Nicron #41 03 июля 1997

Самиздат

Humor - 'Othello' (The Tragedy of the three connect-AX).

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          'Othello' (The Tragedy of the three connect-AX
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(C) Boris Cavin
(R) MDF HACKER

                Othello

         (The Tragedy of the three connect-ah)

            Othello: - Yesterday, I, Co-Sysop My Iago
                  said that you dial all night?
         Desdemona: - He, my lord, lies,
                  I slept in the night!
            Othello: - And why your eyes are red
                  and file of the new catalogs are full?!
        Desdemona: - Since the archive ...
           Othello: - Die despicable! (Strangles its cord
                  from modem)

            Connect the first.

"NO CARRIER" categorically stated the modem after 73
second, he gave the whole range audible to the human ear
audio frequencies. Paramon with loathing spat on the floor
Computing Centre and looked at his watch. Clock, despite the
good to them, too, nothing good to report. They
also categorically stated that the time is now 23 hours
one minute, and a single cent less.

A heavy sigh, he picked up the phone and dialed his
wife, which certainly did not promise anything good. After 
waiting for seven long beeps and cursing the PBX connection, a 
quarry, and but bizi Carrier put together in different 
combinations, he finally I heard the voice of his half. Must be 
noted that, as in brutal mood all the familiar Paramon began to 
speak as Vasisualy Lokhankin of the immortal work by Ilf and 
Petrov iamb iambic. Knowing this they feature Paramon tried it

emulate.

Wife: Where did you get up so far, walk thou wilt!

Paramon: I then dial in the workplace,

         but no konnekta a damn ...

Wife: Goat! I went to bed long ago,

         and you lifted me out of bed!

         With a modem spin their trash,

         but now my body is white you do not shine!

         And who is Connect?

Paramon: Connect is why I'm calling.

         I wanted to connect ...

Wife: Why, why? Can it be true you have the audacity raped,
     with the overseas friend to the women run hither!
     Oh I love you!

Paramon: No friend to me, and the connection exists ...

Wife: Not really something you're my boy blue baby?
     Eighth year, so we live,
     and every day - the revelation ...

Paramon: Not a man these things! but only such a state ...

Wife: What are you waiting for him then?
     Herbs you obkurilsya?
     Ile can you shoot up like a fool I started?
     I also drag AIDS home!

Paramon: The computer gives me this,
     and not a drug.
     Ugh! You confused me at all ...

Wife: Well, tired!
     Wilt thou come home today
     il me with dogs to search for you,
     Connect with yours?

Paramon: I podialyu here a little bit ...

Wife: That's it! It ended my patience!
     I shut the door of the castle and stick prop,
     so that you, the jackal, under the door hopped
     and death by starvation, cruel he is!
     And your sausage sozhru!

Paramon: I am in the morning but I can
     before your eyes appear bright ...
     After Carrier, and flew skveshi climb ...

Wife: Well, and riding his bat at least until the blue!
     A sausage I still s'em and Hershey's drink!
     And there is no spouse more than you! Everything! Busy!
     (Hangs up)

Paramon: And then there konnekta ....

            Connect the second.

Morning. Paramon with red eyes sitting in a modem, which
happily flashing lights "HS", "EC" and "SQ". Seen on the screen
traces the desperate attempts to merge the files you need, 
expressed in spit-covered protective shield and the rate of 
120bps. 

From time to time, this rosy picture clouded
become familiar inscription "NO CARRIER", "BUSY" or increasing
number of transmission errors, apparently seeking to catch up 
with number of bytes transferred. The only thing he managed to 
merge that night was a file with a tempting title


                  "Noise in the lines"
which is being unpacked and running, shamelessly hung
computer. Once again pomyanuv PBX for my mother decided Paramon
give us something to brighten up the bleak morning of a new day 
and to call Friend SysOp-y voice.


Paramon: Wow brother SysOp!

SysOp: Healthy ring is not kidding: (
     So why me at this hour you picked up?
     After six hours minutes in Moscow!
     Ile ohrenel you do?

Paramon: I'm sorry that so early,
     but I stood watch.
     With the work I'm calling
     All night I dial ...

SysOp: O if not hours of your standing,
     but something lower them
     then you'd hardly call at this hour!
     And what is the matter with you?

Paramon: I complain to you in a vest,
      Connect flies off and the modem is buggy ...

SysOp: Well I have something than can be useful?
     Perhaps this exchange (their mother ...)?
     Ile your modem is as old as the century?
     What is it you?

Paramon: Perhaps the PBX.
     However, my modem is good.
     His name is "Jujjalka 2.
     And the speed of the wild - already 1200!

SysOp: And if I suddenly now Kondraty enough
     I wake you do not call!
     After all, your modem is like a goat,
     that is old and decrepit and the roof collapsed ...

Paramon: And where can I get another modem,
     ring no money?
     Or I can print them?
     It costs more than my salary ...

SysOp: You put it on the BBS,
     and that the rate of 1200,
     and it went in the MBL,
     and other advertising to rivet!

Paramon: It's so going to kill me!
     As will come under the windows user,
     as sticks will throw
     and any other rubbish - can not stand this!

SysOp: But, since they have killed,
     you can recover the loss with them:
     there on the modem should suffice
     and treatment ...

Paramon: You're a genius bro!
     They entered my ads
     and I'll hit them on the map
     only face I'm sorry for your ...

SysOp: Kohl muzzle you regret gathered,
     do not see your modem ...

Paramon: Everything! Resolved! Call us!

           Connect the third (the people)

2 months. Relatives and friends accompany Paramon stretcher
body of the latter to the ambulance and raz'yarennyh users to
coach station. Nick angrily hiss and spit, regretting the fact 
that all ended so quickly. Paramon presses to the chest ZyXEL,

donated it to the non-pecuniary damage. Battered
types of old surgeon was surprised inability to let go top
limbs of the victim, and therefore its cargo in the car with
modem. Paramon lifted on a stretcher and refers to
people:

Paramon: brethren! Now I'm happy!
     Modem nadybil - a Zuhel!
     And you call me home user,
     as I go out - you rate risen!


People: You Paramon hold on,
     This SysOp we need!
     Connect with people do not lose
     And ZyXEL Beach -
     other times because no otutyuzhim ...

Paramon: Thank you for all the brothers,
     but forces no longer carry on a conversation.
     Carry driver! Blow wind!
     I'm tired too ... No carrier ...

               Curtain



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