HOW TO RAISING PARENTS
(short guide for children from 5 to 105
years)
* * *
Author of the book, young psychologist, alone
raising his parents, shares with
the reader with advice on their upbringing.
The book is useful not only for children, but also for them.
parents, if they already know how to read such
things.
* * *
To my mother Irishenka, to my father Sasha and
Dedicated to my grandmother Polina.
(epigraph)
FROM THE AUTHOR
You often hear: “I have
such bad parents! They are completely
they are ill-mannered, they do not know how to behave, they
they are insolent, do not take into account anyone’s opinion,
commit ridiculous and provocative acts,
they do everything out of spite and constantly upset
me with my behavior."
There are no ideal parents, I answer,
- how much time did you spend
parenting? Have you tried
understand them? Have you tried to find out what life is like?
your parent, what problems does he have and
dreams, what does he want to achieve in life?
If not, then what do you want?
Parenting is a long and
a painstaking task, no parents
you will educate for
one day. Education
parents cannot be engaged in fits and starts - according to
on the weekend or in the morning before leaving for school.
Thisyou need to devote a lot to an important matter
time, you need to put your whole soul into
education of your parents, and only then
you will get the return and will not regret it
wasted time. How to do it on
practice? I will talk about this in my
book.
* * *
BASICS OF PARENT PSYCHILOGY
The parent is impressionable and
vulnerable creature. Practice shows
that parents are poorly adapted to
life, often they do not understand its laws
new, they are naive and fearful. Help
parents to cope with their fears
mi is your main task.
For example, you want to leave
parent for a couple of days to go to
hiking with friends. Parents often
this starts to act up, scream,
stamp your feet, even cry. No need
being scared is a fairly common reaction
tion. Rarely a parent is independent
enough to stay for a long time
alone without you. It's very bad if
parenting you decided to start
precisely at this moment - frightened and
completely stubborn parent
deaf to the arguments of reason. Unrest, mixed
with the desire to insist on their own, they close
his mind is a blank wall from the world. What
what to do in such a situation?
First of all, you should never respond
shout at the parent, stomp your feet or,
what else was missing,cry. Be
more mature and respectable! Behave with
dignity, your speech should be
calm, confident, discriminating,
simple and understandable to parents. Shouldn't
use complex terms, meanings
which your parent may not yet
know: "nice party", "slow down
golimo", "breaking the buzz" and so on.
Speak to your parent in his language,
then it will be easier for him to understand you.
Secondly, under no circumstances
be rude to your parent, don’t call him names
using bad words - this is not pedagogical and
does not give the desired educational effect.
In addition, he can remember these words and
start using them in conversation with you
in place and out of place - such cases are not
rarity. Be extremely careful and
kind to stubborn people
to the parent. However, remember that
excessive lisp should also be
avoid.
If the parent begins to boast
your age and hint at your smaller -
explain to him that he is wrong. Tell me
that Gaidar was already commanding a regiment at the age of 14,
and age did not hinder him, while
the parent is still not at his age
commands the regiment. (If the parent is
Colonel, come up with another argument.)
Remember that parents remain
parents always, and even if you
more than forty years, they still leadthemselves as a parent, unless of course they y
you were raised incorrectly.
Thirdly, you need to understand well that
at the moment it’s going on in my head
parent, what motives motivate him -
and proceed from this. For example in
In the case of leaving for a couple of days, most often
your parents are afraid of what's wrong with you
something will happen and they will remain completely
alone. Also, the parent calf can straighten up
just to insist on his own and
camoytbep - to wear. Possible in this case
and other reasons - maybe the parent
Your presence at home is required exactly at
these days, maybe he hopes for yours
help that you take a walk with him
shops, play weeding car-
toshki in the country and so on. Therefore your
actions must be different. B
In the first case, you need to reassure the parent,
explain to him that there is nothing wrong with you
will happen and you will be back soon. In the second
In this case, you need to explain to the parent how
it's not good to be selfish. Or you can go by
another way - to give in on something, to give
the parent has the opportunity to assert himself and
be a little capricious, but only so,
so that this does not affect your departure. B
In the third case, perhaps you should
really stay home - in the end
after all, if the parent so needs
you on this very day, it would not be good
What's wrong with you to leave him alone(or
with another parent) in a difficult time for him
minute. Take a walk with him, play
weeding potatoes. But there is no need to
act arrogantly, explain that the game is
stupid potatoes - they will only grow anyway
three pieces like last summer, and you're into it
play only to entertain
parent. If you can't sincerely
play with the parent calf - useless
teacher for you.
In the following chapters we will detail
Let's look at parenting.
PARENTAL FEARS
Parental fears are a special subject
conversation. They are so vast and
multilateral, that in this chapter we
Let's touch only on the most typical of
them.
FEAR OF BEING LATE - perhaps the most
common of parental fears
ka. Its roots go back to the times when
primitive people lived in caves,
leaving them at night was a matter
very dangerous. Therefore, even the ancestors
Our parents' cubs were afraid for ours
ancestors when they went hunting and towards night
didn’t come back - were they chewed up there?
mammoths? In our time, when mammoths
disappeared, the parents' fears remained.
Therefore, most parents with the arrival
darkness and evening TV shows begin
behave restlessly and sometimes commit
ridiculous actions - for example, calling your
friends or police officers. Why are they doing this
doparents are usually clear
They can’t explain: “Hey, it’s eleven
evening, and you’re not there, what else to do?”
typical parent response.
Nonsense with calls
warn. If the policeman's phone number is
children remember from a very early age,
then your friends' phones may get into
their playful little hands just because of your
inattention - do not abandon your
notebook in a visible place when
leave home and leave your parents
alone without supervision. If your parent
has a strong fear of being late,
pesters your friends and you every time
then you have to blush for him -
record phone numbers in a special way,
for example, swap two numbers.
