Humor from SOI - bearded jokes.

                                        
  CEPOE MORNING of a boring working Monday -
Nick.  One-room bachelor apartment
ra, reminiscent of the interior of the city of Kyiv
after its capture by the Mongol-Tatars. and because
wrinkled stale bed wakes up after
yesterday's grandiose "bam" organism
the owner of the apartment Benedikt Dazdrapermo-
Vich Kolupaev.                         
                                        
 HEAD: Oh, dammit...        
                                        
 STOMACH: Shut up, fool, I'm sick without you -
but...  Do it quickly, or I'll be violent
say!  O Lord... Listen, you
Everyone here knows me.  You know what I'm not from
I don’t refuse any kind of work. When Kolu-
Paev swallowed a nut as a child - I did
digested that too!  oh, lest I get an ulcer
lah, if you can calmly process those
the amount of that rubbish he drank yesterday.
This is some kind of nightmare - I have everything...
lit now, absolutely everything! oh, well, you say-
live - how can a normal person
gobble up so much alcohol that I'm already lo-
fell?!  I had cramps three times yesterday
fell in - so what?  you won't have time to throw this one away
rubbish back, as he is already pouring a new one!
I’m actually surprised at the Throat - why are you going-
Damn, I couldn’t choke?! Eats and eats,
hell, but at least Idie completely!         
                                        
THROAT: What am I, what am I?! Am I, Kolu-
Am I forcing you to drink? Consideration for this
there probably is! What was she thinking - Ass -
prostrate?!                                 
                                        
 ASS: What are you saying about me?         
                                        
 ALL BHYTPEHOCTU: You wouldn't even
la!  The healthiest one lies here and blathers
yet!                                    
                                        
 ASS: Am I healthy?!  When Co-
Lupaev was thrown out of the guests yesterday, I
such a pendel was impressed - my mail -
nie!  I now have a bruise on my left hemisphere
Sharia you know which one!                     
                                        
 BLADDER:  I need to go to the toilet
urgently.  I’m silent here, but maybe
misfortune will happen...                  
                                        
 STOMACH: Yes, you know, I don’t either
refused. She, this rubbish, in my opinion, is
generally inorganic.  I've already drunk all the juices
roared- is not absorbed.  Throw it out on-
before, that's what!                            
                                        
 HEAD: Oh, damn... Anal-
gi-i-inu...                             
                                        
 ALL BHYTPEHOCTU: Kolupaev, get up,
come on!!!  ohgi, what are you saying, really, no?
do you hear?!                               
                                        
 LEGS: We're not going anywhere.  on your
fig. All our knees are skinned. And in general
We're still feeling relaxed. Damn it, be patient
bar.                                   
                                        
 HANDS: Their knees are skinned! Unfortunate
the best ones, look! And we have all fingers
trampled - is that normal?! colu-
bastard, yesterday I thought it was four
points are more reliable than two - and in av-
Tobus, the brute, climbed on all fours!
e, well, there is a consideration, after all
with us or not?!                         
                                        
 CONSIDERATION: Somehow I don’t get it
like... Some kind of bullshit... Memory, what...
It was finally ok, huh?MEMORY: We celebrated a birthday.   U
this... what's her name... I don't remember right now.         
                                        
 HEAD: Oh, oh... Give me analgin
I'm going to explode, you bastards!!!   Oh,
bli-i-i-a-a-a-i-i...                    
                                        
  BLADDER: Legs, go! how many
why wait any longer?!                          
                                        
LEGS:Go to hell. There is no order.    
                                        
 ALL BHYTPEHOCTU: Consideration!!!       
                                        
  CONSIDERATION: 4th ones, finally not that...
Memory, and I, this, this, blurted out to Svetka
yesterday, right?                              
                                        
MEMORY: Which Svetka?                 
                                        
 CONSIDERATION: Well, this... you have to
know!                                  
                                        
 MEMORY: I don't remember a damn thing.             
                                        
 LUNGS: If this minute doesn’t go well,
kotin - now we’re getting such a cough that everyone
everything will be a bummer!                      
                                        
