Nicron #26 27 марта 1997

Юмор

Humor - Dembelskaya rocket ordinary Kochkurkina.

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         DEMBILSKAYA ROCKET backbencher KOCHKURKINA
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(C) MDF HACKER

         Chapters from the book 1 / 3 pieces
            Part One


          In Quarters


At the start of burning out the remnants of the rocket. With 
difficulty standing on his wounded leg, I pulled up to the 
commander of the trench, and without power fell to the bottom. 
Drawn burnt meat and heptyl, deadly radiation scorching in the 
torment brain ... For 3-rd month lying on the hospital bed, 
came to the division commander, said the award will be 
presented. Do not know survive there, my dear Marina, so just 
in case went dollars 50 for the funeral. 

I folded the paper, signed in the upper right corner of the "12 
/ Marina, thrust it in a folder. Then he started something new: 
"Hello, dear stranger, you wrote a heroic defender of Baikonur. 
You do not know me, so me here so lonely without you ... " 

At this time went my mate, and I began to prepare to pass the 
guard. Brig, as usual, was tightly filled. Kochkurkin, 
"Stalker", my old friend again distinguished: up all night 
writing on building missiles with the Soviet-French crew of 
"DMB-83", but last letter was discovered by two-meter guard and 
the valiant received 15 days in jail 2 times.


Ha Tinh, electrician. Smashed broke into the company of young 
in 2 hours night and made a show of songs and action. The first 
platoon sang "All of the above and higher and higher, and 
that's really seen my knees ...". The second - "The first thing 
we spoil aircraft, well, girls ...". The third platoon went 
pomdezh. 3 days' lips. " 

Lyamkin, a chauffeur. Kazakhs succeeds a car plywood boxes on 
the box vodka. When Kazakhs melted my stove this plywood from

explosion demolished their tent and three more around. 
Conclusion: Look at the label the boxes and do not sell 
gunpowder. (Gunpowder is something more you can sell!) 

After a divorce, I moved the guard to the barracks. Part, as 
usual, preparing for another test. Everything was parallel and 
perpendicular, is cut, painted and planted sand. The grass was 
painted Zelenko, barbed wire - ultramarine, entrance iron gates 
- varnish. Tied to the oaks leaves, wash with soap asphalt. In 
the barracks, as usual, was a complete mess. Out of the dryer 
could hear muffled moans and Wuhan. In Lenin's room in 
Newspapers cut a deck of cards. 

In the cabins, the sounds, shot a homemade pistol. Not
lacked only the music, girls and booze. However, I have not yet 
reached the petty officers. It would be better not come down. 
As petty officers stood strong smell of solvent - is the two 
young soldiers in gas masks carefully painted the wall pink. 
Generally, the walls of the rooms have been painted so many 
colors that it was difficult identify dominant. As a drink on a 
table adorned Blue Bottle "wiper".


Nearby stood a CD player the company "Sony", spangled
fragments of vinyl records. Girls something could not see.
It can be seen, the only hope for me. The foreman came out 
briefly from the trance, cut the loaf lengthwise, put back a 
pack of margarine "Sunny", and smeared his finger bitten off a 
good half a sandwich. Our sergeant was one of those junior 
officers who are not on the the right shoulder strap, so as not 
to wash his bag. There can be at enemy targets instead let in 
the neutron bomb: people will stay, and wealth completely 
disappear. Seeing me, he shouted: "Shut the door, all the kicks 
will release" and invited sit.


Coping with nausea, I said: - "Comrade lieutenant, tell them to 
stop painting. - And what a noble Kumar, paint something on 
acetone, paint the fifth time, I can not enjoy. - He cried the 
young and those quickly folded. - How many parcels for today? 
Petty Officer dug notifications. - Three. - So, for a total 
somewhere in 30 pieces already. It turns out that one in five 
fool in response to my letters sends gifts. Good yield. - 
Write, write. Why do they only cigarettes, fat yes Hemming 
send? And where vodka, tea? - Comrade Lieutenant, I can not 
write that valiant defender of the motherland needs vodka or 
chefir? But five in love confessed. - What is the love? One 
word. 

Petty Officer flexed crust of bread in half and vigorous 
movements finger revealed how he understands love. - Write to 
come here. Like, the hero of the Union for the correction of 
female health care needs. - He broke his finger in the same jar 
of condensed milk, and not looking up, poured her mouth. After 
that sated belched and handed me a jar. - It's for you for tea. 
I filled the jar and took a sip of tea: - One potentially 
agree, but it is the city so young and romantic plays. Come 
something will come, but whether this provides anything ... - 
Dust. Here you a dozen addresses in the young replenishment 
pulled. He pulled out from under a piece of bacon form of 
honor, on the reverse side of which were written the address. - 
By the way, as a bonus you can pick up this CD player, still 
does not work. 

