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Earthquake in the USA
Today, Chinese Xinhua News Agency
confirmed that there was an earthquake in the United States
caused by a hundred million Chinese rally
workers who protested against the bombings
assignments of Iraq. Xinhua is authorized by the
Thai government to state that if
America will not stop robberies on
sovereign states, then the Chinese are not
they only stamp their feet out of indignation, but also
JUMPED. ALL!!!!!!!
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║ N A B L U D I S M ║
╚════════════════════════════════╝
1. And you didn’t blink an ear!
2. And the zombies here are quiet.
3. If you eat it yourself, you will choke.
4. In the life of every man there comes a transition
period when it’s easier to buy clean socks.
5. There is a genius sleeping within each of us. And with everyone
that's all during the daystronger.
6. Adults! Don't leave children alone -
fires from them.
Children! Don't leave adults alone...
children from them.
7. Winnie the Pooh is hungry.
8. Vodka? In the morning?! Warm? At the entrance?
From a soapbox?!!! I won't refuse...
9. Everything unnecessary is for children.
10. Don't you like cats? You just can't-
Let's cook them!
11. The main thing in a tank is not to spoil the air.
12. Even if you are eaten, you have two
exit.
13. Give the student a point of support and he will fall asleep
14. A wooden pie, and in the middle -
meat...
15. Keep your pocket wider and slightly forward.
16. Children are the flowers of life. Give it to girls
flowers...
17. In order to lose weight, you need to do it more often.
go to the toilet.
18. “Others are no better” - inscription on the mirror -
le.
19. A hedgehog is a proud bird, until you kick it - not
will fly.
20. A bear clearly stepped on her ear. Not
He also spared the rest of his facial features.
21. If you have a headache, it means you have one.
22. If an apple fell on you, then surprise
eat quickly - an apple from an apple tree
falls close.
23. If you can’t come to your senses, cometo me.
24. If a knight is hit on the left cheek, then
he will fall on his right side.
25. If something is bothering you, get tested
and maybe it's worms.
26. A female physicist is like a guinea pig --
nothing to do with either the sea or the pig
coy.
27. Life must be lived in such a way that everyone
a child could tell you: "HELLO,
DAD!"
28. Don’t look into the barrel of a loaded tank.
29. A woman is involved here... (conversation
"bulls" at the concrete mixer).
30. And the flies are fed, and the heaps are intact.
31. Each person is right in his own way, and
mine - no.
32. A drop of nicotine kills a horse! And ho-
tears the meat into pieces!
33. Repin's painting "They sailed" - all night
rowed, but forgot to untie the boat.
34. Enema! Know your place!
35. The concert is over - the violins are in the stove.
36. A crutch is not a luxury, but a means of re-
visions.
37. Whoever comes to us with a ball, we will bring it with us
Let's play.
38. The one who got up first gets the slippers.
39. He who is able to wake up a sleeping person is the one
is capable of any meanness.
40. Buy a medal and be proud until retirement.
41. Smoking shortens the cigarette.
42.I will smoke, but I won’t stop drinking!
43. Laziness is the engine of progress.
44. It’s better to give birth once than every time
day to shave.
45. Better a bird in your hands than a bird in your hands
hands.
46. Better a bird in the hands than a duck under
bed.
47. If you like to swim, you also like swimming trunks.
sew!
48. If you like to pee, you also like “Pampers”
wear!
49. The boy explained with gestures that his
here's Juan.
50. I exchange a good lecturer for a good pi-
in.
51. A thought came to my mind and
I think her.
52. Wash your hands, front and back.
53. A man is not a dog - he does not throw bones
it seems.
54. We are for those who are against those who are against
us.
55. We will rush, we will ride on deer ut-
rum late.
56. Thoughts dirty the brain.
57. At the counter of "SNIKERS" company "Second"
Hand".
58. A mouthful for free.
59. Called yourself a milk mushroom - move on with your treatment.
60. In vain does the pilot think that it won’t work?
the grass is blowing!
