Nicron #21 21 февраля 1997

Юмор

Humor - anecdotes.

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                  Jokes

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(C) DELEALAN



 The man was very surprised when marching to meet him, the 
woman greeted him. Having caught up with her, he asked: - Why 
have you said hello to me? Because I do not know. - O. ..! Then 
sorry, I thought you were one of the fathers of my children. 
The man dropped his jaw. He just did not know that This woman 
teacher. 



 Husband learned that his wife is unfaithful. He hired a 
contract killer and said:

- I wish my wife was shot in the head, and her lover to shoot a 
member. I give it a thousand.  Agreed on the date and time. The 
husband went to another city and there waited to call the hired 
killer. Finally, in the time he grabbed the phone: - All right. 
Much easier than I thought, with you five hundred, and We in 
the calculation: only need one shot. 



- Listen, your wife, closes his eyes, when you end?
- Always - she can not see when I'm good.



 Three young women return from leave. The conversation in the 
compartment. One says:

- I was literally the first day met a metallurgist. Well, he 
gave the same heat - all twenty-four days me continuous casting 
of steel. - I met with Secretary of District Party Committee. 
Well, on the first night we went to him, and the remaining 
twenty-three days he begged me to anyone not to talk about. - 
Oh, girls, and I met a fellow ... He immediately set to work: 
twenty-three days preparing an experiment that the 
twenty-fourth day did not take place for technical reasons.




 Missionary spent several years in the African tribe without 
any complications with the natives. One day he came to the 
leader: - Yesterday, my wife gave birth to twelfth white child. 
You're the only one among us is white, it thou hast defiled my 
zhenu.Za it Death awaits you!

- The great leader! Look for a clearing in a herd of white 
goats wormed one black. But you - all black, but this did not 
means that ... - Okay, okay, I kept about you will not say, but 
you - molchok! 



I first saw an elephant in the jungle naked aborigine and 
thought: - How did he get their stuff going?




 Old man meets an old woman carrying a bundle of sticks.
- Come on, Grandma, help me! Hoisted a bundle of sticks on his 
shoulders and went. They came to the edge of the woods, the old 
woman and says: - You helped me, I thanked you for it, I'm a 
witch and execute any of your three wishes. What was your first 
wish. - Well, firstly, that I had a kick-ass machine "White

Mercedes.
- Okay. You go along the track before turning, and there three 
hundred meters right and see a Mercedes. Say second wish.

- I want a two-storey villa with swimming pool and underground 
parking! - Be on your way. Sit in your Mercedes, proedesh a 
kilometer on a country road and see his villa. Said a third

desire.
- I want my wife a beautiful woman, and that the life of me 
dried up. - Okay. Waiting for you in the back of your beauty. 
But where you, dear? Stop!

- Well, what else, Grandma?
- I did what you asked, so I have to you a little
please.
- But how can I help you: you're a witch herself all
Can.
- Yes not all - Poimena me goodbye, dear, and I too had 
forgotten how it all done!  A man thought, frowning:

- A right! That I should. But then - all at my feet.
 And he raped his grandmother.
- All right, Granny, we are counting! - And threw himself 
headlong at firebreak.

- Wait a minute, dear!
- Well, what do you want?
- A godkov something to you how much?
- Well, thirty-six, but what?
- Oh, you so big, and you believe in fairy tales!



 Opened a self-supporting point for the artificial insemination 
of humans with the birth of children with pre-planned features.

There comes a lady who pays for the procedure and included in 
the study. At the table sits a hefty redneck in a white coat: - 
Sit down. Who do you want - girl or boy? - Boy, if you can.

- Can a boy like you want, touches on the shelf tubes,
finds necessary, poured into a glass:
- What growth?
- Slightly above average, if you can.
- Everything is possible. Pours into the glass contents of the 
next test tubes: - Hair color?

- Blond.
- So, sir, te-ex, brown, red, blond. Done. To anyone you want,
so that was like?
- At Belmondo.
- So ... Delon, Celentano, Gabin, Bo .. - Bilmando! Stretched
fill the glass woman:
- Now drink it! Lady drinks, and after two or three minutes
falls on the couch and falls asleep. A man, dissatisfied with 
undoing pants:

- Bilmando, Bilmando. How to obtain, and succeed.