Nicron #39 19 июня 1997

Юмор

Humor - anecdotes.

(C) Del


   Myzhik comes to the bookstore: - Do you have a book

   "Twenty years spyskal? - # 8-O And we have such a book does 
not 

   know ... - Hy there yet Atsos, podsos, Ananist and Armenians

   Dartanyan ...


   Vosle public toilet is black and is recovering.

   Suitable element and said: - Are not you ashamed, you can 
not in 

   toilet do? Ebony is very confused: - No,

   not! There are white wine drinkers, Mr.!


   In the insole drunken man clinging to a pillar with a pointer

   'Toilet'. Recovered under the pillar, and walks around the 
pillar, 

   holding on to his hands: - Here, you bastards! When the wall 
up something 

   managed?


   Drunk falls from third floor. Fit it: - What

   happened? - I do not know, I've only just got here ...


   Punk Goes on Red Square, behind him on a rope

   Brick pulls very well concentrated. Suits

   interested in it: - You cho UTB bricks for a

   dragging? - A cho me in front of his push?


   Decided two crocodiles to get to the monkey. - Should it

   therefore, ask whether she is married. If you answered "no", 
then 

   say, "Who are you, a monkey for?" if "yes" then

   "Who's to you, a monkey, married?". Approached,

   they asked. The monkey answered: "go out there get married, 
when 

   around some crocodiles ...".


   The restaurant is a visitor accesses the waiter: - Tell me

   why a portion of which I received today, twice

   less than yesterday, and the price the same? - And you 
yesterday, did not have 

   windows sat? - By the window. - All right. Sitting at the 
window we 

   specifically give a large portion for advertising purposes.


   Ride in the coupe is Russian, the English and French. Morning

   discover: the Englishwoman lost shoes. She asks in

   French, knowing a little Russian, ask a third

   companion, would not take it? That outraged "they need me!".

   Frenchwoman translates: "She said that they needed it."

   "Then let him pay" requires an Englishwoman. "Hello,

   I'm Your Aunt! "Russian responds." She said, "

   takes a Frenchwoman, "that she was your cousin." "Let

   pays "insists the English." Horseradish it with me that

   The Frenchwoman will ...". translates "She said that

   pay your vegetables. "


   Goes to board the plane. To passengers and crew is

   headed by an old man with a cane and a very

   strong points. A passenger asked the flight attendant: - A

   what is this old man in the crew? - Yes this is our first! - 
How to 

   M :-(. He approached the old man and asks him: - tell me

   and you are really the first pilot? - Eh? Speak louder

   I can not hear! - Tell me, you are really the first

   pilot? - Yes. - But, did you fly? - Nothing

   complex. Sit in an airplane. Gas to the end, the wheel 
itself and 

   soared. - Okay. And then? - Continue on autopilot.

   - Well, and planting? - Too big deal. Remove the gas,

   steering wheel away from you, and when the second says "This 
old 

   Pepper someday we definitely razobet "wheel for themselves 
and 

   sit smoothly.


   In the trolley passes the woman a ticket to that kid

   validated, looks, and he is already full of holes - yes, he 
vet 

   also been validated! - Nothing! There's still a place there!


   Siberia. Taiga. Workers are cutting wood. From the trees out

   Some guy and asks him a chainsaw. Hardworking

   yield, and the man all day long without stopping,

   knocks and knocks wood. In the evening, loggers go into the 
shed, 

   go to bed, the man does not let the saw out of the hands ... 
Next morning 

   hardworking see: around - the steppe. From far away, where 
else 

   can see the forest, Donostia noise running chainsaw.

   Loggers are running towards him. - Hey, where are you used 
to inject? 

   - In the Sahara. - So there is nothing. - Right. And here

   nothing will happen.


   The store owner looks like a young salesman

   serves customers: - Once you take the hook, why

   do not you take a fishing line? - Well, let a couple of 
coils. - But 

   such a good fishing line needed a new spinning! - Perhaps you

   right. - And how to account nets? Without it you can not

   do. - Well, let's Sachyok. - And as you enter the

   water without wading boots? - Okay, I take the boots! When

   purchaser, having paid leave, the owner turns to

   Seller: - How did you manage to persuade a buyer

   come for the hook ... Yes, he's not behind the hooks

   come. He thought that we had a pharmacy, and came over

   tampons, his wife's monthly ... But I explained the he that

   few days at home doing nothing, and advised me to go on

   fishing.