61. Stepped on a rake -enjoy fairy-
erverkom!
62. The one who finds the exit is trampled first.
63. Our microcircuits are the largest microcircuits
roschems in the world!
64. Our trains are the busiest trains in
world!
65. Don’t throw your friend into the bidet.
66. Don’t trust the traffic light - trust the one coming
transport for you.
67. If you can’t love, sit and be friends.
68. Don’t spit in the well - it will burp.
69. Don’t commit adultery on my nerves!
70. Don't relax! Who after this
Will they clean up after you here?!
71. Don’t stand under the stream!
72. Man does not piss on tea alone.
73. Silently an elephant sneaks on tiptoe into
china shop...
74. Nothing makes a woman more nervous than
that's it.
75. Well, the youth have gone! You're in his face
and he immediately gets into a fight.
76. So what if the chest is sunken: but sleep-
on the wheel.
77. You won’t surprise an optimist with good news.
78. Announcement: "We're sick of it! This is an apartment
123-45-67".
79. Announcement: “An experienced surgeon will help
bad dancer."
80. From our table to your chair.
81. The first half of our lives is poisoned
parents; second --children.
82. You should drink in moderation. But it is necessary.
83. Let's chew and see.
84. Worked conscientiously - work hard
yourself.
85. The one who laughs last is the one who doesn’t immediately
got it.
86. If you send a fool for vodka, he will
will bring.
87. I came, I saw, I inherited.
88. Can argue with a wrestling coach
shooting coach only.
89. I drank in the morning - the whole day is free.
90. I’ll fall asleep now, no, I’ll definitely fall asleep now
91. Strength is the last argument of the stupid.
92. Willpower is needed for constipation.
93. Ivan Tsarevich rode for three days and three nights
chi! Until the jump rope was taken away...
94. No matter how much vodka you take, it’s still two
run once.
95. Stop a galloping elephant...
96. Thank you for having me.
97. Pissed off.
98. The body is white, and the feces are brown.
99. Be quiet, otherwise the tea will get cold.
100.Only the sun can set calmly
too far.
101. Let's go smart - say it once. Fool-
let's go - say it three times and then
go to him.
102. A teacher falls not far from a student.
103. Minced meat cannot be turned back.
104. A good conversation speeds up the work day.
105.Okaythe one who laughs laughs
last. And the one who laughs last is the one who
He doesn't hear well.
106. Do you want life to become easier - about-
lie down.
107.Tea is not vodka - you won’t drink much.
108. Those who are too lazy to itch often wash themselves.
109.The further you go into the forest, the worse you’ll ever come back.
110.What you can do today - do the day after tomorrow -
tra. There are two free days left.
111.To stop bleeding on
toe, optional pads-
apply a tourniquet to the neck.
112. This will happen when the mermaid does the splits
will sit down.
113. Coachman, no ga-a-ani! You go-o-on!..
114. Once upon a time there was a Robin Hood girl: with God -
took you, gave to the poor...
115.When you decide to shake off the old days -
make sure it doesn't fall off.
116.Spring will show who shit where.
117. Now I’ll put you into cells!
118. Better bad than never.
119. Be simpler - and people will be attracted to you
120.Announcement at the zoo: “No ostriches”
frightening - the floor is concrete."
121. I’ll burn myself, but I’ll leave it to my friend to smoke!
122. I was slightly frightened.
123. A person can endure anything. If it
can't stop...
124."Let's make a portrait of your enemy on
toilet paper."
125.Any skirtlooks better on a chair.
126.When taking a low start, make sure that
no one is running behind with a pole.
127. Advice from a sexologist: frequency is the key to health
rowya.
128.And eggs teach a chicken if they are cool.
129.People, of course, fly, but usually downwards
head.
130. Nature can sometimes be damn lazy -
va - rests not only on children, but
and on their parents.
131. It is written in the family as in care
re...
132. A fool is such that next to him
you feel like an idiot.
133.How is a man different from a woman?
Because he is not shy about wearing a mustache.