 HEART: There are no more of you, drug addicts
enough.  I'm officially warning everyone
- if measures are not taken immediately
Once the body comes out of crisis, I will stop
work.  And then to all of you, the masses like you
you put it, the devil will come. I'm not kidding! 
                                        
 ALL BHYTPEHOCTU: Consider, have you heard-
shala? Come on, finally think!!!           
                                        
GENITAL ORGAN: Guys, something’s wrong with me
good - finally. I'm so excited
- just get to work right now!              
                                        
MEMORY: Ah-ah!  I remembered! So you, co-
zel, now you want a job, right?!!! Yes es-
if you had worked yesterday, Kolupaev would have
I haven’t gotten so drunk in my life! Still, a bunch would-
lo with this Svetka, and only you, the rest
sluggish,let me down!!!                        
                                        
GENITAL ORGAN:I couldn't do it yesterday.
Safety precautions prohibit.  What if
would conception have occurred? Produce freaks?   
                                        
 CONSIDERATION: Memory, and Svetka - who
like this?                                  
                                        
MEMORY: I don’t remember, get off it! Head-
The only thing is that this freak refused to work yesterday -
got excited - that’s how it all turned out!            
                                        
 STOMACH: Listen, you are making your own arguments here -
you can arrange it at least until nightfall, but
Bladder and I urgently need to go to the toilet
years  And the head is really bad.  Maybe
you will finally shut up and let
An order to your feet?                           
                                        
 CONSCIENCE: Lord, Svetochka... How come
it’s me... What will people think... And Ivan
Sergeevich... Oh!!!  So to the service after all
necessary!!!  Oh... oh!!! What a shame, Mr.
di...                                   
                                        
 CONSIDERATION: Quiet everyone!!!  Right now solutions
I will accept.  Who needs where?
moose?  To the toilet?  Let's go to the toilet.  ogie,
Let's get up, damn it, the commander has arrived! Let's go...
We do what we wanted... Oh, ka-ayf!!!
O-o-o...                                
                                        
CONSCIENCE and MEMORY:Obezyantsev owes a debt
I have to give it back today - seven thousand.  And grandpa
promised to help at the garage...             
                                        
 CONSIDERATION: ...Service, Svetochka,
duty, grandpa... In short, screw everyone's ass
together.  ignore and forget. Conscience, still
If you say a word, I’ll uproot you, okay?
Fuck you!                               
                                        
  Kolupaev pulls up his pants and self-righteously
freely smiles at the mirror: - Let someone
he thinks whatever he wants, but he has a mind
yet! You understand, the infection is unmistakable...  
____                                   
                                        
            ZERO-THREE               
           (Karmanov family)           
                                        
