DonNews #17 30 апреля 2002

Юмор

Humor - a couple of fun pieces and stories.

                                          (C) 2oo2 Disabler / 
DPL 


     ... Here today is not very thick, but a couple of cool

                       chips, there ...


`Firm MegaBug offers:

- Three-bedroom bed: "Lenin is with us"
- Shompun from washer drain
- Tapes with the movie "Mortal Koding"
- Discs are 3.5 and 5.25 decimeters
- Folding Knives
- Folding Knives
- Cleaning disc for vichestera
- Button "Any Key"
- Shaving mower
- Krasovki tarpaulin
- Earthing battery
- Three-headed drive "The Dragon"
- English-German dictionary in Chinese
- Flashlight (podglazny)
- Sandwiches with sosiskoy - "dick in the test"
- Razor with a vibrator
- Baby Rattle (10-40 decibels)


`Russian folk proverb:

- Happy with the fire in the evening Straighten ...
- What would make this bad, something I felt would be good ...
- Blendamed! Strengthens teeth, protects the eggs ...
- From your "Khachapuri" we puchit hari ...


`- - - New dog breed - - -


                       Russian samogonchaya

                   (Russian Borzoi buhaund)

  Bred for hunting is not at anyone, but simply to vilify the 
fields, poorat. Able to smell a mile away young Pervatsch. Is 
also used to search for bottles and the hosts, sleeping on the 
vast Siberia. Indispensable for hunting, fishing, in the bath, 
garage. Is different from most breeds red nose and huge bags 
under his eyes. Hozayna respects. Unpretentious - where 
nazhretsya, there asleep.



                       Estoonskaya goonchaya

  Bred for herding eradication turtles and snails. Teams hozaina
performs very well, prevda, after 20-30 minutes after padachi. 
Very fond of children with mental retardation. 


                      Dwarf doggy

                        (Neapolitayka)

  Derived from a number of Italian dogs for bad behavior. It is 
intended only for mating. In appearance resembles either 
rabbit, or a sewing machine - can not tell. Ten centimeters at 
the shoulder, two inches in her ass. 


                         Chihuahua-chinehua

                       (Ukrainian hua)

      Different characteristic barking (Gow), love to fat.


                           Pudelman

                        (Same-terrier)
Asks all teams. Long torguetsya.Lyubit fish and chicken.


`- - - Jokes - - -



  In the family of two brothers Bliznitsa. One optimist, the 
other pissimist. At the prow of their birthday. Parents have 
little money and therefore buy only one gift - the designer of 
LEGO. Began to think - who it give? Decided pissimistu because 
He had always lousy mood. And an optimist promptly inserted 
under the bed of horse shit. Morning. Pissimist wakes and looks 
at present: P: Phu! Lego! Its now a month to collect!

O: Oh! And to me at night horse came!


                         -=-=-=-=-=

  Comes a woman in a brothel, well and said that hochit guy.
She asked: Do you want a beginner or a pro? She thought and
says: Nahuas navichok me, I would like the pros. Paid money to 
her told the room number. Comes, there sits a peasant. He pulls 
out and TEN puts condoms and mask. The woman question: why the 
gas mask? A man and she replies: I'm terrified I do not like 
the smell of burning rubber! 


                         -=-=-=-=-=

  Go to the desert and Russian Jew. Look lie two boxes
cigarettes. Well, they took themselves on TV. Russian and opens 
its gets the block. Jew him: I hear, give me one more block and 
then nekayf for one block to open a yashik. Russian made, and 
opens block. Jew him: I hear, Give me one pack, and then the 
sake of one nekayf pack opens up a whole block. Russian made, 
and opens the packet. Jew him: I hear, Give me a cigarette, and 
then nekayf for a cigarette open the whole pack. Russian made, 
and its zakurivaet.Evrey lozhit cigarette behind his ear: a 
smoke ... 


                         -=-=-=-=-=

  Rides guy on the Georgian road, next sitting of the 
Georgians. Sees mark: says 'no', then painted the box and 
pussy. A man wondering: what does this mean? Georgians: it is 
not a box and packaging, no pussy, but pisya. That read: NOT 
Tara pisya. 


                         -=-=-=-=-=

  Rides guy on the Georgian road, next sitting of the 
Georgians. Sees mark: painted dick. He asks:

- What does this mean?
- A garbage, side wind.

  Go further. Sign 'Ass'.
- What's this?
- Next to the tunnel.

  Proezhzayut yet. A 'dick in the ass. "
- What's this? As in the tunnel can be a side wind?
- Uh, take away the foot off the gas, more traffic police post!


                         -=-=-=-=-=

  New Russian Question: Why do you wear crimson jackets?
This is for what-if would be shot on disassembly - chaps did 
not notice and continued ... ... Yes? And why do you wear pants 
korichnivye? .. 


                         -=-=-=-=-=
Pinocchio: Malvina, I love you!
Malvina: Go to the dick, I love all of your pussy in a splinter!


                         -=-=-=-=-=

  Pope Carlo drill a hole in the ass Pinocchio. Pinocchio due:
Rather, the Pope Carlo, I can no longer endure!


                         -=-=-=-=-=

  The most dangerous creature - a toad, she strangled more than 
half world's population.



                         -=-=-=-=-=

  In the pet store. The lady held out a finger parrot:
- Well, green, you say?

  Parrot:
- Madam, revelation upon revelation. You are carrying eggs?


                         -=-=-=-=-=

  Question Armenian radio:
- What is the fastest way to boss?