134.A distinctive feature of modern youth is
dezhi - tights with built-in con-
vative.
135. Allegorically “You are blatantly lying to me”:
"You pee on my leg and say,
that it’s raining!”
136.A person of Caucasian nationality was called
HACHIK SLEEPER.
137.A teacher is a man who once
I thought I loved children.
138.Is it difficult to breathe? Change your socks!
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║ CHILDREN'S JAPANESE "TANKA" ║
╚══════════════════════════════╝
HHH HHH
We lived with an old woman. Let me take a close look at the grass:
two fugu fish. Here sat a green grasshopper,
One is white, the other is gray - Similar to a cucumber fruit.
two funny fish. Hey frog!
HHH HHH
The son of the gray goat baked a flatbread
lived with an old woman. saiyray.
I went into the baboon's mouth. Who will I treat?
grazing. Sayray, sayray,
Everything is clear in this and choose whoever you want.
I love horns and legs forever.
HHH
HHH Tanya-chan lost her face:
Came out of tyuaha Crying for you,
for a month with the face of Sairaya. rolled into the pond.
Bared my heart outCariana Pull yourself together,
kuuoho. Sairaya's daughter!
HHH HHH
Brothers Enuke and Benuke The son of the bull moves unevenly
I enjoyed the sushi. gait.
Whatever the child amuses, Take a deep breath -
I wish I didn't drink sake. end tatauu.
I can't avoid falling.
+================================================================+
|Excerpts from the endless scenario "MUTANTO FILIMO"|
+================================================================+
RICARDO: Buenos ytpoc, Rosa!
TRANSFER: Good morning, Rose!
ROZA: Buenos is not good.
TRANSLATION: For some it’s good, and for others it’s not very good.
RICARDO: Pupo kyapte is not dead?
TRANSLATION: How is your health?
ROZA: Grace, pussy!TRANSLATION: Thank you, everything is great!
RICARDO: Pupito slurped, Rosa.
TRANSLATION: Rose, give her some water.
ROZA: Tyto exusta to the six.
TRANSLATION: I'll call the maid now.
ROZA: Hey, Conchita!
TRANSLATION: Hey, you worthless creature!
Enter the end.
KONCITA: Senyuoro was spinning?
TRANSLATION: Did you call Yenya?
ROZA: Cu.
TRANSLATION: Of course, I’ve been calling you for two hours!
ROZA: Senior Pucardo was swollen.
TRANSLATION: Senior Pucardo really wants a drink.
KONCITA: Pepsi-Cola?
TRANSLATION: Will you be “Duchess”?
RICARDO: But! The toilet sucked!
TRANSLATION: No, just plain tap water.
There's a knock on the door.
ROZA: Conchita, is it too late?
TRANSLATION: Conchita, who came?
KONCITA: Pedrilo, senura.TRANSLATION: Don Pedro, señura.
Don PEDRO: Edera!!!
TRANSLATION: Call, for God's sake, have you seen Eder?..
Wait, what Edery? She's on another channel...
D o n P e d r o u h o d e t.
ROZA (surprised): Mytahto!
TRANSLATION: Strange man.
KONCITA: Pediculosis!
TRANSLATION: He has problems with his head.
RICARDO: Hyuo de havalo, Conchita?
TRANSLATION: Conchita, what are we having for dinner?
KONCITA: Fart, senior.
TRANSLATION: Pea soup, senor.
ROZA: Oh, language! Hyuo with nohtou Karyzo.
TRANSLATION: Let's sing before such a dinner!
EVERYONE SINGS: "Rosa Salyuvaoter, Rosa Salyuvao-o-oter..."
TRANSLATION: "Nese Galya the water I'm pressing..."
END OF EPISODE 17,836
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║ T O N K I Y M O R║
╚════════════════════════════════╝
Ilya Muromets approached the fork. And on
her stone. And on the stone it is written... And
pooped... And burped...
-----
When the athlete Ivanov threw the hammer -
the stadium gasped. One viewer couldn't help but gasp.
sang...