  Pockets pick up zero or three:           
  -"Fast", "fast" come quickly
Yeah, we're in trouble.                   
  - This is not “fast.” - They hang up.   
  He dials for the second time.   - "Fast"
"fast" come quickly, we have trouble
part.                                 
  - This is not “fast.” - They hang up.   
  Dialing for the third time.                  
  - "Fast", "fast" come quickly
Yeah, we're in trouble.                   
  - How many times can you repeat!  This is not
"fast".                              
  - But this is “zero-three”?               
 - "Zero-three".                         
  - What do you mean, beat off your copper, say-
those that you are not "fast"?                
  - We are not “fast”, we are “ambulance”.     
  - Well, thank God, I finally got through -
Xia. My wife fell and hit her head on
pipe. Come soon.               
  - And did you hit it hard?                 
  - Oh, very much.  It's pouring out of the hole,
it just gushes!                           
  - How old is your wife?             
  - Well, what does it matter now? 
  - The faster you answer all five -
ten survey questions, the faster we
we'll come.                                
  - How do I know how old she is?
will she say?                       
  - And approximately.                   
  - Well, he looks about thirty or forty years old.    
  - Are there any children?                          
  - No. Just idiots.- She used to get blows to the head randomly-
any?                                   
  - Yes.  Yesterday she undressed my head
I split the wooden board.                 
  - I'm asking about my wife's head.        
  - A!  Well, you know, I'm not an angel either, but...
last case I                      
absolutely nothing to do with it.                   
  - Drinks?                               
  - No, as if not.                   
  - Yes. The case is serious. In her family there is still
Has anyone suffered from headaches?             
  - Yes, almost everything.  But hitting a pipe is
for the first time.  Oh! Drive faster, I have time to go
enough for ankles.                      
  - Did you also hit the pipe?     
  - No, why are you asking?       
  - Your wife can't have that much
blood to reach your ankle.
  - So she wasn’t the only one who suffered.      
  -Who else?                          
  - Neighbors below.                       
  - Do they also have problems with their heads?      
 - Others, but they have had this for a long time.
Not neighbors, but a madhouse.           
  - Have your neighbors already called an ambulance?         
  - Not yet, they will need it later,
when they return from the theater.          
  - Are they already in the big anatomical
took you?                                
  - No, so far only in small academic
cue  I can imagine their faces.  They are included in
apartment, and withthe ceiling is dripping.   Here
it's terrible!                                
  - Yes! The blood on the ceiling is impressive
et.                                     
  - What does blood have to do with it?  Water!  They have
It's probably already flowing down the walls.        
  - What's flowing? Speak more clearly.          
  - The water is flowing.                         
  - What kind of water?                         
  - I’m telling you, my wife fell and hit-
hit her head on a water pipe. Tru-
the boo has burst and we are now flooded.    
  - What about your wife?                      
 - Others, but they have had this for a long time.
Not neighbors, but a madhouse.           
  - Have your neighbors already called an ambulance?         
  - Not yet, they will need it later,
when they return from the theater.          
  - Are they already in the big anatomical
took you?                                
  - No, so far only in small academic
cue  I can imagine their faces.  They are included in
apartment, and it’s dripping from the ceiling.   Here
it's terrible!                                
  - Yes! The blood on the ceiling is impressive
et.                                     
  - What does blood have to do with it?  Water!  They have
It's probably already flowing down the walls.        
  - What's flowing? Speak more clearly.          
  - The water is flowing.                         
  - What kind of water?                         
  - I’m telling you, my wife fell and hit-
hit her head on a water pipe. Tru-
the boo has burst and we are now flooded.- What about your wife?                      
 - Which wife?                        
  - Yours!                              
  - So she’s not there.                         
  - Has she already died?!                    
  - No, I ran for the mechanic.          
  - There are no more questions.  We send cars
well. Wait.                              
  - An ambulance?                             
  - An ambulance, an ambulance. Psychiatric!..  
____                                   
                                        
  Shenderovich comes to the Travel Bureau
and excursions:                            
  - hello, I would like to go to Pu-
travel.                              
  - Hello! Wonderful! We can pre-
give you a great trip on the warm
sailing on the Black Sea.                 
  - What are you doing!  I'm on the ship, they're like that
they often drown!                            
  - Then there is air travel to Moscow -
va-Tashkent-Alma-Ata-Moscow.             
 - What, on a plane! They so often pa-
give!                                   
  - Maybe a tourist train around the city will suit you?
I'll give it to the Heroes?                             
  - I won’t go by train, they’re all over the place.
accidents!                                 
  - Then there is only one thing left - “Pedestrian-
popular sexual tourist route"
  - Oh, that's whatnecessary!                 
  - Fuck you...!                   
____                                   
                                        
  Father and son are sitting and drinking.           
  Son - Tattoo, why bci lads, with yakimi
I write before school, I’m already in 9th grade,
and I’m only at the 2nd?                   
  - ...Ti, piy, i don’t p$%di!            
____                                   
                                        
  Woman (thinks, bending her fingers):
  -I gave to this, I gave to this, I gave to this. A
I didn’t give it to this! Well, am I b..d?       
 Man (thinks, bending his fingers):
  -gave to this, gave to this, gave to this,
I even gave it to this one.  But she didn’t give it to ME!  ...Here
damn!!!                               
____                                   
                                        
