Nicron #33 07 мая 1997

Story - Well, user, wait a minute! (Continued).

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                      OU, user, wait!
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(C) MDF HACKER

    (A guide to extract the maximum pleasure
         of their duties)

             Day Chetverty

Finally I nashel game that really can do me
ponrvitsya-FlipFlop. But again, the phone rings, and I weaken
focus on the very same split second, which could
save me from final destruction. "NashBOFH listens." Oil in
moem voice - a sure sign of an impending storm.

"You could not help me ..." Female voice. "I listen to you." By
ee phone number do I know everything you want znat.I would be 
happy to show remnants of gentlemanly feeling, but I can not do 
anything - justice above all else. "I can not enter into 
set.Dolzhno be something with my password. "Checking-oh God, 
where we idem! This she herself was trying to change your 
password. What does this exist yet for dzheymsbondovskie 
habits? "Oh no, this is a failure in seti.Boyus you lost access 
to their section. I will try to restore it. " 

Returns the old password, del *. txt, increase the size of the 
section ee Twenty times per schet everyone else, do not forget 
to notify them this, and tell ee phone number, and tenderly say 
into the phone: Well Behold, Vse in poryadke.Boyus not Vse was 
restored, but I I hope you had a copy on diskette? "" Yes. "" 
Bring them here, I check them at the same time. "And when once 
they learn to life in this harsh world? .. At the top of my 
list of excuses CATALOGUES today, "Cosmic Rays" ...


Zvonok.Sudya phone at the number nachalnik.Davnenko I did 
nothing not pleased. I'm sending him a greeting from every 
employee with detailed explanation of what they think about 
nem. The list is not missing only three-me, him and the chef in 
the dining room (it wonderful brews tea for me since I

boosted his salary tripled). And, of course, for the sake of 
completeness fit in "strogacha in personal matters the most to 
nevezhlivyh.Nevezhlivyh I, of course. Now we can pick up the 
phone. "Where have you been??"

And it is true, governor. Only he is working here so long
(Former sleg with myocardial), which sometimes forgets who
talking. Sending a signal on his computer one of my
patrol program, which goes out of his favorite "Lexicon"
without a record and starts the colorful porn.

"As usual, restore order in the network. Some of the supply 
department got hold of a program that cleans a beautiful 
pornokartinku Winchester. The entire network at risk. "" Ah-s-s 
... " 

Silence. Pre-olgaya silence. Smart man, my boss. Him enough 
chetyreh - five repetitions to understand the obvious. But for 
fidelity Vse same .... Send Big Boss'u same porn, but corner of 
the screen planting name and patronymic of my head ... It is 
important not overdo it, and then put some stupid-no fun at 
work will not. 

My colleague burzhuinsky BOFH in such cases, it seems, was 
looking for interesting little things in the email. Valuable 
idea. What we've got piled up on Head? Oh! No, you, the reader, 
this is not supposed to know! Not tronte my head! He told me 
exist yet come in handy ... 

             Fifth Day

Today, Friday 13, my phone rings in the morning, and I have 
already can not ignore the noise. Just pull the phone out

outlet is not my style, I use this method only in those
Where there are more important things .. But today NashBOFH
suffers from a lack of interesting activities, and a 
telephone-good Method to vanish.

"Hello, this is accounting?"
Yes you, my friend, is not only rude, but commercialism. I am 
inclined to believe that your financial situation in the very 
near future change. How many times depends on a properly

dialed digits!

"Yes, Accounting is listening."
"Why should I retain the salary?"
"And who are you?"
"<Name> <name> <Middle >!!!"
I somehow already know, but the accounting (a small overture on 
the keys) that does not already know. "But you do not work!" 
What kind of salary idet speech? " "How is it - does not work?"

He seems Vse exist yet believe that this is a misunderstanding.
"Oh, I nashel you!"
"Well, I knew it!"
Interestingly, I heard the word "idiot" or not? However, this
it does not matter. Add to its problems I had almost nothing. 
"You dismissed yesterday for malpractice, and you

filed a lawsuit in the amount of .. "a couple of seconds pause 
for effect (Probably me zhivet great akter). Three million 
rubles. " That the most interesting thing that's true.


Oh yes, almost forgot! Exist yet little medieval atmosphere. 
"And I do not advise us skryvatsyau long arms, "I say sepulchral

voice. Bender was right - phrases such strong effect on
mercantile. This type of force is not even hang up.

Whenever I hang up, as immediately razdaetsya new trill. Well,
user, wait a minute! You can not annoy me so brazenly on 
Friday, 13 and at the same time hoping to get away! "Hello! 
NashBOFH on the wire." I do not want to spend time on a casual 
conversation ..... "I problem with the printer. He was quite 
new, but very pale prints. "" Oh, it's very simple. It is only 
necessary to replace the ribbon. "But I do not I know how to do 
it. "And then I see that you do not know stupid user! (.. Shyly 
hides body fat ... But I otvleksya.) "Do not worry, it's very 
simple. You berete new tape ..." " But I do not have a new 
tape. " 


First, you should not interrupt me. Then you could exist yet
would hope legkuyu dirt in the room and damaged clothing. A
Second, even in this case, your hopes are unlikely to 
materialize be. "Do not worry, this situation is the easy way 
out. You can restore your old tape. Among other things, you

save a lot of money! "as they say good guys in the book" The
Moon is a Harsh Mistress "by Robert Heinlein," TANSTAAFL (There
Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch) ". For the illiterate and
knew nothing about it in English I will explain: the meaning of 
the phrase about coincides with the meaning of the phrase 
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it. "" So, take 
chernuyu ink (ink, ink, or exist yet anything).



           (To be continued)