Wedge of Brains - MADNESS...

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(c) Black Angel 
                         MADNESS...
I'll get up early in the morning
I'll drink a cup of mercury
And I'm going to die
At this institute...
                             Part I
Dedicated to NECROMANCER,
who has to go through
all this hell...

Life is so cruel
On this damned earth...
ARIA

   It began (or will begin, interpret it as you wish) somewhere
at BSPA.  Monday, as you know, is a hard day, and even if
exam in physics... Well, the mood, you know, is worse than
shitty.  My brain, exhausted by the endless search for meaning
life, completely refused to understand everything that was happening. Image
Jilavdari (my physicist) caused mental nausea and vomiting,
so if my thoughts suddenly materialized, I would
found myself head over heels in... But fortunately this did not happen, and I
with his gaze fixed somewhere in another world, he walked to the 11th
building, where the “next end of the world” was supposed to take place, in
popularly called an exam.  Walking down the corridor, I
I greeted my fellow sufferers with the usual phrase:
“Nothing can save this world” and began to rummage through the chaos of his
thoughts and cheat sheets, trying in vain to restore order. "Here
and that's it, executionermine is here with death on my shoulder!” I remembered the words
Arya, seeing Jilavdari. I don't know what made me number
be the first to enter the exam room. Throwing the usual “hello”
to the commission, I took the ticket.
   After reading the question that befell me, I wanted to hang myself
(what would you do if you were me if you saw the question “Terms and Conditions”
quantization of the orbits of dissipative oscillatory systems in
relativistic oscillatory circuit?"). With difficulty squeezing out
myself with the phrase: “de fi po de te,” I began to slow down wildly. Convulsively
clutching a straight razor in my pocket, I approached Jilavdari to
answer or kill... Taking my exam card, my eyes
physics expanded to such an extent that in them I could see
your grave.  The hand clutching a straight razor convulsed
twitched and I felt something sticky and warm flowing down
affordable. The physicist jumped up screaming: “What, the red snake is poisonous,
You don’t know a damn thing?!" But I ignored it. Kill, or
not to kill - that is the question... - I thought. And suddenly I realized that
unable to kill a person, even if it is “the devil in the flesh.” Not
I remember what happened next, but when I left, slamming the door,
I squeezed out something like “goodbye.” People around didn't ask
questions...
   Leaving the building, I cursed myself for not killing
Jilavdari earlier. A terrible picture began to form in my head.
plan of revenge, but only one vile and insignificantthe thought came to
no, all revenge - the thought of the pointlessness of my further
existence, and I saw only one way out of this situation:
immediate self-destruction... I've thought about this before
suicide, but for some reason I couldn’t decide. And I headed to
area of your native "fifty dollars" (school no. 50) to climb
to the city TV tower near the school and make the "ultimate
chaotic act."  Walking down the street, I watched them shy away from
passers-by, seeing my bloody hand, with which large
Blood dripped in drops.  Walking to Victory Square, I looked
up onto the TV tower.  For some reason she didn't seem like that to me
high as always.
    It was not difficult to climb over the fence of the television center,
only the bleeding wound got in the way. Looked around - everything
clean, and therefore nothing can stop me. Massive
the TV tower supports seemed to mock me...
   ...The first flight of stairs was difficult, but then I got into it
the habit of climbing over beams sticking out of nowhere and
missing stair brackets.  I was already high enough
when the unexpected happened: rusted fasteners
the stairs could not stand it, the flight collapsed with a terrible roar
fell down.
   Fortunately, I managed to hang by my hands and get to
next flight. From above I saw people running downstairs.
Someone was already climbing towards me,upstairs, someone ran to
phone, someone made bets such as whether he would fly or not, but
the vast majority just stared blankly, impatient
eyes.
   Redoubling my vigilance and speeding up the stairs, I continued
your way up.   And finally, the highest platform
TV towers Looking down, I saw several stupid people
trying in vain to figure out something in place of the missing one
span.
   For the last time I looked at the city, at BGPA, at my native
"fifty kopecks" for the ever-smoking chimneys of the Zavodsky district...
   To get to the center of the school stadium, you need better
run away - I thought.  Having taken a decent acceleration, (places at
the platform was enough) I “... fell like a stone, fell from a height,
fleeing fate..."
   The piercing air rushed into my face... I must say,
that I flew down for quite a long time (or so it seemed to me before
death). In the air I turned face up so as not to see
approaching asphalt and looked at the sky, at this full
ozone holes, lead, freons and other all sorts of nasty things in the sky.
Suddenly I felt a dull blow, which echoed with wild pain in
every cell of your body.
   Surprisingly quickly I got up and at first I didn’t understand that
happened.  I tried to go, but I couldn't, although physically I
I felt fine, even my hand stopped bleeding. I
I felt my feet leaving the ground andis taking me somewhere
invisible force. “Angel dust is carrying you upward,” I thought.
and, as it turned out later, he was mistaken (in the adjective).
Looking down, I saw my physical shell there,
lying motionless in front of the school. People ran around the corpse,
a siren was wailing somewhere.  An unknown force kept me going
lift up.  To hell with it all - I thought and looked at
sky. It was black with a fiery hue...

To the ecstatic howl
You're playing with fate
Let no one know
what's going on in the soul...
ARIA

P.S.   ...And don't diagnose me based on this story.
In reality, my thoughts are much more complex and confusing...

                                               23:30, 21.11.1998

 

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