            Russian melancholy.             
  Early morning.  Forest edge.  On the back
a log hut is visible in the plan.  On the front
In other words, it's a stump.  On the stump there is a quarter of self-
gona, a glass and a bowl of sauerkraut. U
A healthy man is sitting right on the ground of a stump.
  Pours from a bottle, drinks, snacks
cabbage                               
  - Gogol... stupid&%...great man
century, your mother. Pours from a bottle, drinks
Yes, he snacks on cabbage.                
  - Tchaikovsky... pederast... great
man, motherfucker. Pours from a bottle
drinks, snacks on cabbage.              
  - Lenin... impotent... great man-
fucking century.                               
 - ... And here, you have such x#@ ... and
fool is a fool!                          
____                                   
                                        
  - What is the difference between Komsomol members of the 7O's?
Dov from Komsomol members 2O-x?              
  - Height.  Komsomol members of the 2O's had everything
on the shoulder, but the Komsomol 7O's can do everything
x#@.                                    
____                                   
                                        
  To sell vegetables to the mother and son fair
chi.                                     
  Sin to matepi:                        
  - Mommy, give me some salted cucumber -
ka...                                   
  - Take it, take it. Sweetie
mine!                                   
                                        
____                                   
                                        
  A man comes to the surgeon. On both
kah burn - trace from the iron.               
  Doctor:                               
  - Lord! How did it happen to you?!
  “I’m the one ironing my trousers, doctor,”
says the man, - suddenly the phone rang.
So, instead of a tube, I put an iron to the muzzle
didn't...                                  
  - What about the other half of the face?  -
the doctor is curious.                   
  - I should have called an ambulance...       
____                                   
                                        
  A traffic cop stops a car on the highway
:(. He approaches her, rolls it out of the
strokes the little bag with a cone and pushes it into
to the driver in the window:                        
  - Well, breathe!                        
  The driver throws 5 bucks into the bag.
The traffic cop looks and says again:     
  - Well, still breathe!!                   
  The driver throws in 1 buck. The traffic cop looks
Rit, turns purple:                         
 - Well, breathe like the first time!!!     
____                                   
                                        
  One gentleman comes in the evening
your hotel room, and there... Lies in
bed high-class prostitute, go-
ready for use.                   
  Gentleman: - Do you want to fucK now?
  She (languidly) -He, yes!                
  Gentleman: - Fuck out!!!             
____                                   
                                        
  A Soviet sailor got lost in a foreign land
nom capitalist city.  Well, I think-
No, we need to find the Soviet consul.  A
how? Yes, let's ask people...           
  He goes into some establishment, for sure...
I tell him the receptionist runs out:              
  - He, welcome, sir!  Do you want
girl?                                   
  - NO. /* With Russian accent*/         
  - He, I got... Do you want whoa?     
 - NO.                                 
  - Well, what can I do for you?    
  - I WANT A SOVIET CONSUL!             
  - Soviet council?  Well... Possible,
possible...Vit very expensive!         
____                                   
                                        
  The lord is sitting in his office.  Suddenly
hears noise on the street. Calls the footman: 
  - George, what's going on there?           
  - Prostitutes, sir.  We went to the demon-
tradition. They demand higher pay.       
  - Why don’t they get paid enough?               
  - No, sir.                           
  - So why are they rebelling?              
  - Fuck, sir!                         
____                                   
                                        
  Conversation on the bus:                  
  - Are you leaving at the next one?          
  - Yes.                                 
  - Do they go ahead?                 
 - Yes.                                 
  - Did you ask them?               
  - Yes! :-E~~                           
  - Well, what did they answer you?         
  - ...%-&                             
_____                                   
                                        
  PUSHKIN WALKS THROUGH THE COUNTY. HOT, ROAD
DUSTY. A MAN WALKS PAST ON A CART:     
  “SIT DOWN,” HE SAYS.   -I'll give you a lift.   GOING,
CKY4HO.  A.S. SAYS: - MAN, LETS IN
LET'S PLAY A RHYME.                         
MAN: - HOW IS IT?                      
A.S.:-YES HOW DO YOU LIKE 3OBYT?            
M:-FEDOT.                               
  A.S.: - FUCK YOU IN YOUR POT.  NOW
YOUR TURN.                           
  THE MAN SORNE AND WAS SILENT FOR 2O MINUTES. software
TOM ASKS: - LIKE YOU, 3OBYT?       
A.S.: - ALEXANDER SERGEEVICH.             
M: - WELL, GET THE FUCK OFF YOUR CART.         
____                                   
                                        
