DOCTOR FOMIN HURRY TO HELP!
- Wow! Here I am! Let me introduce
curl - Ilya Fomin!
I have been given an important assignment from the editors
bring to the senses all readers of this
evil magazine. And then from one article the brain
the gi swells, the other brings tears to my eyes -
Xia, and the third makes your fists clench!
So, let's see what we have today...
Oh! As a sedative for this
once again let me suggest a computer
a folk tale with a happy ending, and
as an invigorating - computer review -
new games for real men!
I recommend reading these opuses three times a day.
day after eating, curling up your feces comfortably
slumped in your favorite chair. And also before
at bedtime and in the morning, with a cup of coffee.
THE TALE OF THE BRAVE PROGRAMMER,
KING OF MEGAFLOP
AND THE VILLAIN POLYMORPHUS.
In the three-eighth kingdom, the three-sixteenth
There lived three brothers in the state: two
smart, third programmer. Big Brothers
lived happily ever after, didn’t compile any sources,
no debuggerused, but only solid
played games for a day, but by e-mail
were fussing. And the younger brother worked, no hands
putting it in and not turning off the power.
He programmed in both assembler and C
simple, and in C flattened, and in Clip-
re multi-buggy, and on Fox lame
(and what to do, need will force you - you will
write in Visual BASIC!) And they paid
that's why his customers are greedy and stupid
green bucks and wooden rubles.
But the Programmer was not happy in his personal
life: he could not upgrade, because everything
what they paid him went to the brothers - to
payment of pirated compacts and technical bills
lephone.
And at this time in the distant country of Wet
softia, where only small soft ones live,
a terrible mutant virus appeared. Showed up
looked around, devoured 256 files, screw
took a bite, burped satiatedly, sound blaster, yes
and darted along secret, Internet paths,
straight to the three-eighth kingdom. Yes how
began to eat files, not sparing any gifs,
no body files, but mocking users!
Users came running to King Megaflop, burning
with whom they shed tears. "Save," he said.
they say, “Tsar-Father, I’m dead from infection,”
whoa! The accursed one does not spare either floppy disks or
Winchesters!" The king smiled and sent
against the virus of the lamer-gamer regiment. A
lamers, gamers walk beautifully, like on
screensaver, on each - protectionsuite
new, BFG9000 shines in the sun, behind
shoulder backpacks with bonuses - beware,
enemy! But what do they do against the virus?
He grabbed one interruption - and collapsed
protection suits were available. Grabbed another -
and the bonuses turned into cones (or even
cosines). I grabbed the third one and started
Gamers shoot at each other with BFG9000.
This is where the game over came.
The king frowned and sent to battle with the vi-
Rus regiment of hacker-Quakers (and nicknamed
they acted like that because their favorite fun
hacker was in "Quacke" via modem
to make a fuss). The hacker army has moved
in a clang and roar. Disco engines roar
water, sourcers eat memory, debuggers
registers are clicked. Interceptors on top
interruptions are rushing by, fighting is ahead
cars are moving - web, yes aidtest, yes pro-
what - each has a row of stars on the armor -
we are sixteen, and each asterisk is
the virus is killed. The monster looked out
enta has great power, and I figured -
with a small and harmless program -
for he was a mutant-polymorph and appearance
He knew how to change his own better than any spy.
“Where?” he asks in a voice of complaint.
thin and thin - keep the way, blah-
city hackers?
-Let’s go get rid of the mild infection, vi-
Mutant Rusa! Have you seen him?
-Oh, how can you not see it! Showed up to us at
disk villain damned sono shame on him
ka, no memory, but how he starts to mock!
He devoured the texts, infected the executors, ba-
tore the data into pieces, and the operations
hung the system on the wall with a catalog
gov. And then I turned on all the indicators and
screw formatted. Miraculously I'm in High Me-
I could have been buried, I was the only one saved.
-Where is he, - the hackers ask, -
Tom headed?
-Come on, I’ll show you!
And the hackers went after the virus, but he only
that's what you need. He led them to remote places,
where no one has done RET before, lured into
local networks, confused in infinite loops
nechnykh, fooled by undocumented functions
bathrooms (for he was from the country of Mokrosof-
ties and the secret meaning of these functions was in charge
for certain), and slowly the tentacles,
Yes, I launched it into debuggers-sourcers. Finally
The hackers suspected something was wrong, but it was too late!
