I-Net Storyz - For some reason, most funny stories happen either with students or around them...

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                          ...e$$$              
                  iSSue #002 "$$$$$$"               



     For some reason, most of the funny stories happen or co
students or around them.                                      
     Dormitory of the physics department of the Far Eastern University. (Explanation
for residents of the center - Vladivostok). Morning of November 8th. (Explanation
for young people: November 7 is a Soviet holiday, an occasion for one of the most
global drunkenness, and 8th is a working day).  8 o'clock in the morning
the situation does not need explanation - whoever imagines it
present, but it’s indescribable. Along the long corridor, where
the doors of the rooms are coming out, the dean, who came with the commission, is moving (as
as if it’s unclear why no one is in class!). Approximately
in the middle of the corridor in the position of a starfish lies a sleeping student -
True, only the upper part of the body is in the corridor, the lower part is in
room, but it’s inconvenient to walk through.  The dean stops and
With a disgusted expression he moves the student with the toe of his shoe.
The student wakes up, focuses his dull gaze on the shoe, then
on the leg, higher, higher - on the face, recognizes... And tries to make it cozy
curl up in a ball, grumbling displeasedly:                         
     - Fuck... Dean... And I'll dream about something like this...                
(Explanation for the compassionate: the dean is a separate topic for     
conversation - he is stone-facedstepped over (!), and indeed the whole
the visit went without reprisals.)                                  
Told by Tatiana                                              


In Odessa, in the toilet at the station there was an inscription:                     
"Down in both cases."                                     


     It is known that the cops walk in twos because one
can read, and the other can write... So. Driving one morning
a group of students at a lecture on the bus, all the passengers are like this
half asleep.  Only students go, laugh, something all over
the bus is told. One of them tells the above-mentioned
joke about cops.  The company laughs.  Here the narrator
a loud voice behind him: “Young man, your documents...” All
passengers (well, as usually happens) immediately became interested -
what's there?  how is it?  who are they knitting?  The company becomes the center
public attention.  Students turn around - they stand two
cop.  Everyone has the thought: “Well, damn, we’re done with the joke.” Narrator
takes out a student ID.  The cop looks at him for a long time and
says, turning to his partner: “Vasya, write down...”         
The bus jumped up with laughter...                                 


I work as an operator in a paging company, respectively      
a lot of curiosities. they call:                                          

- Hello,Hello, is this a pager?                                      
- No, operator.                                                
- Oh, sorry, I was wrong.                                      
***                                                             
- Please, pass a message to the subscriber.               
***                                                             
- Good afternoon! (girl in a very sweet voice) May I ask?      
  phone number of the French embassy?                                   
- You have reached the paging company and now you can        
  leave a message on the pager.                                
- I am aware, but I need the phone number of the French Embassy.           
- I do not have such data.                               
- Yes? Well, fuck you!                                        
***                                                             
"A person of Caucasian nationality"                                
- Hello, hello, girl!                                           
- I'm not a girl.                                                 
- Oh fuck, out of my life, myshchina.                                        

The messages from the drug addicts are especially encouraging:                               
     "Bring me 2 large cassettes for 200 minutes or 4 small ones
100 each, well pumped up and tight, but if they are the same
wet asyesterday, we will return them."                               
     "Bring me 1 lecture on algebra for the 5th for 150
pages.  I have half of this lecture left, but I don't need it
Enough for the evening."                                               
     “If you wore shirts today, don’t drive. они
очень хорошие, поэтому это может быть очень опасно."            
Рассказал Nigger                                                


Выдается за реальную историю, возможно c бородой.               
     Два  мужика  поехали  за  грибами  в Выбoрcкom направлении.
Кроме  водки,  естественно,  вообще  ничего  не  брали. Начали в
поезде,  где-то  вылезли.  Темно, холодно... Они добавили. Пошли
куда-то,  заблудились.  К  утру все допили. Идут, вокруг никого.
Вдруг мужик, одет прилично, c палочкой. Они: "Слышь, мы где?"   
- Лaпeeнрaнтa                                                   
- А это что?                                                    
- (смотрит, как на идиотов) Cyomu (Финляндия)                   
- ???!!! А ДЕЛАТЬ-ТО НАМ ЧТО?                                   
Тот на них посмотрел задумчиво, и на плохом русском говорит:    
     -  Вы тут не первые такие, вон, видите два здания (две избы
поодаль),  первое  - наша застава, второе - ваша. Вам нужно мимо
них  проползти  так, чтобы вас не видели. Потом, на той стороне,
tell the border guards that you are lost.  Hold it for a while and
will be released.                                                       
     The men threw their baskets and slammed onto their bellies and down the ravines.
and puddles on the other side. They crawl past one guardhouse, the second,
they crawl further... After 5 minutes they see something similar to a platform,
take a closer look - and it’s definitely a platform.  And the inscription "Lanskaya"
(a suburb of St. Petersburg. One hundred kilometers from Finland). They
ago, but the man’s name, of course, was Mitka...                     
Told by Kirill                                                


     Brothers Slavs, apparently, are still the most cheerful source
language incidents.  For example, the Czechs call a billiard room...
bullshit (Herna from the word hra - game), and in Prague on Žižkov there is
pub called "U pizducha".  Why so
called - I have no idea, but there are always such cabinets sitting there,
that, apparently, if you ask, that’s exactly what you’ll get.                 
Told by Vlad Lissine                                          


