AMANDAS ALL NEW X-RATED DIARY

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                 AMANDAS ALL NEW X-RATED DIARY                
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You may not be aware of it but we have a law in this country    
that says that after a period of fifty years, documents from    
various official sources must be made public for scrutiny.      
I'm not sure if that applies to the Yanks as well as I really   
want to know if they do have some aliens from another planet    
stored in a freezer somewhere in the desert.                    
                                                                
I'm going to leak some important documentation now, some fifty  
years in advance; the truth that is the buy-out of Sinclair     
Classic by the power hungry social climbers that are Extacy 3.  
                                                                
These people have friends in very high places, money is no      
object as they employed the top names in British lawyerships.   
We received a letter from Sir Harry Ringpiece-Clingon offering  
us `20 and a large box of sherbert dib-dabs  for the rights to  
the trading name of SC and all the good will we had amassed from
ten issues (all two units worth). Naturally we sent a dod of    
dried up cat shit back in an un-stamped jiffy bag and expected  
to hear no more. What do we get but two days later, two big fat 
gits with spiders web tattoos just visible above their          
over-tight shirt collars, and they put our windows through!     
Bastards.. (HEHEHEHE.ED)                                        
                                                                
I tell you what mate, you mess with E3 and they'll fucking bury 
you! I was most upset to hear that Bogie was found the other day
strung from a tree by one of his bollocks, and LA was discovered
in a Clifton Bed & Breakfast with a large breasted 12 year old  
girl. Funny old world innit? What luck that an off duty         
photograher from the West Bridgford Topper just happened to be  
passing at the time. Don't fuck with us lads, we are evil.      
                                                                
There is no truth in the rumour that K-OS frequents the toilets 
at Bristol Temple Meads station. We do however have evidence    
that Jonathan Cauldwell is a Notts County supporter.            
                                                                
I spent a crap evening the other night watching German TV via my
mate Simons sattelite dish thing. No wonder you lot all make    
demos all the time, your TV is shit! No porno, no tampax        
 adverts  just dubbed 4 year old Ophrey Winphrey shows...       
And as for the adult entertainment on Sky TV, I don't happen to 
find big titted American women with shaved fannies all that much
of a turn-on. Sorry. And as for the blokes, do me a favour!     
                                                                
You Germans should come over here, we've got East Enders,       
Brookside and The Rug Rats.                                     
                                                                
Well, what did you think of issue 1 then? pretty fucking smart  
eh? And ain't you pleased we asked for a tape version so all you
oxide heads could enjoy it too! Tape isn't great gear but it's  
cheap Bogie! You can't go down to your local Asian run shop at  
10.30 at night to get a blank 3.5 disc, but you can get a three 
pack of TDK C90's AND twenty Silk Cut. Fuck me if you can't also
get some chocolate biscuits in too.                             
                                                                
No girls have written to me so I guess apart from Monika Womo, I
am the only active girlie on Speccy, and hey, it's kinda lonely 
out here you know... Maybe I should be looking to join up with a
male coder like erm, whatsismush from the previous ish, that    
bloke with the address longer than my mums tits... write to me  
mate cos' I can't fit your address on me envelope. I could be   
your sonic audio partner in crime. You never know, LA might let 
me put one of my tunes in SUB X one day. Or are you scared of   
the opposition boy? Who is the hardest UK Soundtracker of them  
all eh? BANG BEEP BOOM! The gauntlet is down. I suggest a joint 
demo - BRITISH BATTLETRACKER!  A straight throw down session    
between LA, Fudgepacker and The Pandagirl.(What about Da        
Gangster?ED) come on if you think you are HARD enough! We all   
send two tunes to a neutral party and they compile it all       
without alterations... WATCH THIS SPACE.                        
                                                                
Hello to the dyke copper who felt me up as we were frisked to   
get into Derby Counties ground in March. Hope you enjoyed it    
sweetheart. IN YOUR FUCKING DREAMS MATE! It's amazing how you   
have managed to model your mouth on a dogs arsehole. Why don't  
you get a proper job (like a faggot barmaid in The Fountain).   
                                                                
Hello Exodus, I do love your demos but they are starting to look
a bit samey you know, and that's not a critism cos' all your    
demos are fucking A1! What's it like in Poland these days?      
Why have you given up the Speccy KVM? Sort your fucking life out
and get back onto Z80. That goes for the Mad Guys too, where are
you?? MQM get big respect for demo 6, it kicks fuckhard!        
Calling Theo Devil, United Minds, Gangster, Cliffy T, Icabod +  
 the others out there  let's make 1995 red hot! Thanks to Jacek 
for the postcard, I'll write soon.                              
                                                                
Nigel Benn for Prime Minister! What a fucking guy eh? I couldn't
give a fuck for the other bloke in hospital. He's laughing all  
the way to the bank (it's just that he is now a laughing        
vegetable). I'd be shitting my silky pants if I was Frank Bruno,
Mike Tyson is out and he is ANGRY!                              
                                                                
I think I'd like to end this piece with a German joke:          
                                                                
 KNOCK KNOCK                                                    
                                                                
 Who is it beings at ze door?                                   
                                                                
 HANS!                                                          
                                                                
 Er, come in Hans...                                            
                                                                
                 Thank you and goodbye for now.                 
                                                                
   You can write to me at  2 Belvoir Road, Nottingham NG2 SDL   
  I love letters that slag me off so get writing you Specheads!

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