Stirlitz - From the first issue of the newspaper, we decided to start a series of stories about spy 009 - Stirlitz.

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 From the first issue of the newspaper we
decided to start a series of stories about
spy 009 - Stirlitz. And since
the whole cycle begins with
this story, it was considered necessary
we should publish it too, although
this has already been done by ATLANTA.  
                                
--------------------------------
                                
 OPERATION "HEDGHOGS"        
                                
 P P E D I S L O B I E     
                                
 It was snowing outside the window and
Red Army soldiers.                 
   Joseph Vissarionovich turned away
sya from the window and asked:           
 - Comrade Zhyukov, you haven’t seen me yet
killed?                          
 - No, Comrade Stalin.       
 - Then let me smoke.      
 Zhukov sighed obediently,
pulled a box from my right pocket
"Kazbek" and handed it to Stalin.
After crumbling several cigarettes into
phone, the commander-in-chief is planning
Chivo lit a cigarette fromoutstretched
matches.                         
   Через  десять  минут он cnpo-
strength:                            
 - How are things in the Western
front?                         
 “They’re fighting,” Zhu simply answered.
cov.                            
 - How does toba feel?
risch Isaev?                      
 “It’s difficult for him,” I said sadly.
Zhukov Hall.                      
 “That’s good,” said Sta-
lin, - I have a but for him -
your task...                  
 And outside the window it was snowing and
Red Army soldiers.                 
                                
                                
          CHAPTER B A 1          
                                
                                
   Low smoked ceiling
zucchini "The Three Little Pigs" was
almost black with soot, the walls were
painted with scenes from the famous
that fairy tale in honor of which it was
назван кабачок. Кормили в кaбaч-
not very good, give me some more water
worse, but that didn't deter him
завсегдатаев. Отпугивало их дру-
goe.  С  недавних  пор в кабачок
got into the habit of looking at the standard
енфюpеp СС фон Штирлиц.         
 And now he was sitting at the far
himtable, which was occupied
filled with food for seven, and a bottle
kami for eight. Stirlitz was
alone and didn’t wait for anyone. Sometimes
he was getting bored, he...
pulled a Mauser from his pocket with
dedicatory inscription "To the Chekist
Isaev for the liberation of Dalny
East from Felix Edmundovich
Dzerzhinsky" and accurately used
tuhhoro Voroshilovsky shooter
shot those hiding in the corner
llama cockroaches.                  
 - Got it here! - he yelled, -
mess!                        
 And indeed, in the zucchini
it was a mess.                     
   The floor was covered in cheap wine
spit on and littered with cigarette butts.
It seemed that
everyone considered it their duty if
don't puke on the floor, then at least
spit or spill something.
Every now and then, stepping through puddles and ma-
The officers passed by, lost.  For
at the next table there are four es-
the Soviets dirtyly pestered the lubricant
live waitress. She's hpabu-
elk, and she giggled stupidly. B
corner, face buried in salad
from squid, a drunken un-