  WHY did Pinocchio get sick with household syphilis?fox?                                 
  He had dirty money in his mouth.         
____                                   
                                        
  And I saw a man who was happy
he drank so much that he felt sick,
So out of grief he drank even more...       
____                                   
                                        
  Anecdote:                              
  Congress of Foreign Philologists. Discussing
Where did the word come from: Stibrill.  says
Italian philologist: “We have a river
"Tiber", and one guy was stolen there
boat.  Here the Russian philologist jumps up and
says: “Do you happen to have any-
what wasn't stolen?                         
                                        
____                                   
                                        
The children ran into the hut,                  
In a hurry they call the father:                    
"Daddy, daddy! Our mother                   
So they pull at the porch!”                 
                                        
- What are you children, oh@#li?                 
Who will eat the old woman?                
However, give me your hat, children:             
We need to go out and see!                  
____                                   
                                        
  The bell rings at Lord Hamilton's mansion.  K
The butler answers the phone:            
  -Sir?                                
  - Dear!  - says the receiver, - be
kind, go into the lady's room and tell her,
that I'll be staying at the club.                
  - But the lady has already gone to bed, sir.       
  - Nevertheless, go to her and report,
what I asked for.                           
  The receiver can be heard moving away, and then
the butler's approaching footsteps.         
 - Sir, I reported, but your voice answered
me from behind the door to get out.      
  - Immediately take the gun and shoot
person who is in the bedroom with
my wife!!                            
  Shots and stomping can be heard in the receiver.      
  - Sir, I did everything as you said.
but the man jumped out the bedroom window and
the garden ran away.                             
  - But there is no garden near our house!      
  - So you have the wrong number, sir...  
____                                   
                                        
  (H) Who is an exemplary husband?        
  The one who, entering the bedroom to his wife and
seeing her with her lover, he will say:         
  - Well, you guys stop here, and I'll
I'll go make some coffee.                       
  And whosuch an exemplary lover?     
  The one who can fulfill this wish -
tion.                                    
____                                   
                                        
  A prostitute hands over money to a Parisian
bank.                                   
  “Madam,” the employee tells her, “par-
Don, but this money is fake!           
  “Oh my God,” she shouts, “it’s coming out,”
I was raped!                      
____                                   
                                        
  A young couple comes to a sex therapist.
The husband complains that he recently got married
ly, but he doesn’t know what to do with his wife.
  The doctor brings the patient to the couch,
invites her to lie down, undresses and performs
takes on the responsibilities of a husband.                  
  - Now you understand that you must
what to do with your wife? - the doctor asks the husband. 
  - Of course, doctor!  But if you sometimes
you'll be busy, who should I take her to then?
yes?                                     
____                                   
                                        
A woman looks into the therapist's office
that:                                     
  - Sorry, doctor, I’m not with you.
onlyDid you forget your bra? - ask-
she says.                               
  - No, not with me.                     
  - Oh, well, that means, at the ophthalmologist!          
____                                   
                                        
  A man comes to a brothel.     
  - Madam, I would like to use
the services of your girl, but... not really
the usual way...                     
  - In that case, I suggest you
Lu-Lu, nothing can surprise her.     
  The client and Lu-Lu go up to the room.   
  After a while Lu-Lu screamed and
runs out of the room with a frightened face:  
  - No, no, monsieur, not that!     
  - What did he want? - asks the owner
brothel                                
  - Madam, he wanted on credit and for co-
veterian rubles!!!                        
____                                   
                                        
  “Stirlitz,” Muller said wearily, “
You got away when we discovered yours
fingers on the suitcase of a Russian pianist.
You got away when we found them on
government telephone handset.
But now you can’t get away! Why Va-
Your ID smells like Russian water
who?!!                                  
  “You know, Muller,” no less tiredlyStirlitz answered, “when Schellenberg became
put a stamp on my ID, he
first breathed on her.          
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz received the encryption. After reading, he
he burned her, after which he spat on the floor and
blinked at the curtain.  The encryption was
written: "The task is completed, you can
relax now."                     
____                                   
                                        
