KrNews #16 29 июля 2003

Юмор

Humor - project are presented Genesis (from koppopativnoy pepepiski).

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                   Humor

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ELM 2:17 PM: Project Genesis (from the corporate correspondence)


    Generalnomy direktory Jehovah from the head of the 
marketing department of Gabriel. 

    "Studies conducted in our department, the project Genesis, 
showed that nailychshie market prospects have systems 
sledyyuschey konfigyratsii: 


  Planet: 1 pc.

  Radiys: 3000 km

  Gravity: 0.5g

  Value sysha / water: 1:1

  Temperatyra: +24

  Atmosphere: Oxygen

  Sea: freshwater. water

  Rivers: milk, honey

  Fayna: herbivorous

  Peripherals:

    Light - 2 pcs. (Days / night.) Rate
  rate: 0.0007 RPM (1 vol / syt)


    Refer to the Department of Strategic
Planning for the preparation of TOR-Jehovah "


    Generalnomy direktory Jehovah from the chief of strategic 
planning Michael. 

    "In order to reduce the cost of the system suggest that 
power the light from both one source of energy and oxygen 
replaced with nitrogen. " 


    "At least 50% oxygen should be retained and the user will 
suffocate - beg. Dep. Testing and Support

Raphael


    "Enough is enough and 25% of Jehovah"


    Generalnomy direktory Jehovah from the Head of Systems 
Engineering Lucifer. 

    "During the work on Genesis proekty
(Stage "Yes bydet light") identified sledyyuschie trydnosti: y 
us otsytstvyet compact uninterruptible glow with the 
distributor to the two luminaries. Propose to use a standard 
source such as a "red dwarf", and as night lights use a mirror. 
" 


    "Lychshe" yellow dwarf. "As the cost is not much more, and 
looks kyda more vnyshitelno - beg. market.

of Gabriel


    "This is a server source. Why did he
nyzhen user to a single planet? -
Lucifer


    "What user nyzhno and what is not,
emy explain the advertising department, Gabriel


    "Lucifer, to keep your competence. Approved" Yellow Dwarf 
"-Jehovah ' 


    "By the way, that the brightness, which gives
yellow dwarf, you can instead of a mirror placed the 
planetoid-Michael " 


    "Granted, Jehovah


    Generalnomy direktory Jehovah from the Head of Systems 
Engineering Lucifer. 

    "After making changes in the TOR have sledyyuschie 
trydnosti: mass UPS glow much massy exceed the planet due to

what the source refuses to rotate
vokryg planet. Instead, the planet
rotates vokryg source. In addition,
because of the power source is observed ystoychivoe excess 
temperatyry over ykazannym in TK (about 2 orders of magnitude). 
If yvelichit distance to the source, syschestvenno vozrastyt 
dimensions of the system. " 


    "Size - it's even prestigious, and
Here the rotation of the planet vokryg peripheral ystroystva 
cause y user oschyschenie inferiority. Maybe interchange 
gravitatsionnyyu postoyannyyu? - Gabriel



    "If I am gravitatsionnyyu postoyannyyu, vozniknyt 
compatibility problems - Michael "



    "Yes, what a difference to the user that
vokryg krytitsya what? Pyst advertising department pridymaet 
kakyyu-nibyd theory of relativity, Jehovah 


    Generalnomy direktory Jehovah from the Head of Systems 
Engineering Lucifer. 

    "After yvelicheniya radiysa orbit attempts to disperse the 
planety ykazannoy in TK speeds lead to krahy system

(Yletaet planet into space). By the way, with
nocturnal luminary of the same story. "


    "No matter what happens in the system -
important that the user sees. So why would
does not make planety rotate vokryg
its axis? Then the user bydet seem that the sun and turn lyna
vokryg ykazannoy her with a frequency of TK -
Gabriel


    "A user does not have raskysit? -
Jehovah


    "If raskysit, a project to tomy bydet long time has finally 
arrived put-Gabriel 


    "Granted, Jehovah


    Generalnomy direktory Jehovah from the chief of testing and 
technical support Raphael. 

    "Initial testing of the system revealed sledyyuschie 
defects: 

  1) There ystoychivy overheating;

  2) The spin axis has deviated by 33
deg. from the vertical, so that any cyclical temperatyrnye 
anomaly; 

  3) the ability of rivers Propysknaya not sootvetstvyet 
project; 

  4) herbivorous fayna otsytstvyet;

  5) The orbit is unstable, the planet has
tends to fall into the sun. "


    Generalnomy direktory Jehovah from the Head of Systems 
Engineering Lucifer.  "1) What did you expect at this ratio 
sysha / water? For optimum cooling nyzhno somewhere 1:3 -1:4; 

  2) We're working on it;

  3) potomy milk is sour, and honey
candy;

  4) herbivore fayne nyzhna grass, and she
is not growing at such heat and without water.

    Suggest pystit the rivers vody, it
at the same time help to solve problemy 3.

  5) As a counterweight to the gravity, we derive the external 
orbity More odny planety. "



    "Syshy yzhimat nekyda hence have yvelichivat area of ​​the 
seas. And this - growth in volume and gravity. And even an 
extra planet ... -Michael " 


    "No, you can endure. Excess planety will issue as fichy. 
But with milk and honey, we finally arrived announced. At least 
the most notable rivers should be left - Gabriel



    "I recall that time running out, and y
you do not lay a horse. By the way, the designers have not yet 
submitted a draft horse, all the dinosaurs potter. Komy

nyzhny these dinosaurs? -Jehovah '


    "Actually, the user of dinosaurs
loves-Gabriel


    "Okay, but so that the horse was, Jehovah


    Generalnomy direktory Jehovah from the chief of testing and 
technical support Raphael.  "1) In addition to unresolved 
issues with the axis planet now has a tendency to ylety in

space;

  2) herbivore fayny again no. "


    Generalnomy direktory Jehovah from the Head of Systems 
Engineering Lucifer.  "1) has made a counter now

on vnytrenney orbit;

  2) A fayna multiplied, ate the whole
travy and peredohla "


    "What is the total balances you want?"-Michael "


    "In general, after calibration works
ydalos sistemy stabilize at nine-Lucifer


    "I understand correctly? Instead of one
Planet user polychit 9?! -Jehovah '


    "Hy what? 8 of them are still unsuitable for life-Lucifer


    "And the size of the system?"-Jehovah '


    A user need not know them. Poloviny these planets without a 
telescope and not yvidish. Proposes to add Users Rykovodstvo 
the 11 th Commandment: "Do not reinvent the telescope-Gabriel



    "Do not. Then they did exactly izobretyt-Jehovah"


    "Incidentally, after yvelicheniya radiysa
orbital brightness of the night lights ypala below minimyma 
project. I suggest to install instead a mirror-Raphael 


    "Where you used to be?" We just yravnovesili sistemy! Want
reconfigure all over again? -Lucifer


    "No again! Before delivery of the project
remained for six days. Lucifer, or you
make it all work, or I will
perevedy with decreasing! -Jehovah '


    Generalnomy direktory Jehovah from the Head of Systems 
Engineering Lucifer. 

    "And I'm guilty that I did not give srazy
normal TK? In general, yes. Tilt
have to leave as is. At
As in Eden, sady 24 bydet, and if
User climb kyda else, it
his problems. Dinosaurs, we did not finish
yspevaem, but the horses do. With milk and
honey did not work, pystili on rivers
vody, though, it makes the sea salt.
To herbivores not otzhirali all resyrsy we vypystili patch in 
the form of predators, but put them programmy distinguish

Users of the production has finally arrived not yspevaem.
Hy and, in general, such as work bydet "

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