Nicron #29 11 апреля 1997

Юмор

Story - prose and hilarious sketches from the journal MOMAR.

                    Meet: MoMar "


Dear Readers, Today our guest - School
factory newspaper, newspaper, or as they call themselves 
writers, "Magazine" called "MOMAR" (in Russian). We agreed on

collaboration and now we will entertain his readers (us -
their - they are their) creative writers of the genre of light 
(we - them - they are ours). "MOMAR -" magazine "is not only

humorous, though, like "NICRON", but it is unlikely
Private school student-specific, 91-rd, schools interested in
a list of BBS or assembler Z80, as well as readers of "NICRON"-a
certainly not care problems specific group-specific
school, so we'll touch just a smile! In
Today's issue of our newspaper would be friendly
greetings to the editor "MOMAR"-and Glory Volkova
readers "NICRON"-a, but an insidious timetable undermined
this wonderful idea: "Well really, who goes to school
Friday, when the lessons are only four of which - two 
"nat-algebra? So with regards to the next time. In the 
meantime, we offer you fiction by Ilya Vaisman and funny 
sketches nature, made by Slava Volkov.




                    It was five o'clock in the morning ...



               - And this bredyatina from? - I asked.

               I was not expecting an answer. I was sure to be 
asleep.         - Quotes from the "Upanishads", - answered

        willing to vote.
        - What is "The Upanishads? - I was not
        sure to be asleep.
        - I do not know - "the voice said.

            A. Strugatsky, B. Strugatsky.

    Variations on the theme "It was five o'clock in the morning 
..." 

        It was five o'clock in the morning ..


   ... Though, maybe in the evening at the wall clock Hatter.
They stopped at that time. A March Hare - the first
who saw the clock from the moment they stop - agreed that All 
the same, five in the evening, as the day has passed for half. 
The truth is, this question does not even get up to no March 
Hare, the Hatter or before, only Sonia was outraged when she 
saw on the desktop clock three-fifteen, however, apparently 
decided that tea is not too bad as well. probably just falling 
asleep again, quickly stopped their claims. 

   March Hare and the Hatter also found drinking tea is very 
enjoyable pastime, many cups of pre apart along the perimeter 
of a large table Hatter, pretending that they are first did not 
notice that it was time for tea. When all preparations were 
completed, the March Hare, for the preparation of the script, 
with feigned astonishment exclaimed: "What!" For five hours! 
It's time for tea. ". 

   "It's great - said the Hatter. - And we just all
Done.

   And they sat down to tea. As a true gentlemen, they had
invited to tea and Sonia, which increased the consumption of 
tea and a half times (Hatter and March Hare agreed that, when 
clean utensils over, they were for a time, forget about five 
hours, prepare another cup of tea, pomoyut dishes and again put 
on an act "to stress the clock, but they did not want that to 
happen too quickly). For the same reason friends were unhappy 
when I came to Alice. 

   March Hare offered her a glass of wine. Alice did not find
view of wine, said Hare, it was improper to offer something
which is not on the table. March Hare reasonable notice to her, 
it was improper to sit at the table without an invitation. 

   After retiring from Alice Hatter March Hare, joking
over Sonia, continued its movement around the table, while in
blissful ignorance about their future.

                            IL
                        Lewis Carrol

        It was five o'clock in the morning ...


   ... Bill was sitting in a chair in front of a computer. On 
the screen here twenty-five minutes flashes' Secret Laboratory

Pentagon. "He wanted this inscription, during the past
night, and now he was overcome by doubt ...

   ... Because of the wall screamed receiver, which then took
some American radio: "The hour and day, astronomers predicted 
the earth twenty-six years ago," Everyone who have at least 
some semblance of a telescope, watch! Through one hour, there 
is already in fifty-eight minutes to happen invasion of the 
solar system comet Geytsa - an event that happens once every 
five thousand three hundred twenty-one year. This comet is 
notable because it emits twice as much light than the sun, but 
it almost does not radiate heat. "Further followed by details 
of the comet Geytsa about possible anomalies, associated with 
it, and everything else, what is usually said in such transfers 
... 

