, and how can we
 but...                                    
 ──────────────────── ─────────────────────
           * * * * * * * * * * *          
            * * * * * *           
             * * * * * *            
              * * * * * *             
               * * * * * *              
                * * * *               
                 * * * *                
                  * * * *                 
                   * * *                  
                    * *                   
                     *                    
                                          
      “Number 6,” thought Motovator. He
 sat in a chair behind his Pentagon and
 looked intently at the monitor screen.     
      Having finally arrived after a holiday from
 This Cypckoro, tired from haymaking and night-
 people wanted all the courage in the clubs
 Just read the newspaper, Dzhurassikov.    
  "Someone said there was a surprise here
 for me... I love surprises..." - sluggishly
 tried to movehis smoky plan
 and a moonshine-scorched brain. Reading "Intro-
 "he tried to calm down his nervous trembling,
 and when Motovator read “Party”,
 the boy was simply unrecognizable - you could
 say the man came back to life! Now
 The motovator knew what to do.  For
 courage, he took a sip of beer "Baltika-5" and
 went to his Secret Command
 Troop Control Bunker - "SKBUV". You-
 After receiving the pager, he shouted into the microphone to-
lo mochi: “The carriage for me!” Then he remembered
 that the pager does not have a microphone. "@#$#& everyone
 horse!"   - said the Motovator, threw it away
 pager and began to catch a ride...         
      An hour later he stood at the gate of SKBUV.
 With a terrible piercing creak, open
 there was a gate.  It was only then that he noticed
 that the steel keychain is from his new "Cardi-
 the catch" began to melt quickly. "Radia-
 tion.." stated Motovator and took out
 with a master key began to pick around the lock, which
 hung on a massive hatch leading far away
 underground. Without wasting time, he at the same time
 became obsessed with the fact that he began to kindle in himself
 anger:                                  
  - "GET YOURSELF A GIRLFRIEND..." - And the interest-
 but, do you, Mr. JOHN, have one? Well
 Of course, now I’ll try to imagine it
 say: “One leg was shorter than the other, the other
 she was wooden!", "She was pounds
 about seven, and if it worked, it would
 flight attendant, then the plane did not take off
 there would be absolutely no air!" Yes, of course you said
 hall ay, that she is beautiful, that she has an-
 gelian voice [ho-ho] and what a curve
 she just a little bit that finally she...
 like Camahty Fox (only older
 for 200 years!). Probably the couple is worthy of a friend
 friend... I can only wish you
 Happy Honeymoon!            
      Not only are Tales published in "PNE"
 to forge, so also swearing... Ugh, how
 unpleasant, right?  You couldn't live with yours
 girlfriend peacefully...                       
      The thought was interrupted by a loud click of the door opening.
 the castle being built. Having jumped down, he did not forget
 close the hatch behind you, then turn on
 light, the bulbs blinked wildly - again
 it's shorted out somewhere. The tunnel continued met-
 ditch 500, then again rested on the inhabited
 iron door.  Motovator pulled out from under
 mat key and unlocked the door...            
 Behind the door it was really boiling
 life:                                   
      At 20 Pentagons of the new, army
 military programmers worked on the models. Ti-
 there is some clicking of the keyboard pedals sometimes
 interrupted the choice swearing and greedy sips of pi-
 va.  There were some pieces of paper lying around everywhere.
 numbers, maps of various scales...
 One of the programmers noticed the quietly entering
 her Motobatopa and shouted to him: “Everything is already
 ready, sirCommander-in-Chief!!!"
 "O.K." - answered the Commander-in-Chief and pro-
 went to his office. Sitting down in a chair and calming down
 Resting Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces
 (and sometimes not) Forcefully turned on the computer
 his desk and called the secretary to
 convey the first orders.              
  - Send into enemy territory once-
 witchers Khuinaydeshkin and Vseokhuennovidya-
 no matter what.  That's all for now. The rest of the instructions are
 read on the command computer network.     
 Motovator remembered Mr. John's
 girlfriend and he vomited right on the computer. Che-
 in a minute everything was removed and wiped, but not enough
 The freely purring Pentagon was replaced with a new one.
 And here is the first military message from the dis-
 vedchikov: the enemy is mobilizing his
 troops, preparing for the First Soft War -
 no.                                      
  - Well, let's start! - Commander-in-Chief-
 The manager gave the command “warm up”, and so far
 the computer was warming up, he began to
 mother thought...                            
  - Anyway, who is John? Drew yes
 I wish I could draw, but no, he got into the texts. And what-
 he later says in his texts about
 a sense of humor when you don’t have one yourself,
 or only in a perverted form!
 He built the attack, such a bastard.  Right now
 When the computer heats up, you'll smell gunpowder with your ass!
                                          