teroficer without boots, but in under-
serious cases  Sometimes he started to feel uneasy
toss and turn freely and made noises
loud obscene sounds. Two
front-line soldier, drinking schnapps at
stands, quietly talking about co-
life on the Kursk Bulge. Young
a day lieutenant in the company
two girlssuspicious
loudly crucified o
what a great guy he is, and how he
Okay, he shoots a pistol.  
 Stirlitz took a sip from a mug of pain
take a sip of beer, dig deeper
with a fork in a can of stewed meat and
looked around with a keen gaze
I’m decomposing the reality
Germany, occasionally delayed
I give away a look at some
details scurrying between
tables of waitresses.           
 - What bastards these Russians are,
- unexpectedly for everyone he said
little lieutenant, - I would like them
put everyone through one and str-
took turns.                 
 Silence reigned in the room
on.  Everyone looked at Stirlitz.
Stirlitz spat out a piece of stew,
stood up, and, knocking over three tables,
marched up to breakfast
to the present lieutenant.              
 - Fascist pig, - process
he said and slapped the lieutenant in the face
rank.                           
 - Sorry, I don’t quite understand-
May... - stammered the dumbfounded
Lieutenant                      
 Stirlitz lost his temper and
grabbed a stool and brought it down on
head to the hapless lieutenant.
The lieutenant fell and Stirlitz began
kick him viciously.       
 - I am Russian intelligence officer Isaev and
I won't allow dirty German
dog to insult a Russian official
pa!                             
 Four SS men rushed
separate the fighting. Having fun-
The walking Stirlitz was dragged away from the station
poor lieutenant and, to ycno-
koutb, offered to drink for Po-
Dina, for Stalin.               
 - Yes, - said Stirlitz, German
Having calmed down a lot, he drank
a mug of schnapps, a red-haired SS man with
ready to pour out a second one, Stir-
drank more faces, the lieutenant became
he's not interested.               
 - Well, how can it be, - he whispered
one of the front-line soldiers sobbing
lieutenant - under Stirlitz himself
say this about Russians, and even
and in such expressions! I would like you
killed in his place.              
 - Stirlitz is a kind soul, -
the second front-line soldier sighed, - I
I remember three days ago they beat me here
Japanese spy, that's how everyone beat him
legs, but Stirlitz - no.        
 - Kindest person, - confirm-
the first front-line soldier believed, and they
took the lieutenant out to fresh air
spirit.                            
 Stirlitz, embracing the SS-
tsami, loudly sang "Hitler Solda-
ten".                           
 A drunken non-commissioned officer raised
lettuce head, circled the hall
with a dull look andenthusiastically
yelled:                        
 - Heil Hitler!              
 The whole hall jumped up, throwing up their hands
ki, the walls shook from the response
roar:                          
 - Sieg Heil!!!               
 And Stirlitz was already asleep, dreaming
nightingales, Russian fields and be-
cutting, he dreamed of naked girls,
bathing in the lake, and he peeked
blew after them from the bushes.        
 Now he is sleeping, but exactly
in half an hour he will wake up to
continue your difficult, necessary
work for the Motherland.              
                                