   ... Bill has been brought by hand over the keyboard, but 
then he thought that perhaps all is not so bad that my wife can 
still be will realize that he, Bill, can not quit my job 
because of her whims, which for him means his job ...


   "Yes, - thought Bill - I have not talked to her for two 
weeks" ... 

   ... He also thought that, perhaps, not so shaken discipline 
in his company, which vozmzhno, Japanese and Russian 
competition is not as significant as Bill painted himself ... 

   ... But the hand of the Bill itself is stretched almost to 
the keyboard, because Bill knew that nothing he paints the 
world in pink ... After a minute of hesitation, Bill introduced 
recently ascertained password. Not Within two minutes, the 
computer gives the inscription: "The connection was lost. Try 
connecting again" ... 

   ... Over three-quarters Zemlyansky hours before getting into 
the solar system comet Geytsa Martian observers have noted with 
horror that the earth began to grow huge gas nuclear mushrooms.


   Long marsiytsy could not understand,

   What kind of fungus grows in the distance.

   ... At the time of entry into the solar system comet Geytsa 
in it, Solar system, there were eight major planets, and in

throughout the galaxy there are only twenty thousand indigenous 
earthlings it is a great population of some forty-five minutes

dropped a million times ...

   ... And this time, one earthling of the twenty thousand, 
while on board a small spaceship, which develops rate is ten 
times the speed of light, with a margin just need to send in a 
small side of the planet New Earth - close to the star Proxima 
Centauri constellation - a colony of earthlings. Traveler named 
this Bill ... 

        It was five o'clock in the morning ...


   ... At Ivan Platonich with terrible hangover headache. Ivan
Platonich thought (he belonged to the category of "people who 
reflect"): "That way, my other, you and I will not give sleep. 
And I so that I can not sleep, and here and you ...". These 
thoughts seem to Ivan Platonich paid to spouses from the next 
room, which did not stop to sort things out all night, and even 
to the young PhD, who lived a floor above, who pored over 
doctor, without ceasing to measure your room strides, knock 
which irritated by the downstairs neighbor. Also objects of the 
comments were young parents, who lived for almost a cardboard 
walls of the room Ivan Platonich. The unfortunate child of 
these people had to deal with the piano at six o'clock in the 
morning. Knew this, and this horror Ivan waited Platonich.


   Within a hour and forty bell alarm clock, and then - to the 
plant. A factory Pahomych will get him talking on tupeyshie 
topic. In Ivan Platonich terribly bad headache from a hangover. 

   Under his bed, someone scratching. Ivan leapt to Platonich
legs and putting his hand under the bed, pulled out a mouse. He 
almost did not even surprised by his unexpected skill, opened 
the cupboard and took out a pack of rat poison tablets. 
Formidable fighter with mice, print it out and put one tablet 
in the throat mouse. He held his finger in the throat in the 
mouse, until she pull, not died - whether from the poison, or, 
rather, from asphyxia. Ivan Platonich emptied the rest of his 
pills on his hand and after a moment, swallowed them. 

                    (C) Ilya Vaisman (IL).

    Some of the statements of some teachers
    Ninety-one of the first schools in Moscow

"Do not ask me the question. I do not have office hours."
September 20: "Tell me, who was not of September."
"Who does not goats, raise your hand."
"Wanting to be right."
"... When a man in my lesson digs at someone in the head ...".
"Wipe off the board, calm the nervous system."
"This is called the method of the teapot".
"That's what he speaks, speaks about his intellectual
limitations. "
"We're all we write."
"I understand that the two girls sitting behind you, excite you
more than I do ...".
"I want to take a stick."
"With every textbook answer."
"Because I'm not a tape recorder, which can be turned off."
"What I can not say that?".
"How I want, and look thou to me - well, not expelled from the 
lesson!". "Problems with the girls - on the reverse."

"Darling, you have me here."
Conversation with the teacher in the classroom:
- Why me "two"?
- According to biology.

            Sobral-enko (last amended).