Subliminal Extacy
#02
01 января 1995 |
|
AMANDAS ALL NEW X-RATED DIARY
--------------------------------------------------------------- AMANDAS ALL NEW X-RATED DIARY --------------------------------------------------------------- You may not be aware of it but we have a law in this country that says that after a period of fifty years, documents from various official sources must be made public for scrutiny. I'm not sure if that applies to the Yanks as well as I really want to know if they do have some aliens from another planet stored in a freezer somewhere in the desert. I'm going to leak some important documentation now, some fifty years in advance; the truth that is the buy-out of Sinclair Classic by the power hungry social climbers that are Extacy 3. These people have friends in very high places, money is no object as they employed the top names in British lawyerships. We received a letter from Sir Harry Ringpiece-Clingon offering us `20 and a large box of sherbert dib-dabs for the rights to the trading name of SC and all the good will we had amassed from ten issues (all two units worth). Naturally we sent a dod of dried up cat shit back in an un-stamped jiffy bag and expected to hear no more. What do we get but two days later, two big fat gits with spiders web tattoos just visible above their over-tight shirt collars, and they put our windows through! Bastards.. (HEHEHEHE.ED) I tell you what mate, you mess with E3 and they'll fucking bury you! I was most upset to hear that Bogie was found the other day strung from a tree by one of his bollocks, and LA was discovered in a Clifton Bed & Breakfast with a large breasted 12 year old girl. Funny old world innit? What luck that an off duty photograher from the West Bridgford Topper just happened to be passing at the time. Don't fuck with us lads, we are evil. There is no truth in the rumour that K-OS frequents the toilets at Bristol Temple Meads station. We do however have evidence that Jonathan Cauldwell is a Notts County supporter. I spent a crap evening the other night watching German TV via my mate Simons sattelite dish thing. No wonder you lot all make demos all the time, your TV is shit! No porno, no tampax adverts just dubbed 4 year old Ophrey Winphrey shows... And as for the adult entertainment on Sky TV, I don't happen to find big titted American women with shaved fannies all that much of a turn-on. Sorry. And as for the blokes, do me a favour! You Germans should come over here, we've got East Enders, Brookside and The Rug Rats. Well, what did you think of issue 1 then? pretty fucking smart eh? And ain't you pleased we asked for a tape version so all you oxide heads could enjoy it too! Tape isn't great gear but it's cheap Bogie! You can't go down to your local Asian run shop at 10.30 at night to get a blank 3.5 disc, but you can get a three pack of TDK C90's AND twenty Silk Cut. Fuck me if you can't also get some chocolate biscuits in too. No girls have written to me so I guess apart from Monika Womo, I am the only active girlie on Speccy, and hey, it's kinda lonely out here you know... Maybe I should be looking to join up with a male coder like erm, whatsismush from the previous ish, that bloke with the address longer than my mums tits... write to me mate cos' I can't fit your address on me envelope. I could be your sonic audio partner in crime. You never know, LA might let me put one of my tunes in SUB X one day. Or are you scared of the opposition boy? Who is the hardest UK Soundtracker of them all eh? BANG BEEP BOOM! The gauntlet is down. I suggest a joint demo - BRITISH BATTLETRACKER! A straight throw down session between LA, Fudgepacker and The Pandagirl.(What about Da Gangster?ED) come on if you think you are HARD enough! We all send two tunes to a neutral party and they compile it all without alterations... WATCH THIS SPACE. Hello to the dyke copper who felt me up as we were frisked to get into Derby Counties ground in March. Hope you enjoyed it sweetheart. IN YOUR FUCKING DREAMS MATE! It's amazing how you have managed to model your mouth on a dogs arsehole. Why don't you get a proper job (like a faggot barmaid in The Fountain). Hello Exodus, I do love your demos but they are starting to look a bit samey you know, and that's not a critism cos' all your demos are fucking A1! What's it like in Poland these days? Why have you given up the Speccy KVM? Sort your fucking life out and get back onto Z80. That goes for the Mad Guys too, where are you?? MQM get big respect for demo 6, it kicks fuckhard! Calling Theo Devil, United Minds, Gangster, Cliffy T, Icabod + the others out there let's make 1995 red hot! Thanks to Jacek for the postcard, I'll write soon. Nigel Benn for Prime Minister! What a fucking guy eh? I couldn't give a fuck for the other bloke in hospital. He's laughing all the way to the bank (it's just that he is now a laughing vegetable). I'd be shitting my silky pants if I was Frank Bruno, Mike Tyson is out and he is ANGRY! I think I'd like to end this piece with a German joke: KNOCK KNOCK Who is it beings at ze door? HANS! Er, come in Hans... Thank you and goodbye for now. You can write to me at 2 Belvoir Road, Nottingham NG2 SDL I love letters that slag me off so get writing you Specheads!
Другие статьи номера:
Похожие статьи:
В этот день... 11 ноября