Waking up strangers a couple of times
with the words: “Hello, I am the mother of the car,” and
hearing appropriate expressions in response
on the same topic, your parent quickly
unlearn such a bad habit.
However, these are extreme measures. For the same purposes
education, parents should be taught to
patience and calmness. For this you need
calmly say that you are leaving, and
You'll be back late, by such and such a time.
Give your exact return time and
The parent will immediately become calmer. If you
If you're late, be sure to call and
tell your parent about it, naming a new one
return date. Remember that parents
veryare curious, so tell them
in advance where you are going. Even if you go
just for a walk - name the names of the streets
which way you will walk and the purpose of the walk -
for example, “look at the illumination.” Goals
and the route may not be followed completely
accuracy, but there is no need for obvious lies.
The parent can also learn to lie and
this will bring you a lot of trouble. Although
sometimes you can't do without it. For example
if your parent is restless - no
give me the phone number of the place you are going to
go and say that you don’t know him or
come up with some fairy tale - tell me -
those that there is a very paid phone number, or what
there live parents who early
go to bed or, conversely, wait
important call. To calm down
parent, give him your word that you will call
him yourself, and really call him,
talk to him a little. At the same time
the conversation should not be long,
the brevity of the conversation should be explained as follows:
"I can't talk anymore, there's a stranger here
phone." Agree, the argument is quite
strange, but he looks like his parents
works flawlessly.
FEAR OF BAD. Unlike fear
lateness, in this case parent
knows exactly the cause of fear. He can
be afraid that you will get sick, get into
bad company, you will become a drug addict,
parent, quit school, college,graduate school. Fears can be the most
different, your task is to understand the parents
Lenka and calm him down. Explain to him that
without a hat you are so warm that your friends
- wonderful people, tell us good things
details about them and their parents
(parents love to hear about
peers), show henpoko-lotted veins
(this will convince the parents that in your
companies don't smoke mapuxyah-ny),
explain that since you still haven't
dropped out of school, college, acnupah-turu, then
that means don’t give up any further. Can't here
for precise advice - try to find
your approach to the parent.
FEAR OF THE UNUNDERSTANDABLE. The parents are very
impressionable creatures. However, they are still
know little about the world and are afraid of everything that they
unknown. Parents are always happy
pay attention to everything that happens to you
connected, noticing and thinking about different
little things. At the same time, they may be intimidated by your
hairstyle, jeans, music, jewelry,
posters on the wall or your statements and
thoughts. This is fine. Your task is
explain clearly and patiently
to the parent that:
1) Everyone has the right to their own tastes,
and at the same time it would be strange if your
the tastes were completely identical.
2) There is nothing in your tastes
unnatural, now it is fashionable and
everyone does it. On many parents
for some reason the argument works"All". By-
show your parent a nice, kind article
from his favorite newspaper, where
seems to be about your music or your
nose ring.
3) Your tastes are no worse than tastes
parent. It's hard to prove, but
possible. It's difficult because many
parents naively follow the principle: “what
It’s not mine, it’s wrong.” If it comes
about music, a typical parent’s argument:
“How can you listen to such crap?”
Remember - "muck" is an epithet. And
answering with the epithet “no, that’s cool” is not
reasonable. Be smart, let the parent
thinks with you and will understand
the absurdity of your point of view. Ask
explain him what exactly he is calling
"muck", ask for clarification until
until the parent points you out
specific detail, for example, “stupid
words" or at the singer's "idiotic appearance".
Ask what style of music he likes
parent, and find among this music
a song with even more stupid words or
singer with a stranger look - like a great-
This was quite easy to do.
COMPLETENESS COMPLEX
Often the parent suffers from a complex
usefulness. This manifests itself in
desire to show that he is more important and
do everything your way. Remember - don't
spoil the parent, but don’t hold him
him in excessive ctporocity. Immediately
decide which onesthe whims of your parent you
agree to comply and which ones do not.
Try to give in as much as possible
to the parent in the little things, but in the things that are important to you
do things your own way. Compose
list of questions you need
pamper the parent and a list of questions,
which should be taught to a parent
respect for another person, announce
list for parents - and in the future
Always follow these lists. U
the parent must develop a reflex to
those matters in which he should not
be capricious. Having selected the necessary questions (for
beginning of education no more than one or two) and
Once you are convinced that you are right, you can
start education. Know once and for all
always insist on your own by any means,
right up to leaving home. No way
don't let your parents beat you
little hands and generally try to apply to
you are strong. Don't hit your parents! Calm down
explain to them why they behave
wrong, and threaten with anything you can
will end for them in the near future
(for example, your leaving home on such and such
deadline). Don’t give the impossible
promises, and keep exactly what you promised.
Never do anything out of spite
viciously. Always calm and friendly
explain to your parents why
circumstances (or rather they themselves) force
you to do just that.Parent
I should see you not as an enemy, but as my own
friend. Make friends with your parents. This
will work. Perhaps not the first time,
but who said that raising a parent
is it done in one day? At the same time
emphasize that in a number of other issues
you unquestioningly indulge the whims
parent. This carrot and stick method
allows you to find a common language with
parents, raising them and at the same time
pandering to their superiority complex.
* * *
CONCLUSION
Now you've read the book. The time has come
give the latest advice. Do not pre-
neglect raising your parent!
Remember, the parent is your mirror, he
copies you in everything. Make sure of this
not difficult - if you behave with him
rudely, he will answer you in kind. And vice versa,
kind and sincere attitude towards
to your parent, you will achieve what your
The parents will become simply silk.
Good luck to you in parenting!
* * *
(c)LLeo (Leonid Kaganov), 10'.6.97
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