-----
- Madam, you are so beautiful in this toilet!
- Merrrrrsavets!!! Close the door!!!
-----
- Your name?
- S-s-s-Sergey P-p-p-etrovich.
- Are you stuttering?
- I don't. But my dad was a stutterer, and the pas-
the portist is a bastard.
-----
The boss calls his subordinate:
- You don’t suit our company, so
starting tomorrow you will be fired!
- No, let's start today!
- Why is this?
- I’ll be very busy tomorrow. I'll go to
funeral.
- Whose?
- Yes, I’ll go to yours...
-----
Announcements around the city: "At the circus - medical
After all, he’s a telepath!” The performance is sold out,
the hall is crowded. Slowly enters the arena
a huge bear looks gloomy
glance at the hall. Then, with one movement,
takes off the family panties and announces: “I’m starting
talk!!!"
-----
Advertisements around the city: "At the circus - le-
melting cow!" The performance is sold out,
the hall is crowded. Slowly enters the arena
cow, she is hooked to the lounge and under the fight ba-
the slaves are lifted under the dome, where the lounge
unhooked. The cow flies down, falls, le-
livesin the arena, hooves spread apart.
Then slowly turns his muzzle to a hundred
Ron and quietly hums: “Well, when did I die-
well..."
-----
HOW TO STOP YOUR HUSBAND FROM WALKING IN BARS
- Honey, can I go out for a couple of hours?
-Where are you going, my little bunny?
- Zolotko, I would like to drop into a bar,
drink beer.
- Do you want a beer, cat? So look, I
I bought you 25 types of beer, both light and
dark.
- You see, my soul, I would like
beer with chips. Anyway, I'll be back soon.
- Darling, look in the closet - I’m there...
What a set of chips I saved!
- Listen, little squirrel, the bar serves it from the
sizzling shrimp, my favorite.
- My sun, I’m setting it up right now
cook your favorite shrimp.
- Well, how can I explain it to you, blue-eyed,
bar is completely different - there you can...
let yourself loosen up, and no one will
will judge, they even swear freely there.
- Yes, honey! Let's drink your *** beer with
your *** chips and these*** shrimp-
mi, because you won’t understand the fuck anywhere-
come on, you asshole!
(*** - profanity)
-----
A little boy climbed up an apple tree;
Grandfather Afanasy took out his sawn-off shotgun.
Grandfather Afanasy was not a Jew,
That's just what his gun was called.
-----
Two friends are talking:
- And guess what, he’s leaning over me
this doctor's face is swinging a rock
sang and asked the nurse: “Zinochka,
how to spell correctly - "There was a doc-
tor" or "Was the doctor here?"
-----
And they lived happily ever after, and died in
one day making love. She - ut-
rum, he - in the evening.
----- And the disciples gathered for the Last Supper
Christ. And there was one among them who didn’t drink.
-----
Scientists have come up with a wonderful remedy
from cockroaches - a new virus. Transmitted
exclusively sexually, completely
harmless to humans, effectiveness --
100%. There is a small problem left: the
You need to infect the cockroach yourself...
-----
The Titanic is sinking. People jump in despair
into icy water, freeze, die... And
here suddenly, among the drowning frostbitten people,
dey appears and rows the boat with oars
grandmother in a scarf and with a basket. Echo
her voice carries among the ice floes: “Tea, co-
Fairy, cappuccino!.. Tea, coffee, cappuccino!.."
-----
There lived two boys - a rich and a poor one.
The rich man, naturally, was given a gift by his parents.
whether with cars, pistols, Tetris and
etc. Once upon a time, parents gave a gift to a poor man
toy -yo-yo. The cool guy laughs:
"You see - I have 30 cars, a bicycle
for 500 bucks, every day parents something-
then they buy new ones. So they love me
beat!" The poor man stands, is silent, listens, and
then, thoughtfully throwing and catching his yo-yo
says: “Well, of course they love and pamper.
After all, you have cancer..."
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