So far as the compact disc in his thrusting - he nodded toward 
the rugged mountain of vinyl records - and no sound, just 
pitiful beeps and flashes. Comrade lieutenant, and you wake up 
service in the police or firefighters go? Or a minister. Not 
work anyway I will. I took the address out of the petty 
officers and went to the office a political officer. As you 
know, construction battalion is formed by a residual principle. 
And only here take criminal records. Is, therefore, the train 
of Tuva across Siberia to Kazakhstan and takes on the road all 
those who stayed on the "refrigerator." As a result of the 20 
Russian designed our company, only four had criminal records of 
these four only two were able to write almost without errors.


Thus, one of us (me) was destined to drag on itself
Political Education Departments whole company. The second 
involved a more important matter - dembilskie decorated albums. 
And as for the second ten zug newspapers I got sick of it, then 
by April 1, I released the wall newspaper with humor. " The 
editorial was entitled "Polituchebe - virginity!". In it I 
argued that Lenin founded a construction battalion, which 
follows from Organization of Subbotniks and labor service. 
Another, under the the heading "Our goal - communism popularity 
is due to the rocket Buran we have built for launching a system 
of X-ray lasers. With their help, you can easily and accurately 
destroy any anti-government demonstration. In third article, 
"In the event of nuclear war, I wrote that when bombing to 
stand on guard, keeping the bayonet on his outstretched hands 
to the molten metal does not drip on his boots. 

Then wrap in a sheet and quietly crawl to the cemetery. Quiet -
in order not to create panic. And then after a nuclear war to 
all of us will dig a mass grave at the rate of 0.5 cubic meters 
per 100. The following article was enough to name: "The need to 
eliminate all nekomsomoltsev. Zampolit began scolding from the 
doorway: - You, Palek, completely apolitical type. 

What a topic: "Creation of white:" You and build our facilities,
On kicks and materkah. Someone is plowing, plowing, plowing, 
Staying in fool! "Whom do you mean? - I - blacks in South 
Africa. And you are someone, Lieutenant?" - I am young ... Damn 
you, that's me ... Demoman. Almost any army has got into the 
building, and even here, was anything flawed: either physically 
or mentally, or had any problems to call the authorities. I 
just took off from the University of passion pyrotechnics 
(explosions). To without distracting from the overall 
mentality, I said that razed to the land Police Department. - 
Agreed the same: I write about politics. 

Another article in the newspaper was indeed written by 
political officer and more like a student skit: "At the time, as

Ocean continues to develop weapons-brew, we
can not remain aloof. Our opponents have launched a cold war, 
which most people suffer the Far North. Only as a result of the 
last frost counterattack suffered all winter ... Although 
promised a sudden warming in Iraq to 100000 degrees in each 
epicenter of warming as a whole the Semipalatinsk test site - 
high radioactive cloud, whereupon all the people will fall in 
sediment ... 

According to NATO for each hectare of the Siberian taiga, 
accounts for up to Hundreds of barrels, but it's a lie: for 
example, in the Tyumen region oil wells are unlikely to find a 
whole barrel, and our army needed skills and new technology for 
more ugluplennogo reflection of reality ".- Here is what Palek, 
even one such newspaper, and I do not know what to do to you. - 
Zampano sighed, remembering, perhaps, about the girl without 
complexes in the military town. If he decides something to do 
with me, love should be reduced - no time left. A newspaper all 
well except me nobody read. 

Half of the companies in general in Russian is not what to read 
- not to speak able, and those who could, for his life is 
unlikely to read anything other than ABC, the RSFSR Criminal 
Code and the 1 st page of the Charter. I'm in the same 
newspaper jokes for a patriotic figure wrote: "zampano - A 
fool, a drunkard and a womanizer. "Zampano read the newspaper 
and said, I wrote all true, and politically literate. Political 
officer pulled from his pocket a sheet of paper with corner 
stamp: "Military censorship" and expression read: "I am writing 
you to boot dead spooks. Die, bastard, pop, even a bayonet 
broke ...". - Your product? My. - Say thank you, that to me 
anyhow. 

By the way, how much you loved women?-One. Why? -Strange. A
I have already from the third letter comes your bride. Thanks 
for excellent education. Only one reason thinks you're a senior

sergeant and a hero of the Soviet Union, and another - as a 
private. - C I first experience of correspondence longer. - 
Drop it head girls fool. And make a stop begging. - Since they 
also suffer from a lack of affection, Lieutenant. 

A premise - pay for what I fill up this gap. Instead of
that as a normal stroybatovets, the entire guard to sleep, I
engaged soulful writings. - It is still the elder leaves. - The 
hussars did not take the money! - Okay, Rzhevskii, free. In the 
evening I have to solve ballistic problems for the award. 


                   (To be continued)