  "What is two and two?" - asked
Muller.  Stirlitz thought about it. Of course he
knew how much two times two would be, he knew
this was recently reported from the center, but he
didn't know if Mueller knew this.  And if
knows who told him.  Maybe
Kaltebruner?  Then negotiations with Dalle-
The catfish have reached a dead end.                      
____                                   
                                        
  Himmler calls his employee.   
  - Name a two-digit number.          
  - 45.                                 
  - Why not 54?                     
  - because 45!                      
  Himmler writes the characteristic "character
Nordic" and calls the next one.     
  - Name a two-digit number.          
  - 28.- Why not 82?                     
 - Of course, 82 is possible, but 28 is better.  
  Himmler writes the characteristic "character
close to the Nordic" and causes the following
yushty.                                  
  - Name a two-digit number.          
  - 33.                                 
  - Why not... Oh, it’s you, Stirlitz.  
____                                   
                                        
  "Heil Hitler!" - said Stirlitz, entering
to Mueller's office.  "Stirlitz, -
Muller answered irritably, “if you don’t
quit these Kinchev ways, I’ll write
to "Soviet culture"                
____                                   
                                        
  "Stirlitz, do you know these boots?"  -
Muller asked. Stirlitz would recognize these bo-
Teens out of a thousand. They were made from leather
Pastor Schlag's life.                       
____                                   
                                        
 April 1945.  Defeat of Germany
obviously.  Hitler walks around the Reich Chancellery
ria and sees the same picture everywhere:
officers drink and don't even pay attention
attention to your Fuhrer.  But having entered
one ofcabinets, Hitler discovers
Stirlitz, who sits at the table and ra-
nerds.  Seeing the head of the Third Reich,
Stirlitz jumps up, raises his hand and
shouts: "Heil Hitler!" In response fu-
rer wearily says: “Maksimych, well
At least you weren't making fun of me."           
____                                   
                                        
  An interesting variation of what has already been said
joke:                               
                                        
  Stirlitz was walking along the road and suddenly saw
people with sticks in their hands...              
  - Skiers - thought Stirlitz           
  - Stirlitz - thought the FISHERMANS!          
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz walked along Red Square and saw
matters of irons.  “Irons,” thought Stirlitz.
“Weak skit under the Bundes,” they thought
irons.                                  
____                                   
                                        
  On Monday, Stirlitz was taken to the police station
trill.  “Yes, the week is starting off hard,”
thought Stirlitz.                        
____                                   
               PUNS.               
                                        
  Radio operator Kat got into the car and gave
zu.  She didn't know that Gas was working for
Abwehr.                                  
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz gave Muller a subscription.  Muller
howled in pain.                          
____                                   
                                        
 Stirlitz fell from the fourteenth floor.
He still has to scatter his brains so widely
I didn't have to.                         
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz fired from two machine guns at
queues. The queue was noticeably thinning.        
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz crossed his legs.  On the next
blowing day, foot by foot, Gesta took
by.                                     
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz came out of the sea and lay down on the pebbles.
Svetkagot offended and left.                
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz had a chill.  Chills served in
Gestapo.                                
____                                   
                                        
 Stirlitz, Bormann and Hitler play in the pre-
ferance                                 
  Stirlitz: "Stalingrad."                
  Hitler: "What, again?!"                 
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz got up early and pulled the
weighed He didn’t know that early morning and 3a-
sample - Romanian intelligence officers.         
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz jumped out the window in an instant.  "MIG"
roared and disappeared into the clouds.            
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz lit the stove.  In an hour Stove
drowned.                                
____ Stirlitz waddled. He didn't know that
"Razvalka" is closed.                     
____                                   
                                        
  Having met the Gestapo, Stirlitz grabbed
saber and shouted: “I’ll chop it!” Gestapo men
chipped in a ruble and ran away.           
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz regained control of himself and soon fell asleep. 
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz put his hat on one side.  Nabek-
Ren went home without a hat.              
____                                   
                                        