They rushed to the program guide, and
there's no one there anymore. Only laughter was heard
There is a sound blaster. Antiviruses are a friend
a friend gets infected, bugs spill out from debuggers
are pouring, sourcers are crushing with their own code -
Xia. Here comes the full shelfformat
complete.
King Megaflop became sad and called
all its system administrators and supervisors -
I'm thinking about how to get rid of the infectionoverseas-
I forge. They think one day, they think the next, but
they went through the third whole "Doom" and said:
“We don’t know how to lime, but only
you need to click the call, maybe it will respond-
what a hero." And they flew at full speed
e-mails from the Tsar's letters: "Who doesn't
will spare his screw in the fight against the adversary
Tom, honor, praise and entry in the table
tsu records, and who will defeat the accursed,
I'll give him my beloved car, cool
unwritten, and half a gig of licensed software
that in addition, and countless toys."
(You will say - there are not so many licenses
this software? So this is a fairy tale!).
The older brothers read the king’s message
cue, and decided to laugh at the younger one.
“You,” they say, “want to upgrade?”
- Want! - answers the Programmer. - night-
I don’t sleep as much as I want!
- Well, King Megaflop gives ma-
your favorite tire to the one who is infected with the virus
the sea will prevail! Just for you
botka, gee-gee-gee!
And I must say the royal car in its entirety
The country was famous for its steepness. And not
one noble hacker sighed about her but
chami and wrote poetry in assembler. And for-
The programmer was passionate about the idea.
“I’ll defeat the virus,” he says, “and get it.”
Megaflop machine!
- Where are you! - the brothers shout. - Already
how many hackers with all their software
disappeared! You'll be lost in no timebyte, and who should we?
Will e-mail pay?
But the Programmer didn’t listen to them, it’s too bad
he dreamed of a royal car.
However, he remembered the fate of his predecessor
niks, and therefore did not immediately throw into battle -
Yes, but I thought about it first. Some ha-
ceramics that I will respond to the royal call -
we managed to defeat the virus in the first battle,
Yes, only he, the damned mutant, the form of me-
realized, taking into account past mistakes, and to life
was reborn stronger than before. Absolute
w weapons capable of vi-
defeat Russia, but don’t touch other software,
no one could figure it out. And there was a reason
come to despair, but I remembered the Program
mist wise proverb: “click click you-
They call...", or something like that. And
he decided to infect the virus with a virus, so that
in his own insides he spread the soup everywhere
stat your death.
Windows will hang itself soon, but not soon
Russian is written. A mutant polymorph, you know
is angry. Has multiplied all over the country and
He’s already getting close to the royal CC. User hundred
chickpeas, princes, but the boyars hide in their towers -
Xia, are disconnected from the networks, lock the dis-
codes for barn locks. But here, finally
Well, the Programmer has finished his work. Took it
to bait the fat and stupid DLL,
planted his creation in it and sent it
towards the adversary. And he saw it
my own soft product, finely soft, and just drank it
jumping into it for joy with its subprograms
mami- and I didn’t even notice how at that moment in
he himself was penetrated by the Programmer's virus.
The Programmer got up from behind the computer and went to
royal chambers. But the guards won’t let him in!
- Late! - They say. - Polymorph is already up
the royal car, my beloved, I got it!
- Take me to her! I will cure her and evil-
I will destroy the dey!
“Uh, look,” says King Megaflop, “
If you succeed, I will reward you as promised,
and if not, don’t be angry, I’ll format it
at a low level.
They took the Programmer to the car and looked
he came at her - and it began to beat more than ever
brave heart. And then he entered with
keyboard word secret - and woke up
his virus is in the guts of a mutant, come on
torment the accursed! And how he didn’t change
form, but could not get rid of the creation
Programmer. And so I died, a heap of dead
The output bytes have fallen off. And only on one
he managed to mess up his computer before his death -
tit: he slammed the screw to the program brothers
if you can do it, I will reward you as promised,
and if not, don’t be angry, I’ll format it
at a low level.
They took the Programmer to the car and looked
he came at her - and it began to beat more than ever
brave heart. And then he entered with
keyboard word secret - and woke up
his virus is in the guts of a mutant, come on
torment the accursed! And how he didn’t change
form, but could not get rid of the creationProgrammer. And so I died, a heap of dead
The output bytes have fallen off. And only on one
he managed to mess up his computer before his death -
tit: he slammed the screw to the program brothers
mist, with all the toys and software
e-mail. And it serves them right.
And the king gave his machine to the Programmer and
a bunch of software in addition, and he began to live
live and press buttons. Here's the file
lu end.
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