  Answer:
- It is necessary to open your legs.
- And if does not work?
- Then, push the buttocks.


                         -=-=-=-=-=

  Catholic bishop arrives in zadripanuyu village to the local 
priests of the testing. While all checked, it was dark, did not 
return to hunting, he said of priests: - Can I do you spend the 
night? - Yes, but you know, I have very little room.

- It's not a problem.
- Yes, but you know, I have only one bed.
- Place somehow.

  And they went to sleep. The next morning, just cock shouted, 
priests, strongly slapping the bishop in the ass:

- Manka, WINTER milking cows!

  Bishop slowly turning:
- The Countess, WHAT THE MANNERS?


                         -=-=-=-=-=

                            On the market:

               - That you have the potatoes on the land?

               - No, shit, take off!


                         -=-=-=-=-=

            - Do you know how to cook in the Navy called?

           - How?

           - Not "how" and "cook"!


                         -=-=-=-=-=

             - The seller is that you?

             - Slice and Dice.

             - What's this?

             - VEGETABLE CUTTER.

             - But what is it?

             - Heater.

              - Lord, anything people do not eat!


                         -=-=-=-=-=

                     - "Viagra" will eat!

                     - And Russia will raise?

                     - No American omit!


                         -=-=-=-=-=

                 All scuba diving:

              Weight, rope, a basin of cement ...


                         -=-=-=-=-=

                   Sergeant, build a platoon!

                - And on the dick?

                - Yes? Well then you should not ...


                         -=-=-=-=-=

  The young soldier shared with colleagues:
- Oh, my brothers, had it all: work, house, wife! .. While 
doctors do not I put the terrible diagnosis ...

- AIDS??
- Worse, "fit"!


                         -=-=-=-=-=
- What steps you use to disinfect water?
- Boil.
- What else?
- Filtered.
- And then?
- We drink beer, so as not to risk! ..


                         -=-=-=-=-=
- What should a bite vodka?
- Pap and the vinaigrette: porridge goes soft, and beet salad 
beautiful! 


                         -=-=-=-=-=
 Sit two drugs. Before them lezhit jamb. One says:
- Hey, what if it is blown into one's snout?
- Blood from the nose would go.
- With so much paste?
- No, I'll give the nose!


                         -=-=-=-=-=

  Drink a bottle of vodka is not difficult. Garazdo harder it 
is to imagine keep ...



                         -=-=-=-=-=

  If you have half an hour lomites the door and you do not 
otkruvayut, but for door heard the buzz, it means:


  1. There are buzzing without you.

  2. This transformer vault.


                         -=-=-=-=-=

  Went to a man with Kent beer drinking, wife said it would be 
to midnight. Well, as usual, zabuhalsya and came at three 
o'clock in the morning. Quietly opened the door, when the 
cuckoo clock in three prokukovala times. A man not be a fool 
dokukoval nine times and went to sleep. In the morning his wife 
asked her husband: - What time did you come?

- In the twelve!
- Then we have to throw away the cuckoo ...
- And on the dick?
- So last night she prokukovala three times, then said, "fucked
your mother, then prokukovala four more times, then loudly 
hiccupped, prokukovala three times, then two and finally relish 
srygnula ... 


                         -=-=-=-=-=
`Dedicate Wild'u (Privet!)

  Drunk husband comes home at three o'clock in the morning. 
Wife: - Are you really ohuel? Look at how much you have come!

- Who told you that I come from? I just went to take a guitar!


                         -=-=-=-=-=
`The case of life:

  It was in a hostel. Came as a commission to check the 
residence. Well went and looked for blocks. So, going into one 
unit, they saw that the kitchen ceiling zablevan. What a 
nonsense to think. They came to the commandant, told of seeing, 
and asked understand. Commandant ran into the block deal. But 
in the block from one student to this was the day of birth. In 
general, the commandant came and knocked on the door and he 
opens a birthday with ex- black eye. At the commandant at once 
the question of what they say happened? A student of his and 
said: "That's yesterday celebrated his birthday. Well I 
poradochno drank and went to smoke. When he returned, the boys 
took my hands shake. And then I feel that on such pitching my 
stomach started to seriously angry. Well, could not resist. And 
the boys, seeing them fly, and have stepped aside. " 


                         -=-=-=-=-=
`Case No.2

  It was like this: a man painted nitruhoy battery. Fucked 
proschelkal and brush dried, and the battery does not dokrasil. 
Took the solvent, washed paintbrush. But to throw him out? 
Naturally in the toilet! Well, little man decided to smoke and 
continue to paint. He sat on the point, lit a cigarette and a 
match in the toilet! The solvent was certainly well-puffed! He 
burned all his ass and balls. A little away, took off his pants 
and put gown of his wife. And what to do? Battery, it is 
necessary to dokrasit. He sat down a half ass on the stool and 
began dokrashivat. For this all watched the cat. He thought 
that the guy playing with him and grabbed him in baked eggs! 
The unexpectedness of a man jumped his head hit the battery and 
disconnected ... ... Come home wife and sees a pattern: the 
husband lies in a pool of blood in a woman's robe and with 
roasted eggs and ass ...:))) ... Called an ambulance arrived 
orderlies suffered the guy on the stairs. By the time he was 
wide awake. Well they've gone and asked him: What happened?? He 
has them all said. Corpsmen were laugh, so much so that man and 
he dropped broke his leg. And when carried out of the house and 
the man slipped More and broke his arm. This, here, had a bad 
day. Man came out of the hospital six weeks later and since 
then the battery is not painted ...



          ... Yet all, in other times would be more ...