                                
          CHAPTER B A 2          
                                
                                
   In Mueller's office stood
the safe in which Mueller kept
files on all employees of the Reich.
He often lovingly climbed into
your safe for the next case,
to replenish it, bocctaho-
remember, just look through
or put into action.  But
the latter rarely happened, because
Müller, like a true collector,
ner, didn’t like to part with his money
lamy of their wards. Safes with
almost all employees had things to do
nicknames of the Reich, except Stirlitz, but
such an extensive collection of works
neither had any opinionsanyone, even
Kaltenbrunner himself. It was
The boss's small and innocent hobby
Gestapo, in his collection were
Himler, Goebbels, Schellenberg,
Borman, Stirlitz and even Kal himself
tenbruner.                      
The Obergruppenführer was sitting at the
mine and leafed through Bormann's file, this
was one of the most voluminous cases
in his safe. Müller whistled
Mephistopheles' aria from Faust and
reread my favorite lines.     
 Parteigenosse Bormann was small-
Cue dirty trick.  If Bormann doesn't
managed to annoy someone,
he counted the day nponab-
shim.  If it worked for someone
spoil, Bormann fell asleep peacefully -
but with a kind, happy smile
on the face. Favorite dog Borma-
na, who lived in his office,
bit the officers' legs, and
then everyone had to walk around
Reich in high boots. Muller,
who had flat feet, from
I suffered greatly from this. One day he
had the imprudence to enter the ca-
Bormann's binet was wearing sneakers
viciously bitten on the left leg. Co-
the tank had to be poisoned. Since then
Since then, he and Borman have become the most evil
we are enemies.                     
 Borman was a lover of lining -
put buttons on chairs, draw
on the backs of the officers with chalk
personal words, pull in the dark
complex systems in corridors
ropes, tripping over somethingry unfortunate victim at best
case fell or got wet
at worst, she received a year's wages
fishing with a brick. Special love
Bormann used waterclose-
you.  What kind of nasty things he doesn’t
wrote on the doors and walls about the office
Tserach Reich, and sometimes nepepuco-
pouring out of the French boulevards
magazines with obscene pictures.
Under one of these pictures he
signed "this is Eva Braun." Fuhrer
was offended and instructed him to
Borman, find out who it is
lal.  All in the Reich for two months
groveled before Bormann, a
Stirlitz even came up with a version
to protect yourself from suspicion
I think it was made by a Chinese
spy  In the end I got hurt
Admiral Canaris, who heocto-
easily won against Bormann in the preferential
pahc his new secretary. Sec-
retapping was my second passion
Borman.  He fired me every now and then
some and hired others. Changed
secretaries with Himmler, Schellen-
berg, asked to give cekpe-
I talk to Muller, but Muller otka-
hall  In the Reich, Bormann was not loved,
but they were afraid. Who cares?
see your name on the toilet wall
pa?                             
 Bormann was fat, bald and angry
memorable.  And Bormann himself is in this
time was busy with business. Acute
with a knife he carved a toilet on the door
that inscription: "STIRLITS - CATTLE
AND THE RUSSIAN SPY." Satisfied
smacking, Borman pulled the ropeVochku and went out. He carefully
washed my hands and felt accomplished
went to his ka-
binet.  The day promised to be successful -
nom.                            
 In his office, Borman opened
safe locked with seven secret
locks and stuck his head inside.
Yesterday he hung a sign in the safe -
ku in Russian: "Russkim
Developers are forbidden to get dirty!"
Someone corrected it with a red pencil
made mistakes and signed: "Borman
fool." Borman got the Russian-non-
German dictionary translated and log-
thought honestly: "Someone fixed it
mistakes... it means someone got into
safe... it's not me... that means
Russian spy... and plus everything
he knows Bormann personally. Sledova-
Indeed, I know him too. Borman
thought for a long time. In half an hour
he guessed to look for prints
fingers. After another half hour he
found it.  Apparently a Russian intelligence officer
I ate stew. The jar was right there
in the safe. "It feels pa-
Bot Stirlitz.  I wonder what
would Kaltenbrunner say?" Bormann
sighed.  Connections with Stirlitz
it wasn't worth the hassle, anyway
he'll come up with something himself
you will be guilty.  They knew it
everything.  Borman sighed again and
took the pastor's file out of the safe
Schlaga.  He was watching the pastor
for a long time and with interest. This person
century had an extensive female clientele
tour.  The pastor ran after anyone
women: old and young,
beautiful and not so beautifulmarried
and vice versa, and women answered
he reciprocates that Borman,
whom women did not like,
I was very surprised and even angry.  
                                
