Nicron #38 13 июня 1997

Самиздат

Humor - How to become a 'NEW RUSSIAN ".

                  How to become a 'NEW RUSSIAN


(R) Oscar.


 Here, a little lower, I stuffed an article, reprint, entitled
'How to' NEW RUSSIAN ".

 No longer know what to say, so start reading:


The concept of "New Russian" is associated with a number of 
surrounding objects and attributes: pager, cell phone, "cool" 
car, crimson jacket, a beautiful secretary, the presence of 
bodyguards. As with the manipulation and improvised look "new

Russian "- this we are now and we'll talk.

CELL PHONE. For the manufacture of cell phone is enough
old handset and pound of honey in the comb. Not
prevents attach to the resulting device and an old broken
room TV antenna, now tell your cell phone from
this is almost impossible!

Crimson jackets. Take your old white coat, long ago released
of mody.Akkuratno shorten it to a length jacket. Then put
in a pan and pour water. Add a pound of old crimson
jam and simmer for 15 minutes., stirring constantly. Neither
no case to rinse! After drying, you can safely and proudly
wear your real crimson jacket.

CAR. Of course, buy a Mercedes or a 'Lincoln' you are not under
force. But do not worry! You will have a Zaporozhets! There
he is your neighbor. Attach "The Cossacks" to each other
"Tram" and go! This original model
not even the most "cool" business! The ride follows the
Queue: now you - "New Russian" tomorrow - a neighbor .. And so
more ...

PAGER. Clever device to transmit information. Home
its peculiarity is that it periodically beeps. Take
body of the old transistor radio or a bar of soap,
Put back a couple of mice. Shake well! Your pager
ready MAINTENANCE ...

Bodyguard. The guard is easy to find your nearest wine
shop. Buy a cheap bottle of "Russian" and stand in
entrance to the trough point. 10 sec. you will approach the pair
guards, ready for a sip of the liquid to follow you
to the end of the world, covering their bodies. Repeat the 
operation the next day. And be sure that these gestures are 
"guards" will appreciate and early morning from your porch you 
will be wait for the crowd nepohmelennyh bodyguards, ready for 
you not everything!


Secretary. In the secretary in order to save his wife can take
your neighbor, give him your wife, respectively. The main thing 
in a good secretary - a radiant smile and a mini-skirt. The 
former can be achieved by giving a neighbor, the secretary of 
your gold jewelry wife. As regards the second, there is no 
limit to imagination - mini-skirt can be made from virtually 
everything - from the kitchen Towels to a handkerchief. 
Importantly - the process of fitting. Not miss your chance - 
and favor of the secretary, and may be, and something more 
(office romance is always in fashion), you guaranteed!




(C) WHALE