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* * * 0 0 * * *
Zmey-Garynych comes to one old woman and says:
“Tomorrow I will come for your granddaughter, be ready.”
After some time, Georgians passed by and asked the
She gave them some buns to eat. Then the Georgians see that the old woman is sitting
became sad, they asked her:
-Are you so sad grandma?
- Yes, the damned snake promised to fly in tomorrow and pick up my granddaughter.
- Well, grandma, don’t be afraid, but go into the forest tomorrow, we’ll deal with the snake.
The next day the old woman and her granddaughter went into the forest. The kite flies
enters the house and there is silence. The old woman sits in the forest for an hour,
another, a third, silence. She decided to check what was going on there.
dit, enters the house and sees: Two Georgians stroking the heads of a snake
and one says:
-If only you had snakes with three asses, and not three heads,would have been home a long time ago
was.
* * * 0 1 * * *
MacLeod arrives with Tessa in Russia and hangs right at the airport
poster: Lenin lived,
Lenin is alive,
Lenin will live.
MacLeod (sadly):
"Tecca, where is my sword, and here are the immortals!!!"
* * * 0 2 * * *
Vasily Ivanovich, Petka and Anka are crawling across the field. There's a creeping ahead
Anka in a skirt, followed by Petka, and behind him Chapaev.
Chapaev asks:
- Petka, was your father a plowman?
-No!.
- Why have I been crawling along the furrow for two hours!
* * * 0 3 * * *
It is difficult to argue with Comrade Brezhnev. You give him a quote - he gives you
conclusion, you give him an excerpt - he exiles you.* * * 0 4 * * *
Under Stalin, our economy was on the brink of collapse.
Since then she has come a long way.
* * * 0 5 * * * (Indecent)
A guy drives into town from his ranch, walks into a bar and says
to the bartender:
-Bartender, you have prostitutes here, I want one.
-No, only one Chinese.
-Chinese!, am I a homosexual or something?
-Well, as you wish.
-Okay, how much does it cost?
-59$
-59$ for this Chinese?
-What makes you think that to the Chinese, this is for my brother and me because we
We'll keep him, he's not a homosexual.
* * * 0 b * * *
Brezhnev ordered to paint the Moon red - let them know
that's ours.Painted.
The next day, in the evening, Brezhnev goes out onto the balcony and sees:
on the red moon it is written:
"Marlboro".
The next day the inscription appears below:
"Made in the USSR."
A day later - a postscript:
"Under license from the firm Philip Maurice."
The next morning Reagan comes out onto the balcony, and on the Moon there is an inscription:
"The USSR Ministry of Defense warns..."
* * * 0 7 * * *
The sperm swim towards the uterus, and behind them the lame sperm swims.
zoid and shouts:
Guys, we were fooled by wearing a condom!!!
Everyone swims back, and the lame sperm swims up to the uterus and
says with a satisfied smile:
This is how deformed children are born.
* * * 0 8 * * *
A cowboy rides a horse, and an inner voice says to him:-Octohobucb.
-For what?
-Stop, I say!
The cowboy stopped.
-Get off your horse.
-For what?
-Get down, I say!
The cowboy got down.
-Dig a hole.
The cowboy dug a hole, found gold and thought that the inner voice
that's good. Let's move on. After a while the voice again
says:
-Stop. Get off your horse.
The cowboy got down.
-Throw the bag into the water.
-For what?
-Give it up!!!
The cowboy quit.
Inner voice (satisfied):
-I heard it gurgle.* * * 0 9 * * *
At the military registration and enlistment office, Cheburashka asks Gena:
-Gena, are they going to shave us?
-I don’t know, ask the mouse.
-I'm not a mouse, I'm a hedgehog!!!
* * * 1 0 * * *
A pretty girl's motorcycle broke down. Two pensioners offered
Can you help, after 10 minutes the motorcycle was repaired.
-How to pay you off: with money or take off your shorts?
They received the money, stepped aside and reasoned.
-We did the right thing in taking the money. And then the shorts are for you
big, but too small for me.
* * * 1 1 * * *
Two men meet, one says to the other:
- When I come home drunk, my wife doesn’t let me home.
-And you, when you are drunk, undress on the stairs, and then,
when your wife opens the door, throw your clothes into the apartment.
The next day the man got drunk, took off his clothes and when
The door opened and threw clothes in there. After that the doors quickly
closed anda voice was heard:
- "NEXT 0CTAH0BKA METP0 "KRASNOPRESNENSKAYA" "
* * * 1 2 * * *
A man enters a store.
-Tell me, do you have ink for 7th grade?
-What are you saying? The ink is the same for everyone!
The man leaves. Another buyer says to the saleswoman with a smile:
-He's a weirdo, isn't he?
-And don’t say... What did you want?
-Yes, I wanted to ask: do you have an atlas of the GUM store and a globe?
Ukraine.
* * * 1 3 * * *
A girl walks through an underground passage at night. Moving towards a meeting
a huge silhouette of a man with his arms spread wide.
The girl, in desperation, grabs a brick and throws it at the man. Time
there is a clink of glass and a cry:
- Damn it! I can’t bring the third glass into the house.
* * * 1 4 * * *
TU-134 takes off.The commander asks the navigator:
- Did you take the cards?
- But of course! Three decks.
- Oh, you fool! Again you'll have to fly through the pack of "BELOMOP"...
* * * 1 5 * * *
One in the office said to another:
-If our lunch break were fifteen minutes longer,
I would have time to run home for lunch, but the boss doesn’t want to increase
time for a break.
- Yes, the boss is never at work during lunch break. 0n and
won't notice your absence.
At lunchtime the clerk went home. The wife is nowhere to be seen. Looked into
bedroom - there the boss is in bed with his wife. Quietly covers
door and run to work. And there he says:
-My boss almost caught me now.
* * * 1 b * * *
The farmer did not send away the old one, who had served his term.
Stud bull.
I left it in the herd. But I bought a new one. He immediately got down to business.
The old bull began to snortand dig the ground with your hoof
“Why are you upset?” asked the farmer. “You’re too old for this.”
“I know,” replied the old bull, “I just want to show that I
not K0P0BA!!!
* * * 1 7 * * *
Three French boys, walking down the street, saw lovers
in bed.
-Look! A woman and a man are fighting in bed, said the 8-year-old.
ny boy.
“No, they are making love,” said the 10-year-old boy.
“And very skillfully,” added the 12-year-old.
* * * 1 8 * * *
A husband finds his wife in bed with his best friend.
Friend says:
-You know, we both love her. It's a difficult matter, but we are athletes.
Let's play her cards.
-Agree. But also put some money on the line. To
There was still interest.
* * * 1 9* * *
A new goose has appeared on the farm. All of myself.
He approaches the turkey and inquisitively asks:
-Where is your pond?
-Where, where... Wherever they catch you, that’s where the rod is!
* * * 2 0 * * *
Armenian radio is asked:
-Why do the Lviv bus and the “Zaporozhets” have a rear engine?
Answer:
- Whatever they thought, they put it there!
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