Summer at the dacha - 2
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(c) Chainick
Preface.
Please take into account that everything
the events described below represent
is the pure truth, although sometimes even
I can’t believe it myself.
So...
Kettle and Gas, as already mentioned in
Part 1, we often relaxed at Teapot’s dacha. And
is not something supernatural
what for a successful pastime
a fairly large one was needed
the amount of money that would allow one to buy all
list of essentials
which was printed earlier. But where to get it
so much money? And the answer is simple until
disgrace - hand over the container. And they gave it up. And
money after purchasing N.Z. remained. And
They drove and drank and got hungover.
However, everything is not as simple as it could be
would be. After all, the money is spent, the product
used for its intended purpose, and all is ahead
life! What to do? Well of course
go “to work”, which implied
entails theft of fruit and berry crops from
neighboring dacha community. Case
turned out to be very profitable, because one
a bucket (10 liters) of kulupniki cost according to those
sometimes about $15 (!), but you can’t collect it
is a special task. Soldloot in a shitty town near
sonorous name "Molodechno". Population
of this city are 98-99% alone
collective farmers. Imagine: You are walking
along the street of a city in which there is only 1
bus route, and small (and not
very) children, passing by, twitch
your dad (and sometimes you) by the leg of his pants
and they scream heart-rendingly: “Papa! Papa!... PANN!!!!”
For reference, I will say that the Kettle in those
times did not have a long hair. Why
Did they take this? It's still not clear.
And one day the Teapot went to the market
trade while wearing a leather jacket,
studded with iron and spikes on all sides
all sorts of things. This outfit produced
an indelible impression on others:
grandmothers frantically crossed themselves, children
were scared, and one was especially curious
Grandfather froze rooted to the spot
place, and then with genuine respect
in his voice he said: “Uh-uh...
Heavy metal.." I don't think he himself
I understood what I said. :)
After the successful sale of the loot
everyone went in a friendly crowd to
shop. They bought vodka, bread and
oil. (Cigarettes were bought from grandma,
which soon began to recognize everyone.
As I already said, especially violently
Nupa Night was celebrated.
Naturally, there are no flowers in the forest
didn’t look (except perhaps only those who already
couldn't get upon your feet) and that's it
drank strong drinks regularly
in the lap of nature. And I'm getting this all to
next chapter.
Chapter next.
In which the Teapot grills kebabs.
The celebration promised to be wild.
There was plenty of money. Vodka was purchased
as much as 5 liters. Plus a couple of liters of something
ink. For an appetizer we chose shish kebab from
chicken and veal. (strange combination).
They even gave us a packet of mayonnaise (I don’t know,
really, why). It is natural that
the Kettle was loaded with cooking, more Gas
I would refuse to eat.
Well, finally all the preparations
finished. (A hut was built in the forest, taken
mafon and provisions + 12 glasses/per
just in case/.)
In the forest everyone immediately attacked
her, my dear. (I meant vodka,
although the girl alone got into this
senate of alcoholics.)
After taking a good vodka and watering
your mortal head with mayonnaise from
bag, the Kettle decided to start working on
kebab. Naturally, this took away from
he has a lot of time and effort. Sometimes
the long-awaited product was almost ready,
The teapot decided to slowly gather people to
"table". Turning around, he saw no one
saw. Only his fat one was wandering around
friend named NotLobAy. He kept in
hands a liter bottle of vodka and
I applied myself to it periodically. Kettle
took it fromoffered him a bottle
share a meal with him. Hearing the word
"food", NotLobAy vomited on a nearby
tree and politely refused. Asked
only “Grandma needs to leave a little”, after
what he began to diligently take from the Teapot
bottle He, thinking that NotLobAi'yu
nothing to hold in your hands, loaded
skewer kebabs into a pan, closed
lid and handed it to NotLobAi. So
So he kept the vodka with him.
“We need to find someone,” I thought
The kettle went to the hut.
There was someone in the hut. From there
legs stuck out and voluptuous sounds were heard
moans. “Bastards,” thought Teapot, “
I wasn't invited." And poured the rest on them
mayonnaise, as well as a little vodka, after
why did he retire?
Offended by the whole world, Teapot decided
try your culinary creation.
The kebab turned out to be a little undercooked
however quite edible. Kettle everything
tried and tried. Soon he
my stomach was swollen and my eyes darkened, but
Don't let the good things go to waste! Here from somewhere
Gas appeared (apparently condensed from
pre-dawn coolness) and said that
cut down some 100-year-old oak tree, for which
spent half the night. Bring the trophy
Of course I couldn’t. The kettle gave him 2
skewered kebabs, and he began to eat.