  The room stank. Stirlitz entered the room
natu. No one else saw the stink.     
____                                   
                                        
  Muller revealed Stirlitz's appearance, but
slapped the face and no longer took other people's
gareth.                                  
____                                   
                                        
Stirlitz walked through the city in search of an appearance,
but only “Prima” and “Rhodopi” came across.  
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz arrived at the Gestapo drunk and
placed cheerfully under the windows of Mul-
Lera.                                   
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz fought with passion.  Ogonyok
fought as hard as he could.  And Mog was a professional
scrap                                    
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz walked through the forest and ran into
bitches The bitches ran away screaming. Squeal be-
stung first.                             
____                                   
                                        
  Stirlitz shot blindly.  Blind
fell down as if knocked down. Mown Stir-
persons shot the day before.                 
____                                   
                                        
  A gypsy comes to the dentist,
sits down, opens his mouth, and there - what
only there are no teeth... Both gold and porcelain
rov, and platinum. Dentistat a loss-
research:                                    
  - So what do you want from me? You have everything
on the spot!                               
  - Set the alarm.               
____                                   
                                        
  Odessa, circus... The lights go out, ba-
rabana and the solemn voice of the conference
Rancier:                                 
  - Deadly number. Jewish man!   
____                                   
                                        
  Mol:                                 
  - I flew like that, I flew like that!  That's it
They clapped, they clapped so much!                  
____                                   
                                        
  Once Commander Norton and
Command Com, we drank beer.          
  Then Norton asks Command Co.
ma:                                     
  - Com, do you remember the first version of DOS?   
  - Yes, I’m sorry for the old lady, she died, only
Here's a song about her: "OC DOS
PerVerDos, and grandma is healthy."          
____                                   
                                        
Under the branchy oak-ash treeThe men bludgeoned the goat                   
Beaten and thrown                    
It was late autumn                
____                                   
                                        
                                        
 Ha! People!!!  Jokes from Belarusians
politicians!!!                            
                                        
  Appearances are deceiving, said the hedgehog as he got down
from a floor brush.                        
____                                   
                                        
  The Englishman runs into the hotel and says:
"The receptionist is the key."  The receptionist gives it to him.  On
morning, the Englishman returns the key to him, and
receptionist: "Sorry, we made a mistake giving you
the key to the room where the dead franca lies
Tsuzhenka."                               
  - “And I thought this was a living Englishwoman” -
the visitor answers.                    
____                                   
                                        
  The old academician looks at the books,
written by him and his students, thinking about
woman.  And in my thoughts: “If only these books
put it under Masha."                    
____                                   
                                        
  The son asks his dad: “Why is this
in all parliaments, when they show
Are the halls round? Dad answers: “Son,
where did you see that the circus was square?
nom"                                    
____                                   
                                        
  Evening. A cop is walking through the park.            
  4u! He hears sighs and exclamations in the bushes
and Ohi.                                  
  He stops and asks in detail
you (strictly)                             
  - For love?!                         
  - For love. - the male answer is heard
voice.                                  
  - Yes, I’m not asking you!!!           
  - And there’s nothing else here...         
____                                   
                                        
  -Kume, did you tear up the panchohi?      
  -Da? In bis, maybe for the tank zachepi-
las.                                   
  -3What kind of tank is it?                     
  -The one on uniform...                    
____                                   
you (strictly)                             
  - For love?!- For love. - is heard in the male answer
voice                                  
  - Yes, I'm not asking you!!!           
  - And there is nothing more...         
____                                   
                                        
  - Kume, where did you tear your stockings?      
  - Huh? Damn, you must have caught a tank
fawn                                   
  -3and what other tank?                     
  - But on the shoulder straps...                    
____                                   
                                        
  He gets into a taxi on Primorsky Maidan
naked woman                             
  The taxi driver keeps looking back at her.   
  - Have you never seen a naked woman?   
  - Saw But mehi is very interesting to watch-
where are you going to get the money from?