DonNews #13 01 января 2001

Юмор

:) - Comedy about the army.

           :)

(C) OLEG (NEO)


  Aw, Snap, and here all day is devoted to
such a joyful event, as DMB KLIM-a.

  And the materials of one man named Oleg, just not too long ago
who left symmetrical rows VSRF.
-----------------------------------------

          TWO YEAR'S LETER ...


    You kinesh boots in the corner

    And change shape in the civilian world.

    Wear socks on their feet

    Forget how to wind footcloths.

    And before you sit down,

    Zastynesh - as if waiting for the team.

    It to you no one will give -

    There is no army, there are no sergeants

    A mother of seeing all understand.

    And the elder brother of a lark - Freestyle.

    Sit down, brother, everything went.

    You're served - with you fairly.



                 *

 I served in three parts. In our first
company commander called us - the monkey and uebany.
In the second - a gang of motherfuckers. In the third -
eblaki lousy. And the elders of the first part
favorite saying was - "right now, as the ladies
pussy and ass fucked by wider shoulders will be. "
A company commander of the second part all the time saying:
"Most of all I hate motherfuckers and traitors. If there are 
motherfuckers and traitors - to leave the building." (Can 
anyone concerned about ethical considerations. So go and serve, 
and you make sure that it is the most innocent of circulation).


 Or was also a case, we just front
Kursk were (just kidding).
 I stood on guard at the headquarters of SCWO. Third
Post - security printing. And behind the wall
circus (we, too, is a kind of
Circus), Budennovsky etc. Stand and talk about the vicissitudes 
of fate. That's, like, I stand here with a gun, and then people 
go to the circus. However, I have a child, also went to the 
circus, but here too, someone was standing. A the case is 
already under the night hours of 11 pm. Well I stand and stand, 
smoked without yellow. And then again, look - change comes from 
breeders. I as usual - "Halt, who goes there!". I pronounce 
this elegant phrase, and change suddenly disappears. Once and 
no. Do not ... currently, I think. Literally, a minute later, 
again changing. Well, I once again - "Wait, my shooting will 
be." Again, nobody. In short, such garbage has been fifteen 
times as long as this change did not come. I then in the 
guardhouse kid talking about, but they say that it is generally 
buggy post, and many more abruptly had "visions." That's it.




                 *

 You are sitting here and there the foreman on the "Bulletin
Honor "ripped.

 Pilot controls the aircraft with one hand,
and one remembers the house, wife and children.

 Each wrinkle on a soldier's bed -
loophole for the imperialist agents.

 Boots - face soldier.

 Army:
 In-service process - a living hell.
 -A couple of years - funny jokes.
 Under age - the best years of his life.


       Here come the Chechens,

       What a joyful cry

       And how do they know

       What I drank machine?

 You always want to be trendy, fashionable
hair? You want to wear comfortable, nice clothes? Do you want 
to use footwear, which practically does not wear? And it's all 
free! Visit our boutique.  Contact:

 The district military commissariat, a drafting committee.


 "Somewhere down the slope flying trains, planes
explode in the way. "

           Song about the saboteur.

 "If he goes - this is forever, so you
do not let him go. "

           Song about the sniper.

 "The storeroom oak 'Zielonka' golden chain
that oak ... "

           Verse of the rich elders.

 "Mom, if you can take back home!
 I want to go home. "

           A song about the employee's first

           year of service (the "spirit").


                 *

 Soldiers coming home on vacation. Well, my mother puts him at 
the table, and begins to ask:  Well, whatever, my son in the 
army. Well fed? Officers did not hurt? Do not swear?  A son and 
says:  -No mom, anything you do. Here we have recently

case was. Welded soldiers on the roof
antenna. And a drop of metal falls down. A
there just was an ensign. And right he
the collar. So he raises his head,
Soldier threatened with a finger and says: "Good soldier, 
you're wrong." 

 Comes "Czech" in his hospital. Asks the doctor.
 -And in what ward Said, who now
a mine exploded.
 -Now we'll see ... Hence the case. In the seventh, eighth and 
tenth. 

Arrives at the hospital commission check. Go to the ward. There 
are three soldier. Ask first:

 -What are sick, comrade soldiers?
 -Hemorrhoids.
 -A than cure?
 Iodine-smear.
 -Complaints and suggestions there?
 -No, sir.
Ask the second:
 -What are sick, comrade soldiers?
 -Syphilis.
 -A than cure?
 Iodine-smear.
 -Complaints and suggestions there?
 -No, sir.
Asked a third:
 -What are sick, comrade soldiers?
 -Sore throat.
 -A than cure?
 Iodine-smear.
 -Complaints and suggestions there?
 "Yes there is. To me the first anointed.



                *


  We all know that the army appeared before the
AD. Ancient Rome, Carthage, Spartacus,
Dynamo and all that. However, recently a
archives of a military unit, was
discover documents showing
that the army has arisen in
primitive society. I cite
translation of this ancient document language
petroglyphs on our great and
powerful, that you may verify
this discovery.

 Legend of the transformation of tribe
Moomba Cataraqui in an organized structure,
called the Army.
 One day people from the tribe of Moomba Cataraqui
decided to catch a mammoth. All representatives
male out hunting.
 Some went in search of mammoth, and
find it, reported it to the other
so there was intelligence.
 Others were giving orders - so
there were commanders.
 Still others have dug a big hole - so there
engineers.
 Another one started throwing stones at him - so
there was artillery.
 Mammoth with fright and fled, and fell into the pit.
People wanted him s'est, but one of the tribe
said we should go for their wives and
children to and they got - so
there were political officer.
 But when the tribe came to the pit, then they
found that besides the bones there was nothing
left - so there ensign.


                *

 And in conclusion, to paraphrase a bit
episode from the famous movie, we get
this:

 hleborez - a good man.
 sergeant major - a bad man.
 guardhouse (lip) - toshnilovka.
 patrol in the dismissal - ho-stop.
 Patrol AWOL - nix, Atas.

 For symmetry, let me take a bow, a former
 Defender of the Fatherland, your obedient servant.


        Good luck to you DMB and soldiers.