     In our second year, we were all sent to the Mozhaisk district "to
potatoes."   A month later, quite dirty and tired,
Let's return home.  Yes, but on Monday you have to go to
classes.  My friend, a good quiet Jewish youth, came
upset.  It turns out that mom started waking him up in the morning,kindly
saying it's time to get up. He, half asleep, without understanding,
muttered: “Go to hell, I was already on duty yesterday,” and fell asleep again.      
Told by Lokis                                                 


Story #1 from the life of st. Biryuzova Minsk                       
     I had a friend named Shilo. The nickname matched
appearance: tall, awkward, with an arrogant sidelong glance, instead
one tooth sticks out apmatypa. As they joked in our area: Circus
left, but the clown remained.                                         
     One day, a friend had a party.  Shiloh
drank well and went to the bedroom to sleep. After some
I wanted to emy for a little while and go to the toilet across the hall,
where the fun was still happening, it was a bummer.                    
     In short, he looked around, it should be noted that
His vision was not very good, and he saw a dog in the corner
rooms.  Nothing smarter than emy could think of, how to go to
little need in the same corner.                                     
     In the morning everyone gathered at the table again, they were hungover,
high spirits. And suddenly the wild squeal of the hostess:             
- Shiloh, what the hell are you doing in the corner?!                          
- It's not me!                                                     
- And who?- Dog.                                                      
- What the hell kind of dog is that?!                                  
- Your dog.                                                 
- So she's PLUSH!!! ...                                    
Told by Dmitriy Zelikman                                      


A true story from school life.                             
     Wardrobe, students play cards and smoke.  Suitable
the cleaning lady and asks them to stop this activity, so to speak. On
they answer her something in the style of: “Fuck you while you fucked
stuffed."  She leaves and comes with the head teacher (an old and complete
stupid) The head teacher, naturally, begins to read morals on the topic of how
maybe an elderly woman who is old enough to be your grandmother and such...
And an elderly woman who is old enough to be their grandmother stands nearby and
says: “That’s right, that’s right, if everyone, and even in
it's fucked up, so what's going to happen to me."                            
Told by Nil Ushakov                                           


 Stagnant years.  Lecture at the amphitheater of the Moscow State Pedagogical Institute named after. Lenin (not
I know what it’s called now).                                   
Lecturer:                                                         
     - In the decaying West, young people smoke, drink and do something else
is engaged. And as a result it smokes,getting drunk...            
From the last row:                                              
     - ... and it goes away!                                        
PS. And the lecturer, it seems, meant drugs.                   
Told by Lisa                                                  


     An incident in a Moscow trolleybus, not far from
Polytechnic Museum.                                         
Driver (angrily):                                             
     - Comrade passengers! Free your anus!            
And almost without a pause:                                              
     - Next stop - Armenian Lane.                
Told by Alexander Zarubin                                     


     Real story (happened in 1985 in Murmansk, in one
from units of the Soviet Army).                                     
     A guy from Leningrad, Kaloshin, remembered that it had already been two months
I didn’t write to my parents.  And the guys from the unit were just on patrol
they were going to the city, he gave one of the young Kazakhs, Konorbaev, the address
parents and money, says: “Send a telegram, they say,
alive and well, details by letter."  A day later he came from
patrol. "Sent a telegram?" "Sent!"                        
     And a day later, Kaloshin’s mother arrived, all ears. She
received the following telegram: “Kaloshin is alive.Details by letter.
Konorbaev".                                                     
Told by Dmitry Oleshko                                        


 80s. Profilak Phystech.                                   
     Three people live in a room.                                   
     It's already late evening. The guys finally calmed down and went to bed.
The room is naturally dark, but the eyes are already accustomed and see
something. The “bazaar” has already died down, sleep is setting in.                   
     Suddenly the door opens and into the room from the illuminated corridor
The girl enters as if to her home. It's clear that I've got the wrong door
or even a floor that has never happened to anyone. Without turning on the light, so as not to
disturb sleeping or falling asleep friends, the girl begins to undress
vat.  The dream vanished as if by chance. The boys literally held their breath
rooted in their beds, afraid to move. Everyone's main question is
grew up: "To whom? Who is the lucky one?" Behind the scenes, everyone decided to play until
victorious.  The girl finishes undressing. Stand in the middle
room (here it is, the decisive moment!), he stretches so sweetly and
says:                                                        
     - Oh, girls, fuck as much as you want!                       
     ... And the guys broke down. Wild laughter scared the entire dorm.
The dudes fell to the floor.  The girl almost gave birth. She
rushed outrooms.  Then she immediately returned and grabbed
things, but the guys didn’t see it anymore. They haven't done anything for a long time
seen from behind three streams of tears.                         
The story was sent by Igor Makeeb                                    


From a friend:                                                    
     Once I was riding in our native New York subway. Suddenly a train
brakes sharply and I fly forward. At the same time, instincts are triggered,
and I 1) put my hands forward and 2) say, obviously, “fuck!” In re-
As a result of a short flight, I stopped at some lady.
Having regained my balance, I, as befits a Brooklyn cavalier,
ru, told her: “Excuse me.”                                     
   The lady put her hand on my shoulder in a friendly way and said:   
   - So, after all, “whore” or “excuse me”?                     

 There are many of us, many.                                            

The story was sent by Leonid Pozen                                    


     One day I went into a pharmacy and looked at what was on display.
The saleswoman is young and pretty.  Drops into the pharmacy
a bunch of guys about 18 years old and the wildest one says:               
   - Girl, do you have condoms?                          
   - Eat.                                                      
   - Can I try it on? (Everyone laughs.)                             
   - What, are you afraid?will it subside?                             
Story sent by jura