Screams were heard from behind and a three-story
mat. These were the "Lyuuovnichki" crawling out of the hut
and onsomeone was stepped on. The people woke up.
Someone threw 0.5 vodka into the fire. Glade
illuminated with a bright light. "He ate everything
kebabs!!!" - someone yelled. But this one
the scream drowned out the girl's heart-rending scream,
who discovered that she was covered in mayonnaise
(she didn't know that the Kettle was watering them)
- "F.. YOUR MOTHER!!!!! But me
did you cum!!!!? " - she screamed and disappeared
in the forest. Her boyfriend (also
covered in mayonnaise). /How I understood it, from her
According to him, this guy was not
the only one. Otherwise why ask? / And
No one else saw them that night.
Everything (apparently from an excess of emotions) again
They went to bed, and the Teapot (feeling
morning dubor) decided to go home.
No sooner said than done, and here they are with Gas
already staggering along the forest path to
home. Halfway to the house, Kettle noticed
something lying on the side of the road. This is when
on closer inspection there was no one
other than NotLobAy. He was sleeping peacefully in
grass, clutching with a death grip
pan. Moreover, to the request “give
look" he opened the lid
pots.
Captured by someone who came from nowhere
feeling of friendly affection (what with
I'll never drink too much!) he tried
lift a body lying on the ground, but
unsuccessfully. Then Kettle without hesitation
declares that he will stay here overnight and
NotLobAi will not leave him alone in the forest.
Gas finally persuaded Teapot to go
home, but before they go, they're cozy
covered the sleeping person with a piece of plywood,
lying nearby. Making sure that
the “body” is not in danger of death from cold,
Kettle and Gas went home where it's peaceful
rested until the next chapter.
Chapter next.
In which the Teapot catches a duck.
The day turned out to be unusually hot. All
they were simply languishing from the midday heat.
The kettle was lying on the bed, drinking beer from
refrigerator and cursed the fucking
weather. There was a knock on the door. Behind the door
there was a company of notorious gopniks and
masturbators, with all her appearance inspiring
the idea that they are up to something. A
their idea was to direct
refresh your feet to the nearest lake
their emaciated bodies. Kettle supported
idea, and in a few minutes everything is already
were on their way. Arriving on bicycles to
lake, everyone rushed into the
water. Having cooled down, everything is compact
sat on the shore and enjoyed
life.
A flock of young fish were swimming nearby
ducklings (quite well-fed) and with visible
I devoured with pleasure everything that they
abandoned.
- Don't we need duck for dinner? -
The kettle glitched.
- Needed!!! - Everyone and one screamed
the most determined one rushed into the water.
He caught two, but only one turned out to beHe was unusually quick and escaped.
- Kettle! - The unlucky one screamed
hunter, - What should I do with him!?
- Topi! - the Teapot roared.
- He's floating up! Realizing that there was no point
will come out, the Teapot dashingly jumps into the water straight
in clothes and takes away the half-dead duck.
A little time passes...
/cruel scene. The impressionable should not read!/
Everyone is sitting calmly on the shore.
Only the Teapot, sitting with his butt in the water,
tries in vain to drown the ugly duckling,
all the while gently persuading him: "
Well, drown, you scum! Imagine
that you are a brave aquanaft..." Bastard
the bird twitches, blows bubbles and screams
something similar to "Hru-hru" under water.
Finally, Teapot decides to break his neck
this feathered freak. Turns on
2 turns - no use. Just yell
became louder. 3 - the same result. 4...
Finally, something crunched there and
the bird slowed down. Everyone is sitting on the shore
as if nothing had happened and playing cards.
The kettle boiled: "Freaks! Give me
bag!" (You can’t get a goose out of the water -
their owners may be nearby.) Here
one especially compassionate person says:
- Kettle, maybe we can let him go?
- Donkey! He died a long time ago!
- Or maybe we’ll let you go anyway?!
But he threw the bag.
How did we get everything from there! This is necessary
was to see. That's the pointjurisdictional.
Arriving home, Kettle began to eat a goose
pinch and gut. (this was his first
times when I had to pluck a bird)
A newly minted “conservationist” has arrived.
- Maybe you shouldn’t pinch the meat. Pinch
with tweezers - it hurts her! Honestly
there was a desire to pinch him
pliers for the eggs.
But no matter what, goose
it turned out excellent and everyone ate it with
with great pleasure.
Happy End.
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