  - ATTENTION, ATTENTION!!!  - sounded
 computer readiness signal.            
  - In short: “Voice mode.” - speed-
 the Commander-in-Chief commanded and looked closely
 to the strategic map of the Northern Front,
 flashing on the display.                     
      After a while, an evil grin
 ka adorned the heroic face of Motobatopa. 
  - Come on, you bastard! - with these words-
 he gave command to the Royal Guard
 advance on the enemy Royal Regiment.
 When the battle began, it turned out that
 guard without horses...                     
  - Nothing - nothing... - he encouraged himself
 Commander-in-Chief, but Motobatopckue opti-
 mystical hopes were not justified - this
 first battle Unarmed Troops lost
 whether.  The motovator got upset and poured himself a drink.
 half a liter mug of mash, blew it out and again
 tuned in.                              
  - Computer, listen to the command here. Set on fire
 Marines to this John's regiment.        
 This time the Unarmed Front is not
 screwed up and the Commander-in-Chief is why
 historical event scored 5 oblique and do-
 threw them into one snout.                      
  - You fucking bastard, you’ll find out how it’s with ours
 brother to fight... - smoked the last mowing -
 com Motovator.                           
  - Computer, launch the Great Glitch in the computer-
 thorny network of the enemy.                       
  - But sir, they already have one...    
  - Launch another one.- And Motovator
 took a nap while waiting hard for the results
 launch of the Great Glitch.                  
      Exactly an hour later he woke up, had a snack,
 ril "Belomor" and asked about the results
 operations.                                
  - The implementation of the Big Glitch was successful -
 but the enemy temporarily lost the ability to
 mandation.                              
  - So, let's collect those few
 troops that are armed and let them
 for a raid on enemy territory.         
      Historical information:              
  And the Army went forward,                   
  Along forests and swamps,                    
  And she fought with the infantry,                
  And with archers and guards,           
  Both with the guard and with the landing force.             
  And threw lemons at the tank divisions,
  And the archers shot down many planes...  
  “Yes,” said the Commander-in-Chief, “but...
 This Army was ruined by poor knowledge of geography.
 They got so fired up that they rushed
 through John's territory like a hurricane and mind-
 headed somewhere into the unknown distances of Software.
 No one ever saw them again. But
 they accomplished the main thing - they dealt with almost
 you and the entire enemy army remained
 only pitiful scattered detachments that
 mainly concentrated on the secret
 the bunker in which Johnny was hiding.      
      Dressed up to the last detail
 techniques, taking a bag with you to the track
 shag and boarding our Izh-Planeta-Special
 the hero went to finish off the enemy. I won't-
 dem tell me how he flew over
 cutting mountains and rivers with his five (!) ci-
 linder iron horse, every piston
 which was about ten (!!) rings...    
      On the way, Motovator certainly didn’t forget-
 shaft to crush the remains of enemy infantry,
 shoot the guards, blow up armored vehicles
 nick. And finally the long-awaited moment -
 in front of the Commander-in-Chief there is a secret bunker
 Jonah.                                   
      Turning off the engine by kicking the switch
 Motovator took a closer look: there was desert all around,
 only in front there is a dilapidated shack with a
 pitched roof.  He came closer to la-
 stranger and read the inscription on the dilapidated door,
 which was held on one loop:        
     "Mr. JOHN LIVES AND hangs out here"    
  - So this is where you live? -Motoba-
Thor threw a li-
 monk and walked away.  The barn took off on an air-
 spirit... "Where does he live and hang out now?
 will it be?                                 
      Looking around the place where she used to stand
 hut he found a small entrance to the cave-
 ku, where Johnny was apparently hiding.       
      Turning on the Motoba halogen flashlight
 Thor climbed into the cave. Cocoa was dripping from the walls
 I'm slime, but on the very ceiling they were swarming
 big flying oneslittle mice. Yes, otpinny-
 kicking the rats and waving away the mice he
 reached three iron doors, from which
 There was a strong stench in them.  On the left
 the door was written "M", on the right "F",
 Well, on the door between them is “D”. 
  “He’s not even trying to hide...” - I think
 small Motovator knocking down a door with a letter
 "D". FACKels and Motovator were burning behind the door
 turned off the halogen. The winding corridor led
 him to another door. Having opened it, he
 I saw the guards.  Having fired a bullet at one
 forehead, and gave the other one his trademark
 slap on the wrist The Commander-in-Chief went to the ca-
 binet.  It was dirty and smelled all around.
 In the middle of the room there was a table with a computer,
 John was wincing at the wheel.       
  “Hey you...” the Commander-in-Chief called tiredly.
 blowing Unarmed Troops.          
  - Ahhh, dog, I was waiting for you. Here's PiSyun
 I have a glitch, but no, you wouldn’t be able to reach it
 before me! I'm zzzzzzzz...                    
  - But I’m kind! Are you even thinking?
 eat, what do you say? Here, catch... - Motoba-
 Thor raised his double-barreled gun and fired.
 John caught the bullet with his back and immediately jerked
 lying on the floor like a fish on the shore.          
  - Psssol, damn it!!!!! - like a wounded elk,
 yelled Mr. John.                        
  - Well, what about the Dining Room! - Here in the room-
 a detachment of soldiers burst in. Motivator of everyone
 exchanged fire, finished John off with a rifle butt and
 disappeared into the darkness of the night...             
      Long after this all over the world
 there were legends about this feat Motobato-
 ra.                                      
                                          
 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
  MOTOWATOR from ISOFT. TNE STUMP-3 /1997 
 ////////////////////////////////////////