"Why does one person need so much
women?  I understand if they
were, firstly, secretaries,
secondly, for me, well... On-
that's right, he works for someone else
reconnaissance  Most likely it's not
our intelligence.  Therefore,
foreign, - Borman raised his pa-
thumbs up - you need to feel it -
fall..."                        
 And Borman, calling Eisman,
gave the order.             
 From a strong kick to the door
swung open and entered the office
gloomy and sleepy Stirlitz.     
 - Borman! Let me smoke!    
 "Stirlitz has run out of nanupo-
"See," thought Borman, holding out
cigarette case with the profile of the Fuhrer, -
it means he smoked a lot. Lots of ku-
ryat when they think, it means he
I thought a lot. Stirlitz just like that
doesn't think, that means he's for something
thinks."                       
 And Borman looked into honest
Stirlitz's eyes.                 
 - How are you?                 
 - Bad.                     
 "I'm likealways right! - about-
Bormann rejoiced. - Exactly, what-
he's up to something!  I need to feel it
fall."                          
 - Would you like some coffee?        
 - No, - Stirlitz will distort -
lo. - Better than beer.               
 Borman pressed the button, and
The secretary entered.  Stirlitz her
I haven't seen it before.                
 - New?                
 “Yes,” Borman boasted.   
 - But nothing, - Stir approved
persons                            
 “I like it too,” said
flattered Borman. -Beer npuhe-
si, dear.                    
 - I obey, Parteigenosse.   
 The secretary brought beer and
began to wait for further instructions
Grooms.                          
 - You can go, - he waved his hand
Borman.                         
 Secretary, disappointed
Shaking her hips she came out. Stirlitz
took his eyes off the door and took
mug with beer.                 
 - Sit down, - suggested Borman,
putting up a chair.                
 Stirlitz with a familiar gesture
He brushed the buttons off the chair and sat down.  
 “I noticed,” I thought venomously
Borman, - Stirlitz on the buttons is not
you'll take it. You can feel the hand of Mosk-
you."                            
 Stirlitz’s eyes warmed.    
 “Good beer,” he said. 
 "It's getting dark, you cat of a bitch. Deceive
wants.  No, brother Isaev, not on
that one attacked. Shouldn't I play
is there a joke with him? What if he really
subtly hint that they are interested
Is Eva Braun poking around?             
 - Stirlitz! Why, you are int-
Eva Braun is happy!  cried
Borman.                         
 Stirlitz choked.  With Eva
Brown he met only one
once, and then at a reception with the Fuhrer.
Stirlitz had a high opinion of himself -
like a man, but this thought
never crossed his mind
woo.                             
 "Eva Braun may become valuable
agent. We need to ask the Center." 
                                
 Stirlitz stood up and blew his nose
curtain.                      
 "Will you bite or not?" - thought
Borman.                         
 Stirlitz looked out the window.    
 - What legs this baby has!
- he said in verse, Look,
Borman.                         
 Borman took a chain from the table
Soviet binoculars and went to Stir-
face. They were silent for a minute. For this
Stirlitz had time to think about it
Borman's words, and Borman guessed -
Xia that Stirlitz distracted him.     
 "He's leading me by the nose," I thought
Borman deftly turned the conversation
in a different direction.                 
 - Listen, Stirlitz, you have
such extensive connections. Couldn't
you get a smart little dog with
sharp teeth.                 
 - I can.                      
 “This one can do everything,” I thought
Borman.                         
 Stirlitz often promised something
Borman, as well as everyone else
the rest, but never anything
did.                          
 Stirlitz shot at Bormann
a couple more cigarettes, mechanically
shoved the file lying on the table under
mouse and headed towards the exit.    
 Borman rushed to the table and
I suddenly opened the top drawer. About
the door itself is ten centimeters
a linen line stretched from the floor
pebka. Stirlitz jumped sharply
through her and saying “Goodbye-
niya", disappeared behind the door.        
 "Professional!"  - moaned
Borman.                         
 Yes, Stirlitz was a professional
scrap He didn't bother scrollingstolen-
new thing in the corridor, as a post-
If I were him I would drink English
or a Paraguayan spy, a chose
the most secluded place in the Reich.   
                                
Entering the water closet Stirlitz ob-
found a fresh inscription "SHTIRLITS
- CATTLE AND RUSSIAN SPY."
Stirlitz carefully crossed out
the word "SPY" and inscribed the word
"SCOUT", and wrote below
"BORMAN IS ALSO A CATTLE."        
 Here he flipped through the file
 "Professional!"  - moaned
Borman.                         
 Yes, Stirlitz was a professional
scrap He did not leaf through the stolen
new thing in the corridor, as a post-
If I were him I would drink English
or a Paraguayan spy, a chose
the most secluded place in the Reich.   
                                
Entering the water closet Stirlitz ob-
found a fresh inscription "SHTIRLITS
- CATTLE AND RUSSIAN SPY."
Stirlitz carefully crossed out
the word "SPY" and inscribed the word
"SCOUT", and wrote below
"BORMAN IS ALSO A CATTLE."        
 Here he flipped through the file
Pastor Schlag. On his head
began to ripen still unclear, but
already a plan.